A/N: Erm, here's an update. I guess it's a little better than the last chapter, which must've been quite the horrible chapter because I got like 3 reviews. haha, ohh, but I'm not here to complain. I've been busy and stuff and haven't had much time to write. I really don't know what to do with FMII; I want to finish it, but I don't have time and I keep getting sick and stuff. :/ ugh, anyways. Here's chapter 17; Sango and Asuka a lot here, but I ASSURE you this will end a Sango and Kagome. This whole section here is a bit of a side story, but that's to make it more realistic. People come and go from your life, ya know? Well, at least in mine...

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or anything else mentioned in this story; duh. XD
Rated: Mature For crude language, sexual references, and mature situations.

CHAPTER 17

Asuka was quiet as we walked together silently through the wooded area of the state park. I wondered exactly what she and her sister had talked about. What could've possibly put her in a worse mood than before?

I stopped to take a seat and she did the same, using the trunk of a tree as a support. Sitting against it, she set her book in her lap before looking up at me.

"What happened?" I finally dared to ask and she blushed and looked away. Her pale cheeks were filled with a rosy red in an instant.

"She… She likes you."

My eyes widened at this. You're kidding me right? The girl who had been giving me evil glares the whole time I'd been there? No way.

"Asuka… that doesn't make sense."

"I know," she sighed and I scooted closer to her. "She doesn't really like you. It was more along the lines of she thinks you're hot and she wants to 'hook up' with you."

"Oh," I said not really having any other words. "Well, you know I won't do that."

"I know," she muttered.

"Then what's bothering you?"

"Don't worry about it."

I let it be. She wasn't in the mood for sharing; nothing I could say would possibly persuade her to change her mind. I knew exactly how it felt to have someone pestering me about sharing my feelings and all that shit. I'd never be that annoying. I sat quietly, taking in our surroundings. No matter how many times I came to this park, I'd never been able to overcome its beauty.

"I really like it here," I said, turning on my camera. Asuka's tired eyes were glued to my SRL. The dark screen reflected the bursts of light which were peeking through the leaves of the tree in an phantasmagoric way, fading and glowing—ebb and flow.

"You like photography?" she asked, still gazing at my camera.

"Yeah," I said shrugging. "Helps me collect my thoughts. What about you? What do you do when you want time to think or just be alone?"

"I read," she answered softly, looking down at her book. She opened it up carefully and I took a quick snapshot. Asuka looked startled after the whir and snap of the inner workings of the camera's shutter, but didn't complain about me taking a picture of her. I supposed she didn't mind.

"What are you reading now?" I asked, noticing she held a black book without any writing on the cover.

"It's poetry," she replied shyly. Good God, she was cute.

"Is it any particular poet?" I asked as her eyes lifted from the text cautiously.

"No, a lot of different poets are featured here," she looked back down quickly and I smiled lightly. This girl didn't deserve to hurt.

I busied myself taking pictures around the area; some of Asuka, some not. If she happened to be in the picture, then she was. She made a great model though. Asuka's dark eyes never left her book despite how much I was moving around. She was absolutely concentrated, as if she were in another world.

I took my time to examine ever line and curve of her face. Asuka was pretty in a subtle sort of way. Others would say she was average if they didn't look deeper. I appreciated the soft pale skin of her face and her generously curved lips. Her eyes were as dark as her hair in the shade and the tilt of her nose was also something appreciable.

I took a seat beside her after I felt I had had my fill with taking pictures of the light that trickled through the natural sieve of the leaves. Glancing at Asuka, I looked down at her book to see she was reading a poem of Robert Frost's. He happened to be a poet I was familiar with. I read over her shoulder for a few short moments. I'd never really ever have the patience to read poetry for pleasure and I admired that in Asuka. She was fun to be around when she needed to be—outgoing and brave—but when she was alone… When she was alone, she was absolutely intriguing. Dark, mysterious, intelligent… Who wouldn't want her and why?

Soon bored with reading over her shoulder I shut my eyes to relax. The sound of Asuka's calm and constant breathing was soothing; as was the rustle of the leaves in the trees. Various bird calls filled the air and a few animals could be heard in the treetops. What I focused on most was the sound of Asuka flipping the pages in her book every now and then. She was such an avid reader. I counted each page she flipped. 1… 2…. 3…….. 4… 5. I then heard her book close and she sighed.

