A/N: Thanks so much for all of the well wishes and thoughtful PM's. I really do appreciate them. I feel like I should maybe put a trigger warning for this chapter. I'm not positive, but I don't want to assume so here it is. There is violence and light torture described in this chapter. Also this chapter is kinda long. Anyway, here you go.
"Hey, Janie! Come on over here for a second."
With a jocular eye-roll, Jane abandoned her half-eaten peanut butter and fluff sandwich and made her way over to her fellow colleague and friend, Detective Korsak.
"What did I tell you about calling me Janie, old man?"
He pretended to think for a second. "The same thing I told you and Frost about calling me old man?"
"Touché." They both laughed as Jane gave his arm a slight shove.
He wore an old suit with a faint coffee stain mark on it, but the huge smile on his face was probably more shocking than the petite young lady standing next to him.
"Rizzoli," he said instead, bringing her attention to the woman who looked on with an amused smile. "This is Amanda Carter."
Jane gave the woman's hand a brief shake while she gripped her sketch pad in the other. "Hey."
"Hi. It's nice to meet you. I hear you're the best sketch artist in the northeast."
She could only grin, blushing slightly. "You've been talking to my mother, haven't you?" Her smile remained as the woman returned it with a shrug, then slowly let go of her hand.
"She's here from Child Protective Services to sit in on the interview since the kid's a minor," explained the older gentleman as he gestured for both of them to follow him. They rounded the corner to a hallway and stopped before two doors.
Frost came charging out of one of the rooms with a defeated look on his face. "The kid won't talk to me. Maybe he'll open up to you," he said to Jane. "We know he saw the guy, we just need a description. ASAP."
With a firm nod, Jane opened the door wide to reveal a large room with a one-way mirror, allowing the social worker to enter first.
A sandy-haired boy glanced up from his coloring book for just a moment. His fingers stilled as both women sat on either side of him. "Tyler?" said the petite woman as Jane watched her smile at the boy, showing her beautiful white teeth as she put her hand on his shoulder. "My name is Amanda. I'm here to help you."
Jane silently sat and watched as the woman went over her responsibilities with the boy. She couldn't help but twist her pencil over and over in her hands. Although she had been working with BPD for a year, this was her first time working with a child. They were more fragile than pleading junkies trying to make a deal or innocent bystanders looking for a reward in return for their statement. This would also be the first case she worked that involved her being supervised by a social worker.
Said woman was now staring at Jane which prompted her to gulp and ask, "What?"
"I asked if you would like to introduce yourself."
"Oh, right." Locking eyes with the curious boy in front of her, she greeted him. "Hey, bud. I'm Jane…" When no response was forthcoming she quickly glanced down to his paper which was filled with the picture of a baseball field and stick figures with jerseys hanging off of them. "Sox or Yankees?"
The brunette woman across from her had tilted her head and Jane thought that maybe she had crossed some line that she was told about when she wasn't really paying attention. Just then she heard the boy huff out a disgusted sigh.
"The Red Sox! Duh." She smiled at him and before she could get one single word out, he went off on a tangent. "You like the Sox too, right? My mom used to say 'If you don't like the Sox then what are you doing in Boston?' Have you ever been to a game?"
"Actually, I-"
"My mom took me to one once and we had popcorn and hotdogs. I almost caught a foul ball, but I couldn't reach. Oh, and guess what?"
"What's that, Ty?" Looking back up to Amanda, she could see her tactic had worked. The woman looked completely awed being that she couldn't get the boy to say more than his name and this was her profession. Jane simply shrugged and looked back down to the rambling boy.
"That was very impressive."
Jane was a little startled by the sudden sound of a voice behind her as she stood at the coffee machine idly stirring her cup. She'd been thinking about how the interview with the kid had gone much smoother than she'd expected. Somehow she was able to use their mutual interest in baseball to gain his trust and somehow the boy was completely willing to give a rather detailed description of his mother's killer, as tough as it was for him to even think about it.
"Um, thanks. That was actually my first time working with a kid." She tried to hide her smile at the woman's look of disbelief as they both walked over to a table and sat down.
"I would never have guessed. You're a natural… Do you have any of your own?"
"Any of my own what?"
