AN: The most angst thing I've ever written. Seriously.

I dedicate this one to Oinochoe. I'm sorry about the other story! I got caught up in… stuff, and I couldn't do it, but this one, I know is a little angst, but it's for you. :D And congratulations! I saw your works won some prizes! :)

Special thanks to Ulcaasi, who pretty much beta-ed this chapter by pointing out my mistakes!

Life Without You – Part One

He knew something was wrong when he arrived home and was welcomed by darkness and the smelly dog his girlfriend insisted on keeping. It was Friday and he always played soccer after work with the guys and he usually arrived at their apartment around 10pm, where Juvia would be watching a crime TV series with popcorn and waiting for him to arrive so she could cheer him up if his team lost (which rarely did) or help him celebrate victory.

But not that night.

She wasn't sitting at the couch with Mel in her lap and when Gray opened the door and was greeted by the animal, he should've known that Juvia wasn't home. The damn dog wouldn't move a muscle to greet him if Juvia was around; Mel and Gray only could stand each other's presence when the woman wasn't in the room, otherwise, they mutually ignored each other. He tried to call her cellphone, but it went straight to voicemail which was very, very strange. She never let her phone go out of batteries because as a lawyer, she had clients who might need her at any time.

After searching the whole house, he noticed the blinking coming room the answering machine. There were two messages.

"Ju-chan? Are you there?" Gray recognized Levy McGarden's voice. "You said you were coming over and it's been three hours, so I'm worried. Call me, okay?"

A bad feeling spread through his chest with those words and the next message confirmed it.

"Mr. Fullbuster? My name is Angela Hughes and I am a nurse here in Magnolia General Hospital and you are listed as the emergency contact for a…" A pause. "…Juvia Loxar? We need you to come as soon as you can."

He grabbed the key of his car and went out without even thinking twice. He didn't like it.

"I received a call." Gray said interrupting two nurses talking at the information booth. He took extra fifteen minutes to arrive there because he had to take a detour; there was an accident blocking the main avenue. "They said something about my girlfriend being here and that I was listed as her emergency contact and…" He was talking so fast that the older of the two women didn't understand.

"Calm down, son." She said kindly. "What's the name of your girlfriend?" She asked, putting her glasses and turning towards the computer.

"Juvia Loxar." Gray said. "L-o-x-a-r."

"...a…r." The nurse pressed the 'enter' and at the same moment, her expression darkened and Gray's inside twisted. It was bad. He knew it was bad. The nurse removed the glasses and looked to him with pity. "Let me get the doctor for you, sir." And she escaped.

"Wait! Give me some information, dammit!" He yelled, frustrated, but the woman was already gone.

This is not good. This is not good; his mind kept telling him. But she is alright. She had to be alright. For the last five years, Juvia had been such a constant in his life that was even silly to rule her out of it. Besides, Juvia was one of the strongest willed women he ever knew.

His cellphone rang and he took it out of his pocket, answering it without even see who the caller was.

"Not a good time." He said, almost hanging up.

"Gray? It's Levy. Is Juvia with you?" The soft voice from the other side of the phone said. "She should've come to my place, but she never did and she's not answering her phone and…"

"I don't know, Levy." Gray passed his hand through his hair. "When I got home, there was this message from Magnolia Hospital saying that she is here and…"

"What?" Levy half-yelled. "Are you at the hospital? Is she alright? What happened?"

"I don't know, okay?" Gray snapped. "No one is telling me anything. A nurse said she was going to find out but…"

"We're heading over there right now." Levy said and Gray could hear her fiancée asking what was going on. "Give us thirty minutes and we'll be there." When he was about to hang up, she said. "She'll be fine, Gray."

He couldn't bring himself to say anything at that point and he just closed his phone and waited. And that wait was making him crazy.

After five minutes, the old nurse came back with a man he assumed was Juvia's doctor. He was about forty, with grey hair starting to show on the sides of his head and he looked serious. Way too serious.

"Mr. Fullbuster?" Gray nodded. "My name is Walter Abernathy and I treated Miss Loxar." Dr. Abernathy said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Is she alright?" Gray asked, very nervous with the lack of information. "Can I see her?"