She didn't move for a long moment, so I cracked my eyes open to find her gazing at me with interest. I cocked an eyebrow upwards and she blushed and shrugged her shoulders.

"You have amazing eyes, Sango. They're really pretty," she said. I felt an awkward smirk claim my lips at the compliment. I received that compliment a lot from people who dared to approach me and attempt making conversation. Apparently green was a very rare color or something; or maybe I just looked good with green eyes. Whatever it was, it was a common compliment for me. I knew though, for a fact, that my eyes weren't always green... It was just most of the time. I wondered if people wanted to compliment me when they were a shade of brown or hazel...

"Thanks," I said before looking down at my arms, covered in arm warmers despite the fact that spring was almost ending. "Are you ready to go?"

She smiled and nodded, changing gears considerably. Where did this smile come from? Was it from the lines and words of her book? Did reading really make her that happy?

"Ok then," I said getting up and offering her my hand. I helped her up and we headed towards the car. The ride back to her house was silent and she looked out of the window the whole time. Once we got to her home, I walked her up her steps like I usually did. I smiled at her.

"See you later," I said giving a small wave despite the close proximity.

"Wait, Sango," she said, stopping me at the start of my retreat. I cocked my eyebrow upwards in response and she blushed.

"What are we? I mean… are we dating or…? Are we girlfriends?" she was blushing madly and I struggled with the answer. I shrugged before realizing what she might not be thinking.

"Asuka… You know about how I feel about Kagome and," I swallowed hard, feeling my throat dry at the thought of Kagome. I had been doing so well, when it came to not thinking about her…

"I know Sango," she frowned for a moment. "But, I mean, I feel the same way, just like that, about someone else," she finished. Her hand immediately moved to tuck some hair behind her ear.

"So, are you saying we should date still? Like… oh, I don't know," I huffed. This was confusing. I didn't understand what she wanted. It didn't make sense. Why date someone when you're heart's not in it.

But you do care about her, my mind argued.

She nodded her response slowly; hesitantly. Was this a move to keep me from her sister? Did she not trust I wouldn't go to Kocho?

"Well, ok then, if you want to," I said, shrugging. A smile tugged on her lips, but she fought it down and I was curious to this.

"Only if you want to, Sango. This is about you too," she relayed to me and I nodded, understanding perfectly now. A distraction was what she thought we both needed, and I agreed that she was absolutely right. Her dark eyes flashed understanding at me for a brief moment.

"Yeah, I want to. It sounds like a great idea actually, now that I've thought about it," I said and she smiled. I smiled back, happy to see the smile on her face.

"Ok then, Sango. Goodnight and I'll see you later," this time, she was the one to give me a small wave.

Rolling my eyes at her timid move I leant forward and laid a big kiss on her lips. She kissed back slightly before I pulled away and winked at her.

"Goodnight, Asuka," I said as I retreated, knowing that she was smiling and knowing that I had been the one to put that smile where it belonged.

I left the house feeling a lot better than when I had gotten there. I drove very slowly, for once, towards InuYasha's apartment. I wondered how he got along, living alone the way he did. His parents are both dead, like mine, but he didn't have a Kagura. He had no one, but he lived well that way. He'd always had no one; that's just the way it was for him.

Knocking on the door, I checked the time. He'd be home, right?

"Hey Sango!" he answered the door enthusiastically with a wide smile. He was happy to see me and I was happy to see him. Our relationship was strange, I'll admit to that, but we fit each other just right.

"Yo," I said smirking as I walked in. His apartment was warm, like usual. He always kept it at a comfortably warm temperature.

"So are you ready for your massage? I was just about to start warming the oils; you should take a shower first."

I cocked an eyebrow at him and he cocked one right back. His golden eyes twinkled mischievously. He offered me a handsome smirk. I loved when he had his hair pulled back.

"Really Sango; it'll loosen your muscles. Go take a shower and I'll get everything ready in my room."

"If you say so," I shrugged. Heading into the bathroom in his room, I made sure that all of my jewelry and money was tucked safely in one of the pockets on my cargo pants, and then stripped bare. I checked the shower for body wash and shampoo before turning on the water and finding a warm and pleasant temperature.

