(Lofty looks wistfully at them.)

LOFTY: I wish I was like those two.

CAL: (Overhearing.) Well, you're not, because Ethan and I are special. Get over it.

(Dylan comes striding into the reception area again.)

DYLAN: (Cheerfully.) Cal and Ethan, your taxi firm's on strike. I rang three other companies and they're all full.

HONEY: (Nudging Lofty encouragingly.) Karma!

(Connie comes striding through.)

CONNIE: Lofty, you've stopped working. Cal, Ethan, you can travel in my private car.

(Cal and Ethan cheer.)

CONNIE: Then I can keep an eye on you, as I will be doing all evening.

DYLAN: (Singing cheerfully.) Guess who won't pull a lass…

(Robin, Max and the other guest come through. Charlie sneaks behind them in a tuxedo.)

LILY: (From backstage.) I can see you Charlie. You are not in this show. Off stage NOW!

(Charlie stalks off stage crossly. Everybody but Lofty and Honey sing.)

ALL: Cabs are waiting

In the grounds,

Time for party, drinks and fun,

Snow is falling all around,

Happy party, everyone.

MAX: Me and Robyn

Will get hammered,

Dance like pros and have some fun.

No more scrubs until tomorrow,

Happy party, everyone.

CONNIE: Wait!

(She sings in a threatening soprano.)

CONNIE:

Every drink you take, and every move you make
Every rule you break, every step you take,

They'll be filming you.

Every crumb you eat, if you're indiscreet,

If rude posts you tweet, the camera's got you beat,

They'll be filming you.

Oh can't you see that you work for me,

If bad reports come back, guess who'll get the sack?

Every cheeky trick, if anybody's sick,

If you start acting thick, every spoon you nick,

They'll be filming you.

(Everybody goes out to their cabs, a little subdued. Cal and Ethan are marched between Connie and Big Mac, who carries the video camera. Lofty looks totally crushed.)

ROBYN: (On the way out.) Do you think we should have backed up Lofty more?

HONEY: Never mind, darling, I'll make you some lovely coffee that tastes like Irish Cream. Then we can have a bit of a dance ourselves.

LOFTY: Er… thank you. But…

(He sings.)

LOFTY:

Get here in the morning with Connie on my back.

Wondering what excuse she'll find for giving me the sack.

She likes to strut around me with her stupid hair and heels.

I want to snap right back at her so she knows how it feels.

So I can't sing along when your radio plays a song,

I'm sorry 'cause I know that you mean well.

But I'll still feel the gloom when we're swingin' round the room

Honey, I feel as miserable as hell.

So I don't feel like dancin' when your cute pink radio plays.
My heart could take a chance but my two feet can't find a way
You 'd think that I could muster up a little soft shoe gentle sway
But I don't feel like dancin', no Hon, no dancin' today.

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Even if I find nothin' better to do
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Why'd you pick up a tune when I'm not in the mood?
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Rather be home sulking in my bed till the dawn breaks through.

HONEY: (Who isn't very good at comforting phrases at a time like this.) Awwwww.

SCENE TWO

THE MEYER MANSION

(I thought we'd take a look at what's happening over at the ball so far, as otherwise we're going to have a very long second act and a little weeny first act, aren't we? Marta Meyer is singing the same song.)

MARTA: Dad, I don't feel like dancin' when your big orchestra plays.
My heart could take a chance but my two feet can't find a way
You 'd think that I could muster up a little soft shoe gentle sway
But I don't feel like dancin', no Dad, no dancin' today.

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Even if I find nothin' better to do.
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Why'd you pick up a tune when I'm not in the mood?
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Rather be alone sulking in my bed till the dawn breaks through.

(Anton comes over to her and says his famous line.)

ANTON: Walk with me.

(They walk round the ballroom inspecting everything.)

MARTA: Daddy, you're not going to start testing potential suitors are you?

ANTON: It's for your own good, my sweet. There are many men out there who will take advantage. So….

(He sings.)

ANTON: My dearest daughter, I must protect you

From all the greedy fools out there,

Although you're young and very lovely,

Getting their hands on cash is all some people care

About, so honey, I have to sort out

All the sheep from all the goats,

So if I send them home, disgraced, then,

That helps keep my hands from round their throats.

Ooh, I like to do a little testing,

Mention certain penalties, and whoops, they're gone,

Ooh I find it rather interesting.

Greedy scroungers leg it but the good guys stay on.

(He is about to go into his wonderful line dance routine when a fanfare sounds. He pouts.)

ANTON: Dammit they're here already!

(A fanfare sounds to the Theme Tune from Casualty, and then the guests enter singing.)

ETHAN:} Stupid brother and cute stud are here,

CAL: (Slyly thumping him.) Anyone who's any good is here,

BOTH: What a zingy, absolutely blingy, spectacle,

The Meyer Christmas Ball.

ROBYN: All the staff without their scrubs are here,

DYLAN: (Looking rudely at Max.) All the riff raff from the pubs are here,

ALL: What a merry, 'let's get smashed on Sherry' spectacle,

The Meyer Christmas Ball.

ALL: Pulses rushing, faces flushing.

CHARLIE: (Turned away at the door.) My name's missed off?

I have never been so…. hacked off!

MEN: Any second now there'll be that first dance,

Ooh that Marta's gorgeous, we're all hoping for a chance,

Let us advance…

LADIES: What a chance to bitch at all the dresses, what a memory to recall,

What a magic, anything but tragic spectacle, the Meyer Christmas Ball!

(The dance begins….)

END OF SCENE TWO