A/N: Trigger warning! Sorry for not updating quickly. Also, if you see any arrows surrounding a word or sentence ( or ), it's supposed to be italics. I must have missed it during the editing process.
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Chapter 2
I walked down the hallways of Barden High. It was the first day of 10th grade, or sophomore year. For some reason the first week starts on Thursday. I wasn't excited, I was dreading this day. Not because I don't like education. I get decent grades, never gotten below a C. I get along with teachers. I just really don't like people. With the exception of a few.
Wearing a green plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up and grey skinny jeans, I walked to the commons to get my schedule. I was stopped by some overly excited blonde. Chill.
"Last name and assigned hall?"She asked, still too excited for this time of morning.
"Uhm Mitchell, and Baker Hall I think." She pointed where to find the item I was searching for.
"Your home hall is where you will go in case of a fire or shooting or anything along those lines." I nodded and quickly left. How annoying.
I got my schedule and headed to my first class. Math. Brilliant. I scanned the numbers on the classrooms looking for my destination. I still had time to look without being in a rush, but being early isn't a crime. Before I could find the class I got a text message.
Chloe: Hey, where are ya?! :) I rolled my eyes and smiled to myself. I could practically feel the excitement in the text.
Beca: Looking for math with a Mr. Marrone? I sent the text and immediately received a reply.
Chloe: That's my first hour too! I'll meet you there. ;)
After about another minute of searching, I finally found the class. Why the fuck is this school so big? I walked in a immediately spotted Chloe. She squealed and ran toward me, engulfing me in a bear hug that rendered me breathless.
"Shit, hey Chlo." The teacher, who I assumed was Mr. Morrone, spoke up.
"No cussing please." I rolled my eyes.
"Whatever, buddy." I openly sassed him. Like no one in highschool cusses. Students in the classroom were staring at us, probably because we were still hugging, but I could care less. None of our peers really understand our relationship- the really bubbly, popular redhead and the short, brooding alt girl.
"Becs! I missed you soo much. I was suffering from Beca deprivation. It was awful." The redhead pouted and grabbed my hand, not letting go. While she was talking about how much she missed me (we saw each other literally yesterday), she was dragging me to the back of the room where her stuff was. I sat in the spot next to hers, and class started shortly after. It was boring, and the teacher thought he was some kind if comedian, much like all teachers. Don't quit your day job, dude. Or do, I could care less. Class ended and Chloe and I exited the class, hand in hand.
"I'll see you later Becs! Wanna hang after school?" I gave Chloe a nod and let go of her hand.
"See you then, Chlo."
After Math, I had art class with Mr. Weeble. What the hell is a 'Weeble'? Upon entering the class, I spotted a familiar face. Well... back? His back was facing me so I wasn't 100% sure it was him. I walked toward the person, and sure enough it was who I thought it was.
"Hey Jesse." I sat across from him and offered a half-smile. Jesse had a crush on me for the longest time, but that was before I came out. He's gotten over me by now. I think? Sometimes I'm pretty sure I catch him checking me out.
"Becawww! I can't believe it's you!" Why? He held out his hand, and I assumed it was for our handshake. Yeah, I have a lame handshake with Jesse Swanson. We slapped our palms together and pulled backwards until our hands almost lost contact, and then hooked our fingers and shook. Simple, yeah?
"Hey Jesse, how've you been?" I didn't actually care, and I know Jesse knew that, but he still gave me a fully detailed list of all the things he had done over the summer. I wasn't really listening but I heard a few snippets.
Before Jesse could finish, a man who I assumed was my teacher walked in.
"Hello students!" The man raised his hands in the air, arms outstretched. "My name is Mr. Weeble. Now, I know all of you kids are probably exaughsted since you're sleeping schedules are messed up. Hell, I'm tired too. So I was thinking, how about a nap?"
Some of the students laughed while others stayed silent. I was amongst the silent bunch. This guy is a joke.
"Kidding, I'd get fired if I let you sleep. At least I think so? Anyways, let's get started. Today we're just gonna draw a scene from our summer. Here are the utensils." He pointed to a table with a wide array of tools, pencils, paints, and even crayons. There were different colors and sizes of paper too. "Now get started!"
People got up and got their stuff, and got to work. Most of the students were using bright colors, which I thought was lame. Are we in kindergarten? Once everyone seemed to have settled, including Jesse, I walked up to the table. I quickly grabbed a set of Faber Castle pencils and a small piece of paper, and returned to my spot across from Jesse.