I was absolutely relieved when I finally turned on the shower and felt the water raining down on me. It was definitely a soothing thing and was glad InuYasha suggested it.

I sighed, suddenly feeling very heavy as random thoughts came to me. What was I getting into with Asuka? It was a terrible idea! I understood where the idea came from, but whether or not I thought that it was something reasonable enough to go through with was another thing. I loved Kagome—I always would; so why was I trying to hide from reality?

Because hiding from reality is always more enjoyable than accepting it, I argued with myself.

I agreed with that whole heartedly. Hiding was, in fact, more enjoyable. Asuka was more enjoyable than being alone. She was so warm and so real and if that didn't satisfy me, I didn't know what would. I mean, there was always InuYasha, but I supposed I did rather Asuka because she wouldn't expect me to get over Kagome and offer my whole heart. Asuka wouldn't be too upset when I finally called things off either; I wouldn't lose her. I couldn't possibly risk that with InuYasha.

The thought of how her lips felt against mine when I kissed her was encouraging as well. She was an excellent kisser and I liked kissing her. I liked kissing InuYasha too… I hadn't in a long while. I probably wouldn't in another long while, but that was ok. The memory of his hot, demanding lips against mine was enough to keep me sane.

Parallel to that was the thought of Kagome's soft, still lips which was enough drive me mad. The feeling of her lips not moving against mine. The astonishment on her face. The terror in her eyes. Her pulling away…

I tilted my head upwards in an attempt to wash my thoughts clear and wash the sudden tears away. It hurt so badly to be rejected by her and the worst thing was that she refused to even talk to me. I sighed for the trillionth time. Would I always hurt this way? I hoped not.

I turned off the water and jumped out of the shower as I grabbed a towel from the cabinet. Drying myself off I sighed and wiped a small spot of white fog off of the mirror. I only got a glance of my bloodshot eyes before the spot quickly fogged over again. I bit my lip and tried to dry my hair a little before wrapping the towel around me and gathering my things. I turned off the light and pushed the door open.

InuYasha sat on his bed watching TV. My eyes instantly fell to his bare chest. Why had he taken off his shirt anyways?

"You won't believe what happened!" he started laughing as he realized I was in the room. "The fucking oil exploded all over the place. It probably ruined my shirt for good."

The look on his face and the tone of his voice made me sputter with laughter.

"No shit?" I laughed and he shook his head, laughing as well.

"I burned my hand. I shouldn't have put it in the microwave. I totally forgot it was in there."

"What a loser," I laughed as he stood.

"Lucky for you, I bought two bottles and the other is warming properly. I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable," he said patting his bed before standing and leaving the room. I did just as he said, lying on his bed. I made sure the towel was covering me properly before he came back. I'd never thought I'd ever be in his bed, naked, but here I was. I did know that I could have him massage me with my clothes on, but I preferred it this way. Shutting my eyes, I sighed tiredly. I had been feeling more and more exhausted with each passing day.

He returned moments later and I felt the bed shift with his added weight. He tentatively touched my shoulders.

"Are my hands too cold?" he asked, gently laying his palms against my skin. They were warm, just like him. Just like his home… just like his heart. I kept my eyes closed and answered him slowly.

"No; they're perfect." I could just imagine his blush at this, his warm cheeks. I could imagine his warm smile.

I then realized why I liked InuYasha so much and why I enjoyed being around him. Everything that had something to do with him reminded me of being warm. He was warm. Such a change in what I usually described my life as; empty, cold, frigid.

"Good," he replied after a long moment. When his hands met my back they were even warmer and a calming scent hit my nose. His fingers were firm and demanding as they pressed against my sore muscles. His hands slid across my shoulders expertly and I wondered what he thought of my scars. This would be the first time he's seeing them.

He didn't say anything as he pulled down my towel to my lower back and began kneading my tender flesh. His hands left my back again only to return warm bringing more of the calming scent back to my nose. As great as his strong hands felt on my back, I would've preferred him to continue on my shoulders, which were aching the most. His hands left me again and I cracked my eyes open to watch him get up off the bed with the bottle in tow.

"I'm just going to go warm the oil a little more; I'm almost done. Why don't you find something to put on? I think you left some clothes here last time."

