CHAPTER 3: VEGAS
We can't hide, we let go
We've got more than we know
My friends are a different breed
My friends are everything
Make this last, take it slow
We've got it all figured out for now
So let us live our lives without a doubt
Vegas – All Time Low
FIVE YEARS LATER…
Okay, maybe I'm a little melodramatic. Obviously my physical life didn't end in that moment, though it sure felt like it did. I was a mess for a good two years, completely lost and devoid of purpose. I hated him for taking it away from me, and I hated myself for being the kind of girl who based her whole life around a guy. Edward was unable to be alone, and he continued to date Kate after we broke up. Since then, it's been a constant stream of women for the past five years. Now, he's living with a girl named Tanya who manages the local tanning salon. I hated that I knew this, hated that I cared. Our town was too small to escape the news of its favorite local celebrity, so I was kept up-to-date on whom Edward Cullen was bedding at any given time. It kept me tied to him – when I'd date a guy, eventually it came out that Edward was my ex. It either made my date uncomfortable or convinced I was easy. Whichever way it went, I lost. Edward Cullen had successfully branded me as his, and continued to destroy my life, even when he was barely in it. I needed to get out.
My two best friends, Alice and Jasper, moved to the city with me shortly after my breakup with Edward, when I got a job teaching at what I thought would be a perfect school for me. Alice and Jasper would often go to bed, and I'd be up for hours writing lesson plans while the Tivo played episodes of Jeopardy until three in the morning. After busting my ass for years at the school, I thought I'd secured my place. Until I was informed that I wouldn't have a job after June. I was told this on June 15th.
"Alice, I don't know what to do." I whined as we ate dinner that night. Jake was sitting under my feet, looking up at me pitifully. "Jake, I already fed you, shoo. Stop begging."
Alice sighed. "I know, this is a tough call. What options have you come up with?"
I started rattling off all the ideas that I'd been working on. "Dog walking. Selling my body to science. Dealing drugs – what, Weeds doesn't make it look so bad! And then there's the unfortunate best plan I've come up with so far."
"Which is?"
"Move back home and work at camp."
"Bella…" Jasper warned.
"I know, Jasper, I really don't want to, but I can't afford to pay for the apartment without an income, and camp is the best money I'm going to find in a summer job."
"Bella, I don't like this at all. You just got away from him; you're doing so much better. Don't go back there." Alice said, sternly.
"This has nothing to do with him. If I go back, it'll just be to work. I'll be back in September, I swear."
"I still don't like it."
"Me, either," Jasper chimed in.
"Neither do I, guys, trust me," I sighed. I was terrified of being back in our small town, and being constantly reminded of him. "Phil will be home from school though, and I miss him. I think this is what I have to do right now. Any other job would be pointless on my resume."
Alice nodded while she chewed thoughtfully and Jasper smoothed out the newspaper. It looks like I won this battle. I smiled to myself as I cleared dishes.
I am aware of how sick it is that I have to try and battle my best friends to make decisions about my life, but I wouldn't change our relationship for anything. For some reason, people in my life feel the need to protect me, usually from myself. While I am extremely stubborn, I also appreciate that they care at all. I knew too many people in my life that couldn't care less. That wasn't Alice or Jasper, or even Phil. They were fiercely loyal, and I loved that about them so much. Yes, almost every guy I've dated in the past 5 years that made it through the "Edward Cullen test" proved to be scared away by my friends and brother, but I usually didn't mind. When I thought about the fact that I might actually never have sex again if they had their way, that's when I started to get angry. Stupid, meddling little cockblockers. Anyway, the point is, they're usually right. Since Edward, I'd been settling for less-than-spectacular guys. Okay, who am I kidding? They were all a bunch of tools. From the gun-toting Republican who didn't wear a jacket in November, to the jerk who stood me up and then wanted to fight Jasper when he called him out on it, to the video-game obsessed porn freak who thought Phil was his new best friend – none of these guys really did it for me anyway. Sometimes that made me sad, but really, I had the most amazing family and friends anyone could ask for – maybe you don't get to have it all. I was certain that I would be happy with or without a man in my life. I'd stopped depending on a guy to define my life once Edward shattered it. I couldn't count on most people, but I could count on at least three.
