Ch 27: Inner Demons

Kirk and Spock lay next to each other in sick bay; Spock lay unconscious on the medical bed while Kirk lay on a mobile gurney, eyes wide open. Standing between the two of them was Spock Prime, his warm, wrinkled hands resting on the two young men's foreheads. He stared at the rest of the crew who stood before him, including Chapel who had volunteered to help when they entered sick bay. Her assistance was greatly welcomed, as the more help they had fueling the ceremony, the more likely its success would be.

In a deep, foreboding voice, he announced, "I will now perform the ceremony." Softening his voice, he turned his head to Kirk and said, "Please close your eyes and clear your mind." Nervously, Kirk nodded and closed his eyes, keeping his mind as free of thoughts as he could. Raising his voice, Prime said, "Everyone will need to put their full focus on Spock and Kirk. Since this ceremony is normally performed with many more in attendance, I will need you all to lay a hand on either Spock or Kirk to allow your feelings to flow directly into them."

Prime waited as everyone moved either to one side or the other. Uhura stood in the center, placing her hands on both Kirk and Spock. Uhura held the surprisingly warm hand of Spock in her right hand and the almost equally warm hand of Kirk in her left. Kirk's other free hand was held tightly by McCoy while Chapel clasped both her hands on Spock's. She had never met the Vulcan prior to his arrival to sick bay, but with all she had heard about him, she desperately hoped that he would pull through. She did her best to focus these feelings into the Vulcan as she clutched his hand in hers.

Satisfied that everyone was making some sort of physical contact with the two men Prime carefully positioned his fingers on the faces of both Kirk and Spock and closed his eyes. He instantly felt their comrades' emotions flow into his fingers when they hit the proper positions on their faces. He allowed himself a smile as he felt the warmth of their love, respect, and concern flow into him. Forming a link with Kirk's mind, he pulled both himself and Kirk into Spock's mind.

The world around them swirled madly as they entered Spock's mind. Colors and images sped past them at unimaginable speeds, and then there was only darkness. They opened their eyes and found themselves completely surrounded by an inky blackness. If it weren't for the fact that he had seen so many colors whirl past him moments before, he would have believed he was simply looking at the back of his eyelids. He looked around him to see if Spock was anywhere to be found, but saw nothing but black.

Somewhere in the distance came a blood-curdling scream. Kirk's heart dropped into the pit of his stomach as he recognized the scream as Spock's. Not waiting for Prime to give the go ahead, he bolted in the direction of the scream. Prime struggled to keep up with the worried youth, but his age slowed him down greatly. Kirk cupped his hands around his mouth as he ran and screamed, "SPOOOOOCK! WHERE ARE YOOOOU?"

Kirk heard his voice echo for what seemed like an eternity before he heard another scream. Lungs burning, he continued to run, adrenaline sending him flying even faster through the strange world around him. Finally he saw Spock in the distance, but wasn't entirely sure that what he was seeing was real. Dark tendrils suspended Spock high above the ground and stretched his arms and legs away from his body. Below him stood someone who Kirk couldn't recognize from afar, but looked distinctly human. Wrapped around his hand was another dark tendril that he used to whip the suspended Vulcan's body. Kirk found it strange that he was able to discern the tendrils from the darkness around him, but quickly dismissed this thought when he saw the condition Spock was in. Dark green blood oozed from broken, exposed flesh; his uniform had been slashed to ribbons from the relentless whip.

As he watched, the attacker took careful aim and whipped the tendril across Spock's forehead. He cackled madly as the whip retracted. "Hahaha! Bullseye! Let's see if I can whip that logical brain right out of your skull, Spock!" The moment he heard the voice, he knew exactly who the attacker was.

