CHAPTER 4: EYESORE
Forget me not
Those weren't your words
I'm home haven't you heard the ring?
The sound of my voice
I know it isn't much
That's why I say your name
When I fall, when I hit the bottom
Girl, play on
The boys will stay even if you're gone
Eyesore – New Found Glory
I groaned as I collapsed onto my old bed. My room looked exactly the same as I left it – yellow, cheery, and mocking. There were faded squares on the walls that used to hold pictures of Edward and I. I don't know who took them down or where they went, but in that moment, waves of love for my whole family washed over me. I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to cry. Enough tears had been spilled in this room. I had so many people behind me, supporting me – I wasn't about to fall into bad habits after all this time.
"Okay, that's the last of it," Alice sang. She flitted into the room, gingerly holding a small stack of books. Jasper and Charlie followed, grunting, laden down with boxes.
"You're so buff, Alice." I commented as I grabbed a box off of Charlie's stack.
"Thanks, Bella," Charlie said. "And thanks, Jasper. God knows Phil couldn't be bothered to do any heavy lifting for his own sister."
"Don't worry about it, Charlie. Now Bella owes us, and she'll have to come back to the city like she promised." Alice was cheerful when she said it, but I could sense a twinge of something else behind her bouncy words. Charlie nodded and headed downstairs. Jasper stretched his arms while Alice surveyed the mess in my old room.
"You okay?" I asked, feeling a pang of guilt. Was I making the right choice?
"Yeah!" Alice answered with fake enthusiasm. Jasper shook his head.
"Listen, Bella, we know you've been doing this every summer for forever, but –" Jasper began until Alice clamped her tiny hand over his mouth, shooting daggers at him. He gently removed it, kissing her palm. "Alice thinks if I tell you, it'll make her gut feeling automatically correct." She smacked him on the arm.
"That didn't help either, Jasper!" she cried.
"Um, hello, welcome to my bedroom. What the hell are we talking about?" I asked, waving my hands to remind them that I existed.
Alice sighed dramatically. "Okay, I know I say this every year, but this year I really mean it." I started smirking, knowing what was coming. "Bella, if Edward is around, you need to stay away from him." I bit my cheeks to keep from laughing and flashed her a thumbs up. She glared at me, and then at Jasper when he made a muffled snort noise into the crook of his elbow.
"Sorry, dusty box," he apologized, an obvious glint in his eye.
"Alice, light of my life, best friend of my loins," I began, patting the seat next to me.
"Ew, I don't want to be best friends with your loins, Bella. Gross," she replied snottily as she sat down.
"Too late, they love you, those loins. Anyway – yes, you say this every year, and every year, he never comes home. You think he really wants to spend his summers in this Podunk town? He's probably in the south of France or Brazil or a crack den for all I know, but either way, he's never HERE. You have nothing to worry about." I reassured her.
"Okay, but what if this is the year? What do you do then?" she pressed. I rolled my eyes.
"I don't know, Alice, witness protection, get my house blessed by a priest? I'll probably just sic you and Phil on him, honestly. Rabid beasts, both of you."
"I know you, you're too forgiving. You can't just be friends with him, Bella!" her voice began to rise, and her eyes got all wide.
"Al, remember we're talking hypothetically, relax. I don't know what I would do if I saw him, but either way, I'm here to be with my family and make some money so I can get back to life as we all know and love it. In the meantime, enjoy that you don't have to deal with any more of my dates coming through the apartment and walking in on you and Jasper and your Alaskan Fire Dragon action." Jasper groaned and clapped his hand to his forehead, remembering the awkwardness. Alice began to giggle, then made her gaze as hard as she could and fake-glared at me. I just smiled as sweetly as I could back at her.
"Okay, fine. You're off the hook for now. But I'll be watching."
"That's because you're a fucking creeper," I answered cheerfully.
"Very true, and right now, I'm a smelly creeper. Let's go back to my dad's place and relax, Jasper." Alice blew me a kiss from across the room. "We'll see you later tonight."
"Sounds good," I said. "Oh, before I forget, I spoke to James today. He's coming home as well, he'll be here in a few days."
"Yeah, I spoke to him too," Jasper replied, a grin spreading lazily across his dirt-streaked face. "We'll see you later, Bella." I waved, and closed the door behind them. I suddenly felt drained. I flopped back down on my bed, closing my eyes for a moment.
"BELLA SWAAAAAAAAN!" a loud voice bellowed about fifteen minutes later, throwing my door open so hard it banged into the wall behind it, and knocked an old picture of Rosalie and I to the floor. "Ooops." I lifted my head and grinned as my brother flew into my room in his typical cocky fashion. Jake was on his heels, ecstatic, and literally bouncing off the furniture.
"I love how you use my full name, as if your name isn't Swan too, Philbert."
"Oh, I know I'm a Swan, lest you forget." He rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and flexed his bicep at me, wiggling the tattoo of a swan that adorned his arm. I smiled and waved my ankle with a smaller version on it. It was my 18th birthday present to him. We were extremely close, and some people found us weird, but he was the one person who knew exactly where I came from. We often had conversations without speaking when we were at the dinner table, which drove Renee crazy. He had a habit of coming into my room when he'd get home at night, regardless of time or how drunk he was. I can't tell you the number of nights I woke up at 3 a.m. to his lunatic drunken ramblings, recalling poker hands in excruciating detail, or begging me for a condom, since "bitches love Phil".