Jasper was pretty quiet about things. He'd always contemplate my situations for weeks, and then offer some concise sage advice, a la Silent Bob. He and I would talk for hours about people and their strange interactions and thought processes. Alice, on the other hand, was like a tightly wound spring. She'd actually hauled off and punched the porn freak in the face the day she met him. When I asked her why, she started to cry and told me that she couldn't stand how he made me look at myself, and that I was the best person she knew, and should think nothing less. How could I argue with that? Then there was Phil – the only person hurt almost as badly by what Edward had done. Phil loved him so fiercely. Edward was everything Phil thought a guy should be – charismatic, good with girls, funny, into sports and video games. Phil would completely ignore me and chatter incessantly to Edward about Star Wars and Jessica Alba and Dungeons and Dragons. Edward loved him too, and wouldn't just patronize him with conversation. Many times, I'd hear the door open downstairs and wait for Edward in my room, only to emerge, aggravated, 20 minutes later and find Edward in my kitchen, surrounded by enamored 12 year old boys playing Risk. When Edward left me that awful, fateful night, I'd returned to my room to find a tear-streaked Phil holding Jake in my bed. We curled up together and tried to comfort one another, while Jake frantically licked our tears. Now that Phil is 21, I find him to be almost absurdly overprotective – I'm older than he is, damn it! To say that Phil and Alice despise Edward could be the understatement of the century.
I finished washing the dishes, just as Alice walked into our tiny kitchen with Jake on her heels. She lifted his leash off the hook it dangled from and he went nuts.
"Want to go get ice cream?" Alice asked, clipping Jake's leash on him. I knew this was a peace offering. I smiled, and grabbed a hooded college sweatshirt, noticing that the sweatshirt Alice was wearing was also mine. Thief. We headed out into the brisk evening, Jake straining at his leash and making noises that sounded like he was rabid. We walked in companionable silence for a while, listening to the noises of the city coupled with the slapping of our flip flops on the sidewalk. My brain spun as I watched the neon lights reflecting off the wet pavement. Our hometown was like quicksand, and I was petrified of getting sucked back in. I liked the life we had here. Alice and Jasper were so comfortable in their romantic relationship that I never felt like a third wheel. Alice was teaching me to cook, and I was teaching her how to program the Tivo. Jasper was continually reading us interesting articles out of the newspaper, and we had a vicious March Madness rivalry going.
"I think…" Alice began. I looked at her. She was choosing her words, I could tell. Jake pulled at her arm desperately, and began sniffing a garbage can. We paused to let him sniffle himself crazy. "Camp will be good for you. How many years have you been working there?"
"This will be my tenth summer," I said, cheerfully. Everything was a mess, but the one thing I knew and loved was camp, and everyone knew that about me. Shorts and sneakers, making up silly songs, dancing on rainy days, being there when a kid learns how to dive or ride a bike or hits a home run for the first time… It's a magical place, and I really was starting to get excited about going back. Alice smiled at me, and adjusted her perfectly-messy short pigtails. We kept walking.
"Right. There are a lot of teaching connections for you, and you'll get to see all your camp friends. I'm just worried that you're going back for him."
"Alice, NO. I know that I still have residual feelings for him and about him, but I am honestly over our relationship. Really and truly. It doesn't gnaw at me all day like it used to. It would probably be easier if I ever met someone that didn't totally appall me and all my friends, but it'll be fine." I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince Alice or myself, but I'd done an okay job either way. We both seemed satisfied with my answer. Alice handed me Jake's leash as we arrived at the ice cream shop and she went in to buy us our cones. Jake couldn't sit still, and wandered at my feet, whining at me. I looked down at him, smiling at his goofy panting face.
"Ready, Jake? Looks like we're going home."