"Kids. Since you were so great with Tyler…"
Jane's eyes shot up and she quickly shook her head. "God, no… I mean, not like that I just… well, I'm only twenty-one. And there are… other factors."
The woman scoffed and rolled her eyes, "I'll have you know that some women have children as young as eighteen and get along just fine."
Jane's eyebrow shot up and she silently cursed herself for being so insensitive. "I'm sure they do. I didn't mean to imply otherwise. I mean, if you have kids that's great, I just…"
"Rizzoli," she interrupted, laughing, "I was only kidding. Calm down."
The Italian let out a harsh breath that turned into a chuckle. "You got me."
"Didn't think it would be that easy," mumbled Amanda as she took the first sip of her coffee. Her face immediately twisted into an unpleasant grimace.
"Oh… uh," Jane reached up to pull the woman's coffee away from her hands. "Probably should have warned you. Stanley wrings his dirty socks out in the coffee machine."
The woman wiped the foul liquid away from the corners of her mouth with a napkin. "How do you drink this every day?"
"I don't," Jane chuckled. "Usually, I run across the street to Larry's and pick something up. His brew is so worth the traitor status." She looked down to the vile cup of dark liquid in her grasp. "This is just something to keep my hands occupied."
"I'm sure your hands stay plenty occupied." Amanda chuckled as Jane's eyebrows practically merged with her hairline. Her face turned red and she cleared her throat. "I meant… with all the sketches you have to do…"
Jane stared for a moment more before closing her mouth and swallowing. "Right."
The woman shook her head and stood. Before long she was grabbing her purse and gesturing for Jane to stand as well. "Come on. You want good coffee you have to come to Mama Mocha's." When Jane just stared at her she rolled her eyes and said, "Don't you trust my taste."
Shifting in her seat, the artist said, "I don't know what you're tastes are. How can I trust it?"
"Well," Amanda said as she smirked and stood closer to the still seated woman, "I'm asking you to coffee… What does that tell you?"
Jane smiled fondly as she thought of that day. They had gone to the quaint little coffee shop and spent over an hour talking. They talked about everything from their overbearing mothers to how they both chose their careers. Jane was brought out of her reminiscent state by a gentle squeeze to her arm.
Looking over to the woman next to her gave her strength. Maura sat quietly through her entire play-by-play of how she and Amanda met and now instead of distancing herself, her eyes shone with encouragement.
"So then you started dating?" There was no malice in her voice as she soothingly rubbed her thumb back and forth over Jane's wrist.
"Yeah," she whispered. "Eventually we did. And it was going pretty good… I thought so anyway." The brunette looked down at her hands and began lightly tapping on the glass in her grip. She always felt self-conscious about her relationship with Amanda.
"It had to have gone well. You asked her to marry you after all."
Jane considered that statement quietly for a moment. Her relationship with Amanda was complicated. They had been really good friends at first. That quickly turned into friends with benefits. Truthfully, the idea of dating didn't even occur to either of them until Angela had assumed they were together and invited Amanda over for dinner one evening.
"I guess. I mean we dated for two years before I asked her to marry me. But it wasn't… I didn't feel…" Jane took a deep breath and avoided her girlfriend's confused gaze.
"Go on," Maura gently encouraged. The sound completely filled the brunette with warmth.
"Three months after we got engaged is when everything went downhill." Jane wiped her sweaty hands against her thighs one after the other. She could feel her entire body heat up. "One day, Amanda and I were supposed to have lunch to finalize some wedding plans. I was just about to walk out of the station when all of a sudden Frost comes running over to me completely out of breath.
"Apparently, a serial killer who targeted couples and was pending trial for nine murders was dying. He said he was willing to give up the names of the other six couples he had killed and hidden away."
"Charles Hoyt." Maura stated.
Just hearing his name gave her the creeps and she snapped her head over to Maura. She didn't want her to say his name. Lips so delicate didn't deserve to be smeared with such a revolting substance. Jane felt like just by discussing him in the same space as Maura Isles would somehow taint a perfect angel. He was supposed to stay in her past; not follow her to her future.
"Maura… maybe we shouldn't talk about this. Isn't it enough to know that despite what your ex-husband thinks, Hoyt is dead and can't hurt any of us?"
