Ch 5: Boy Trouble
Kirk tossed and turned in his sleep. It had been five days since his visit to the bar, and each night, less and less of Spock Prime's emotions and thoughts were plaguing him. However, this didn't come as a welcome relief for Kirk, as his dreams were now riddled with rather vivid fantasies of Spock. On this night, he saw none of what the mind meld had put into his mind, but instead dreamed of an encounter with Spock.
The Enterprise was quiet, as it tended to be in the 'night' hours when everyone slept. Kirk was in his quarters and had just stripped down to his Starfleet regulation underwear when a knock came at the door. With a sigh, he grabbed a pair of jeans and began to put them on when the door flew open without warning.
Standing in the doorway was Spock, the light behind him creating a dramatic silhouette of his classic rigid pose. Kirk cried out, urging Spock to leave and allow him time to at least put on pants. But Spock did not leave; rather he came into the room and closed the door behind him. Kirk became flustered at his science officer's complete disregard for his privacy and fell backwards on to his bed, tangled in his jeans. Spock came closer and closer until he stood over Kirk, who was sprawled awkwardly on the bed. Kirk scrambled to crawl backwards and away from Spock, fear in his eyes. He couldn't understand why all of a sudden Spock was in his room towering over him, but he didn't like it. He urged Spock to leave the room, but he did not. Instead, he climbed on top of Kirk and placed his hands on the bed on both sides of Kirk's head.
Kirk began to pant as Spock stared deep into his eyes. Though he said not a word, his intent was made clear with the intensity in his dark eyes. Behind his calm exterior, lust and want brew violently inside. Spock placed a hand gently on Kirk's face. Despite his anxiety, Kirk couldn't help but enjoy the soft warmth of Spock's hand.
Spock brought his forehead down to Kirk's and closed his eyes. His breath became heavier as he started to lose control of himself. Kirk's head began to spin. His normally promiscuous ways were drastically halted since he had become a Starfleet captain, and this kind of contact had not only been greatly missed, it drove him wild to finally feel it again.
Taking the initiative, Kirk took Spock's lips with his own. Rather than showing surprise, Spock enthusiastically returned the kiss with a kind of passion Kirk never knew he had in him. The soft feel of Kirk's lips intoxicated Spock. His tongue slid easily into Kirk's mouth and danced seductively with Kirk's. A moan rumbled in the back of Kirk's throat as his hands slipped under the Vulcan's shirt, feeling the warm flesh underneath.
Breaking the kiss, Kirk flipped Spock onto his back, surprising the Vulcan. Kirk pulled the shirt off and admired the strong torso he had revealed. He placed his hands on Spock's chest and rubbed up and down its length. Spock relished the contact and closed his eyes, a moan escaping from parted lips. Kirk leaned back down and continued their last kiss, only with increased vigor. Spock put his hands on Kirk's head and pulled him even closer, deepening the kiss even more.
Spock rolled back on top without breaking the kiss. His hand moved down the length of Kirk's body and rubbed the front of his underwear. Kirk's body arched, yearning to have more of the delicious feel of Spock's hand between his legs. Spock reached into the underwear and found his target. Kirk's eyes flew open. He broke the kiss and cried out loud. With an uncharacteristically devious smirk, Spock wrapped his hand around his prize and began to move it methodically up and down. While he did this, he leaned his head down and nibbled on Kirk's neck, fully aware of the responses it would elicit.
Kirk's heart raced, his body squirmed, his eyes fluttered. How the hell could Spock be so skilled at this?!? A familiar sensation welled up in his lower half. His breath grew quicker and his body glowed with sweat. Spock moved his mouth from Kirk's neck to his ear, whispering and then nibbling on his ear. This proved more than Kirk could handle and his world exploded.
