Ch 12: Return to the Enterprise
The last days of shore leave were a bit of paradise for the two young men. During this time, they were free to be themselves. Neither had to pretend to be something they weren't or hide their thoughts; they spoke and acted as openly as a married couple in the privacy of their own home. They made the most of the time they had to spend alone and uninterrupted learning more about each other. Kirk told stories of his childhood in Iowa; he told the story of how he drove his step-father's classic car off of a cliff, and expressed his severe dislike for the man whom his mother had somehow managed to fall in love with. Spock felt the pain of Kirk's fatherless childhood in the stories he told, and his love for his mother as he talked fondly of the blueberry cobbler he claimed she was famous for and insisted that Spock try when their five year mission ended. A twinge of jealousy pulled at Spock's heart, wishing his mother was alive to meet Kirk.
His mother, as he told Kirk, had been the sole reason he appreciated his human heritage. Despite her emotionality, she was an incredibly kind and caring woman, and it hurt him deeply that she blamed herself for the constant teasing and ridicule he faced growing up on Vulcan. Not only had his peers and teachers made a point of pointing out his weakness as a half-breed whenever they could, but even the elders felt it necessary to throw it in his face. He spent most of his life living up to the expectations of those who could care less about his success, when all that mattered was his mother's feelings. She always told him she was proud to be his mother, but he desperately wanted her to see him become something great and to hear him tell her just how much she meant to him. He'd never get that chance now.
Though the two spent a great deal of time conversing and discovering new things that gave insight to the other's personality, they did other things as well. Spock forced Kirk to partake of his favorite board game: chess. The possibility of defeating Spock intellectually proved to be more alluring than he had thought, and Kirk found himself interrupting Spock during his tasks to challenge him. It was as cute as it was annoying to see Kirk run up to him, much like a child would his playmate, and anxiously request to play another game of chess when he had so much to do. Nevertheless, the Vulcan couldn't resist the sparkle of excitement in Kirk's eyes, and would always give in to his wishes.
Chess was not their only pastime during the remainder of shore leave; Kirk deemed it his God-given task to educate Spock in the ways of human intimacy. At first, Spock was gentle and sweet, much like a virgin girl. But soon, he became more aggressive; most times Kirk took the initiative, but Spock soon began initiating sessions himself. Sometimes he'd even take the initiative outside their quarters. Kirk was incredibly turned on whenever Spock took the lead, but he began worrying about the level of aggression he saw in Spock. There were moments where he wasn't sure if he was really seeing Spock, but rather seeing a completely different person.
The few days they were blessed with were sweet, peaceful, and wonderful, much like the honeymoon of newly wedded humans. But all good things must come to an end, and soon, so did the shore leave, far sooner than either wanted.
The day shore leave officially ended, Kirk and Spock sat together in the ship's recreation room playing chess. Spock's brow was furrowed with thought while Kirk sat drumming his fingers on the opposite side of the board. His numerous sighs of impatience were ignored by the Vulcan, who was determined to thoroughly plan his move before he lifted a chess piece. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally lifted his white queen and placed it on the board.
"Checkmate," he said with finality, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms with a small smile on her face. Kirk's jaw dropped in disbelief. The game had started only five minutes ago, and three of those minutes were spent waiting for Spock to move a piece. He rose out of his seat and began circling the three tiered chess board to see how Spock could have won making only three moves on his part. Stumped, he stood next to Spock's chair with his hands on his hips. "How the hell did you do that?"
"If I told you," Spock said, "You would find a way to either replicate or predict my pattern in future games. I would prefer to keep my game plans secret from you to maintain the element of surprise." Grinning, Kirk bent down and gently nipped the tip of Spock's left ear. The Vulcan jumped and then shuddered from the slick tip of Kirk's tongue that stroked the bit of his ear between his teeth. Kirk watched through half closed eyes as Spock's eyes fluttered. He withdrew his teeth and suckled the tip softly. Spock leaned his head closer to Kirk's inviting mouth, eager to feel that wonderful feeling on more than just the tip of his ear.
