Ch 11: Encroaching Shadows
The shadow behind Kirk's shower curtain was larger than normal, perhaps because instead of only one man, there were two. Steam filled the small bathroom as hot water cascaded on the two men. Kirk thought happily as he hugged the strong back of the Vulcan in front of him, I'm so glad I won't need anymore of those horrible cold showers…
As politely as he could, Spock turned his head and said, "Excuse me Jim, but while I enjoy the close proximity in which you are standing as well as the intimate embrace you have me in, I am having a needless amount of difficulty washing myself in this position. I make this request rather reluctantly, but could you release me for a minute or two? You have my word that when I am finished, I will allow you to embrace me once more." Briefly, Kirk simply held the warm Vulcan close and stared out into space, contemplating how such a simple request was expressed in so many words. Then with a smile and a small chuckle, he released his hold on Spock and stood up straight.
Giving a small nod of appreciation, Spock faced the hot water and began washing himself with soap. Kirk shifted slightly to get a better view and watched intently as the soap foamed in Spock's hands. He followed his hands as they slid over different parts of his body, his arms, his chest, his stomach. Teeth dug into his bottom lip as he watched Spock wash his lower half, resisting the urge to pounce him. Spock turned to Kirk and caught the lustful look on his face. Choosing to ignore it rather than acknowledge it, he said, "Jim, if you wish to assist me, you could wash my back, as I am unable to reach it."
Spock handed the soap to Kirk, who carefully took it and began lathering it in his hands, not breaking eye contact with the Vulcan. Sighing at the still lustful look on Kirk's face, he faced the water so that Kirk could begin washing his back. With a sly smile, Kirk raised his soapy hands and rubbed them along the strong back before him. Though he couldn't see it, Spock closed his eyes, relishing the feel of Kirk's hands on his back.
Kirk's hands didn't spend much time on Spock's back though. With a mischievous twinkle in his eye, Kirk lowered his hands to the small of Spock's back then slipped them slowly to the front of Spock's hips. Spock's eyes flew open as he snapped his head to the side, trying anxiously to make eye contact with Kirk. "What are you doing?!?" he said, his voice unusually shaky as a flush colored his cheeks green. Giving another sly smile, Kirk replied innocently. "What ever do you mean? You asked me to wash your back, right?"
"Indeed I did," Spock confirmed. "Though it seems you remember that, your hands seem to have gotten distracted and moved elsewhere." As if to physically agree with his statement, Kirk's hands reached their target between Spock's legs. Emitting a mix between a moan and a yelp, Spock grabbed Kirk's wrists and pulled them away before his body could react to the slick touch of Kirk's hands. Head still turned to the side, Spock said, "If you will not adhere to my request, I will wash my back myself."
From his stance, Spock was barely able to make out the pout Kirk gave him. "Aw, you're no fun," he said in disappointment. Obediently, he returned his hands to Spock's back and scrubbed it with his soapy hands. His hands roamed over Spock's shoulders, scrubbed his shoulder blades, and rubbed down his spine. Handing the soap back to Spock, he sighed. "There, you're all clean you party pooper." Taking the soap back into his hands, Spock turned to face Kirk, letting the water wash the soap off his back. He leaned forward and lightly kissed Kirk on the lips. "You have my thanks."
"Yeah, yeah, you're welcome," Kirk said, giving Spock another kiss, this one lingering longer. He wrapped his arms around Spock and placed his head on his shoulder, resuming his earlier embrace. Spock held the smaller man in his arms and kissed his cheek softly. He was a bit of a handful, but he was growing on the Vulcan rather quickly.
There they stood under the water, holding each other for quite some time. They both knew that they should at least turn the water off since they were both clean and had no need for it, but neither wanted to let go of the other to do so. The two men both found it bizarre that holding each other was not only extremely comforting, but delightfully satisfying. Nevertheless, there they remained, wrapped up together, saying not a word.
Finally breaking the embrace, Spock reached behind him and turned the water off. Kirk stared lustfully at the water that beaded and dripped down the Vulcan's thin frame. It suddenly became very tempting to get dirty all over again if for no other reason than to see the Vulcan dripping wet more than once that day. Spock stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around him, fully aware of the hungry eyes that refused to look elsewhere. Kirk watched as he walked out of the bathroom, licking his lips at the contours of the body underneath the towel. He grabbed the remaining towel on the rack and dried himself off.
When Kirk left his bathroom and returned to his room, he saw no trace of the Vulcan or his clothes, which had been haphazardly thrown across the room before their shower. His door was wide open and wet footprints led outside his room. He sighed sadly. He had hoped the man would be sitting somewhere inside, the towel still wrapped around his waist. From the looks of things, Spock had chosen to clothe himself in his own room. Shrugging, Kirk pulled a fresh set of clothing out of his drawers, got dressed, and followed the footprints to Spock's room.
The door slid open, revealing a fully clothed Spock sitting cross-legged in the center of his room. Kirk was about to call to him when he noticed his eyes were closed. He didn't know much about Vulcans, but he knew that they meditated in the privacy of their room and could tell that was what Spock was doing. Initially, he thought about leaving the room and coming back later, but he was allured by the serene look Spock had on his face. Though he was sitting up, he looked as though he were asleep. Carefully, he lowered himself to the floor and sat in front of Spock. Crossing his legs, he propped his head up with his arms and stared at the Vulcan with a dreamy smile on his face. Spock looked absolutely beautiful, even statuesque during his meditation. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I sat and admired him while he meditates, Kirk thought pleasantly.
