Ch 15: Vulnerable

The day progressed at rather sluggish rate for Kirk. For some reason, knowing they were hurtling through space towards an uncharted planet caused time to move more slowly. Or maybe it was the fact that he was confining himself to his room to lessen the chance that he'd bump into Uhura. In Kirk's case, it was more likely the latter. The blond-haired captain found he had become extremely bored before long and made his way to the mess hall. Perhaps something more interesting would happen there.

If he only knew.

Upon arriving in the mess hall, Kirk decided to get a bit of a snack. He walked up to the food replicator and requested a blueberry cobbler with a side of vanilla ice cream. Seconds later, a steamy plate of gooey blueberry cobbler appeared with a small cup of vanilla ice cream right next to it. Kirk took the tray of cobbler and ice cream sat on and quickly found a seat. Fork in hand, he flipped the cup upside down so that the ice cream fell on the cobbler and took a bite. The sweet tanginess of the cobbler/ice cream combination stimulated his taste buds. It took every bit of effort to avoid openly drooling as he savored the delicious combination. Sure, it had nothing on the homemade cobbler and ice cream his mother made, but it did a good job of coming close to it.

Just as he took another bite, someone placed a tray next to him. He turned, mouth full of yumminess, and felt his throat close as he saw Uhura, a small smile on her face. "Hey," she said, sitting down next to Kirk. On her tray sat a cobb salad and a glass of water.

Swallowing his mouthful of tasty cobbler with unusual difficulty, Kirk replied in as casual and genial a tone as he could. "Hey, fancy meeting you in the mess hall. That's a nice little salad you got on your plate," he said, pointing with his fork. Uhura laughed lightly. "Thanks. And that's a nice little meal you have yourself. Not in the mood for a well balanced meal?"

Kirk smirked. "Well, seeing as how there's no telling what we could stumble upon on in unexplored space, I believe it's best to eat dessert first."

Uhura laughed again and began eating her salad. "You've got quite an outlook on life don't you?"

"Yeah, well, I'm well aware that my lifestyle isn't for everyone." More so than you know,he thought to himself. He took a moment to take another bite of cobbler. "So, you feel any better?"

She paused, mid bite. "I thought I said I was fine when you asked on the bridge?"

Kirk sighed inwardly. Looks like Uhura was back to her normal self, if only somewhat. He made a mental note not to get used to her addressing him in such a way that implied she didn't hate his guts. More likely than not, he wouldn't have to remind himself soon enough. Vainly, he attempted to continue the conversation against his better judgment, thinking, Might as well keep the lie going… "Oh come on, if there's anything I can pick up on, it's when something's wrong with a woman. My offer stands if you want someone to talk to." Gah! Why did I say that?!?

To Kirk's relief, Uhura said nothing in return. She continued to eat her salad, occasionally sipping from her cup of water. Kirk shrugged and brought his attention back to his cobbler and ice cream, glad to have the silence. Finishing quickly, he scooted his chair back and picked up his tray. He walked the tray to the disposal and was about to leave the mess hall when Uhura called out.

"If…" she paused, watching the Captain turn around and look at her. "If I wanted to come by your quarters later to talk, would you be available?"

Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT. I've got to stop setting myself up for this crap… Kirk smirked at Uhura from across the room. "I've got a lot of paperwork to fill out. It'll probably take me the entirety of the evening to finish it up. I'm sure by the time someone came by wanting to talk to me, I'd be more than willing to take a break." He gave her a wink from across the room, and then left the mess hall, thinking, Damn, I should get an award for my acting skills…

Kirk felt his brain begin to turn to mush as he filled out his 39th form. Why did he have so damn much paperwork to handle? When he dreamed of being a captain as a child, he thought it would be glamorous: exploring new planets, meeting strange new life forms, earning medal after medal for his heroics, not spending hours and hours working on paperwork! He didn't even notice that his jaw had gone slack from the mindless activity, a bit of drool accumulating in the corner.