Without hesitation the blonde took both of their drinks, placing them on the table, before clasping Jane's hands and bringing them into her lap. She reached up with one hand to cradle Jane's cheek.
"Sweetheart," She brought her thumb down to the deep crease of the brunette's chin. Before she knew it, she had leaned in and delicately pressed her lips to the heated skin. Her body moved on its own accord as she scooted closer. She felt Jane's warm breath tickle her neck as she laid another soft kiss just under her eye.
Maura wrapped her hands around the back of her girlfriend's neck and resting their foreheads together. The woman could understand how tense talking about this made Jane. She could read her girlfriend so easily whenever she allowed herself to be vulnerable. She understood and all she wanted to do was be close to her.
Her hands crept up into dark curls, pulling and burrowing her body deeper into Jane. Their shaky breaths filled the silence before Maura finally pressed her lips to her lover's dry ones. She moved them slowly, careful not to deepen the kiss and send the wrong message. Maura's goal was to comfort her girlfriend. Give her courage and assure her that no matter what happened, she would always be there for her. Always.
Jane reached up to pull Maura closer. Her dry sob broke the kiss before she held on to the woman's sides along her rib cage and hid her face in a curtain of dark blonde hair. "Maur, I…" she whispered, "…Please."
"Sh..." The older woman wrapped her arms around Jane and cradled her against her chest. "I know you're afraid." She was pleasantly surprised when the brunette didn't object. Didn't move at all. "Jane." She said resolutely before kissing the top of the brunette's hair.
"I don't want to lose you." Too. The omission of that word rang loudly in both of their minds.
Maura closed her eyes and held on to her girlfriend sternly. "Oh Jane… you are the strongest, most caring person I have ever met. I would never, ever leave you. God, Jane you are…" She gently grabbed the woman's face pulling her up. "You are one of the three most precious things in my life and I would never, ever leave you. Do you understand that?"
Jane slowly nodded her head. She leaned against the couch heavily as she let out a hefty breath. Maura looked over at her with a small smile. She gingerly inclined closer and placed a soft kiss against Jane's cheek. Leaning back against her girlfriend, holding her hand she said, "There should be no secrets between us. You don't have to be afraid of me."
"I know…" Taking a cleansing breathe, Jane started again. "Okay, so… After that first session with Hoyt he quickly became obsessed with me. At first I indulged him. He kept asking personal questions; but I was willing to tell him anything as long as he kept giving me descriptions… but then things started to get to be too much."
The sound of steady scratching filled the interrogation room. Jane's eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. The prisoner watched as an agile left hand moved quickly over the page. He smirked when her fingers stilled and she glanced up at him.
"Tell me again about her lips," she said, her voice rasping from disuse.
He lightly tapped his finger against the table. Hand cuffs clanking against the metal. "Well, they were soft." When she just looked on seemingly unimpressed, he laughed and sat up. "You really want to know, Janie?"
The brunette rolled her eyes. He'd made a habit of calling her that even when she had told him over and over not to. "Yes. Hoyt. If I didn't want to know I wouldn't have asked." She was unusually snippy, but it really was a shitty day. Fighting with Amanda just before this session about the difference between egg-white and off-white didn't help in the slightest.
"You're feisty today, Jane. I like that." When she still didn't crack, his face morphed into a serious state. "Her lips are thin. Except for the bottom one; which makes for the best pouty face and the feel… like velvet. You'd know a thing about that. Wouldn't you Jane?"
"About what?" She grumbled out as she sketched away.
"Velvet lips…like Amanda's."
At that, Jane's head immediately shot up. She thought she had to have heard that wrong. "What did you say?"
A slow grin spread across his face. "Her breast though…are more like yours. Very firm."
"Wait a minute." She said slamming her sketch book down on the table and sitting up. "Who did you…what did you just say?"
"I said her breast are like-"
"No!" She abruptly shouted pointing an accusatory finger down into his face. "Don't screw around with me, Hoyt. You know exactly what the hell I'm talking about." Her aggression only spurred him on. He had finally found a way to get under Jane Rizzoli's skin and he was going to fester.
"Her lips are like your fiancé's. Amanda." He hissed.