By the time Kirk had entered Spock's quarters, Spock had already negated his emotions and had immersed himself into his subconscious. The bright whiteness he had seen last time was present once more. He didn't have to wait long before his younger self appeared before him. Still sitting, Spock opened his eyes and looked at the young boy. The boy did not visibly smile, but something in his eyes twinkled.
"Well done," the boy said. "It seems as though you have made the first step toward inner peace. Though this was a big step, it is far from the last. There are still greater things that you must come to terms with, but solidifying the bond between you and Kirk will make things much easier."
Spock nodded at the boy. Before he could speak, however, an evil laugh echoed all around him. He looked at the boy, who suddenly had a definitive look of fright on his face. His eyes darted upward, but when Spock looked, he saw nothing. Spock remembered making that look as a child and knew it well. Whatever it was the boy was afraid of, it was something monumental. Barely above a whisper, the boy said, "He knows…" Confused, Spock asked, "Who knows?"
The laugh echoed again, slightly louder this time. The look of fright on the boys face intensified. Spock reached for the boy's shoulders and shook him lightly, which was a poor move on Spock's part. The boy slapped the arms away and stumbled backward, eyes large. Hyperventilating, the boy said, "You recall that I said I was only one of the halves of your inner self, right?" Slowly, Spock nodded. "Well, that laugh you hear belongs to the other half of you. The dark half. The human half."
Spock's eyes narrowed as he tried to make sense of the situation. "Why are you afraid of him? You're a Vulcan; even if the human side of me is dark, your strength would overwhelm him regardless of your size." His words didn't seem to reach the boy, who was becoming beside himself with fear as he heard the laugh again. Without another word, he vanished into thin air, leaving Spock alone to face his dark side. Again the laugh echoed, louder and longer this time. In spite of himself, Spock began to feel the icy grip of fear closing on his throat. Who, or what was his dark side?
The laugh ceased to be an external sound and began to ring in Spock's ears continuously. He covered them as if to block out the sound, but it had no effect on the madding laughter. In the distance, he saw something; he couldn't make it out, but it was dark. The breath caught in his throat as he realized it was coming closer to him at an alarming rate. He stood and took a step backward, unsure if he should run or stand his ground. Soon the entire horizon was filled with darkness. Black tendrils swiftly encroached the space between them and snaked out toward him.
Fear took over completely; this was no time to ponder as to what the frightening darkness was or where it was coming from. He had to run and run fast. Spock spun around and broke into a sprint, his legs propelling him further into the whiteness that he knew would assure his safety. He dared to take a look behind him and immediately wished he hadn't. The tendrils along the invisible ground were nipping at his fleeing feet and reaching up into the air to grab any part of him they could. A burst of speed sent him flying forward but it was all for naught. A tendril wrapped itself tightly around his ankle and began to pull him. The laugh continued to roar in his ears as he felt himself be dragged into the darkness…
Spock's eyes flew open. Before him sat a concerned Kirk who had watched Spock the entire time. He cried out and fell backwards onto his elbows. His chest heaved as though he had run a mile when in reality he hadn't moved an inch from where he had sat in his room. Bewildered by Spock's reaction, Kirk tried to reach out for Spock, but Spock quickly crawled backward until his back hit the bed. "NO!" he screamed, "DON'T TOUCH ME!"
Kirk's hand stopped in mid air at Spock's unexpected outburst. His wide eyes slowly shrank down to their normal size then half closed out of sadness. He withdrew his hand and stood up, looking at Spock sorrowfully. The look seemed to be the trigger to bring Spock back to his senses. He blinked rapidly and finally registered in his mind that he saw Kirk before him. His pounding heart slowed as he regained control of himself. Breathlessly, he said, "I am sorry. I did not expect to see you…"
"It's my fault," Kirk said, the tone of his voice cutting Spock's heart like a knife. "I came in while you were meditating. When I saw you sitting in the middle of the room, I should have just left and waited for you to finish. I guess I was drawn by your peaceful face…"
Spock stood up quickly and held Kirk tightly. Softly, he said, "Do no apologize. You did nothing wrong. I am happy you are here with me right now." Kirk could feel the Vulcan's entire body shiver as he held him. Wrapping his arms around him, Kirk asked, "What happened? You looked like you had seen a ghost when you first looked at me."
Flashes of the darkness made Spock hold on tighter to Kirk. "I…I cannot explain it," he stumbled. "I just know that there was a darkness, a terrible, horrifying darkness. I have never felt such fright in my entire life…" Kirk shushed him and began stroking his hair. He had no idea what Spock was talking about; all he knew was that he was seeing Spock wracked with fright for the first time ever. "It's alright," he whispered. "It's gone. You're safe now."
"No," Spock said in a shaky voice. "It is not gone. It is somewhere inside of me. I am afraid I may not be able to contain it any more. Please, stay by my side. Do not leave me. I need you…" Kirk smiled in spite of the grave atmosphere in the room. It felt good to hear Spock say that he needed him. He reassured the frightened Vulcan, "You don't have to worry Spock. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, and I always will be."