Question 2:
Dear Ken and Eliza,
Maybe I'm being a total girl, but I get nervous about passing gas in front of the men I date. How much does it bother guys?
Thanks,
Sometimes Flatulent in Seattle
Dear Sometimes,
It doesn't.
While I wouldn't recommend doing it all of the time (I mean, let's face it, that's kinda gross) the occasional toot is nothing to worry about. Us guys know you girls like to maintain an image, but come on - everybody does it. You're going to have to bite the bullet and break the fart barrier eventually, so you may as well get it over with.
-KM-
Dear Sometimes,
I tend to agree. They really don't seem to care.
-EM-
PS: I even think it's cute when Eliza does it.
-KM-
PPS: My hair curls when Ken does it.
-EM-
Question 3:
Dear Ken and Eliza,
I've been with my wife for about seven years now, and though I love her to death, she's not quite as fit as she used to be. How can I let her know that she might want to lose some weight without coming off as a superficial jerk?
Hubby With A Chubby (Wife)
Dear Hubby,
Talk about a lose-lose situation. There's no way to tell a woman to her face that she needs to lose weight without getting smacked (or possibly kicked in the nuts). So, you need to find a way to get her to lose the weight without making it seem like that's only her goal. Something you can do is the old standby of, "Hey, Honey, how about we start going to the gym together? I wanna trim up for the summer." Or "What do you think about training for a marathon? I hear it really gives you a lot of energy." Etc. etc. If that works, and she starts to lose the extra pounds, just keep raving about how hot she looks and she'll keep it up. She should be back in shape before you can say there's a sale on hot pants going on.
-KM-
Dear Hubby,
While women do get upset that men place such a high premium on looks, I think it's fair to say that both sexes think looks are important. That being said, if you think that she would be more attractive to you if she were slimmer, she needs to know that being attractive to you and being loved by you are two different things. You still love her. You just wish she were a little thinner. As long as everything is done from a place of love, no one can be angry. Now if she's had three kids and a full time job, then you may just have to accept that to be a good mom, she may not have enough time and energy to exercise enough to stay in shape and this is the tradeoff for the lovely family you have. If it's more an issue of not wanting to exercise, Ken's advice works well – make it something you can do together. Tell her that you'd like to be more attractive and in shape for her. Usually when people love each other they respond in kind. She'll think it's sweet that you want to look good for her and will want to do the same for you. If you really want to ensure that she gets into it, book a vacation in the Bahamas and tell her that all she gets to pack is a string bikini and a toothbrush.
-EM-
PS: I bypassed this problem by marrying a woman with an ass that wouldn't quit.
-KM-
PPS: Was that supposed to be a compliment?
-EM-
Question 4:
Dear Ken and Eliza,
Why is it I have such a hard time getting a date? What am I doing wrong?
Dan Hibiki
Dear Dan,
Where do I start?
First off, I know everyone says it takes a real man to wear pink, but come on. Don't you think you might be sending a message to the ladies that you bat for the other team?
Second, you gotta quit picking your nose in public. That's just disgusting.
Third, you need new deodorant, Dude. That or you don't shower enough. Kse! [Stinks]
Let's try those three first and see if things improve. Remember man, baby steps.
-KM-
Dear Dan,
It's hard to answer such a general question. Write back and let me know of specific instances that didn't work for you and I'll be better equipped to give you advice.
-EM-
PS: She totally agrees with me, she's just too nice to say it.
-KM-
PPS: Ignore that. The Love Doctor is still in. Oh, and Ken too if you're just morbidly curious…
-EM-
Question 5:
Dear Ken and Eliza,
I always get into fights with my girlfriend and I don't even know why! What makes it even worse is that she pulls the old If-you-don't-know-what-you-did-wrong-then-maybe-you-should-think-about-it routine. I am not a mind reader! What should I do?
Not Clairvoyant in North Carolina
Dear Not,
Yeah those are always tough. Personally I think chicks just do it because they think it gives them an excuse to be madder longer. If she does that again, next time tell her, "Honey, I'm trying to better understand you. Why are you shutting me out? How can I learn what's bothering you if you won't talk to me?" I'd like to see what she comes up with.
Also, here's a handy tip. If your girl gets pissy with you and you think it's totally arbitrary and silly, act confused by her behavior and when you start talking about how you don't understand what it is you guys are arguing about, fart in mid sentence and pretend nothing happened. I guarantee you that she won't be able to keep a straight face and it's hard to argue when you're laughing.
-KM-
Dear Not,
Usually when a girl pulls the you-should-think-about-what-you-did wrong act, it's because she was too embarrassed to ask you directly what it was she wanted and she's upset at not having gotten what she wanted. Now while I' a firm believer in the idea that you can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket, this logic is not going to get you anywhere with your lady love.
Instead, try to be as honest with her as possible and encourage her to do the same. If you feel that she is baiting you to have a fight later, just ask how she feels about your answer. For example, you want to go out with the boys and she wants to stay and cuddle with a movie. When you ask, "Honey, do you mind if I go out with the boys tonight?" and she says yes, and you have a sneaking suspicion that it's not sincere, just add that if she'd rather you stay at home that you prefer that she tell you. If she's still too embarrassed to say what she really wants, then there's nothing you can do. When you come home and she's mad, she wants to be mad. Pay it no mind and eventually she will learn that playing these games will not get her what she wants and that there's no shame in asking for it directly.
-EM-
PS: While Ken's suggestion may work the first few times, the novelty wears off fast and she'll likely still be angry and more annoyed than before you let it rip.
PPS: So try not to overuse the gas technique. This powerful method of reconciliation is best reserved for emergencies only.
-KM-