A/N: I was soooo going to post this yesterday, but I was bed-ridden because of some disgusting stomach virus. yuck D; but I'm up and about now. Thanks for all of the reviews. This isn't one of my favorite chapters- I find it poorly written, but, ehh, it does what it needs to do I guess.

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or anything else mentioned in this story; duh. XD
Rated: Mature For crude language, sexual references, and mature situations.

CHAPTER 16

It burned- the ache in my chest. The hole in my heart was wide; gushing blood, bleeding; dying. It burned- the tears in my eyes. The never ending flow of salty liquid; spurting life and death, ripping everything with emotion. Emotion that was, in return, ripping me apart. Emotion that tore holes into me and slowly the holes of the sieve grew and connected to create one big void.

One big, empty void.

"I cry every night," I confessed, feeling the numbness that's connected with this general topic creep over me in a disgustingly nefarious way. I was beginning to get used to it; the numbness. It was always there now and I was beginning to favor it over the pain…

"It was stupid of me to try it," I continued. "I knew what was going to happen, but yet that slight chance that what I knew was going to happen, might not was what drove me to do it. I was being optimistic. I should learn to not think optimistically when it comes to my feelings."

"Sango," she said; her voice was sweeter than anything I had grown to love. Would I lose her too, just because I needed her? Just because she was keeping me sane? Would fate continue to deal me bad cards?

"It's ok to cry," she said. I'd heard her say this many times before. Every time she did, tears would pour from my eyes. My eyes were permanently dyed red with tears. I bet I looked like a druggie.

"I don't want to cry anymore," I said weakly, tucking my chin behind my knees. I sat on the comfortable couch with my knees tucked up tight in front of me. This made me feel warm, to a certain extent. I had been feeling awfully cold lately.

"I don't usually do this, Sango… I don't usually offer my opinion. I try to steer clear from that, because I want you to move your life in the direction you want; not a direction fueled by my opinions."

What was she getting at?

"You love her, don't you?"

I nodded, too busy crying to even try to form words.

"She doesn't love you back."

Suddenly, the numbness was gone and the pain had returned. I forced myself to nod because Ayumi had a habit of repeating things if you took too long to respond. I didn't want to hear that again. Never again.

"She doesn't want to hang out with you anymore."

I nodded again, feeling the pain rip through me. It was too much. It hurt too much.

"Does this seem rational, Sango?" Ayumi asked me with her penetrating voice. "Should you cry every night over a girl who doesn't love you?"

"I don't want to give up."

"But you also don't want to cry anymore."

"You're confusing me," I said, suddenly standing. "Shut up."

She was silent, excluding her heavy sigh.

I was angry with her. She was trying to tell me to give Kagome up. I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. Never.

"I wish I could help you, Sango," she said as I pushed the door open. "I can't until you want to help yourself."

The door shut behind me.

Everything stayed back there in that physically comfortable room with Ayumi. The pain, the tears, the pathetic piece of shit that was in love with the girl who'd never love her back. Everything was back there in that mentally uncomfortable room. Nothing was left but the void- the void that filled with nothing but pain every time I thought of what would never be.

I headed out to my car and began to drive with no destination in mind. I was absently driving into the sun. I was miles and miles away from my car.

I ended up at a house and as I walked up the sidewalk, my eyes burned with more tears. I fought them away quickly before I got up the porch and to the door. The house was a fairly large house. It rivaled Kagura's in size even.

I rang the doorbell just once, still miles and miles away from where I physically was. I waited for a short moment before I heard a muffled voice ask who it was.

"Sango," I said loudly; absently.

The door eased open and I looked up to see dark eyes and a confused look. The girl smiled pleasantly before tucking her long black hair behind one of her ears. Her skin was insanely pale, but attractive that way.

"Oh, are you here to see Asuka?" Kocho asked as I stood there. She suddenly looked a bit uneasy.

"Yeah, is she in?" I asked the twin.

"Of course," Kocho said before thinking about something for a while. "Come in please."

I tore my eyes away from her lips and entered the house. Asuka had fuller lips. I could see the difference easily as if I'd known them all my life.

"Well she's in her room," Kocho said before flopping down onto the couch. "Last room to the right once you go down the hall on the second floor." I already knew where her room was, but it wouldn't hurt for Kocho to think that I'd never been in there before.

"Thanks," I mumbled before heading towards the stairs.

"Oh, wait… Sango," she said awkwardly.

I looked up into the girl's ridiculously black eyes. I cocked an eyebrow and she chuckled nervously.

"Are you Asuka's girlfriend?" she asked with her full attention on me.

I bit my lip, pondering. Why would she ask me this question? Wouldn't Asuka have told her sister whether or not she was dating someone? Why leave something like that unanswered?

I shrugged, not really thinking that the relationship I had with Asuka was one of romantic commitment. Especially not since I realized I was in love with Kagome. That would be selfish of me. Turning away, I headed up the steps once again further from my body. What was Asuka to me anyways? I knew she was a friend; that was a given. Was she a friend with benefits? Hadn't we done date-like things multiple times? Would that mean we were dating?