Another burst of adrenaline pumped through his veins, sending him charging at Spock's attacker at a speed he never before thought was possible. Kirk bent down low and launched himself at the attacker's abdomen, sending him flying into the ground with a loud thud. He pulled himself over the man and straddled him, fist balled up and ready to strike. Just before he could beat the snot out of him, Kirk recognized the face of the attacker and froze. The man's facial features were just different enough to make it where he couldn't be recognized from afar, but now that he was close enough to really take a good look at him, he saw Spock's face.

"Spock…" Kirk whispered. The imposter raised a fist and swung at Kirk's head, knocking him off of him. Kirk rolled on the floor and held the side of his head where the fist had connected. He was glad that the body he currently occupied was only a physical representation of his mental presence in Spock's mind, because he could tell that he'd have a rather large, tender lump on his head otherwise. He barely had time to gather himself when a foot flew into his side.

Crumpled on the floor and clutching his side, which now felt as though he had a couple cracked ribs, the enraged man screamed at him, "I am NOT Spock! My name is GABRIEL!"Kirk would have muttered an explicative had Gabriel not kicked him again, this time in his stomach. The wind in his lungs rushed out as he wrapped his arms around his stomach. Gabriel was about to land another blow on the unfortunate captain when he was thrown backwards into the darkness.

Spock Prime stood with his palm held straight out, fury ignited in his normally kind, elderly eyes. He said nothing and didn't need to; his power spoke for itself. Keeping his palm extended toward the troublesome personality, Prime approached Kirk. Though Gabriel was sprawled on the ground, Prime didn't trust his strength enough to take his eyes off of him. Without breaking eye contact with Gabriel, he asked, "Are you alright?"

Kirk struggled to pick himself up off the ground. He had been in plenty of fights before, but he had never felt anyone inflict that amount of pain on him before. After finally rising back up onto his feet, he said, "Yeah, I'm alright. That was nothing." Prime cut an eye at the swaying captain, but said nothing. He was used to the headstrong bravado of Captain James T. Kirk that prevailed so long as he could stand on his own two feet.

His eyes still on Gabriel, Prime said, "I need you to stand directly underneath Spock. I am going to release him from his bonds. Do not worry about Gabriel, he will not move." Kirk gave a worried look at Prime before standing directly beneath Spock's body. As soon as he was in position with his arms held out to catch him, Prime undid the dark bonds that held him in place using his free hand. Kirk's heart stopped as he saw Spock's body fall down toward him. To his relief, Spock landed safely in his arms, but the force of his limp body sent Kirk tumbling down to the ground as well.

Repositioning himself into a sitting position, he examined the wounded Vulcan in his arms. Spock's face was pale, much paler than usual. His eyes were closed and his breathing ragged. Kirk gently shook the Vulcan. "Spock! Spock, are you alright?" Spock's eyes clenched then fluttered open. Staring back at him were the familiar crystal blue eyes and brilliant white teeth of his beloved captain. He raised a blood covered hand and touched his face.

"Jim," he said, barely able to say his name. "Is it really you?"

A relieved laugh unexpectedly escaped Kirk's parted lips. Fighting the tears that sprung to his eyes, he nodded. "Yeah, it's me." He pulled the Vulcan close and hugged him as tightly as he dared. Though very weak, Spock managed to wrap his arms around Kirk and hug him back, ignoring the pain from his wounded body, but letting out a slight groan despite his best efforts. Kirk pulled away from Spock and looked at him. "What the hell did he do to you?"

His breath still labored, Spock said, "Before…he held me captive…would not even let me see…what it was he was doing. The sedative…allowed me to regain control…but not for long. When I lost control again…he bound me…and began whipping me. He was attempting…to break my spirit. Make me lose hope…so he could wipe me out. My Vulcan half still lives…but I do not think…he can help…"

"I do not think that is necessarily true." Prime approached the two with a young, battered Vulcan boy standing beside him. "He had been hiding deep within your subconscious, Spock. However, he has come out of hiding to help you."

"Hiding?" Kirk said, speaking up for the weakened Spock. The young Vulcan winced at Kirk's harsh tone of voice. "Why the hell have you been hiding when Gabriel's been wrecking havoc? How could you just step back and let him do all those horrible things, not only to you, but to everyone else too? How could you allow yourself to be such a coward?!?"