The doctor sighed. "She was in an accident, Mr. Fullbuster." Gray's heart stopped for a moment. "When the paramedics arrived at the scene, she had a metal pole penetrating her chest, which punctured her right lung. When she arrived, we went straight to surgery." The older man stopped for a second. "We did all we could, Mr. Fullbuster, but she didn't make it."

Gray frowned. He heard the man talking but his words didn't make any sense to him. Juvia didn't make it? What was that supposed to mean?

"Wha…" It was all Gray managed to say with his throat dry as it was.

"I'm sorry for your loss, sir." The doctor said, with pity in his eyes.

"Are you…" The pain in Gray's chest seemed to increase by a million times. "Are you saying that… she's dead?"

"Yes."

That little word crushed his world.

Natsu frowned when he saw the name of the caller in his cellphone's ID. 'Gray F.'. Earlier that day, the pink haired man had received a call but it was because he was late for soccer and Gray yelled at him and called him names. It was so rare for him to receive a call from Gray that he started to think that he was becoming delusional.

Receive two calls from Gray at the same day was almost impossible.

"Yo, Icy Brain. Miss me already?" Natsu answered happily, but no one answered. "Hello?" Nothing. "Don't call if you're not gonna say anything, Stupid." Nothing. "Seriously now, Gray. Say something."

"She's gone" He heard his frenemy's voice as barely a whisper.

"Gray?" Natsu became suddenly worried. He had never, ever heard his friend so defeated. "What's going on?"

"She's gone." Gray said again. "They said she's dead."

Natsu's insides froze with it. "Who's dead?" No answer. "Gray! Talk to me!" The pink haired man could hear the other one's breaths.

"Juvia." The answered came.

"Don't fuck with me, man." Natsu half joked. This was not happening. "This is not funny." No answer. "Gray?"

"She took a bus, Natsu." Gray said from the other side of the phone. "She took a bus because I took rode in her car this morning. And the bus she was in, a truck…" His voice cracked a bit at the end. "I saw her six hours ago and now she's dead."

Natsu knew he wasn't kidding. Gray would never joke with death no matter what.

It was real.

"Shit." He said. "Shit, shit, shit." Natsu put a hand over his own forehead, trying to believe in what was happening. "Oh, man…"

"Could you… tell people at work that I can't go tomorrow?" Gray sounded so normal that Natsu didn't know what to say. "I need to do stuff."

"Where are you?" Natsu yelled to the phone, sensing that his friend was about to hung up.

"Magnolia Hospital." Gray sighed lifeless and finalized the call.

Natsu put his coat and started to dial his girlfriend.

Gray stared at his phone as if it was something out of his world. Why on Earth made him call Natsu? What was he thinking?

To tell the truth, he was so anesthetized with the news that he just hit the call button and waited for the last person that he called. And it hadn't been his friend.

"You reached Juvia Loxar's phone. Sorry that I can't pick up right now, but leave a message and as soon as Juvia can, she'll return your call."

He had called her before he came to the hospital. And he called her again. And again. And again.

"You reached Juvia Loxar's phone. Sorry that I can't…"

Again.

"You reached Juvia Loxar's phone."

Again.

"You reached…"

Again.

"You…"

The last time, he rolled the button and called his friend by accident. Gray was actually shocked to hear a man's voice after hearing Juvia's for so long that he didn't say anything for some time, deciding to tell the other guy or not.

"She's gone."

He actually told someone about it. He told someone that she was gone.

"She's gone."

Gone. Not there anymore. Dead.

Could he even remember a day for the past few years when he didn't contact her in a way? No, he couldn't. She was there. Juvia was his constant. She was his glue. And she was… gone.

"It was a crash, sweetheart." The old nurse said when the doctor stepped away to see another patient and Gray just stood there, not knowing how to react. "I know it's a shock. Maybe you should call someone."

And he had called. He called Juvia. If something was wrong in his life, she was there to cheer him up, knowing exactly what to say to make him feel better, and many times she didn't say a word. Sometimes she would just hold his hand and he would feel better. Sometimes just the thought of her made him go through the day.

He picked up his phone and dialed again.

"You reached Juvia Loxar's phone. Sorry that I can't pick up right now, but leave a message and as soon as Juvia can, she'll return your call."