When class was almost over, Mr. Weeble told us to finish up and put his stuff back. I looked down at my work and smiled. I do this thing where I just black out and let my hand do the work. It's rewarding most of the time, just like now. I had drawn out a rough sketch of Chloe and I at the ice cream parlor downtown. For a rough outline, it was really good. I'll give this to her later. When I was about to tuck it away, I heard someone talking to me.
"Beca, right?" Mr. Weeble was behind me with his arms crossed. I simply nodded without looking at him. "That's really good. I can already tell you're one of the better artists at this school." He pointed to Jesse. "That kid is okay, but not nearly as good as you."
"Hey! Not cool." Jesse pouted and Mr. Weeble and I laughed. The teacher left after that. Maybe this dude isn't so bad.
I put my work and utensils away and the bell rang. Walking out of class with Jesse, we went our separate ways once we hit the halls. I glanced at my schedule again and sighed. I have PE next.
.
Gathered in the gym, around 40 students are all talking quietly until the teachers walk in. One is a dude and one is a chick. I don't know anyone in my gym class. It's full of athletic kids, which is just fantastic. That means I'll have to try or I'll piss them all off. Not that I care, it's just annoying to hear them mutter things about me.
The female teacher gave all the girls their locker numbers and uniforms and we all head to the locker room. The uniforms are short sleeved. Fuckkkk. I change into them and sigh at all the pink and white scars that are now visible. I try to cover them, but it doesn't work. The girl next to me notices them and whispers something to the girl next to her. I give them a glare and turn to leave the locker room. None of your fucking business, bitch. When I turn the corner I hear her speak.
"Freak." I turn the corner again to see the girl looking at me with her arms crossed.
"Excuse me?" I raised an eyebrow and gave her another glare.
"You heard me." Other girls are starting to look. I read the name scrawled on her shirt with neat handwriting. Ryan West. I'm already pissed by now, so I grab the front of her uniform and slam her into her locker door, effectively closing it.
"No, I don't think I did hear you, Ryan." I lean my face close to hers and she looks fairly uncomfortable. Her eyes dart left and right and she sees all of the other girls have gathered around. That seems to give her confidence.
"How'd you know my name, dyke? Do you have a crush on me or something?" Ryan smiles smugly. Some girls laugh probably thinking that had pissed me off, but I laugh right along with them.
"I read your fucking shirt, dumbass. And do I have a crush on you? No. Will I physically crush you? Yes." With that I brought my left fist back to sate my anger but right when I was about to punch her lights out, someone grabbed my fist and pulled me off of Ryan. What the fuck! I yanked my arm away from the mystery person and turned to see a tall, leggy brunette who was holding her hands up in a surrender.
"Sorry... I.. It's just not worth it. She's just some bitch who wants attention. Let's just go to the gym, okay?" She seemed nice, and she just saved me from a world of trouble. I looked back at Ryan, who was wide-eyed and still looking at me. I smiled at her.
"You should probably apologize or we'll have to finish this another time." I took a step toward her, and she audibly gulped.
"I.. I'm sorry."
"I know you are. Also, thank this girl here for saving your pretty little face, and I'll be on my way." Ryan glared at her 'savior' and whispered a thanks. With that, I left the locker room, the brunette girl behind me.
In actual gym class we played basketball, which is cool. The class was split into small teams. I was on a team with the brunette that saved Ryan, who told me her name was Stacie. She was actually really flirtatious. There were a few times she would wink at me or even slap my ass when I scored a point. She obviously swings both ways. I went along with it and threw a few winks and smirks myself. After gym Stacie gave me her number (actually took my phone and texted herself from it) and told me to call her. I just smiled and nodded, even though I wasn't going to call her, like ever. Maybe a few texts now and then.
Ryan had changed her locker's location in the short time we were in the gym. Punk.
.
The rest of the school day was boring and nothing eventful happened. No other classes with Chloe, Stacie, or Jesse. I didn't have lunch with them either so I just ate by myself. I was walking out of school now, walking toward my car. It was a black Nissan 350z that my grandma had gotten me as a birthday present. I love Gram, but I never get to see her since she and my father have an awful relationship.