"Jim," Prime said, his voice calm but stern. Kirk swiftly shut his mouth, recognizing the tone and knowing it was time for him to shut up and listen. "The boy you see here is not only the Vulcan half of Spock, but is a younger version of Spock. He did not confront Gabriel because he was frightened. And from what I have seen him do, I cannot say I blame him."

"Speaking of which, where is he?" Kirk asked, looking around.

"I still have him restrained," Prime said, earning a surprised look from Kirk. "Gabriel may be violent and full of fury, but he is no match for a trained, experienced Vulcan mind."

Kirk gave Prime a smirk and said, "Why Prime, if I'm hearing right, it sounds to me like you're gloating!" Prime smiled lightly at Kirk. "You forget Jim, I am half-Vulcan. Even as only half a Vulcan, I have no need to 'gloat'. I merely observed the difference in our skill sets and stated a fact." Then Prime did something that Kirk would have died to have a picture of: he winked.

Getting back onto his feet, Kirk lifted both himself and Spock off of the floor. Spock held on tightly as the young captain wobbled unsteadily. Kirk looked at Spock and asked, "Do you think you can stand?" Spock nodded and said, "Yes, I believe I can. However, I will most likely need assistance with walking. I regret that I am such a burden…"

"Hush," Kirk whispered as he lowered Spock to his feet carefully. The Vulcan was able to stand on his own two feet, but as soon as Kirk began walking, he found himself holding on tightly. Kirk smiled sadly and wrapped his arm around Spock's side, holding him as they walked together. The four of them walked over to where Gabriel stood frozen in place. The only part of his body that Prime left him in control of was his face, which was twisted into an angry sneer.

His deep voice echoing as it rumbled from his throat, Prime asked, "Why do you refuse to allow yourself to be merged into one with Spock?" Gabriel spat his reply, "Why do you allow your Vulcan half to dominate over you? I see no reason why I should allow myself to be pushed aside as some regrettable, undesirable part of Spock! I want a chance to live just as freely as he does! I didn't ask to be born a half-breed! I've spent my entire life being told I was unwanted, that I was an unfortunate accident, and that my mother was a whore who seduced a Vulcan into her bed and had the gall to give birth to his son! Do you have any idea how that feels? Do you know how miserable that's made me? And then, instead of embracing me and appreciating his mother for giving him life, he let her die!"

"That's not true!" Spock screamed, surprising Kirk. It was amazing that he was able to scream when he had so little energy in his body. "I loved my mother! If I could have I would have given my own life to save hers! I would rather be dead than living my life without her!"

"And what good would that do you?" came an unexpected voice. The four versions of Spock all looked in silent shock as they recognized the voice. Unfortunately, Kirk wasn't privy to who the voice belonged to. He looked around frantically to see who it was who spoke when he saw a slender woman walking toward him. She was radiant, the air around her shining brightly as she walked toward the group of men. Her smile matched the luminous gown of white she wore; brilliantly white to contrast against the darkness. Kirk actually had to shield his eyes from the woman who glowed brightly as she came closer.

She stopped directly in front of Kirk and Spock and reached out her hands to her wounded son. In a soft voice, she said, "We've already discussed the benefit of you staying alive, dear, even if it was at my expense." Spock released his hold on Kirk and all but fell into his mother's arms. She held him tightly, still smiling her radiant smile. As she held him, the wounds closed up and healed on his body. The fresh and dried blood dissolved off of him; even the tears and rips in his uniform mended. When she released him, he felt a surge of energy flow through him. It was as if he had been reborn, just by embracing his mother.

