Question 1:
Dear Ken and Eliza.
I'm always getting in trouble with my girlfriend because I can never remember our anniversaries. I forget her birthday, our yearly anniversary, the anniversary of our first kiss, the anniversary of our first date, the anniversary of the first time we had sex…I think you get the idea. What can I do to stop getting myself into trouble seven or eight times a year?
Sincerely,
Beleaguered Boyfriend in Boston
Dear Beleaguered,
Holy shit, man! That's a lot of anniversaries! No offense to your girl, but I don't think any guy remembers all those things, and quite frankly, now that you're together what difference does it make? Well in any case, just to keep your ass covered, do what I do. Get all your dates straight and then pre-order flowers in advance from one of those online florists. That way, she's sure to get it on the right dates and you look like a total rock star. Just don't make the same mistake I did and ask your girl where the flowers came from.
-KM-
Dear Beleaguered,
First piece of advice I can give you is that you ignore what you just read. The second suggestion I have is that if you forget all those anniversaries and your girlfriend gets upset, ask her why it upsets her. Now I know that this may seem like a rhetorical question, but what does it mean to her that you don't remember? Does it mean she's not important to you? Does it mean that she's worried that you are losing interest? Find out what it is that's really upsetting her and then you can tell her that your forgetting doesn't automatically equal you not caring. And if that doesn't work, you can always tell her that the reason you don't remember is because every day is a celebration when you're with her and you don't need to give yourself an excuse to celebrate.
-EM-
PS: Just so you know, it did work until I sabotaged myself…
-KM-
PPS: No it didn't. I was just waiting to see how much rope you needed before you'd hang yourself.
-EM-
PPPS: That's why I love you, Baby, because you're so smart.
-KM-