Title: Can't Turn Back

By: Myra

Status: Incomplete [4.5/?]

Summary: Everything that's worth remembering is already forgotten. But somethings are always worth remembering.

Disclaimer: I own this laptop… And this plot. And some OCs... But I swear that's it! Also changing the set up to my stories.

Thank You's (additional thank you's at the bottom): Robin for your wonderful Beta-ing... to Isab -n- Jessie for the encouragement.

WARNINGS: Abortion and depression, heavy implication of Dangina, Serena bashing (sort of), Georgie defending Blair, Dan/Chuck friendship, Nate/Chuck enemies, at least 4 OC (Melanie Coarsen-Bass, Casey Abbot, Arthur 'Ari' Rose, and Edward 'Eddie' Charles Waldorf), baby!Milo is Dan's son. I don't how much of season 3 and season 4 that I will use be warned. Actually, it's mostly AU.

Can't Turn Back:

Chapter 4: Remembrance is Key (Part 1)

Serena waited impatiently for Blair to speak. It had been nearly 30 minutes and Blair had not yet spoken. Every time Blair had tried to speak, something had stopped her. Serena sighed heavily and sank deep into the couch.

She often wondered what had become of Blair Waldorf, the former-queen of the Upper Eastside. Melanie had long taken her place as queen and Chuck as her king. Somehow that didn't sound right in Serena's head. It wasn't how she had pictured the future. A future where Blair was an outsider, Nate was half-way around the world, Dan Humphrey and Georgina Sparks were happy together, and Serena van der Woodsen was miserable. No, this was not at all what she had imagined at all.

What killed Serena the most was knowing that she had Blair right in front of her, moments away from knowing Blair's reason for leaving—and Blair was mute. It was incredibly frustrating trying to figure Blair out. Were things so bad that Blair had resorted to leaving? Maybe things were too broken to be fixed but Serena had to know, right?

Blair cleared her throat and Serena waited once again for Blair to speak. This time however, she was not disappointed.

"There are things that are really difficult to explain," she said to Serena as if she were a small child. Serena rolled her eyes but stayed silent and continued to wait.

"I just want to star…" Blair was interrupted by the shrill sound of her cell phone. She got up quickly to answer it, forgetting that Serena was in the same room. Serena gawked at Blair.

"Can't this wait?" Serena asked stupidly, while Blair continued to look for her phone. Blair ignored her and found the tiny device in her purse and answered it.

"Can you hold on for just a minute?" Blair asked the person on the other line, "Thank you."

She took her phone off her ear and asked, "Serena do you mind if I take this? It's rather important."

"Unbelievable," Serena muttered as she stood up and walked out of the suite. She started to mumble any curse word she could think off, how could Blair do that? So close in knowing and Blair kicks her out all because of some 'important' phone call?

Oh Blair Waldorf would feel Serena van der Woodsen's wrath—as soon as she opened the suite door of course.

Blair let out a sigh of relief as Serena huffed out of the suite. She couldn't just blurt out one of her deep darkest secrets without Serena knowing the whole truth. No, it wasn't like telling Chuck. Serena was more irrational and less understanding than Chuck had been, at least to a certain degree. Telling Serena would take time and patience—two things that Blair had very little of these days. Blair shook those thoughts from her head and continued to speak on her phone.

"Sorry about that, Nate."

"Who was it?" He asked tentatively.

"It was Serena," she answered and added, "I spoke to Chuck earlier than I had planned, and it kind of threw me off guard. I had everything planned and I was ready to tell him all and then he show up earlier than I had anticipated."

"Well that's Chuck for you," he bit back, "Wants everything when he wants it without letting anyone explain things."

Blair rolled her eyes and ignored his comment, "Why did you call? I was in the middle of telling…"

She was immediately interrupted by Nate. "Casey was worried about you and wanted to let you know that we're here for you. You know, moral support; she figures you need a pep talk."

"Tell Casey that I'm perfectly fine and not to worry. After I leave I won't have to worry about Manhattan or Chuck Bass," Blair said firmly.

"Wait I thought you told him the truth? And as much I hate to break this to you, Chuck will always be a part of your life and more for the obvious reasons. Did you even tell him about…"

"Nate I really don't have time for these lectures," she began to say, "I just want to say my peace leave and that's it."

"And Eddie? I mean I hate Chuck Bass, but I don't think he…" Again Nate was interrupted by Blair.

"Nate, don't worry about me. I'll be home in a few days and I'll put this whole thing behind me. As for Eddie, he'll understand when he gets older. Now as I was saying before hand, I have to get going, Serena's already upset with me."

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into Blair," he warned her, "Because it's not just Chuck's life…"

"Goodbye Nate, I'll see you in a few days." She quickly got off the phone and glance at Ari, who was still fast asleep. Blair had often wondered herself if she had done the right thing, but some things were better left unsaid.

She braced herself as she open the door to her suite.

"Chuck what are you doing?" He heard Serena ask as she walked into his office. He didn't bother answering her question and continued to search for Blair's note. He was hoping to find a clue, but there were none. There never where.

"Chuck, she's gone," she sounded defeated. Chuck shook his head. She couldn't be gone. Blair Waldorf would show up eventually and he would be there when she did.

"Is there any particular reason you're here van der Woodsen? Other than to annoy me," he snapped.

"We're all worried about you."

Chuck paused for a moment and found the note Blair had left for him nearly 2 ½ years ago. It was the last thing he had of hers.

