At first, all I felt was a sharp pinch on my neck. But as his teeth broke the tender skin around my collar bone, all I felt was unbelievable pain. It was like a bear trap had snapped on my neck, like sharp daggers piercing my skin. I think I screamed…I think I was struggling against him…

Maybe I wasn't doing anything. There was pain, and that was all that was on my mind.

But then the pain gave way to a much more powerful all too familiar feeling. I was being burned. It felt the same as the fire that had been blazing through my body after James had bit me. It was paralyzing and excruciating, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was helpless; the only thing I could do is-

"Please!" I screamed, trying to slip from his arms but his hold was too tight.

My feet felt numb, like they had been submerged in ice cold water. I slumped slightly, pushing again against his arm. I may as well have been pushing a stone wall, he didn't budge. His hand pulled hard against my neck, trying to sink his teeth further into my neck. I screamed, feeling his teeth shred through muscle and bone. Didn't I know what it would be like? Didn't I know what I had asked of Edward? Wasn't this what I wanted? I tried to find the justification of wanting this…. to be torn apart and burnt from the inside out, but I couldn't find it. There was no prize at the end, no family, no Edward. This was it, the end.

My mind was starting to cloud over, in a strange foggy way. Amidst the pain, the numbness in my feet and legs, and the fire spreading from my neck to my shoulders, I saw the meadow flashing in black and white blurs. This would be the last thing I would ever see I suddenly realized. The last few gasped breathes I would take. I knew what was coming, what was pulling me in. I was slipping away, and it was becoming easier to do so. It was fitting that it would be here at the meadow. In some morbid sense of justice, that this is the place I would die. After all, it was here in this very spot I had truly come alive.

I felt Laurent pull away, his arms still around my middle. He released my neck from his other hand I felt somewhat aware of my body slumping forward to the ground.

"I am sorry" He said, which a panicked edge to his voice, and he released me and I fell to the ground. I hit the ground face first, feeling the tall grass from the meadow reach up to cushion my fall. I saw the grass blow slightly in the wind. I could smell the semi-sweet aroma of the forest mixed with a nauseating salty blood smell.

And then there was nothing but black.

The pain was gone. I couldn't feel it, not the burning from Laurent's venom, not the serrated rip along my throat. I felt nothing…but peace. Blackness was pulling me under, and I was letting it. It was like falling asleep - almost relieving, and I welcomed it. The comforting darkness caught me like a cushion or a soft wave and gently lulled me down to a place where there was no pain. Laurent, hurt, everything, it was gone and it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I slipped a little further under the overwhelming blackness and lose myself in it. There were no flashes of my life flashing before my eyes, no memories replayed of everything I had been through – who would want that? The blackness engulfed me and swallowed me whole. Everything else was gone. There was nothing after this. No eternity, no life, no Edward.

It was like a sudden burst of light broke out through the impending darkness.

For Edward…

I didn't have to die…

A life as a vampire…a life alone perhaps, but with the opportunity to live on and see things…do things. This didn't have to be the end.

So Edward didn't want me, could I live with that? I wasn't sure, but I could try. I would try to 'live' for him. I would find a reason, a purpose, and maybe one day he would want me again, when I had become a person equal to what he desired.

For Edward, I would be willing to live.

I latched onto this beam of light, and desperately tried to use it to pull me above the blackness. It was much harder to pull myself up through the crashing waves then gently fall through. I was searching blindly, feeling out around myself, hoping to latch onto something. As time passed and I continued to reach, I did my best to stay afloat the comforting waves that tried to lure me back down.

I knew where I was, I could almost feel my body, but I couldn't find it. I rose through the black waves around me until I could taste the sweet air of the meadow. I started to push through the black. I emerged from the surface of the crushing oblivion and let out one gasped breathe. My eyes flew open.

There was no pain…how was that? The burning was gone, as was the pain from my neck. I felt no pain, I felt nothing…and yet, I felt everything.

Imagine trying to take in a thousand different things at once, but it's not sure which to focus on at first. Everything was so clear, and in such perfect definition….it was disorienting. A small breeze blew the tall grass around me, and I saw each blade bend willingly and beautifully. I could have easily taken the time and counted each blade. I saw the limbs of the trees bend meticulously into each other, their crackling limbs sounded oddly amplified, as if they were perched right next to me instead of across the large field. Animals ran through the trees and through the fields I would have never seen with my poor weak human sight. The Cullens had always said humans were practically blind compared to vampires – I now understood.

And the smells! A thousand different scents weaving in an out like one gloriously crafted perfume. Sweet grasses and late spring flowers. Animal musk of all different kinds. The chalky smell of dirt, the aged smell of the trees. The scent of the forest was intoxicatingly beautiful.

The sky was different than when I had first entered the field. It had been noon and cloudy. It was now daybreak. The sun was peaking over the east horizon sending orange and pink streaks into the slightly cloudy sky. A day later, maybe two…I had been completely unconscious for the transformation. The part I had feared most was now over - I nearly laughed!

The sun grew higher in the sky, immersing the field in its bright light. I held out my arms, enjoying the warm heat from the sun, and I marveled at the rainbows beaming off my arms. My arms felt longer and stronger, and oddly stiff. The soft flesh that had once run along my arm was now taut and hard, like stone. A living statue: perfect forever. My hand fell to my chest as I realized that no heart beat lay within. I felt emptier and airier without the steady pounding within my chest.

A sudden warm breeze blew across my face and I inhaled the most amazing sweet smell. It was like nothing I had ever smelled before. Delicious in every sense of the word. It seemed sweet, like some sort of candy concoction with an underlying pine scent. My throat suddenly felt scorching dry. Venom pooled in my mouth and without thinking I ran. I ran towards the sweet aroma, my feet barely hitting the ground. I didn't notice the way it felt to run, I wasn't even awed at the terrific speed I was running – I just wanted to quench the burn.

Blood - human blood. It was close. I felt myself being taken over. The true vampire in me was out, dominating the reason and conscious I would otherwise have had. I didn't care who it was, I didn't care about what it could cost me, I didn't care about anything. I wanted their blood. I stopped on the edge of the small tree covered hill and looked down to see the source of the scent. A tall woman with long blonde hair walked carefully over the narrow stony path. She wore a weather safe jacket and normal hiking boots. Glancing at the beautiful spring settings of the forest, she seemed at ease. She was enjoying herself.

And she had absolutely no idea the danger she was in.