Was that all he had of her now? A phone message? No changing words for the rest of his life?

"You reached Juvia Loxar's phone. Sorry that I can't pick up right now, but leave a message and as soon as Juvia can, she'll return your call."

Hell yeah he wanted to leave a message! He wanted to tell her that he was having some kind of weird dream where people kept telling him that she was dead. He wanted to yell and tell her that this prank had gone too far. He needed to say to her that she needed to come back.

She had adopted a freaking dog! Who would take care of it? Who would water her plants? Who would take Asuka to the pool on the weekends? Who would walk down the aisle with Gajeel on his wedding? Who would help Mira with the cooking for the barbeques? Who would be mad at the girls who talked to Gray?

Who would smile every time Gray walked into a room? Who would giggle because of him not wanting to wake up early? Who would stand on the balcony looking up and enjoying a simple ray of light? Who would put his interests above her own? Who would sing softly while doing the dishes? Who would…?

Who would call him 'Gray-sama'? Who would he return home to? Who would make his heart float inside his chest? Who would he be forever with?

The answer was Juvia. Juvia, Juvia, Juvia.

It was too early for her. It was too early for the both of them. He needed more time with her.

Gray never took her to the trip he promised her two years ago to Hawaii. He never took her to the new restaurant she wanted to go to. He never asked her to marry him. He never said how much better his life was with her on it. He didn't say 'I love you' with enough frequency.

And now he couldn't get the chance ever again?

What kind of shit he had done in his life to deserve this? Once he formed a family, something happened to take it away from him. Every. Single. Time.

Gray didn't realize, but he was still looking to his phone. Snapping out of his thoughts for a moment, he pressed a button and the cellphone lighted up, showing a picture of him and Juvia. She was smiling, looking up to his phone while hugging him with her left arm. Gray looked up and had a bored expression, contrasting with her big smile.

Why didn't he smile for the freaking photo.

'YOU WILL LOSE HER IN A FEW MONTHS, STUPID' Inside his mind, he yelled to his old-self.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

He didn't give enough credit to what he had. He was the one who deserved to be dead. He was the shitty boyfriend. He was the bastard there. He was the freak.

"Gray?" He heard someone calling him, but he didn't care with anything anymore. "Gray?"

The dark haired man looked up when a hand rested on his shoulder. It was Levy.

"How's Juvia? Gajeel and I didn't get here sooner because the main street was a mess." She said and Gray noticed that her boyfriend had come too.

"What's happening, Fullbuster?" Gajeel's deep voice was now showing his tension. He had been friends with Juvia even since before Gray met her.

"She's gone." Gray looked down to his phone again.

"What?" Gajeel frowned, not understanding. "Gone where?"

"Gone." Gray shrugged, not wanting to let his internal inferno to be known.

"What the hell are you talking about…?" Gajeel was exasperated. "Just tell us the freaking room she's in."

"What do you mean by 'gone', Gray?" Levy's voice was so small and he noticed that she was shaking a little.

He looked up, meeting the brownish eyes of his petite friend that now were watering. She was smart, she had figured it out.

"She was in the accident in the main street. She didn't make it." Gray gulped and looked again to his phone, looking to the background picture again. "She's gone."

He felt the hand on his should to move towards her mouth as she tried to muffle a cry. Gray heard Gajeel demand to know what the hell was happening. He heard Levy telling him that Juvia was dead.

"She's not dead!" Gajeel said shaking his head. "Juvia is not dead, you bastards!" He yelled pointing towards Gray and Levy. "I saw her today!"

"Gajeel…" Levy tried to touch him, but he didn't let her, giving a step back. "I'm sorry, darling."

"No." The big man punched the wall. "I won't believe until I see her."

"I'm sorry." At that point, Levy was crying openly, while Gray was still looking to his phone.

Gajeel walked towards Gray and grabbed his shirt, making him get up from the chair. "You…" He growled. "You should have protected her."

"It was an accident, Gajeel!" Levy tried to make her boyfriend let Gray go. "He's suffering too."

Gajeel gave him a disgusted look to Gray and let him go. "He's sure not showing." Gajeel turned around and started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Levy was trying to dry her face.