Jane could feel her blood run cold and limbs freeze up from the cold. When he had spotted the ring on her finger a couple of days ago he hounded her about the identification of her other half. He'd tricked her into using the pronoun she. But Jane never told him her name.
"I never told you her name…how do you know her name?" She leaned down placing her hot palms on the table and leaning closer to him. The man only smiled up at her as she sneered down at him.
The thick, palpable tension in the room was broken a moment later when the brooding brunette slammed her hands forcefully down on to the metal table. The pain of the action shot up her wrist to her elbows but she couldn't have cared less. "How do you know her name?"
She got the exact opposite of a confession from Hoyt. His dissonant laughter filled the room and when he finally sobered and began to stand, Jane clenched her fist returning to her full height as well.
"Hmm…I see that our time is up."
Jane shook her head moving around the table nearer to him and grabbing the collar of his jump suit. "You don't go anywhere unless I say you do." She growled her words into his face while the grip on his shirt turned her hands a ghostly white.
"You're going to choke me in the police station?"
"I'll choke you out at heaven's door if you ever lay a hand," she shook him for good measure, "on my wife."
"Oh. No, no, no." He said equal parts amused and annoyed. "It's so much better slowly….to take your time. Like I'll do with Amanda."
"What!" She backed him up against the wall, but before she could lay one fist on his ugly face, she felt two arms around her shoulders, yanking her away. She fought against them until an officer escorted a smug Hoyt out of the interrogation room and back to his cell.
Jane stood there. Her breaths came in uneven huffs as her stomach churned in knots.
Frost, who she finally realized was holding her body up, helped her move over to a chair. She leaned down placing her hands in her hair. The brunette took deep breath after deep breath in hopes that it would expel the waves of nausea coursing through her.
She sensed Frost squatting down beside her prior to him even speaking. "Jane." When she didn't as much as look at him he sighed and tried again, "Look. Don't let that son of a bitch get under your skin."
"Why?" she suddenly sprang up right in her seat. "It's not like he's killed couples bef-…oh wait, he has!"
"Rizzoli," Korsak came around to face her. "Hoyt is dying of cancer…and even if he wasn't he couldn't get to you. He's in a maximum security prison." He placed his hand on her sagging shoulder. It was impossibly heavy and it seemed to weigh her entire body down.
"You're sure? I don't want my job to start putting Amanda's life in danger."
"And it won't." Frost spoke up.
"You're just taking a few sketches," Korsak assured her.
The woman sat back in her seat licking her dry lips. "Yeah. He's a psycho, right? What could go wrong?"
"But something did go wrong." Maura inquired. She had felt her heart race when Jane went on about her story. They sat in the same spot. Maura now cradling both of Jane's hands in her own.
Jane gave a short chuckle, lifting her hands up to show her scars. "What gave it away?"
Maura's face twisted into concerned horror. Sitting up a little, she sputtered. "I'm sorry, Jane. That was incredibly insensitive of me. I can't believe I-"
"Hey." Jane tried to calm the woman down by gently rubbing up and down her arm. "Baby, it's okay. I was… Maur," she said calmly grabbing her girlfriend's attention. "I was just joking."
"Forgive me if I don't find the thought of you in danger… funny."
"Bad joke, sorry."
"It's okay… Would you like some more water?"
Jane peered over to her empty glass that she had been sipping on intermittently throughout the hard conversation and shook her head no. She had to finish this now before she lost her nerve.
"We only had two more sessions after that and they were hell. He basically taunted me the entire time, asking me questions about the wedding… commenting about how attractive Amanda was. But I kept ignoring all of his crazy bullshit, hoping Korsak and Frost were right.
"Two weeks before the wedding we came home after the rehearsal dinner and noticed that the electricity was out. I swear we," Jane chuckled a little, "we argued for five minutes about who forgot to pay the damn power bill." She looked up to Maura to see a small smile cross her mouth. She allowed it to give her a little security. A little comfort until she delved deeper. She paused, returning her eyes to their intertwined fingers squeezing them.
Maura bit her lip. She desperately wanted to ask Jane to continue but she was torn. The torment that she could plainly see in the assistant's eyes…her entire being, made her want to console her as she got through it. But another part of her just wanted her to stop and allow her to kiss the pain away. She didn't have to choose, because just then Jane released a shaky breathe and looked straight ahead.