She turned her attention to Kirk, who stood awkwardly behind Spock, completely at a lost for how he should react to suddenly meeting Spock's mother, especially under such unique circumstances. Her eyes twinkled mischievously as she stared straight into the blue eyes that reflected the light around her. She couldn't help but giggle at how nervous he was at the sight of her. She placed a hand on his shoulder and stated, "So. This is the man who stole my darling son's heart. You really are handsome. I can see how he fell for you as hard as he did."

Kirk's face turned beet red. He wasn't sure if it was because she had called him handsome or because she somehow knew about him and Spock. Again she giggled, her laugh like a wind chime caught in a soft breeze. "Don't be so nervous. I regret that we meet under such circumstances, but I am pleased to see you go to such great lengths to help my son. I could not have picked a better soul mate for him if I had the chance."

"Uh, thank you ma'am," Kirk said, ducking his head down to hide his flushed face. Giving an extremely lopsided grin, he said, "I see now where Spock gets some of his looks…" She laughed wholeheartedly and kissed him gently on the cheek, causing his face to turn nearly purple in embarrassment. Oddly enough, with just the touch on his shoulder and the kiss on his cheek, he felt the pain in his head, stomach, and ribs disappear. "Oh Spock, you've got yourself a keeper! Handsome and knows how to flatter your mother! Make sure you hold on to him for dear life, he'll take care of you as long as he lives."

Amanda turned to the younger version of her son and smiled, kneeling down and holding her arms out for a hug. At first, he hesitated, unsure if he should approach her. After all, it had been he who had denied Spock of the love and affection he wanted so badly to give his entire life. She motioned with her hands for him to come closer, saying "It's okay Spock. I'm not angry with you. I understand why you've acted the way you have toward me, and its okay. I lived with Vulcans a very long time and I know how they feel about humans. It couldn't have been easy for you to have a human mother and a Vulcan father, but I still love you very much. Won't you please come here and hug me?"

The young Vulcan's normally stoic face finally began to crumble with emotion. He launched himself at his mother and held her tightly, sobbing softly into her shoulder. She held him close and rocked him gently, stroking his hair and shushing him. "There, there, it's alright honey. Let it out. Let it all out." As the tears rolled down the boy's face, the bruises miraculously healed. He felt the aches and pains slowly fade away from his body as if they never existed.

When he had healed completely, Amanda pulled away and wiped the tears from his soft, round cheeks. Still smiling, she said, "There. Don't you feel so much better now?" The little Vulcan nodded, and in a strained voice, he flushed a light green and hiccupped, "I love you mother." She leaned forward and rubbed her nose against her son's button nose, eliciting the smallest of smiles from him lips. "I love you too, darling."

"How?" Gabriel cried. "How can you love such an uncaring, stoic freak of nature?!?" Amanda raised her head and looked at the man who looked just like her son, but somewhat different. Her motherly eyes knew exactly who it was she saw. She was surprised to see him, but did not show it externally. Instead she stood up and strode over to him. Gabriel would have fidgeted, but Prime still held him still, allowing only his head to move freely. She approached and did not smile, but gazed at him as though it had been years since she had seen him. She pressed a hand against his face and stared deeply into his eyes. As Gabriel stared back at his mother, he saw tears begin to form in the corners of her eyes. Her lips finally curved into a smile as she laughed. "Gabriel…"

The hold Prime had on Gabriel's body was released as she spoke her son's name. Any and all traces of malice immediately vanished from Gabriel's face as his mother recognized him. Now free, he wrapped his arms around his mother and hugged her tightly, his tears soaking into her dress. Between sobs, he said, "Mother…you recognize me…you really recognize me…" Her voice shaky, Amanda said, "Of course I do Gabriel. Whether you're in human form or Vulcan, I'll always recognize my son…"

She held her son tightly and let him cry, rubbing his back and letting her own tears fall from her closed eyes. There they stood, silent save for Gabriel's sobs and the occasional sniffle from Amanda. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally parted. Amanda wiped the tears from Gabriel's stubbly cheeks; he then returned the favor and wiped away the tears from hers.