Kirk flew up in his bed with enlarged eyes. Sweat covered his body. He looked frantically around the room, relieved to find he was quite alone in his old home in Iowa. Unfortunately, his relief was severely short lived when he found that he not only needed a cold shower, but was also in dire need for a clean pair of underwear. He put his head in his hands and screamed in frustration. He had no idea what was happening to his mind. Perhaps he really had gone too long without any activity if he was having wet dreams of Spock. He threw the covers off, flung himself out of the bed, and stomped into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
He stepping into the shower and cranked the cold water knob as far to the left as he could. Cascades of icy water shot out of the shower head and Kirk's fevered body like a billion sharp needles. Every inch of his body shivered except for the very reason for his self-induced torture. To avoid screaming from the horrible cold, he bit his lip, emitting a muffled "Mmmmmph!"
The cold water rinsed off the sticky sweat that covered him from head to toe. That much good came from the frigid water that pummeled his feverish flesh. Though his body shivered, the very appendage he hoped would cool down was still at full attention and radiating heat. He groaned in frustration – had this been any other situation, he'd simply do what needed to be done and move on. But with Spock on his mind…
He clenched his fists tightly, his fingernails digging deep into his palms. He bit his lip harder, ignoring the coppery taste that spread on his tongue. He closed out all thoughts of Spock and the dream and focused solely on the cold that covered his body in goose bumps and the pain in his hands and lip. To his relief, it didn't take long for the blood in his appendage to flow elsewhere. Relinquishing the firm grip his teeth had on his split lip and unclenching his fists, Kirk sighed a sigh of relief.
Unfortunately, the cold shower only settled his body down. His mind on the other hand was still swimming with sexual thoughts of his Vulcan Science Officer. Kirk found himself feeling very scared and confused. As he recalled the dream, he heard the words Spock whispered in his ear:
Now you belong to me.
Kirk pressed the heel of his palms into his temples and violently shook his head. NO! He screamed mentally. Stop thinking about it! He slammed his head against the shower wall, the pain of tile colliding with his skull knocking out all of the inappropriate thoughts that still plagued him. His breath became ragged, his eyes delirious. If Kirk could have seen his own face, he would have thought he was staring at a psychopath. Fumbling, he turned the water off. The shower had served its purpose; lingering under the shower head with water pouring uselessly off his body would simply be a waste.
He staggered out of the shower and grabbed a towel from the towel rack. Wrapping it around his waist, he flung open the bathroom door and made his way downstairs. Whenever there was something bothering him, his mother's blueberry cobbler always made him feel better. Lucky for him, she made three batches worth when he arrived. He had already slammed through two of them, but the last one sat in the refrigerator, waiting for him to gobble it up.
When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he jumped at the sight of his mom. The overhead light was on and filled the room with a gentle yellow glow. She sat at the dining room table, the last batch of blueberry cobbler already sitting in the center. Across from her sat a single serving of the delicious dessert, reheated with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. A spoon lay right next to the plate.
Snapping out of his funk, he tightened the towel around his waist considerably. "Mom!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing up so late? And why is there blueberry cobbler sitting out?!?"
Winona Kirk simply smiled at her son, despite his state of undress. "I heard you scream and then heard the water running in the bathroom. I can always tell when something's bothering you, and you made it rather clear tonight, so I came down and fixed you your favorite dessert."
Kirk walked over to the chair where the single plate sat and lowered himself into it. He looked at her in disbelief. "But how did you know I'd come downstairs for cobbler?"
She laughed lightly and patted her son's hand. "You forget that I'm your mother. I know you even better than you know yourself. Besides, whenever you were upset as a boy, my blueberry cobbler always cheered you up. You may be a famous Starfleet Captain, but deep down you're still my little boy."
The smirk on Kirk's face was disrupted by the spoon full of cobbler and ice cream that he shoveled into his mouth. The familiar warmth of happiness spread throughout his body and birthed a dreamy smile. He didn't know how, but his mother's cobbler always had a way of melting all of his troubles away as soon as he took his first bite. After savoring the first bite as he always did, he began shoveling the gooey dessert into his mouth. His mother simply smiled and watched him quietly, propping her head up with her hands.
When he finished the cobbler, sticky blueberry goo covered his cheeks. Ever prepared, his mother pulled out a damp napkin and wiped his face. Laughing, she said, "I thought when you grew up I wouldn't have to clean your face anymore. Guess I was wrong." When she finished, she picked up the serving spoon and motioned toward the remaining batch. "Want another helping?"