"We walked into the laundry room, where the breaker was, to see if, you know..."
"Anything tripped it?"
"Yeah. I opened it, but it looked fine, but then…all of a sudden I hear Amanda scream my name, but before I could even turn around I felt this," her hand searched out the back of her head and lightly massaged the spot.
"Jane."
The brunette shook her head and sniffled even though she wasn't crying. "I was out immediately. When I came to, I was in my bedroom. Sitting in a chair. It was dark still but I could see Amanda laying there on the bed and her wrist and feet were tied to the bed posts.
"She was passed out, but I could tell that she was still breathing. She h-had this awful, dark bruise on her cheek. She started groaning and it wasn't until I tried to get to her that I realized my wrists and ankles were tied to the chair. When I strained to get loose I heard his laugh."
"Hoyt." Maura stated tightening her grip.
"He came into the room and sat on the bed next to her and started…touching her. She wasn't completely responsive and later I found out that he had tazed her before tying her to the bed."
Jane raised her head. "He started to unzip her skirt and when I tried to get to him, screaming for him to stop, he actually did and…he gave me this look that just…" She couldn't think of a word to describe it. She could see how much he truly was enjoying the pain he was infliction on them. "He got up from the bed and walked over to me."
Jane swallowed loudly as she watched him stalk over to her. His steps were purposeful as he twirled the scalpel in his hand. When he came to a stop in front her, she locked her jaw and looked defiantly back up at him.
"Leave. Her. Alone."
He bent over her, making her lean back in her chair. Jane barely managed to not grimace at the fowl stench of his breath. "Oh, Janie. Don't worry. I won't kill her… rape her?" He yelled. "Maybe. But kill?" He shook his head peering harder at her as he dragged his scalpel against her shirt, cutting the top button. "It's you I want. I just," he cut the next button. "I want to feel your blood on my hands. I do."
The brunette reared her head back even more as the sharp, cool metal was pressed against her neck. She grunted, trying to hold back the tears as he applied more pressure to the scalpel, breaking skin and dragging it slightly across. Hoyt's eyes closed as he nuzzled into her neck and took a deep breath.
"Stop." Her voice was weaker than she planned. It broke over the one syllable word and she could hear the desperation in her voice.
Hoyt seemed to notice too as he pulled back smiling. "Such a tease." Reaching into his pocket, Jane watched as he revealed yet another scalpel. "You are my greatest opponent, Jane. You know that."
"Fuck you." She spat back at him; her fearlessness returning.
"No. Not me, Jane. However, Amanda…" The older man started to walk over to the bed and Jane started to panic. When he was hurting her it meant that he wasn't hurting Amanda. She thrashed, despite the pain to get his attention.
"Stop! Hoyt!" Surprisingly he came to a stop. He looked at Amanda who had let silent tears leak from her eyes as she watched her fiancé being goaded. He smiled down at her.
"You've been awfully quiet over here…"
She only pressed herself further into the bed tugging on the ropes on her wrists.
"I can change that. Don't worry."
Amanda closed her eyes in anticipation of his body weight against hers. However, when she didn't feel it, she opened her eyes to see the man standing yet again in front of her fiancé.
"Jane. Would you mind holding these for me?" He said holding up both scalpels.
Her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. The brunette's mind raced to think of what he meant but she didn't get too far. Hot-white heat emanated from her hand and through her entire body. At first she didn't recognize her own screaming. And then she realized it wasn't her screaming at all. It was Amanda. Even though her head was thrown back, mouth gaping open, no sound escaped it.
Her entire body seized up until she felt the second scalpel slice through the nerves and tendons of her other hand, pinning them both down to the armrests of the chair. Jane's entire being shuddered with the force of her lungs sucking in a deep breath, only to violently expel it in a gut-wrenching howl. Almost immediately, Jane could feel herself giving in to the sheer pain. Every breath she took made her hands throb. Every time she blinked, her hands surged in pain.