When he heard a knock at his door, he immediately flew out of his chair. Finally, something to relieve him of this wretched monotony! He opened the door and, as expected, saw Uhura. He had been so bored, he didn't have to feign happiness at seeing the slender woman before him. At that moment, the devil himself could have been at his door and he would have greeted him just as gleefully.

"Oh thank God, please, please, come in!" Kirk exclaimed, stepping aside. Smirking, Uhura asked, "Is the paperwork that bad?" Kirk enthusiastically nodded. "You. Have. NO idea. If you had come ten minutes later, I might have become completely brain dead." He pulled another chair close to his desk and sat down. Uhura took a seat in the chair and crossed her legs. Involuntarily, Kirk checked out the long, smooth legs of his guest. He shook himself mentally when he realized what he was doing. Guess old habits are harder to break than I thought…

He smiled innocently at Uhura and leaned forward. "So, obviously you came here to talk; I'm all ears."

Uhura looked around rather uneasily, as if she was conflicted about whether or not she should even be in the same room with Kirk at that moment. "It's…it's Spock," she began. "He, uh, he broke up with me last night."

Kirk did his best to look genuinely surprised. "Wow," he said, acting as if this were news to him. "That's pretty heavy stuff. But I thought that you and he were getting along great? Why would he suddenly break it off like that?"

Tears glistened in Uhura's eyes. "I don't know. Everything was fine before we were granted time off. He told me he hoped that I enjoyed my time at home, I kissed him goodbye, and I left. When I came back though…" Her voice broke, a couple tears falling from her eyes. "I'm sorry. This was a bad idea. I shouldn't be here…"

She rose from the chair and was about to make her way out when Kirk instinctually grabbed her wrist. "No, please. Stay and talk to me." He looked into her eyes and felt his heart skip a beat. He mentally slapped himself. No! Damn it, don't think about her that way! Kirk was finding it harder and harder to resist Uhura now that she was in his room alone with him. After spending so long lusting after her, it seemed he was unable to resist himself. Collecting himself, he motioned to her chair and said, "Come on, sit back down. You need someone to talk to right now."

She stared at Kirk a little longer then sat back down in the chair. She wiped the tears from her face, took a deep breath, and then continued. "When I saw him, I could tell that something was different. I don't know what happened during shore leave, but something changed."

Kirk swallowed down the lump of guilt he felt in his throat. Ooh, something changed alright… He gave a shrug and said, "Maybe the time apart gave him time to realize that he wants something different from your relationship. They may say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but that's an expression that applies mainly to humans."

"Spock is half-human, you know," Uhura replied with a frown.

"Yeah, and the other half is Vulcan." Kirk began to look a bit frustrated. "Look, I know you think that because you love him, you can get him to tear down his Vulcan barriers and embrace his humanity, but it's not that easy. When you spend your entire life being one way and are suddenly given an opportunity to be different, you can't just change overnight. It takes time, time that Spock probably didn't find a 'logical' use of his time in the long run."

Uhura's jaw twitched in anger. She didn't like the fact that Kirk was right. In fact, it infuriated her to admit it. But it didn't make his words any less true. "So maybe it was a mistake to fall in love with a half-Vulcan, but that doesn't change the fact that for a while, he and I shared something real, something special. He may have trouble showing his true self to you and everyone else on this ship," Kirk's eyes narrowed at her over-emphasis on the 'you', "but behind closed doors, he opened his heart to me. Me. And I can't handle him just throwing all that away because his Vulcan logic decided to kick in while I was away."

"You don't get it, do you?" Kirk said, beginning to get angry himself. He was finding it increasingly more difficult not to throw it in her face that Spock dropped her to be with him. "When Spock lost his mother and his planet, you rushed in to play Nurse Nightingale! You wanted to patch him up and make him feel like everything was alright-"

"Why shouldn't I have done that? No one else would have even bothered-"

"How do you know that? You didn't give anyone the chance! You just swooped in and pacified him and, and, and babied him, and spoon fed him a bunch of sugary crap-"

"I gave him love! Something that he only got from his mother-"

"-which is exactly why he broke up with you!"