"I'll find her!" He yelled and went to the information booth.

Levy tried to hold together and sat beside Gray, deciding that at least her boyfriend was making his feelings known, while Gray was… catatonic and she had never seen him like that.

"Gray?" Levy called, but got no response from him. "Gray, look at me." But he didn't. All he could do was look to his cellphone. "Gray?" She tried to take the phone from his hands, but he tightened his grip and finally looked to her with such empty eyes that her inside twisted. "You called anyone yet?"

"Juvia." He shrugged. "And for some reason, Natsu too." Gray frowned. "I don't know how I ended up calling him."

"Okay." Levy nodded, not knowing how to deal with Gray calling his dead girlfriend. But at that moment, somehow, she was the strong one there; Gray was tormented while Gajeel was tormenting people.

She needed to call people. She needed to tell them that their friend was dead.

After an hour, half of the members of the club that both Juvia and Gray were members were there; but Gray was still in his spot, looking to his phone and sometimes calling Juvia's phone. Natsu arrived and tried to talk to him, but the answers he got were small and simple. Mirajane Justine also tried, but didn't get anywhere.

Only Erza got some reaction out of him.

"Gray." She sat beside him, drying her tears away. "I don't know what to say to you."

"You know… I've been calling her." Gray said in a matter-of-fact tone, looking to his phone. "For the last two hours, I've been sitting here looking to her picture and calling her so I could hear her voice." He shrugged. "You know… it doesn't hurt."

"What?"

"When I look at her picture or when I hear her, it doesn't hurt as much." Gray said. "I know that you all think I'm crazy because I didn't get up and make a scene and because you all know that I've been phoning her. But I can't stop." He looked up to stare at Erza. "If I hear her voice, I am okay. If I see her picture, I am okay. The moment I walk into that room to identify her… body," he choked on the last part. "from then on, it'll be real. From then on, even if I hear her voice, I won't be okay because I'll know that all hope is gone."

"Gray… Someone else can go for you to…"

"So," He interrupted Erza. "I'm gonna stay here, listening to her voice and looking to her picture until my battery runs out. But right now, I won't go in there." He looked to his phone again and pressed the green button and then putting it on speaker.

"You reached Juvia Loxar's phone. Sorry that I can't pick up right now, but leave a message and as soon as Juvia can, she'll return your call."

Every one of his friends looked towards him with sorrow and pain in their eyes.

His phone rang again signalizing that its battery was going to be out at any moment.

One more time.

Just one.

"You reached Juvia Loxar's phone. Sorry that I can't pick up right now, but leave a message and as soon as Juvia can, she'll return your call."

This time, he left a message. And the battery went dead.

When Gray got up from his chair, people tensed up afraid of his reaction. He had been looking to his phone for an hour and calling Juvia and as far as anyone knew, he hadn't shed a tear, unlike everyone else. Well, everyone else but Gajeel. He was in such denial that he was calling the guys sissies because he was very certain that Juvia was somewhere else.

"Gray…" Lucy said stepping towards her friend and her eyes were red with crying. "If you need someone to go with you…"

"No." He shook his head. "I need to go alone."

"But…" The blond tried, but he cut her.

"I'll go." He looked to his friends and stepped towards the information booth to tell the nurse that he was ready to go see his girlfriend.

"You better make sure it's not her, Fullbuster." Gajeel said and Levy hugged his arm.

Gray went to see the nurse. He was going to say good-bye to his girlfriend.

After 10 minutes, everyone stared at the door as it opened and Gray stepped out of the room. Everyone looked at him and took a breath. Seeing his expression, everyone's heart sank. He was paler; his eyes were looking into nothing and his expression was one of despair.

"So… Fullbuster?" Gajeel asked, walking towards him. Gray stared and shook his head, making the taller man stop on his tracks. "No." Gajeel shook his head. "No. Look, you saw wrong."

"Gajeel…" Levy threw her arms around her boyfriend's waist and cried.

"I didn't." Gray's voice was unstable. "I didn't see wrong."

That's when the first tear came.

AN: I killed Juvia. I am a monster. Enough said. You can throw tomatoes at me now.

There's a part two because I'm a masochist. T_T