Her eyes drooped and her head sagged. She didn't know how much longer she would be able to stay conscious but the muffled sounds of Amanda screaming her name made her try harder to focus. Tears steadily rolled down her face as she could feel herself drifting away. Amanda. Just before passing out she thought about Amanda. The woman she would have promised to protect for the rest of her life in just two weeks' time. But she couldn't help it. The pain was too much and just as she was about to lose consciousness the sound of a gunshot roused her.
Without lifting her head, Jane opened her eyes to see Hoyt lying motionless on the floor a few feet away. The next thing she knew, Korsak had moved over to her, holstering his gun.
"Jane." Korsak put his hands lightly on her shoulders. She could tell that he didn't know what to do. "Call EMS, Frost." His eyes darted from one impaled hand to the other. "What the hell did he do to you, Rizzoli?" Taking off his coat he placed it over her shaking shoulders.
"Am…Amanda."
"Shh. Look," he said stepping aside to see Frost untying the last of her restraints and pulling her dazed body up to a sitting position. "She's fine."
Jane took a deep breath, still looking at the woman. "Did he-"
"No. We stopped him. He's dead, Jane. He can't hurt you anymore."
The words of that statement washed over her and she began to sob. The floodgates opened and the pain in her hands screamed louder at her brain. Before she knew what was happening Korsak was patting her back and pulling her hair back as she retched into her own lap.
"But he wasn't dead. Actually he was on life support in the infirmary for three day before he finally died. They didn't put that part in the newspaper. A few rumors are still circling around every now and then that he had a few apprentices…that he still does."
With Jane's last words, an ominous silence swallowed them completely. In the midst of her story, Jane had let her head fall into Maura's lap. She had pulled her legs up onto the couch and wrapped her hands on either side of Maura's knees. The blonde never once stilled her hand which gently ran through the dark curls splayed across her thighs. She didn't even try to hold back the tears that rained down her face. Her heart felt like it was in a vice grip that Jane squeezed with every gruesome detail of what happened.
Swallowing loudly Maura moved her hands down to her legs placing them on the younger woman's hands. Smooth thumbs ran circles around the rough scars. Maura could hear Jane's shallow breathing just as well as she could feel Jane's tears soaking through the bottom of her dress. Finally sitting up Jane pulled her hands into her own lap.
"Don't."
Maura felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness. Squaring her shoulders she reached and tugged on Jane's hands. "No…you don't. You are beautiful. Completely," she brought one hand up and kissed the scar, "irrevocably stunning. In every way." She lightly kissed the other palm.
"Maura-"
"No. Just listen. Please." She lifted both of Jane's hands up facing the brunette. "These hands…are remarkable. They hold me so tightly. Jane, when I need you, they hold me up. They're my rock. I love your hands because they wipe away my tears when I'm sad or happy or scared. They saved my son's life and they defended my daughter. They're so dexterous when they draw pictures of my family. Our family." The younger woman still seemed unconvinced as she looked anywhere but at Maura. So, getting up from her spot Maura straddled Jane's lap which in turn was successful in getting her attention.
"And when you put your hands here," she placed Jane's hands on the small of her back before dragging them down to her waist. "Or when you put your hands here," slowly with Jane's left hand she slid long fingers down her torso before turning it and guiding it under her dress to touch the warmth between her thighs, "God, Jane…when you touch what belongs to you…you set me on fire." They both groaned at the contact, but before Maura could let herself get carried away in the moment she pulled both hands back up to cradle her own face. "Your hands make me feel so wanted…so special."
Jane sat silently and studied her girlfriend. Her eyes were screwed shut and dried tear tracks marked her creamy skin. When her eyes finally opened she saw the genuine honesty in watery hazel eyes. The brunette rubbed her thumb back and forth and looked up at the woman in wonderment. "After everything I just told you how can you still want me? How can you still love this…this broken-"
"No." Maura gripped her wrists and spoke with such conviction that she couldn't look away. "You are not broken. Do you understand? No one can break Jane Rizzoli unless you let them."
Jane licked her lips and tried to smile. "You sound like Korsak."
The blonde merely shrugged her shoulders. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"Well," she said stroking her girlfriend's hair. "You're a lot more attractive than the old man."
"I'm a lot more attractive than your older, male, homicide detective co-worker?"