When I neared my car I saw that Chloe was leaning against it, books clutched in hand. She's got books already? Chloe would wait at my car every day after school last year, so I guess it'll be a thing this year too. She doesn't even have a car yet. As I got closer I saw that her eyes were closed. I snuck up to her and dropped my backpack on the ground, which made a loud clap on impact.
Chloe's eyes flew open and she nearly dropped her books. Upon seeing what caused the racquet, she calmed.
"Hey Becs!" She said excitedly. I nodded at her.
"Chlo." Once again, she threw her arms around my shoulders and squeezed. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder. We stayed like this for a few moments. People probably think we're dating because of these hugs and the way we interact. Not that that bothers me.
We pulled away from the hug and I unlocked the doors. "Where to?" She shrugged and I followed her to the passenger side and opened the door for her. I always open doors for her, no exceptions.
Once I was in the car too, we strapped in and I drove out of the school parking lot.
"I was thinking we could have a sleepover at your place. I don't have homework, and if you do I'll just do it for you." I just nod and make a left turn towards Chloe's street. "Why did you turn here? I said we should go to your house." She says.
"What? Were you planning on sleeping naked?" She laughs, remembering that she needs clothes.
"And what if I was?" I smile and shake my head. Really Chlo? I pull into her driveway and park my car. Her parents aren't home yet, so I go inside. It's not that her parents don't like me, it's just I'm pretty sure they don't. They're nice to me, but I dunno. I can sense that they aren't too find of me.
Chloe unlocks the front door and we immediately head up the stairs into her room. She set down her bag and sat on the bed.
"Ya know, your bag isn't gonna pack itself, Red." When she made no effort of getting up, I walked over to her dresser and opened the third drawer. I shuffled through it and grabbed her favorite t-shirt, which was plain white and about four sizes too big for her. I closed that drawer and opened her top drawer, grabbing her a sports bra and some fresh underwear. Next, I opened the bottom drawer and snatched up a pair of shorts. With the collected items, I walked to her closet and grabbed her Nike drawstring bag. I put all the stuff in it and turned to Chloe, who was on her back in the middle of her bed staring at the ceiling.
"What's wrong?" I crawled on her bed and layed next to her. She was silent for a moment but then she spoke.
"I heard about what happened in your gym class today. Some girl at my lunch table was talking about it." I put my arms behind my head and she snuggled into my side.
"And?" I had honestly forgotten about the whole thing.
"She was saying that you tried punching some Ryan girl because she accidently stepped on your shoe." I scoffed. "I didn't believe it since you can usually control your anger, but I want to hear what happened from you."
"That's what they were saying. What the actual fuck." Chloe sat up and looked at me.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought it up. I'll get an outfit packed for tomorrow so we can go." I grabbed her hand and pulled her back. She landed beside me.
"No, it's okay Chloe. That's just not what happened, like, at all." I sighed and let go of her arm and allowed her to sit up.
"Oh.. Well what happened?"
"You know how the uniforms are short sleeved, right?" She nodded, knowing where this was going. "Yeah, well that bitch Ryan saw my scars and started whispering some shit to a girl beside her. I ignored it but when I turned the corner she called me a freak. I thought I misheard her, or I wanted to have misheard her, but I didn't. I slammed her into her locker, she called me a dyke, next thing you know I'm about to clean her clock until Stacie stops me." I scratched my stomach and smiled. "You shoulda seen the look on that bitches face. I made her apologize to me and thank Stacie for saving her ass."
"Huh.. I'm sorry Becs. I can murder Ryan for you?" She smiles and I laugh.
"You couldn't hurt a fly, Red." We both know it's true too.
"You underestimate me! I'll have you know that I've hurt, and even killed a good amount of flies!" I roll my eyes, still smiling.
"Whatever Chloe. Now get ready. I wanna go home." She does just that, and when she's done I grab her school bag while she carries her bag of clothes.
Once we get outside she locks the door and we get in the car. Of course, I opened the door for her.
"So you met Stacie?" Chloe's playing with her fingers.
"Yeah, do you know her?" I ask.
"Not personally, but I hear that she'll flirt with anything that moves.." I chuckle at that.
"Yeah, she's a handful." I look at Chloe who is aggressively picking at her nails. I stop her movements with my left hand and intertwine our fingers.
"Do you like her?" She sounds upset.
"No? Chlo I just met her. She gave me her number and all but.. I don't think she's my type." Chloe relaxes.
"Good. I was jealous." I chuckle again.
