The warm air washed around me as soon as his final breath escaped his cold lips. His body was a massacre of human flesh. Ripped, torn, raped, and decimated. These were the only words that I could use to describe the bloodied corpse that lay at my feet.

As the soft foliage that covered me began its descent back down into its home, the realization of what I'd just done began to take hold of me. They're dead…

My knees shook as I struggled to hold myself up. My body felt broken and tired, but my mind, was a frenzy of attacking thoughts. They're dead, and I killed them…

I fell to the ground. The smell of blood and exposed intestines filled my nose, and I could barely breathe. The corpse was now right under my nose, and what I'd done, was now being pushed into my face. This was my mess. This was my punishment. I screamed.

Everything that once held me together was gone. My mother was a memory I couldn't even conjure. Her words were silent. I couldn't even remember her voice. Was she even real? I asked myself.

As I took in another breath, I screamed. Again and again, I screamed and screamed. There was nothing more horrible than this. This death I'd brought to the world was entirely my fault. And there was no one around to tell me everything would be alright.

The shredded garbs that barely clothed him were being blown away by the gentle wind. I am a monster. I'm a monster. I'm a monster. I'm a monster. The thought grew louder and louder until it was screaming in my ears. And between the shrieking thoughts and my screaming voice, I prayed I'd become deaf.

My arms shook as I pushed away from the body. "I'm a monster." I whispered, followed by another shrill scream. This isn't real. This isn't real!

My legs kicked furiously at the slick ground to get me far away, but it wasn't fast enough. Fearful thoughts of the corpse coming back to life to kill me flooded my mind, along with my shrieking mantra. I'M A MONSTER! I'M A MONSTER! I'M A MONSTER!!!

This isn't real!

I'M A MONSTER!!!

THIS ISN'T REAL!!!

Furiously I argued with myself. The tones of the two voices became one and soon there was too much noise for me to focus. A cold grip held in my throat, and I couldn't breathe. My heart felt like it was about to stop, yet my veins pumped blood painfully through my body. Every single part of me was screaming and thrashing to put more distance between me and my victim, and before I could go any further, a silent black covered me. I prayed for death.

Shivering from the cold realization of what I'd done, I cried. My shoulders shook as I wrapped my arms around my legs. The warm comfort of my new bedroom wasn't helping at all. But there was one thing that was.

Claire held me close to her as I shook and cried. "It's going to be alright." She whispered, stroking her fingers through my hair. "Everything's going to be fine."

Her words were calming, but the fact remained the same. I'd taken two lives in malice. I wasn't hunting for food, or protecting a loved one, I was murdering for revenge. I didn't deserve the comfort that she was giving me.

"But I killed them." I said between sobs.

Her right arm gripped mine tightly as she pulled me closer to her. I was completely broken. But having her there to pick up the pieces was a blessing.

"They were evil men." She said, her voice was a drizzling blanket of forgiveness. "And they weren't going to change."

She ran her fingers through my hair again, making my tension lessen. Her every touch was that of a mother's, and her every word was all but dismissed. As she kissed the top of my head, I felt that I had no choice but to believe her.

"Everything is going to be alright, Alan."

I didn't go outside for the rest of the day. To me, the bodies were still out there, waiting for me to come outside so they could haunt me. To me, I was marked. I was marked for a horrible future.

In reality though, I knew the bodies were being taken care of. At least that's how Wilson said it. He was so careful about how he talked around me after my breakdown. He used words like body instead of corpse; disposed of, instead of murdered; and mess, instead of massacre. He was a kind man, he just really needed a little training with kids.

But the topper of my day, was when I finally noticed the voices of the foliage outside. Their calls, their happy tones… I had to shut them out. They asked me to come outside. Told me to help them grow. It was driving me even more insane than I already was!

Ignoring the wistful calls of nature, I barricaded myself in every room that I entered. I made sure all the windows were closed and locked. I'd even stuffed a clean towel under the front door, even though there was no crack for the voices to get in. Paranoia was nipping at my heels and I feared it would soon eat me alive.

"Alan?" Claire asked.

I'd been chewing my fingernails down until they hurt.

"It's going to be alright." She said reassuringly. "You trust me right?"

I pulled my bleeding index finger from my clenched teeth. The salty taste of blood had always been taboo for me. It was something I thought was beautiful, and I didn't mind its strange taste, but I was always brought down by the fact that there would never be enough for me to get sick of. If that makes any sense at all.

Guilt made me say yes. But I wasn't a hundred percent sure.

"When the boys get back, we'll call Michael and tell him what happened."

"No!" I protested. "Michael will hate me if he finds out!" I don't know why I thought that way, but I did. I figured that if he heard of what I did, he'd be the first to run me off, or worse. He was all I had in this world. And with that, I found myself crying again.

"He's all I have…"

"He's not going to hate you. If anything he'll sympathize with you. Alan, you two are the exact same." She said, walking over too me from the recliner.

She joined me on the couch and wrapped her arms around me.

"I don't want him to know." I cried softly into her shoulder.

"Alan, he's your brother." She said softly in my ear. "And he's going to love you no matter what."

I looked up at her. Those golden eyes were full of hope, and love. Her faith in my brother was unfaltering as she gleamed back into my eyes. She was a good person. And why she was so hell bent on trying to convince me that I was the same, I'll never know. But she was sure, and she was unwavering on the subject.

"Do you promise?" I asked, wiping the wet tears from around my eyes and cheeks.

"I promise. He will love you unconditionally."

"Thanks, Claire." I said, giving her a smile.

She smiled back and hugged me. Her warmth was inexhaustible. Her love was unbreakable. She was my everything in that moment. She was a mother. It was something I could only feel for her. She loved me. And I loved her back.