I was glad he said that as he left the room. I got up and slipped on some undergarments I was lucky enough to have left here. InuYasha was feeling uncomfortable with me naked and since I had no more reason to be, I gladly decided to put some clothes on. Besides, I didn't want him getting the wrong idea. Putting my short sleeved shirt back on I found some shorts of InuYasha's and put those on too. He wouldn't mind me borrowing them.

He came back and smiled at me softly.

"Lie back down; this time on your back, though," he ordered and I did just that, shutting my eyes once more. I heard him rub his hands together; no doubt to distribute the oil, and then he touched my arm. He then gently worked his way from upper arm to lower arm. When he hesitated once he got past my elbow a little I cracked my eyes open. He knelt, staring at my arm and I knew what his eyes had met.

His eyes cut to mine and he looked a little hurt; near tears even, and this made me feel bad. I didn't know what was going through his head at the moment, but I could see that he was questioning me. He was wondering why I cut; he was wondering why I wouldn't let him help. I bit my lip and looked away from him, slightly ashamed of the fresh incisions on my wrists. It was only the day before when I had cut…

"Sango," he said gently trailing his fingers along the length of the side of my arm, steering clear of the lacerations. "Have you been smoking?"

I opened my mouth, but then I had nothing to say. I wasn't prepared for that question. Why was he asking? My eyebrows furrowed deeply and he sighed before looking up and across the room. There was a small window in the wall that he must've been gazing through.

"I don't smoke 'Yash," I said softly, as not to startle him.

"So… Do you have pink eye or something?"

Oh. That's what he was concerned about. My eyes were red, still… I was still a little embarrassed. My eyes began to water once more.

"I've been crying a lot," I said wryly before shutting my eyes.

"Oh," he replied and I imagined the blood flushing his cheeks once more. "I just didn't want you to start doing drugs again. Sorry."

"It's ok. Good to know you're concerned. I'll be fine eventually," but as I said this, I realized I didn't sound too sure of myself.

"Please don't cut anymore," his fingers were on my arm again and I flinched at the contact. He sighed and stood up. My eyes traced the defined muscles of his chest before sweeping over his toned stomach. I sighed, before speaking.

"I'm sorry InuYasha. I know I'm making this hard on you."

"This isn't about me," he said and when his eyes met mine I was startled by the intensity of them. The deep amber was burning with seriousness. "This is about you Sango. This is about what you're doing to yourself."

"InuYasha, stop. Please," I said, sitting up. "It's hard, ok? I'm not as strong as I seem. I'm inches away from the edge. I'm trying, ok?"

"You're not trying hard enough," he huffed, taking a seat next to me. "Do you see all of these cuts on your arms? Do you see how badly you're hurting yourself? One day, you'll cut too deep whether it be on accident or on purpose, and then I'll lose you completely."

I looked up to look him in the eye.

"You don't know how much you mean to me, Sango," he mumbled before leaning forward. He didn't kiss me like I was expecting him to. He merely pressed his nose into the crook of my neck and rested his cheek against my collar bone. "I can't lose any more of you."

My eyes started burning again with more tears. You'd think there were no more to cry, but I was proven wrong as a big fat tear splashed down my cheek. InuYasha wrapped his arms around me and the warmth of his bare skin brought fire into my veins. I didn't want to let him down; no, not ever again.

"I'm sorry 'Yash," I said pulling him closer to me with my arms, if that was even possible. "I'll try not to."

"I know," he murmured against my skin. "I'm happy you want to take care of yourself. I'm happy that you want to be happy…"

I tried not to think too hard about what he said when I left later that night. InuYasha was too good for me. He deserved someone better. He deserved someone whose heart was still intact. He didn't need to put my heart back together; he didn't need broken pieces. He needed and deserved someone who was capable of loving him.

As I turned into my driveway, I thought about what Ayumi had asked me before I decided to ask Kagome to come with me to the skating rink. She had asked me which did I trust more? Which would I rather follow; my heart, or my mind? I didn't answer her out loud, but I did follow my heart. I realized that that was a mistake. I should've trusted my mind, because hearts break.

I learned later that night that minds were breakable too.

Thanks for reading, and please reivew
(good or bad, I'm open to hear about what you liked and what you didn't like. for srs. XP),
Enigmatic Ethereality