Without knocking, I pushed the door open and stepped into her room. Asuka lay on the queen-sized bed reading a book. She looked up when she saw me enter and surprise lit her face. She was happy to see me and seeing that made my terrible mood lessen. At least Asuka wanted me around. At least Asuka didn't hate me.

"Sango," she said, trying to mask her excitement.

"Yo," I said, kicking off my checkered black and white, slip-on Vans. I took a seat on the edge of her bed and sighed. "How are you?" I asked and she gave a slight smile.

"Bored," she said immediately before frowning. "You don't look so well… How are you fairing?"

I blushed before falling backwards and rolling onto my side. I looked up into her deep brown eyes and was immediately drawn in.

"Alright I guess… I finally found something that therapy can't cure," I mumbled wryly.

She didn't reply but looked out across her room. My eyes went to her lips that were fuller than her sister's before taking in the look of her reddened eyes. Had she been crying?

"How are you fairing?" I asked her and she looked surprised once more. She blushed and looked away with a strange expression.

"How did you know?" she asked before flopping backwards herself.

"Well it's either you're upset about something and have been crying, or you really like smoking pot. I doubt you've been doing drugs, so I figured it's something emotional. So quit trying to figure me out and tell me about what's giving you anguish."

She bit her lip before speaking.

"I've done a terrible thing, Sango," she said lightly before continuing. "I… Well… Can you go first?"

"Ah, well I don't really feel like giving you all of the details, but I seriously fucked up the single thing that made my life brighter. I ruined a relationship that I won't possibly ever get back," I said before sighing and shutting my eyes.

"You love her," Asuka whispered and my eyes flew open. I turned my head to look at the girl lying beside me; when did she figure me out? How did she figure me out? Was it even possible with the way I had been keeping her out; the way I'd been keeping her at bay?

"How did you?..." I left the question hanging, afraid to ask it.

"Oh come on Sango. As if I wouldn't notice by the way you talk about her and how much you talk about her," she muttered and tears filled her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I apologized quickly, startled by her sudden tears. Who would've known she was crying about me…

"You didn't have to… hang out with me so much if you only wanted to be with her."

"But I wanted to hang out with you too. You're a friend of mine and I don't have many friends. Why would I not want to hang out with you?"

"Because you have Kagome; you're always thinking about her and wishing you could be with her every time you're with me. What's the point of our friendship when you're just thinking about when you can finally ditch me and be with her? What was the point of those kisses? Why did you put me through that?" she stared hard at me with her ridiculously deep eyes. The tears pouring out of them didn't distract me much. If she had been luckier, I wouldn't have been such a critical person. I could see there was something else bothering her instantaneously.

"The point of our friendship is so we can both have someone to talk to and connect with," I said without a waver in my voice. "Those kisses were kisses of appreciation and because I just felt like kissing you. I didn't mean to use you that way and I assumed we were in a mutual relationship."

She flinched at the last part and blushed.

"Are you going to explain yourself to me?" I asked her with my hand coming to rest gently on her cheek.

"I'm in love too Sango," she mumbled, her tears only getting redder. "I can't possibly tell her because the chances of her feeling the same way about me are about 1 in a million. I'm just having a hard time giving her up because I don't want to."

I sighed, feeling a sense of terrible déjà vu. She was in the same situation I was.

"You do realize… that we're both going through the same thing in a way."

She nodded, her face contorting with serious tears. Her lips trembled as her frown deepened and I felt absolutely terrible not only for my situation, but hers as well. She was in so much pain… but at least she could still hold onto hope. That was something she had and I didn't; well something she could have. She chose to not have hope and with my own situation as support, she probably would never have it.

I reached out and with one arm cradled her to me. She broke down into hysterical sobs and I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't someone who had to often comfort people. In fact, I really had never comforted anyone except Kohaku and he ended up as angry and as bitter as me.

Asuka calmed down eventually but didn't pull away. Her breathing had calmed down and evened out exceptionally, but I couldn't tell if she was sleeping. I didn't feel like moving so I just stayed there. A knock on the door startled Asuka, however, and she jumped in my arms. I guess she wasn't sleeping.

"Come in," she called, her voice still thick with tears. Her face was still pressed against my neck and I craned my head to see Kocho step in. She looked at the two of us with a blush and her eyes met mine briefly.

"Can I talk to Asuka?" the other twin requested. Did she want me to leave?

Asuka sat up, grabbing my hand. I glanced at her shortly from the corner of my eye before looking back up at Kocho. They were acting quite strange for sisters.

"Alone," the other girl said trying hard to hide her irritation.

"Whatever you need to say to me can be said in front of Sango," Asuka muttered with steely eyes. I cocked an eyebrow at this; were they arguing? Or maybe they were always like this? I licked my lips a bit before sighing.