"I need to find her," he said with gritted his teeth.

"If Blair wanted to be found she would have been found." Serena tried to reason with him.

"You may have given up on Blair but I sure as hell haven't," he barked and Serena winced.

"Is that what you think? That I have given up on her? She abandoned us, she left us." Serena wiped the tears from her eyes. "What makes you think I haven't looked for her? That every time I turn the corner…"

Chuck rolled over and nearly bumped into Melanie, who was fast asleep. The dream was so vivid it was almost as if he was there again—searching for a missing Blair. It was the day he had promised Serena that he would stop searching for Blair, not for her sake but for his own. He had grown desperate in his search for her, but there was never one trace of her. Some days were easier than others. There were days he would rather not remember. They were referred to as the "Dark Days". Those days were never mentioned, never discussed. The way Chuck had preferred it.

He quickly shook those thoughts away and stared at his wife, she looked so peaceful. His eyes wandered to her stomach. It hadn't looked like it had grown much in the 4 months that she claimed to be pregnant. In fact she didn't look like she was expecting at all. Chuck frown at this realization.

No, he quickly shook those thoughts from his head. Melanie was indeed pregnant, she had to be. She would never lie about something as delicate as that. But then again Chuck had to admit that he never saw a sonogram or even the baby's room for that matter. Had he been so focused on Bass Industries—and Blair for that matter—that he didn't to notice that his little Stepford wife was planning something?

He stood up ever so gently so he would not wake up Melanie and made his way to the alleged baby's room. He opened the door ever so slightly and turned on the switch. Inside he saw nothing. There was no crib, no toys, and no rocking chair. It was an empty room that hadn't look like it had been touched in months. Maybe she was waiting for more time to pass, wanted everything to be setup a certain way. Something wasn't adding up.

He headed out to the empty room and back into his own. As he walked in, Melanie started to stir. She glanced over at her husband and quickly noticed something was wrong. She bounced out of bed and stood directly in front of him.

"Charles?" She asked quietly, "What is what's wrong?" She gently placed her hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it off. He was unable to look at the petite brunette that stood in front.

"Charles?" she tried again.

"Just tell me one thing," He said brusquely. She looked at him curiously.

"Anything Charles, what is it?"

"Were you even pregnant?" He waited for her to answer, but it never came. She just stood there in shock. When she didn't answer Chuck moved passed her and retrieved his coat and was out the door.

Melanie quickly followed Chuck down the stairs, crying and screaming at the top of her lungs to stop.

"Charles listen to me, please don't leave me," she hollered, "You don't understand what I'm going through! Chuck!"

He finally stopped and turned to face his soon-to-be-ex-wife. He couldn't even manage to look her directly in the eye. She latched on to him—still pleading him not to leave her—while he tried to detach himself away from her.

"Get off me," he said harshly, finally managing to pull her off and she fell on the floor.

She went to her knees and begged him, "Please let me explain, Charles, please. I love you."

"Love? You don't love me, you love my last name, you love the penthouse and the maids, you love money and wealth," he scoffed, "But you will never love me, like…"

She got up from the floor and laughed harshly at him, "Blair Waldorf? Do you think she loves you more than me? Because last time I checked she wasn't here for that last couple of years. Oh yes, the she really has it bad for you. She also wasn't there when you were hospitalized for attempting…"

"Enough," he roared and Melanie winced, "When I come back, I don't want to see you or your belonging, is that clear, Coarsen?"

Melanie nodded and quickly ran back up the stairs. The tears that were in Chuck Bass' eyes never fell, he stood there momentary dumbfounded Melanie's words and his own.

He needed to see her, if only for a moment. He turned briskly and entered the elevator. Blair would listen to him; she would see that she needed him like he needed her. He wasn't going down without a fight.

TBC...

AN: This is only the first part of part of this chapter. I wanted to update what I have so far because it's been awhile and I felt horrible about not updating in weeks. Check my profile to see who I imagine as Melanie and Ari!

Thank You's to:

xoxogg4lifexoxo: I really hoped you enjoyed! See I revealed a little more on Blair and Chuck! But, there's always a but, right? Fiee23: Thanks for the review! Yeah I hate Melanie too, but she's kind of fun to write. leah Hannah: Thank you so much, so glad you enjoyed! This drought got to me and took me a little longer to update than I anticipated. But Chuck's marriage comes crashing and hopefully I can have some Chair next time :) itsolgatime: Thank you for loving my story and here's an ud, Melanie gonna be a big problem so no worries on hating her. Blair's secret... she has so many… AZNCHICK234: Well you were very close; I just couldn't have her be preggo that would be evil of me and I'm nice person so I couldn't do that. I hope you enjoyed :) Isab W.:You're not that awesome lol All is well and forgiven even though I forgave you a long time ago. Again with Nate? And I'm not gonna answer since you keep asking. Mrs. Cohen: Happy you found it! The big question that I haven't asked myself is will Blair stay? I blame the drought for the lack of updating, that and work. ChristinaGGfan: Thank you for the review :P Tiffany Tam: The cliff hanger is all part of suspense lol Don't want to be giving everyone secrets out. One of Blair's secrets is implied so there's something to look forward too. Noirreigne: Thank you for helping me like always! cherrysugar: I hope you enjoyed the chapter! carmenp: Thank you! Enjoy the UD and stay tune for Blair's secret!