Regretfully, before they could further their activity, a whistle sounded. They paused as If they had been walked in on, but quickly realized that the whistle was indicating that the first shuttle had arrived. Reluctantly, Kirk withdrew his mouth from Spock's ear and straightened his body. He said with a heavy sigh, "Well, looks like our alone time is officially over."
"Indeed," Spock said sadly. He pushed his chair back and stood up. Facing Kirk, he placed a hand on the young captain's arm and squeezed gently. "It seems the only time we will be able to be alone will be after hours. Even then, we should be cautious." He paused and looked away with a pained look on his face. "I…I still need to resolve things with Uhura, and it would be wise if we did nothing to reveal the true nature of my termination of our relationship. Additionally, we should maintain a high level of professionalism while on duty."
"I know," Kirk said. He didn't like the idea of having to hide their relationship, but he wasn't about to throw the fact that he stole Spock away from Uhura in her face, even if it was unintentionally done. If there was anything that he could do that would harm crew morale that would be it. Though the idea was rather tempting considering how curt she tended to be toward him, he had to withhold a certain level of respectability. He looked at Spock and gave a sad smile. "Guess we won't have much time to enjoy each other like we did these last few days, huh?"
Spock placed a warm hand on Kirk's face and kissed him sweetly. Giving Kirk a light smile, he said, "We will always have our chess games Jim." He leaned forward and whispered in Kirk's ear, "And there will always be the occasional late night rendezvous once everything has settled." The mix of Spock's warm breath on his ear and the images that ran through his head when he heard him say 'rendezvous' in that sexy tone of voice sent shivers down his spine. Ever the tease, Spock merely smirked and walked out of the recreation room, leaving Kirk breathless and tight in the pants.
It was as though the flood gates had opened. Shuttle after shuttle docked on to the Enterprise, and from them wave after wave of fresh faced crew members emerged. The shore leave proved to be a much needed retreat for the Enterprise's crew. The horrors of the Nero encounter and the exhaustion from the assignment of mission after mission shortly thereafter were long since forgotten, replaced with the excitement of the five-year long voyage into the unknown. They would be making their way into the history books, a thought that erased any trace of sadness or fear.
Among the crew arrivals was Nyota Uhura. She chatted amicably with a fellow crew member she sat with on her shuttle. From a different shuttle emerged Doctor Leonard McCoy, who seemed as though he would have been better off not having any shore leave at all. A scowl clung to his lips; he had spent his shore leave finalizing the divorce with his ex-wife. Had he been given a choice, he would have only stayed on Earth long enough to tie up whatever loose ends remained from before his enrollment in the academy.
Both scanned the docking room, Uhura in search of Spock, and McCoy in search of Kirk. The two shared a look of sadness at not finding their intended, though neither was aware of the other. Uhura shook her sadness off and resumed chatting with her friend, while McCoy, a look of disappointment deepening his scowl, stomped off to his quarters.
McCoy had been anxious to get back to the Enterprise, not only because he was stuck dealing with his ex-wife when he thought he would never have to see her again, but also because he had wanted to see Kirk. Whenever McCoy was in a bad mood, his friend always managed to cheer him up with his goofy, laid back demeanor. McCoy managed to smile in spite of his fowl mood as he pictured the young blond grinning at him. He considered trying to find the young captain in the insanity, but thought against it when he remembered all the preparations he would need to make before they set off on their mission. The smile on his face quickly vanished as if it had never been there as he entered his room, dropped his bags, and made his way to sick bay.
The hustle and bustle of arriving crew members perked Spock's ears as he meditated in his room. It seems he had arrived at his room just in time to avoid the stampede of crew members through the halls. His eyes remained closed, so as to maintain his concentration, but the occasional and unpredictable loud thump, laugh, and chatter outside his door made it nearly impossible to do so. He hadn't meditated once since Kirk and he had confessed to each other and thought it best to wipe himself clean of the bundle of emotions that bounced around inside of him, but with all the noise outside his room, he was having a great deal of difficulty just consolidating them.