"You have so much anger and resentment inside of you Gabriel," she said quietly. "It isn't necessary. Regardless of the fact that you would have existed as your own individual person had I married a human man, you are still very important. You are the reason Spock is able to truly love and to feel as deeply as he does. You are his heart. He isn't whole without you."

She stepped back and made her way to Prime. She looked at the old Vulcan before her, intrigued by the vibe she picked up from him. "You are my son, yet you are also not my son," she said in a rather enigmatic way. "You are not from our timeline, are you?"

"Indeed I am not," Prime said, marveling at his mother's insight. Not a word had left his lips since she had arrived, yet she knew the truth about him. "I am indeed your son, but I come from an alternate universe. A universe where the planet Vulcan was not destroyed and where you lived a much longer life than you did here. I am deeply sorry for all the trouble my actions have caused."

She smiled that sweet smile completely devoid of hatred and gently cradled her son's face with her hands. He closed his eyes and remembered the mother from his own time holding his face just as she did. He opened his eyes again and gazed into the loving eyes he had not seen in so long. "I will tell you as I have told the son of my timeline. Do not blame yourself for what has happened. I regret nothing, and neither should you." She pulled his head down and kissed his forehead. It was a weird sensation, seeing her son so old, but it gave her hope for the future.

Removing her hands from Prime's face, she turned to face the three different sides of Spock: his Vulcan side, his human side, and the side that modeled what he could be if they all combined. "Separately, you are incomplete, but together you are whole. You each have your strengths and your weaknesses, as well as your own strong desire to exist. It isn't possibly for you to exist separately, but you could co-exist in harmony if you simply allowed yourselves to work together. Listen to the voices of your friends."

The three sides of Spock lifted their heads and strained to listen. At first they heard nothing, but the longer they listened, the clearer the voices became.

First came Sulu's voice: Pull yourself together, Spock. You gotta get through this…

Next was Chekhov's voice: Meester Spock, please come back to us. We don't want to lose you…

An unfamiliar female voice called to him: Mr. Spock. You don't know me, but I've heard so many things about you. You can't give up now. Please give me a chance to find out if everything I've heard about you is true…

Scotty spoke next: Come on Spock, ye kin do this! Ye're tha strongest man ah know!

McCoy grumbled: Dammit Spock, I can't have you dying on me. Jim will never be the same if he loses you…

And finally, Uhura's voice rang through: Spock, please. We all want you back to your old self again.

Kirk decided to put his two cents in as well. "Spock, Gabriel, I told you both that I love every part of you, and I meant it. But I can't bear to see you two being separated. I want the man I love to be whole again." Turning to Prime, Kirk silently urged him to say something. In a voice that spoke wisdom beyond their years, Prime said, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. You will do great things if you combine together. Put your own selfish desires aside and become one, as you were destined to be."

The young Spock and Gabriel looked at each other then looked at Spock. There was still hesitation in their eyes, but they knew it was time for them to put aside their differences. They nodded at Spock, who nodded back in turn. He opened his arms wide and closed his eyes. The young Spock walked forward first. Before integrating with Spock, he said, "I do this for the many great things that we can accomplish together." He embraced Spock and bright light shone between them. When the light faded, the young Vulcan was gone.

Gabriel moved to where the young Vulcan had just stood and stared at his mother, and then stared at Kirk. With a warm smile, he said, "I do this for the mother I lost, and for the man I love." Staring straight at Spock, he closed his eyes and embraced him. Bright light shone once more, only this time bigger and brighter than before. Everyone but Amanda closed their eyes as the light blinded them. When Prime and Kirk opened their eyes, no longer were they surrounded by darkness. However, they weren't surrounded by a blinding whiteness either. Instead, they were surrounded by the home Spock had lived in on Vulcan.

Spock opened his eyes and looked around him. He was relieved to find there was more than just a monochromatic shade of black or white around him. He smiled brightly, and said, "I feel whole again." Kirk flung himself at Spock and lifted him off the ground, spinning around in a circle. Spock allowed himself to laugh openly as Kirk yelled, "Yes! You're back! You're really back! You're finally you again!" He lowered the Vulcan and promptly kissed him fully on the lips.