"This obviously has nothing to do with me," I pulled away from Asuka who was obviously hesitant to let me go. I stood up and she looked anguished. I leaned down and kissed her gently. Her lips were terribly soft and I pulled away enjoying the insane blush on her cheeks.

"I'll be downstairs. I was hoping we could go out tonight; so when you're done come tell me, or whatever, if you can hang out."

Asuka nodded with her cheeks still red and Kocho only stared at me. I could see the hatred blazing in her eyes. What the fuck had I done to her? …Well, except for having sex with her and never getting back in contact. That was so long ago though; that shouldn't still matter. I could see the jealousy in her eyes too. What was that all about? What was this chick's issue?

I made my way downstairs and made myself comfortable on the couch trying to think of what Asuka and I could do. I did happen to bring along my camera. Perhaps she'd like to model for me a little. I wouldn't mind having some pictures of her either. As I glanced around the living room, I fought hard to keep Kagome off my thoughts. I couldn't though. I wondered about where she was and what she was doing. I wondered if she was smiling, or laughing…

She probably was, now that I was out of her life.

My chest ached and I sighed. This was never going to get any easier, was it? I'd always feel this way. I'd always hurt this way.

My phone ringing saved me from a very dark place.

"Yo," I answered it, thankful for the distraction.

"Hey babe," it was InuYasha. I smiled a little; he was such a loser.

"Hey bitch; what's up?"

"Nothing much; I just wanted to check on you and make sure you're alright."

I blushed and bit my lip. He was the first one I went running to after I got home with Kagome that afternoon. I was a pathetic heap in his arms. He didn't try to flirt with me, or kiss me, or anything. He just held me and gave me the support I needed. I was so happy to have him and I still am. I would've been gone and drunk off my ass had it not been for him and his support.

"I'm feeling a little better… I'm really glad you called. I almost hit low again."

"Oh… I'm glad I called too, then. You know you can call me anytime. I'll even turn off my Xbox and give you my undivided attention."

I chuckled at his joke.

"And here I was thinking you'd say something cool like, 'I'll even answer when I'm with a chick' or in your case, touching yourself."

"Sango, that is not cool," he laughed and I laughed too. "But really. You can come over whenever, but make sure I'm home."

"Ok 'Yash. Thanks," I shut my eyes and laid my head back. "God, I'm so sore."

"It's probably the depression," he said softly.

I blushed, feeling embarrassed. He knew pretty much everything about me and it was a bit unnerving. I didn't like having someone know things that they could use to hurt me, but I trusted him. He'd never hurt me; at least I didn't think. Him knowing about my depression was embarrassing though. I wish I didn't have to go to him every time I broke down or felt as if I wanted to die. I wish I could be strong enough to pull myself up.

"Did it hurt this bad when I told you I couldn't be with you?" I asked him, but as soon as the words had left my mouth, I regretted them. Would he be angry about my question?

"You know… I had already accepted the fact that I probably had no chance. Not with what happened with Miroku and with your attention elsewhere. I still gave it a go though, 'cause I really wanted you that badly. When I realized things weren't gonna work out, I figured I could be the best friend you needed instead of bitching about not getting what I want. I'll move on, Sango and I know you will too. But know that I do love you and if things just don't work out for you I'm always here. Fuck, years from now, I'll even get a divorce from whoever I end up with to be with you," he chuckled as he finished.

"You…" I wanted to tell him he hadn't answered the question, but I figured he'd done that on purpose. Perhaps it had been painful for him too. I hate to think I caused anyone that kind of pain, but if he didn't want to share it with me that was his business. He usually had good reasons for the things he did. I admired his strength; if only I could be like him. If only I had his strength…

"You're a loser, 'Yash," I finished fondly.

"I try Sango. I try," he said before sighing. "Hey, when are we gonna hang out again? Maybe I can give your sore muscles a little rub down."

He said this in a suggestive way and I felt my face heat up with a blush. I laughed at the thought of him waggling his eyebrows the way he did when saying things as such. I didn't know what I'd do without him.

Go get wasted, my mind answered me.

"I'd actually like a massage," I replied, trying to bury that thought in the back of my head.

"Sounds like a plan," he hummed. "When can I do you…? I mean, when can I do that for you?"

"You're such a penis," I said laughing. "Maybe tonight if I have time."

"That sounds good," he replied and I agreed. InuYasha had such nice hands. I could almost imagine the feel of them coaxing my muscles into agreement.

I turned my head to the sound of someone descending the steps and it was Asuka.

"Well I'll call you later. Quit being such a loser and stop playing Halo, ok?"

"Alright Sango. Maybe I'll go buy some oils for your massage," he laughed. "See you tonight."

And again, I laughed at his playful flirting. "Later."

I stood as Asuka approached me and she mumbled, "Can we go somewhere?"

I cocked an eyebrow at her and she just shook her head. She kept her eyes cast away from me.

"Sure, anywhere you want to go in particular?"

"No," she replied, clutched her book tightly to her chest.

Thanks for reading; Please review,
Enigmatic Ethereality