Uhura stared at Kirk, flabbergasted by his words. He let his words hang in the air for a moment, wanting them to sink in before he continued. He didn't give a damn about the fact that he was the last person she should be talking to about Spock. It was time she realized that her love was one-sided and misplaced. He lowered his voice, a deadly tone ringing loud and clear, "You provided him a daily reminder of what he lost. Now this may have been acceptable for a while, considering the one thing he wants most is his mother to be alive again, but when you left, you gave him time to realize what that was really doing to him. You weren't helping his wounds heal, you were reopening them. Every single time you kissed him, every time you held him, everything you said to him reminded him of his mother. That's why he broke up with you, because he couldn't bear to look in your eyes and see his dead mother looking back at him."

A sob broke through the air, reminding Kirk of just how big of an ass he was. Uhura had come to him seeking comfort, and instead, he threw her feelings on the ground and stomped on them. She began to cry openly, and Kirk closed his eyes, wincing at the sound of her sobs. This is why I kept most of my relationships on a strictly sexual basis, he thought to himself. I can't deal with how sensitive women are…no wonder I fell for a half-Vulcan male.

He reached forward and touched her arm carefully. Shockingly, she didn't pull away from his touch; rather she leaned into it with her head hung low. Kirk took a chance and pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her and stroking her hair. She allowed this close contact and cried even harder. For a while, they sat just like that, Kirk stroking her hair and Uhura crying. "I'm sorry, Uhura," he said, breaking the silence. "I shouldn't have said what I did. I didn't mean to make you cry."

Something inside Uhura was comforted by Kirk. The embrace coupled with the words of comfort he willingly offered warmed her heart. This was a different side to him that she never saw. It was a softer side, it was a gentler side, and it was…a sexier side. Uhura found herself wondering what it was he was trying to prove with the macho bravado he slathered on every single day. Whatever it was, it wasn't worth holding this side of him back. She pulled back and looked at him, staring into those amazing blue eyes of his. She felt strangely as though she were getting pulled in by them. Before she could control herself, she found herself kissing him sweetly on the lips.

When Uhura's lips met Kirk's, a million different things went off inside his head. He was taken aback by it at first, but it felt so good to feel a woman's lips touching his. He found himself temporarily engrossed in the salty sweetness of her tear-moistened lips, and moved to deepen the kiss. She responded in kind enthusiastically. So this is what it feels like to kiss Uhura, he thought. Spock was quite a lucky man…

Visions of the Vulcan played behind Kirk's closed eyes. Spock…

Kirk's eyes flew open when the gravity of the situation sunk in. He was kissing Uhura, Spock's ex! Granted, if things were different, Spock would've been the last thing he would be worried about, but he was involved with Spock, which changed everything! Coming to his senses, he gently pulled Uhura away. She looked at him, drunk from the kiss. He stood up and turned away from her before he could be persuaded to kiss her again.

"That…was not good," he gasped, his words only reflecting half of what he felt. To be honest, the kiss was very good indeed. Too good. What had begun as a simple talk between a captain and his officer became something much steamier…and much more dangerous. With a slight reluctance, Kirk said softly, "I don't think you should be here anymore."

Uhura looked at the back of Kirk's head, a new sadness filling her heart. Of all the people she had expected to refuse her advances, Kirk was far beyond the last person on her list. In a different scenario, she would have actually gained respect for the man. But given the fact that he had his eyes on her since they met, she was astonished at his actions, and shockingly disappointed.

She rose from her seat and excused herself silently from the room. Kirk breathed a heavy sigh of relief when he heard his door close behind him. He slumped down in the chair Uhura had just sat in and rubbed his forehead. Things just got much more complicated than he had anticipated.