It wasn't until Prime cleared his throat that Kirk broke the kiss, his face flushing bright red again. However, he was not the only one to blush this time. Spock's face turned a dark green as he realized that he had allowed himself to react so emotionally in front of his mother. The two separated and mumbled together, "Sorry about that," "You have my apologies…"

Giggling, his mother went up to them both and hugged them tightly. "When are you two going to learn that you shouldn't apologize for your feelings?" She kissed them both on the cheek and released them. Stepping back, she said, "I'm glad you've finally become the person you were meant to be Spock. It's now time for me to go."

The happiness on his face washed away. "Go? Does that mean you're not coming back?" She smiled one last time and said, "Of course I'll be back dear. But now that things are as they should be, I don't have to be in a rush. Enjoy your time with those you love who live dear. I'll always be there with you while you are awake, and I can always see you when you sleep." With these parting words, she slowly faded away once more, leaving the two Spocks and Kirk alone in Spock's subconscious.

Prime turned to the two youths and said, "I do believe we have also overstayed our welcome in Spock's subconscious gentlemen. Shall we return to the waking world and share the good news with everyone else?" Kirk and Spock looked at each other and smiled. Grasping each other's hands, they nodded in agreement.

They gathered closely together and closed their eyes. They felt themselves be pulled backwards up and out of Spock's subconscious. Spock opened his eyes first, then Kirk, and then Prime. Everyone around them opened their eyes as well and began to cheer excitedly. Kirk and Spock sat up slowly, only to be bombarded with words, tears, and hugs.

"Oh my God you're okay!" "Yes! You guys did it!" "Jesus, you had us scared for a bit there!" "Sláva bógu! The Ceepten and Meester Spock are alright!" "Spock, it's you! It's really you!" "Ye two never cease ta thrill an' amaze meh!"

Though very weary and somewhat overwhelmed from their reception so soon after awaking, both Kirk and Spock smiled at their friends. Sulu noticed the smile on Spock's face and pointed. "Look! He's smiling! He's smiling, and it doesn't look creepy! He's back to normal!" The cheers grew louder until a voice called from the corner of the room.

"Hey, can you guys keep it down? Some of us are trying to recover in here…"

"Azrael!" McCoy exclaimed, pushing past everyone and rushing to his side. He looked at the still wounded lieutenant's vitals and grinned wildly. "Your vitals are stable!" he turned to the others and cheered, "He's going to recover!"

The lieutenant winced from the loud cheers that came from the other side of the room. In a raspy voice, he said, "Not that I don't appreciate your enthusiasm, but I've got a splitting headache, so could you either cheer quieter or take it somewhere else please?" They looked at each other with wide spread grins and lowered their voices.

"We'll set something up in the recreation room for you guys later," Sulu said. "Get some rest in the meantime, alright?" Still smiling, Kirk and Spock nodded. Giving either a friendly wave or a tight squeeze of the hand, the remaining commanding officers left. Before Chapel left though, she said to Doctor McCoy, "When you get a chance Doctor, would you meet me in my quarters?" Surprised by her request, McCoy simply nodded in shock. Smiling softly, she left the room.

Prime turned to Kirk and Spock and said, "I will also take my leave to allow you time to rest. What you two accomplished warrants you a great deal of downtime." Kirk and Spock both nodded and lay back on their beds. Satisfied that the two were going to rest, Prime also left the room.

When McCoy was done examining Azrael's status, he walked over to where Kirk and Spock lay. The two had quickly taken Prime's advice and had fallen fast asleep, their hands joined together in the space between them. Sighing and shaking his head, he lifted their hands and pushed Kirk's gurney closer to Spock's medical bed, lowering their hands once their beds touched. Smirking, he left the two to sleep side by side.