Inside the Series: Zombie Powder

I don't own Zombie Powder, and we know this because if I did, it would have my style to it and it would be finished. And, no, my style doesn't necessarily mean it would be funny. Here is Balmunk Part I

Balmunk (because his full name is very long and hard to spell [haha, i said long and hard]) is a mystic. He is also a criminal, but I think he could kick David Blaine and Criss Angel's asses at the same time. Here is an encounter with him. He was at a general store during the time he tried to run for mayor of Alcantara, and when Charles was disguised as a cashier, our cameras were rolling

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"Hello!" Balmunk said excitedly. "Comment allez-vous, monsieur?"

"Je vais bien," said Charles. "Look, we speak English here. It's company policy."

"Mais j'aime parler Francais!"

"ENGLISH, muthafucka, speak it!"

"Are you allowed to curse at the patrons of your store like that?"

"No. So, Mr. Balmunk, right?"

"Yes."

"Mystic Mysticism is the shit."

"Khorosho. Glad you enjoy."

"Okay, let's see what you have here. Light bulbs, milk, oatmeal, bread, ramen, lasagna, a picture frame, thumbtacks, ink, Easy Mac, TV dinners, lotion, toilet paper, matches, Hustler, rubber gloves, soap, pomade, apple juice, baby oil, diapers, nails, Street Fighter Anthology, a bow tie, and vodka. That's twenty-five items, Mr. Balmunk. This is the Twelve or Less lane."

"So?"

"So either put thirteen items back or go to a regular checkout line, magic boy."

"You do know that I can kill you and make everyone who sees forget you exist."

"No, Mr. Balmunk, no one will ever forget Charles Tolle! And every word we have exchanged has been recorded! So let's run this new ad!"

kghghkhgt!

Baragne Binoix Bartoreuil Balmunk. A-0 level criminal. High school graduate. Breakdancer. Former plumber. Takes twenty-five items into the Twelve or Less lane. Circus performer. Did not fight in the war.

('I was seven months old when it started, there's no way I could have fought,' Balmunk said)

Do you want a man like this as your mayor? Not in a poor town like Alcantara. Vote Akutabi Gamma if you know what's good for you. Compiled by Charles Tolle for the sake of embarrassing a celebrity.

kghghkhgt!

"Don't vote Balmunk in 2009!" Charles screamed as he wrestled with Balmunk's two headed cobra.

I hope you enjoyed this one. I think the next one will be fun.