Disclaimer: I don't even know Japanese to begin with. Death Note is not mine.

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For The First Time

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First Cut Is the Deepest

It had been three days. It had been three days since Matt almost stabbed Linda with a flying penknife. He hadn't believed it when Linda promised quietly from outside the bathroom that she wouldn't tell anyone – he was convinced she would tell Roger, or L, for worry's sake or the kind, but it had been three days and nothing leaked. Matt opened the door only after Linda had left, finding a first-kit aid placed on the floor near the door – he had taken it, and he rarely seen her after that night. It was as if nothing had happened – except that Matt noticed the few anxious glances Linda threw his way when she thought he wasn't looking, and the uncomfortable expression she had on her face whenever he saw her around. Matt guessed she was avoiding him as so to not make him mad. It agitated him – why would she care to do that? Was she afraid? He'd pushed the theory away – Linda was always the stubborn one; 'afraid' didn't quite fit her, he knew – they had lived in the same orphanage for almost seven years after all. At times Matt thought she looked worried in case he would do it again. If so, he decided she was stupid. He had done it since months ago, and Mello had been harsher than Linda had when he caught him, unsurprisingly.

"One day you'd be killing yourself!" Mello had spat, seizing a razor from Matt's hand and throwing it away. At the time, Matt hated Mello. He knew, he knew what he was doing and he knew Mello was right. Yet it was hard to stop. Whenever Matt had his nightmare, the nightmare that dug up everything in his past that he loathed – the only thing he could think to do was to inflict a physical pain strong enough to cover the pain he felt in his heart. Injuring himself had been the closest because when he hurt himself, the pain on his flesh was intense and he would for a moment forget the pain inside. He decided he could cope with that kind of pain better, and as long as he kept his sleeves down, no one would know.

"Buggering thing." Matt kicked the pebbles on the ground uncaringly. He half-regretted the declination he made when Misa had invited him and Mello to go with her to pick a friend – Mello had agreed, saying he was in need of a whole new supply of chocolate bars. L had another arrangement in his schedule today, apparently.

Pushing a cigarette into his mouth, Matt glanced around the building. Sometimes, Wammy House seemed so lonely, no matter how he could hear noises the children unceremoniously made. Someday, Matt knew he would get out of this place – to where, he had no idea, but he would. He wished he wouldn't return.

He snorted when he thought of the line. He had never had a place to return to.

"Don't move, please…!"

Matt looked up.

"Near, you're doing a good job." Linda laughed.

"He's like a statue!" a small boy, Jamie, pointed out.

Standing motionlessly before Linda's canvas stand, Near leered sideway at the shorter boy. It seemed that he was giving Jamie a mini-glare – Near's version. Linda laughed again.

"They're volunteering to be Linda's models." A voice startled Matt from behind. He glanced at Julie as she came over to his side. "Interested?" she asked with a challenging smile.

"To stand without moving for hours? That's retarded." Matt retorted. "Unless there's a pay."

Julie shrugged and made a light run towards the children. Linda looked around after Julie said something to her ear. Matt didn't avert his gaze when Linda's eyes found him. He thought her face turned red, and she looked as if she didn't know how to acknowledge him.

Then Julie called out, "She says it's fine!"

Matt blinked.

As he remained static where he stood, Julie waved, nodding in encouragement.

Linda opened her mouth with a hesitant look, a paintbrush between her fingers. "Um, yeah. You can be my model." She said.

Immediately catching the ordeal, Matt walked over lazily.

"Julie's dead." He murmured.

o0o

"That much is too much, don't you think?" Sayu pondered, a thoughtful frown on her face.

Mello rolled his eyes and dropped yet another chocolate bar into the cart she was pushing. "I always brush my teeth, mom. Really." He drawled.

Narrowing her eyes, Sayu gave Mello's head a satisfying mess with her hands. Mello jerked away and threw her a nasty glare. Sayu held her head high, challenging. "I'm only a year older than you." she informed.

"Then stop acting like a hag."

Misa giggled. "You two are like a couple." She admired.

"He's short." Sayu remarked blatantly.

Mello glowered, tearing an unpaid chocolate bar and biting into it. "Give me a year. After that let's see who's the pygmy." He dared.

While they began another squabble, Misa smiled and picked the needed ingredients for making a chocolate cake – something she had promised L today.

When Misa told L she had invited Sayu to England, he hadn't objected. Although there was pretty much nothing left, Misa made sure not to lose contact with the Yagami family. She didn't want to 'leave' Light completely – not in the near future, and she figured that staying in touch with his only sister was the most convenient way of doing so.

"So this guy, L, is he a nice guy?" Sayu prompted as she turned to Misa.

Mello threw them a fleeting glance, before he seemed to decide to leave them alone. With the unpaid chocolate bar hanging in his mouth, he waltzed ahead without them.