Amazingly, Kirk shook his head. "No, one's fine for now." They sat in silence for what felt like hours before Winona spoke. "What's wrong honey? It may not be out of the ordinary for you to sneak down in the middle of the night to eat cobbler, but late night showers are always a sign that you've got a problem."
Kirk sat silently on the opposite side of the table. He began debating whether or not he should come right out and tell his mother everything or whether he should dance around the issue. He looked at his mother, who looked back at him, concern plain on her face. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again before it could betray him.
Unable to get an answer from her son, Winona decided to take a stab at the problem. "Are you having girl trouble sweetie?" She knew very well that her son got along rather well with women, to put it lightly. While it would be an unlikely worry on his mind now that he was a starship captain, he was still very young.
"No, no, it's nothing like that," Kirk said. But when he thought about it, his mother wasn't really that far off, so he decided to run with it. "Well, kind of. It's really complicated." Winona stared intently at Kirk, anxious to know the problem. Taking a deep breath, Kirk tried to explain his situation with as few specific details as possible.
"Okay, here's my dilemma. I'm captain of the Enterprise right? And in Starfleet, it's deemed somewhat taboo to have feelings for a fellow officer. Yeah, it happens all the time anyway, but the…person…in question is a subordinate of mine. For a captain to fall in love with a subordinate is a big, big deal, especially if a relationship develops. I find my situation to be rather…unique. I've been through a lot with this particular officer even though we haven't known each other long, and even though I'm still sorting my feelings out, I'm starting to have…inappropriate thoughts about them."
"Does the person have the same feelings for you?" Winona asked.
Kirk looked back at his mother. "Uhm, to my knowledge, no. The person in question is actually involved with another officer." His mother nodded in understanding. "What's worse is I'm jealous of the fact that the person is in a relationship with someone else. It's not affecting my judgment as a captain…yet. But I'm afraid if things keep progressing at this rate, it might."
Winona shifted in her seat as she processed what Kirk told her. She thought for a moment, and then said, "So, have you thought about talking with this person about how you feel?" Kirk laughed, "Of course not. They're in a happy relationship that they chose to be in. Why should I ruin that just to try and get what I want, assuming I really even know what I want?"
"You never know what could happen if you don't try," his mother said. She leaned forward and clasped her hands on the table in front of her. "Jim, you have a chance to be with someone who makes you happy, someone who makes you feel whole." Kirk interrupted, "Now wait, I never said…" Winona cut him off with a raised hand. "You didn't have to say anything. Like I said, I'm your mother. Now, if you pass this chance up, you may not ever get it again. Say the person in question gets married? You'll never get to tell them how much you love them."
She reached her hand out and clasped Kirk's tightly. "Your father's last words to me were 'I love you'. I held on to that for years and years. I thought I'd spend the rest of my life all alone, but after a while, I started realizing that's not what I wanted. I wanted my sons to have a father and I wanted to love again. I may not have made the best choice in a husband, but he makes me happy. Not as happy as your father made me, but still happy."
"Jim, the last thing I want for you to do is to pass up what could be the best thing in your life because of rules and regulations, and especially because you're too scared of the outcome to take a risk. You've never in your entire life hesitated to act on your gut feeling. This should be no different."
The two stared at each other in silence. Kirk put a hand on his mother's and stroked it softly. He nodded slowly and said, "You're right, mom. I guess I've got some thinking to do before I go back to the Enterprise."
Winona smiled. "Whatever you decide will be the right decision. I've always had faith in you." She removed her hand from Kirk's and stood up. She walked over to her son and kissed the top of his head. "I hope you figure out a solution to your boy trouble Honey."
Kirk's eyes widened. "Boy trouble?!?"
His mother giggled as she played with his hair. "Yes, boy trouble. Why else wouldn't you just come out and say it was a girl that you liked?" Grinning in a way that showed where Kirk's magnificent smile came from, she went back upstairs, leaving Kirk to gape at her.