"Thanks for helping me move, by the way." I grumbled sarcastically, while he plopped on my already crowded bed. "Poor Alice and Jasper are practically unconscious at Alice's dad's house. And I think Charlie gave himself a hernia."
"Hey, you know I don't like to get my hands dirty," he laughed, nudging me as Jake nuzzled between us. "So, camp, huh?"
"Camp," I acknowledged.
"It won't be weird, surrounded by all those memories?" I knew he meant memories of Edward. The summers we spent together wouldn't be lost on me, but I bristled anyway. I'd already had one Edward conversation with Alice and Jasper; I'd made up my mind and was already back, for fuck's sake.
"No weirder than being in this room, Phil. I'm seriously okay." He didn't say anything and I smiled, appreciating that he was done pushing me, for now anyway. We lay in silence, watching the dust mites twinkle in the sunlight that was streaming through the window. Jake snorted and started digging maniacally into the mattress. I giggled while Phil poked him and encouraged him to keep looking for whatever he thought was buried in there. We were shocked from our happy family moment from an inhuman screech from downstairs.
"OH EM GEEEEEEE!"
"Good Christ," Phil groaned. He sat up, looking to make a break for it. He wasn't fast enough, and Rosalie's grinning face appeared in my doorway, flanked by Emmett.
"Bella, you cunt, I can't believe you're home and didn't call me!" Rosalie screamed as she leapt on top of me, adding to the growing pile of people on my bed. Jake barked and spun around. "Shut the fuck up, Jake!" she cried as she hugged me.
"Rose, I JUST got home, are you actually stalking me?" I asked, laughing.
"Bells, you have no idea," Emmett said. He smiled at me sincerely. I smiled back. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed them. The apartment in the city was only about an hour away, but it wasn't the same. We saw each other most weekends, but there was always that pressure of making it worth the trip, so we had to go out and be crazy, when we usually had the most fun just hanging in, watching a movie and drinking beers.
"I'm really glad you guys are here," I said, settling back against my pillows.
"So Bells, did you know that James is moving back home too? Did you guys plan this?" Emmett asked. I laughed.
"Yes, of course we did. We got a two-for-one deal on U-Haul. Idiot." I retorted. "He said he'd be home in a couple of days, right?"
Emmett nodded. "It's going to be sick to have everyone together again! I mean, you, James and Edward, all moving back at the same time, it's crazy! I'm sure Alice and Jasper will want to hang out here more, it's too hot in the city…" he trailed off. "What?" he asked, shifting uncomfortably under everyone's shocked stares. Even Rosalie looked floored.
"Dude, Edward is back?" Phil asked, finally. I couldn't read his expression, so I switched my gaze back to Emmett.
"I thought you guys knew…" Emmett muttered. Somehow, I was not surprised by this revelation. Of course I wouldn't have an Edward-free summer, why would I have ever thought that was possible?
The past four years, whenever I was home, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know I sounded convincing to Alice, but my stomach still twisted at the confirmation that he was home. The last time I'd spoken to him was the night we broke up, but I'd seen him once since then. It was the day I'd moved to the city. I had just finished packing up the car. I'd loaded Jake into the backseat, and he immediately jumped up against the back windshield, barking like mad. I was confused; Jake loved riding in the car. I looked in the direction he was barking, across the street, and there was Edward. He'd just gotten out of his silver Volvo and was standing there, staring at me, his keys dangling from his finger. I froze. He slowly removed his sunglasses, and I bit my lip, willing myself to breathe. The next thing I knew, he got back into his car and sped away. I was glued to my driveway, reeling. Slowly, I got into the drivers seat and just sat there, wondering what had just occurred. At some point, Alice called me to tell me that she was about to head to the apartment, and she wanted to know where I was. I told her I was on my way, turned the key in the ignition, slowly backed out of my driveway, and drove away from everything.
The fates really wanted me to have to deal with this for the rest of my life. I knew Emmett hated confrontation, and Phil was cracking his knuckles angrily, making the tension in the room palpable. I quickly switched gears.
"So what do you guys want to do tonight?" I asked. Rosalie needed no further encouragement, and whipped out her cell phone to start making plans. Emmett smiled at me apologetically, and I shook my head to let him know I was fine. I busied myself unpacking some bags while everyone else chatted.
Alice, Jasper, Emmett, James and I all went to high school together. As much as Alice was my sister, the boys were like brothers. We were each other's families. I'd introduced Edward to them, and things just clicked. When college came, we were all scattered around the country, but the vacations, especially summers, were when we all really got to be ourselves again.
I'd met Rosalie at camp, and she quickly became another fixture in our little group. Emmett was immediately smitten, and they'd been together ever since. We'd been nauseating when Edward was still in the picture, three couples of best friends, and James keeping it real by himself. He never cared; he was the happiest guy I'd ever met. When Edward left, James became my singleton buddy. When everyone else would be canoodling during a horror movie, he and I would concoct pranks to scare everyone else. James and I would make up drinking competitions, record Emmett singing karaoke to post on YouTube, steal glasses from bars… Wow, I missed him. He'd stayed at school to finish a tutoring program for underprivileged kids. He didn't want to leave them in the middle of the year. That was just the kind of guy he was.
"Bella," Rosalie interrupted my thoughts. I stuck my head out of my closet, where clothes were currently burying me. "Alice said we HAD to go to Club P tonight. Should I know what that is?"
I laughed. Club P. It was good to be home.