The room was dark; pitch black to human eyes but my eyes picked up ever detail. The walls were bashed in and battered. Drywall pieces were torn apart revealing the insulation inside the walls. I could smell the dried blood coming off the floor in tantalizing waves. Distinct nail marks were carved across the walls and ceiling. The remnants of what had once been a chair lay in pieces in a corner of the room. The only piece of furniture still in once piece was a four poster bed against the side wall. A plain white sheet was spread across it; rips along the top exposed the blue mattress beneath. Great chunks of the mantle looked to have been bitten off.

It was there on the mattress where I saw him, completely motionless.

….

The others stared at one another, waiting for someone to speak. The stillness was deafening – but I still couldn't understand why the pause. This awkward silence was worse then waiting for the answer I knew was to come: 'he didn't come Bella, he doesn't care'.

But the others remained silent.

"Where's Edward?"

Rosalie inhaled sharply, stepping forward. She hesitantly took my hand in hers and looked me in the eye. "I don't know how to say it exactly…Edward, isn't really Edward anymore."

The others eyes were locked on my confused expression. What did she mean he wasn't himself?

Rosalie let go of my hand and looked pleadingly at Carlisle.

We had stopped at the southern most tip of the mountain. Less than two miles away lay a two story house, embedded in the partial peninsula of the mountain. Picturesque in everyway, it looked like the front of a Christmas card.

"Bella…the day he left you in Forks, he left us all in a way." Carlisle continued slowly. He looked up at the sky, as if trying to get a grip on himself and then looked down at me. His eyes were black. They were empty. "He tried to stay with us for a short while, but he couldn't…handle what he had done. He left us and went off on his own."

He couldn't handle leaving me heartbroken? But…it was his choice? I didn't understand. He didn't want me, he had said so himself.

Jasper sensed my feelings of unworthiness and doubt. His eyes narrowed and looked at Carlisle. "She believed him." He said shortly.

"How could she not?" Esme answered harshly. "He did everything possible to ensure that she did."

"He said he didn't want me…what are you saying? I don't understand…" I trailed off. My mind couldn't form around what they were saying. Believe what? That he didn't love me? Of course I did. Edward wouldn't say that just to be funny, to pull a prank on me. How did they expect me to think otherwise? Alice's eyes were wide and disbelieving. Emmett stood a little farther back, his eyes focused on the ground. They all looked so shocked that I truly believed what he said, but-

"Edward never stopped loving you. He loved you with every word he said that day, and he loves you still." Carlisle finished.

"He...loves me?"

Alice nodded quickly, her eyes wide on my face. "More than anything else, Bella. More than his own life."

He loved me. Edward loved me. Even with the small amount of doubt in my heart, I had never truly noticed how those words sounded. They sounded right, natural. The way they were supposed to be.

"Edward loves me," I whispered barely audibly. Saying is aloud made it real. The words flowed perfectly together. Edward loves Bella…

If my heart could beat, it would have burst through my chest.

"But why would he have said all those things? Why lead me to believe he didn't want me if he couldn't live without me?" I asked, desperately. I looked at the others then straight at Carlisle.

He spoke carefully, choosing each word with difficulty. "He wanted you to be human, Bella. He didn't want you to give that up for him. He wanted you to live like you were intended, like we were all supposed to. He felt asking you to love him damned you like he felt damned. He couldn't do that to you."

My breathing was coming in ragged useless gasps.

He wanted me. He wanted me just like I wanted him – forever. I had to see him; I had to hear these words come straight from his mouth.

"Please!" I exploded, making everyone jump. "Please, where is he? I have to find him!"

"Bella," Alice began. "When I first had the vision of you being bit, we called him first thing and he met us in Forks. He looked harder than all of us. For months all did was run and search. He never stopped – not once. He covered all of western Canada and most of the northern. After a year, he began to lose hope. He thought you were trying to hide from him. He didn't think you wanted him."

I had never thought I truly deserved Edward Cullen. He was too right, too good, too perfect. Next to him, I hated what I saw. I was plain. To hear that he didn't think I could want him sounded so absurd, so backward.

"When we finally met up with him again, he was a shell. All he did was check in with me," Alice continued. "Any vision, anything I saw of you, he had to be there. He wanted regular reports. He became my shadow. Just the thought that you were alive, seeing every move you make…"

"In a small way, it made him happy," Jasper finished. "Because even when he thought that you didn't want to be with him, he could still make sure you were alright. But when he saw…that…"Jasper trailed off,

I could see where this was going before they had even mentioned it.

"What finally did it was the vision of you being mauled by the clan of vampires."

Everyone stirred angrily. Jaspers arms were tight across his chest. Emmett balled his fists tightly, glancing at my scarred arm then back at the ground. Esme rocked back on her heels, biting back a dry sob.

"To see what was happening and not be able to do anything…he was helpless. The hurt was too much to bear. He broke. He screamed and went into a fit, like he was being torn apart from the inside. It was killing both of us to see what was happening to you," Alice finished. She crushed her hands to the side of her head and sobbed. Jasper put his hands on hers and encircled her in his arms.

"But what happened? Where is he?!" I demanded.

"He's at the house, Bella. But…he's not really," Carlisle explained, his doctor's polite manner breaking through. "He's completely brain locked. When we brought him here a week ago, he didn't move or say a word. He wouldn't eat. We tried to force him to eat something, but then he lashed out, just trying to crush anything that would touch him. He's not your Edward, Bella."

Before he could turn to put his hand on my shoulder again, I was running. I was at the house in a second, tearing in the front door. There stood three female vampires, staring out the window to where I had been standing with the others. They looked at me sorrowfully.

I picked up a familiar scent, wafting down from the stairs. It seemed like it had been so long since I had smelled it…like from a dream. Lavender and honeysuckle. Edward.

"Bella, it's not safe!' Emmett said, arriving first in the door. "He's not himself. He could hurt you." He reached to hold me back, but I was faster. I was up the stairs and in front of the bedroom door with the scent emanating from behind it. The door was oddly bent, as if something heavy had been repeatedly thrown at it. There was no sound coming from behind, no breathing, no movement – just an unbroken silence.

"No, let her go," Alice said, grabbing Jaspers hand as he started towards the stairs below. "It has to be her. It's always had to be her." Her eyes went blank as she stared straight ahead. Whatever vision she had of what was waiting for me in the room must have put her at ease. She smiled a small grin, knowingly. Jasper had watched her carefully, sensing her ease at the vision she had seen, and he relaxed his stance. He looked up at me and nodded, letting me know that he would help if I needed. A feeling of calm swept past through the room and it made me braver.

Carlisle looked up at me from the stair landing. "We'll be right here, Bella." His eyed were pleading. "Please, bring him back to us."

I nodded solemnly, turning the loose doorknob and entering the dark room to find my Edward.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

A/N

Hmm, so a twist? Did anyone see that coming?

I thought Jasper would take on a big brother roll, especially seeing as how Edward and he are very close – hence the protectiveness.

Thanks so much for the reviews, I can't tell you how much they mean!

BTW, for all the "fun" pm's I've been getting – this is primarily a Bella story! It's her journey; she had to do it by herself, so that's why Edward isn't until the end of the story!

Don't' worry kids, he's up next ;-)