Jane laughed for a second. They both did; relief washing over them. The tension in her body seeped away at the bright smile of the woman on her lap. "Thank you for understanding." She said, down casting her eyes. She hadn't expected for Maura to get angry about her past. No that wasn't it. Mostly she thought she would take pity on her or get scared or fearful for her family's safety. What she didn't imagine was for this amazing woman sitting in front of her to be so accepting.
"No thanks required."
"Oh, no there is. Not everyone can handle that. Not everyone stays."
"Is that what happened with Amanda?" She asked pressing their foreheads together.
"Yeah," Jane mumbled playing with the end of Maura's dress. "She had a bruise on her cheek, a few stitches on a cut above her eye but that was pretty much it. Couple hours with the doctor was it for her. But me? I initially spent two and a half weeks in a hospital bed. And then the rehab was just…" she paused clasping and relaxing her hands.
"I can't imagine what kind of pain you must have gone through. Rehabilitation on such a sensitive part of the body can be taxing."
"It was awful. I had to relearn how to write and eat with utensils…Hell I couldn't even bathe myself let alone draw. I just really needed somebody, you know. To be there for me. But Amanda….After it all went down I could just feel her pulling away from me. Finally, she just straight up told me that she didn't want to be with me anymore."
"Did she say why?"
"Sure. She said that she just couldn't handle it anymore. That it was too much for her and 'love wasn't enough'."
Maura felt anger rise in her heart. How could anyone desert someone that they claimed to love? Especially in their time of need. What Amanda and Jane went through should have brought them closer together. Not tear them apart. Love should always be enough.
"I'm sorry that that happened to you, sweetheart." She whispered tucking a stray curl behind the woman's ear.
"You know what? I'm not. Not really." Maura looked down at the woman as she felt hands encircle her waist. "I mean, I know it was a bullshit excuse to give up on us but maybe it was a good thing.
"Amanda and I were always better friends than we were lovers," the architect attempted to ignore the way the word lovers made her stomach turn faintly. "Neither of us ever really felt that something. You know?" And she did know. Smiling at Jane she reached up and ran a finger across her dark eyebrow. Jane took the hand in hers bringing it down to her lay on her chest above her heart. "That something that I feel with you." It was right on the tip of her tongue, but for some reason she did not know, Jane swallowed it down.
Even if she did notice Jane's slight anxiety she didn't show it. Maura couldn't hold back that brilliant smile any longer. The one that gleamed stretching across her face. The one that reached her eyes and made Jane's knees weak. The blonde leaned down and kissed her girlfriend soundly. When she pulled back she could only smile brighter.
"I'm glad, too. Otherwise I would never have met you."
"Exactly." They sat there gazing at each other before a thought occurred to Maura.
"How'd your mother take the break-up?" Jane laughed loudly rolling her eyes and letting her head drop to the back of the couch for a moment.
"Like she was the one who was almost killed and then dumped. She insisted on staying over at my place to 'help heal my broken heart'. I'll never tell her this, but right after I kicked her out for being annoying is when the nightmares started. Didn't sleep for weeks."
"How did you survive? I mean it's impossible to go that long without sleep, Jane. Hallucinations, begin by day four. Followed by slurred speech, short attention span and death."
Jane laughed sitting her hands on Maura's thighs. "You're better than Wikipedia."
"Wikipedia is frequently incorrect. Very little is rigorously peer reviewed."
"Right…the whole common knowledge thing again."
"So how did you get to sleep? Did you call your mom back over?"
"Oh, God no! I wouldn't let that one near my place with a ten foot mop."
Maura scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. She sometimes got colloquialisms mixed up but she was positive she'd heard this one before. "Don't you mean a ten foot pole?"
"No. All her OCD banging and clanking wasn't exactly restful. She cleaned everything in my house. Pretty sure she even started scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush." They both laughed and Maura gave Jane's shoulder a poke.
"She loves you." Jane nodded her head. "Are you going to tell me how you managed to get enough rest?"
"I had my good nights. Others not so much. Honestly, I didn't have one decent nights rest until that day on the plane when you gave me your sleeping pills."
"They work wonders, don't they?" Maura joked leaning her head forward onto the brunette's shoulder.