Sayu only knew L as the man who had worked along with Light in pursuing Kira. Briefly, Sayu had the impression that L had indirectly avenged Light's death – who was 'murdered by Kira', by bringing the criminal to justice. No matter how they put it, it was a lie, they knew, but Misa agreed that it was the time when 'Ignorance is blessing' could be used. To Sayu and Mrs. Yagami, Light was a hero.

"L is a good guy." Misa said.

Sayu smiled, pushing the shopping cart playfully in crank. "I'm glad you found a replacement – I don't mean he is some sort of, replacement, but I'm glad you found one." she said. "Someone who could be here, at least." she shrugged with a dismissive smile.

Because Light couldn't. Misa finished.

She wasn't going to tell Sayu the first cut is the deepest, because she supposed it would show.

o0o

"It rains!" Jamie jumped from the sofa and ran to the window with the other smaller children, pressing their face against the window as if they had never seen the pelting of water drops from the sky before.

Somehow, the first Matt thought of was Linda. He was surprised when Near stood from the floor he was lining his robots on and strolled out of the playroom. Without an explanation he could find, Matt shoved his gameboy into his pocket and followed.

When they were outside, L's car and Misa's car pulled up in front of Wammy's almost at the same time. The people who walked out from the cars watched as Matt and Near ran towards the tree where Linda was seen picking up her drawings.

Without a word, Matt collected the drawings he could reach as Near did exactly the same.

Linda seemed flabbergasted. "Thank you!" she passed in the heavy rain.

Neither of them answered.

With a puzzled frown, all three soaking, Linda continued collecting.

Having discarded the umbrella he was given when he walked out of the car, Mello ran to them and after he made a few rounds of jolly dancing, he helped in compiling the drawings high-spiritedly. Matt laughed. Mello had always loved the rain – he loved the rain extra when there were thunders and lightning along.

Linda screamed when all of a sudden Julie hugged her from behind, at the same time when a thunder struck. They laughed and hit each other, momentarily forgetting the task in hand.

L and Misa walked over under the same umbrella and soon, after Sayu threw her umbrella in the air and proceeded to half-help and half-dance, the field was filled with children running and screaming at the top of their lungs, joining in the rain feast.

In the end, L was reprimanded by Watari about the children catching a cold. Only two of Linda's drawings managed to be saved, yet she didn't seem to mind it as much as she had laughed knowing it.

o0o

One hand holding the tray of edibles, Misa knocked the door with her other hand.

"Careful where you're stepping. The bombs are still active." L deadpanned from inside.

Misa laughed. "Ryuzaki-san is developing a sense of humor." She observed as she walked in.

L's typing stopped and he closed his laptop when Misa placed the tray she brought onto the table. She smiled and pushed his swivel chair towards the table. "Chocolate cake." He muttered, a childish index finger already in his mouth.

Misa sat down across from him after she offered him his part of the cake. She watched L eat and as always whenever he tasted her handcrafted, she waited for his comments. "Well?" she coaxed, raising an eyebrow when L halted mid-lick of his thumb – which was covered with white frosting.

L looked up at her. "It's better." He said.

"Better?" Misa's brow furrowed mildly. Which meant the cakes she made before were…? "Please tell Misa more." She urged inquiringly.

"Every time you made one, it's better." L explained. "I'm wondering if you'll settle into opening a bakeshop." He thought aloud, stealing a strawberry from Misa's slice.

"Oh." Misa smiled. "Maybe Misa will make one for Ryuzaki-san every time he wants her to. Misa is here, yes?" she hinted.

At that, L seemed to give it a thought. Misa watched him eat in silence for a while, when he simply proceeded chewing without responding, his eyes on the cake.

When Misa opened her mouth, L said, "You could leave whenever you want."

Although it sounded abrupt, almost hurting in a way, Misa didn't take it negatively. She figured she had known L and his way better. "Why would you say that?" she asked.

L's eyes darted to the ceiling as he tilted his head slightly, a spoon in his mouth and between his slender fingers. "I've just remembered I never said that to you." he told. "I just want you to know nothing's holding you back. You are free of your own decision."

"Misa knows." Misa responded. She placed an elbow on the table and leaned her chin on her palm, regarding him casually. "What is this, Ryuzaki-san?" she asked.

L was about to open his mouth to answer that it was a spoon – as Misa started playing with her spoon in the cup of tea she brought along in the tray – when she continued,

"Are we friends? Or is Ryuzaki-san Misa's boyfriend and she is his girlfriend or is Misa a spoil of war?" she looked at him and he looked back. "Which is it?"

For a genius, a detective, it was a question L wouldn't know to answer even if he was given time. "You aren't a spoil of war." He decided to eliminate one of the presented situations. "I only thought about it once, but I did." He said, looking into her brown eyes. "I thought you liked me."

Misa smiled. She felt that she could have stood and kissed him right there and then, but he casually continued to eat, breaking the eye contact almost offhandedly. Or he was simply waiting for her reaction. "Misa does." She mouthed.