"Why? We're not even dating." I immediately regret saying that. Chloe untangles our hands and out them in her lap.
"Yeah.. Sorry I have no right to be jealous."
"Don't worry red, I'd be jealous too if someone was flirting with my crush." I waggle my eyebrows and hold out my left hand again, hoping she'll hold it. Sure enough, she does, weaving her fingers into mine.
"I never said anything about having a crush on you.." She's blushing now.
"Mmkay Red." I smirk and back out of her driveway, driving to my house.
.
"You okay Becs?" I snap out of my daze and nod.
"Sorry." I mutter. We're in my room watching Netflix on my laptop. My dad isn't home yet, which isn't a surprise. I'm not really interested in whatever we're watching so I guess I dazed off. Chloe nods and cuddles back into my side.
I stopped paying attention again, this time actually thinking about something. If Chloe had heard a completely different story about the Ryan incident, that means rumors are circulating. On the first day. Great job Beca. Day one and you already fucked up. Fantastic. You're such an idiot. As I got deeper into thought, I got angrier at myself. Why can't you stay out of trouble? You're such a piece of shit!
Chloe must have noticed a change in my heart rate because she sat up. "You sure you're okay?" I nod without looking at her and she nods too, but I know she doesn't believe me. After a moment she grabs her bag of the foot of the bed. "I'm gonna change in your bathroom." She gets up, but I stop her.
"Don't worry about it, stay in here. I have too pee." She gives me a worried look but I give her a smile and she seems to relax.
I walk into the bathroom and lock the door. I immediately open my one of my cabinets and shuffle through it. C'mon, where are you. It takes a few moments of searching, but I finally rest my hand on the small silver box.
I pull the box out and open it, revealing it's treasure. I almost smile. Almost. I haven't done this in months... Rolling up my sleeve half-way, I stop to listen to what's going on in my room and hear Chloe laughing. Good, she's distracted. I roll my sleeve the rest of the way up. My double blade is pressed against my skin. Before I make a cut, my mind takes over. You promised Chloe. I shake my head and sigh. There's no turning back now.
I run the double blade across my skin. Months of stress and anger and frustration are instantly released, and I stare at the two slices in my skin as tiny dots of blood emerge. Oh, I missed this..
13 cuts later, my arm has blood running all the way down it. Once my euphoria high goes down, I realize that I must have been in here for a while. Shit. I quickly put my razor blade back in it's box, flush the empty toilet, wash my arm a bit, and spray Febreeze as an attempt to make Chloe think I was doing more than just peeing. I roll down my sleeve quickly.
I walk back into my room to find Chloe in her oversized t-shirt and shorts that I picked out. I quickly change into a black hoodie (covering my arm in the process) and basketball shorts, and climb back into bed, and she snuggles into my side for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.
"I missed you Becs, you were gone for like 10 minutes!"
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"It's okay.." She seems suspicious. "Are you okay now?"
"Yeah Chlo. Nothing was ever wrong." I yawned. "But I am tired so we should go to bed." I reached over Chloe and shut off the lamp that's on her side, and then lay down facing away from her.
"Night Becs." She wraps her arm around my waist and pulls me into her, which causes my sleeve to rub harshly along my wrist. I unfortunately let out a hiss which catches Chloe's attention. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
Chloe gets up and turns that lamp back on. "Beca. Get up." Fuck! She never calls me Beca.. I get up and look at her.
"Something wrong?" Might as well act like I don't know what's going on.
"Cut the crap Beca. I knew you were in that bathroom too long." She sighs and I scrunch my eyebrows.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Maybe my acting classes are paying off.
"Beca, roll up your sleeve." Maybe not. I shake my head. She's staring at me and I'm staring back. Suddenly, she darts forward and grabs my left bicep. I gulp and she looks back into my eyes. I look away. She slowly and carefully rolls up my sleeve and gasps. Angry red cuts contrast against my pale skin.
"Beca.. Baby, no.." She's crying. I'm not looking at her but I know she is. I bite my lip and hold back tears. When I do look at her, she's counting them. "Why? 28 at once?" Though I'm about to cry, I try to lighten the mood.
"Well technically there are only 14 since I only did 14 slices.." I offer a sad smirk but Chloe does not look amused.
"Beca there are 28 cuts here. You promised me you stopped. You promised that you'd never cut again. I love you, Becs! It kills me to see you hurting yourself!" That's when I break down.