Jane laughed along with her but quickly sobered. "Why did you have sleeping pills anyway?" She could feel the woman's tension sky rocket. She heard muffled words that she thought could be English. When she pulled the woman back her eyes were ducked and her bottom lip was tucked between her teeth. "What was that?"
"I couldn't sleep." She said shrugging her shoulders.
"Maura," she paused until the woman in questioned looked up. "Try again."
Relenting Maura sighed. She moved off of Jane's lap to her side although she kept one leg tangled between the brunette's knees. "When Ian started sneaking around…I used to stay up at night worrying about where he was, what he was doing…who he was doing." She played with a button on Jane's shirt and focused on it. "I used to wonder why I wasn't enough for him."
"Oh, Maura." The blonde woman resolutely raised her hand and shook her head. She wasn't upset about the marriage anymore. Or about what happened. Now she was just tired of it interfering with her life.
"And one day I walked into work and there was an entire board of representatives from a client business of ours. I'd forgotten that I was supposed to be having a meeting with them and of course I was completely unprepared. Garrett was yet to become co-head making him my coworker. I was partnered with him because it was such an important project and if it wasn't for him we probably would have lost the account…and the next week he got the promotion that I was up for.
"Then there were some field trip permission forms that I unknowingly neglected to sign…anyway I soon figured out that I was suffering from sleep deprivation due to my insomnia. So I went to the doctor and he gave me a prescription."
"Do you still take them?" Jane asked carefully. She steadily brushed up and down the woman's bare thigh as the dress had ridden up a little higher.
"No. Not since I met you." She smiled weakly at Jane. The brunette leaned in to nuzzle her nose in blonde hair before kissing her jaw.
"Good." She whispered into her neck. "You're enough, Maura." She declared looking into hazel eyes.
"So are you."
At that Jane looked away quickly before looking back. Maura could tell that the atmosphere had shifted. Her jaw was tight and her piercing eyes never strayed. "Maura, I want you to know something." The blonde nodded her head sensing the seriousness in her girlfriend's voice. "What happened to me and Amanda that night…that could never happen to us. I won't let it. You have to believe me when I say I will always protect you. Alice and Jacob too. I want you to feel safe with me. I'm stronger now than I used to be…smarter, okay?"
Maura smiled cradling Jane's face. "Don't you think you've already proven your strength and knowledge enough to convince me?" she said laughing airily. "I never feel safer than when I am with you, Jane."
Before she could respond Maura was kissing her. She could feel the woman's tongue slide into her mouth and smaller fingers dig into her scalp. The brunette moaned and moved her hand to Maura's back. She disconnected their lips, but pulled the older woman in for a much needed embrace. They stayed that way for a long moment before Jane pulled back.
She sighed heavily and ran her hand through her hair. Laughter bubbled up from her throat. "God. One hell of a night, right?"
Maura chuckled standing up to take their drinking glasses to the kitchen. "Definitely." When she turned around she startled a little, not expect to see the brunette behind her.
"But I'm glad we talked." She said wrapping her arms around Maura's waist. "No more secrets."
"No more secrets."
Jane closed her eyes for a second. This was not the way she had expected the night to go. Like at all. But it was going to happen one way or the other. Maybe this release was what she needed. It certainly was cathartic.
"Baby, I think it's time for me to go." Disappointment downed Maura's face. After such an intimate moment, she didn't want Jane to leave.
"But I…I want you to stay."
Grabbing Maura's hand, Jane began to lead her to the door. "I know but, little man is pretty pissed at me right now. I mean he didn't speak to me the entire ride home."
When they reached the door and Jane opened it Maura stood a little higher on her toes to kiss the corner of her mouth. "Be careful. I love you."
Taking the woman's hand, Jane leaned down to kiss it. "I'll text you when I get home."
"You better." With smirk and a wink, Maura was watching the love of her life walking to her car.
After watching her drive away Maura closed the door and leaned back against it with her eyes closed. The gravity of tonight's events weighed heavily on her. She couldn't bring herself to be sad, because what happened eventually led to her and Jane taking another step in their relationship. This made her smile and just as she opened her eyes, she heard the subtle voices of her children floating from upstairs.
A/N: Don't forget to review. Also, this is a reminder that there are only about four more chapters left, including an epilogue.