"But you like Light more." L mouthed back.

Misa sliced her piece of cake and spooned it into her mouth. "Yes." She chewed.

o0o

The playroom was crowded. Most of them were telling ghost stories – one from each, except for those who didn't have one, or weren't creative enough to invent one. As Matt listened, he decided Near's was the scariest. If Mello could change his voice to give life to the characters he was portraying, Near's voice didn't change at all.

As Mello and the new girl – Misa's friend – Sayu began to argue about some plausibility of Mello's story, Matt dragged himself towards Linda by the corner. Her wide eyes seemed to widen more when she saw him.

"Hey." He mouthed.

Linda squirmed, smiling in a grimace. "Hi." She said.

"About before," Matt began, and Linda's eyes flickered to him and she seemed to quiver – he wasn't sure if she was scared or simply nervous or both and he couldn't precisely tell if it was because of him or the horror story that was lingering in the air. "I'm sorry." He forced the word out.

"Hmm?" Linda turned to face him completely. Matt opened his mouth again and she shook her head. "No, no. I heard you." she said. "I mean," she bit her lip, watching his face for a sign of unpredictable temper. "Please don't do it again – I mean I know you think I'm just a nosey-parker and maybe I am but I promise not to tell anyone so please don't – I mean, I mean…" she faltered, frowning desperately. Expressionlessly Matt waited, wanting her to finish. "You could get really hurt." She whispered.

Matt didn't break their eye contact – even when she couldn't see his eyes behind the goggles he was wearing. "Why would you care?" he asked with no malice.

Linda pressed her lips together, seeming considering her words. "You could get really hurt." She repeated.

"You don't like me." Matt reminded.

Linda averted her eyes for a second, before returning to him. "Because you don't like me." She told.

"You don't like me. I never said I didn't like you in return."

"No. I don't like you because you don't like me."

"How did you know I didn't like you?" Matt challenged. "You've said aloud you didn't like me. I never did."

Linda opened her mouth with a frown, but she closed it back with a deeper frown. Then she opened it again, determined, only to close it confusedly for the second time. "You flirted with the other girls but you never looked my way." She accused.

All of a sudden, Matt couldn't help but copy Mello's smirk. He arched a curious eyebrow. "You wanted me to look your way?"

Linda blushed. "That's – that's not what I meant."

"Yeah, well," Matt sighed and leaned against the wall beside her. Linda shifted anxiously, before she relaxed when he pulled out a cigarette and put it in his mouth. After a look his way, Linda dared herself to reach out and pulled the cigarette out of Matt's mouth. "I wasn't going to light it," Matt complained.

"That's the point. Cigarette isn't for chewing." Linda said, putting the tube of cancer away.

Matt almost laughed, but he settled to snorting and Linda smiled. He shrugged at Near and asked, "You seriously like him?" Linda half-glared at him with a reddening face and he shrugged. "I said I was sorry."

"You didn't say you won't tell anyone about it." she murmured.

Matt eyed her for a second. "Fine." He said. "You keep your mouth shut about me and I have no mouth to tell anything of yours." He suggested.

It took almost ten seconds for Linda to agree. "Deal." She said quietly. "But—"

"No buts." Matt cut in knowingly.

Linda frowned. "But you can't—"

"Look." Matt shut her, looking at her seriously. "What's more important? Your secret of crushing on the—" he rolled his eyes when Linda squealed quietly. "On the thing, or my creative tendency of carving on my own flesh?" he questioned offhandedly.

"You are more important." Linda answered unwaveringly. Matt was surprised, but he hid it before it showed on his face. "I think… I think I could deal with people knowing that I like Near – maybe he won't be as close as he is to me now if he knows, maybe he'd… be, oh I don't know." She frowned. "But I can deal with those than having you – you badly hurt."

All of a sudden Matt was impressed. "Do you realize you sounded so… uncharacteristically naïve, just now?" he asked.

"Oh shut up." Linda said. Then, she looked at him with an expression that suddenly made Matt uncomfortable. "What made you do it?" she asked. Matt wanted to run away, but he knew it wasn't taking him anywhere. "It isn't going to help you, you know." She said softly.

Before Matt could open his mouth, a voice called in,

"Linda."

She turned and smiled brightly at Near.

"You could tell us a story." He suggested.

"Well," Linda beamed. "I suppose I could."

Matt thought she didn't notice him anymore, by then. He took out another cigarette and watched as she trudged to sit by Near to give them all a story.

A/N: There you go. Second chapter :)

Thank you goes to,

eleutheriac: I'm really glad you like it :D

Takiasmuse: Yay! You did check out my story! I'm on the way to finishing your 'A New Beginning'. I see you've updated the 20th chapter! Squee!

Thanks to those who put my story in their favorites too. If you've time... (which I'm hoping) leave me a line or two so I'd be more confident to continue! Advises and criticism count too! :)Top of Form