Just as he was about to open his eyes and find something else to do, a knock was heard at his door. Involuntarily, Spock smiled. He was certain it was Captain Kirk, come to spend one last intimate moment with him during the chaos. He sprung to his feet, barely able to contain his excitement. Regardless of how he felt about putting up appearances for the rest of the crew, the thrill of seeing Kirk now was more than he could stand, especially after their last session was abruptly halted before it went very far. He reached the door and straightened himself out. With all the people in the hall, the last thing he needed was anyone to see him smiling uncharacteristically. Finally ready, he opened his door. Behind the door wasn't Captain Kirk…
…it was Uhura.
"Nyota…" he said breathlessly, surprise showing on his face. His heart did a bit of a flip flop in his chest as he stood face to face with the beautiful East African woman before him.
Uhura gave Spock little time to say anything else as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him fully on the lips. In an instant, Spock remembered everything that attracted him to Uhura. Strangely enough, some of the same things that attracted him to her were what attracted him to Kirk. Her spontaneity, her tenderness, her intellect…and how unbelievably attractive she was. Her scent filled his nose and drew him in, causing him to return the kiss with a well matched intensity. But something felt different in this kiss. It didn't hold the same fire it had before the shore leave. Somehow, something was missing from it…what was it? Was something different with her?
Uhura broke the kiss and grinned at Spock. "Sorry to cut it short, I just wanted to see you before I settled in." She gave him another quick peck on the lips and stepped back. "Come to my quarters later on when you get a chance, okay?" Giving him one last smile, she bounded down the hall to catch up with her friend. Spock stepped out of his room and watched her walk away. She felt his eyes on him and turned back around. Walking backwards, she waved at the Vulcan, who raised his hand in kind.
As she and her friend caught up and began chatting again, it hit him. Nothing had changed with Uhura; on the contrary, she was the exact way she was before she left. What Spock felt change was from within, and the realization shook him to the core: He no longer loved Uhura.
He hadn't expected for his love for Uhura to wane as rapidly as it had, but considering the great deal of personal development he experienced in such a short time, it was hardly surprising. During the time he had alone to think, it dawned on him that while he had been attracted to her, he never really did love her. Of course, he had been under the impression that he had fallen in love with her, but after experiencing all he had with Kirk, it became clear that what he had felt was nowhere near love. Even as he watched her walk away, he didn't feel the absence in his heart like he did when he was apart from Kirk.
It saddened him to realize that the sole reason he had grown as attached to Uhura as he had was because Uhura immediately went to comfort him when Vulcan was destroyed. Everyone else had kept their distance, giving him only hallow looks of sympathy. But Uhura, she gave herself to him, offered her time willingly, held him close and assured him that all would be well. She was a shining example of kindness and selflessness during that time of mourning.
But it was after all that was over that his attraction became more habitual than desired. It wasn't that he had gotten comfortable with her and was used to her being there; it was almost like he felt obligated to her. Like because she gave herself to him in his greatest time of need, he had to reciprocate the affection she showed. But in retrospect, his affection was merely aped actions to mirror her. What was worse was as time went by, he found himself less inclined to voluntarily react to her. He spent more time calmly refusing her desperate attempts at public affection, using their duties as officers as an excuse. It was a cowardly thing to do, but he couldn't come to terms with the fact that even though this woman had done so much for him, he simply couldn't return her love.
And now she wanted to see him alone in her quarters. Spock dreaded going there because he knew if he did, he would have to end things with Uhura. It wouldn't be fair of him to stretch it out or postpone the inevitable. It needed to be done; there was no escaping it. But he couldn't help but feel afraid to do it. What if things went horribly wrong? Should he tell her about him and Kirk? Or should he sugar coat things and simply let her know that he didn't feel the same way she did?
There was only one person that he knew that could help him with his problem. Allowing himself to be swept away in the current of people he had formally been impeding, he made his way to Kirk's room. If anyone knew how to reject a woman, it'd be him.