ACT TWO
SCENE ONE
THE RECEPTION, ED
(Zoe comes forward.)
ZOE: Now I know you're all dying to know what happens next but I thought you'd like to meet the skeleton staff… played by the Judy Murray School of Dancers!
(The curtain swings back to reveal a set of skeletons dressed in scrubs who do a wonderfully scary dance, even going down into the audience to 'menace' them. The children giggle, the adults scream loudly. Honey snoozes on totally unware.)
ZOE: (Coming back.) So, are we all ready for the party?
AUDIENCE: (Bawling.) YES!
ZOE: I said, are we all ready for the party?
AUDIENCE: (Bawling louder than a room full of civil servants.) YEEEESSSSSS!
(The skeletons dance off and the curtain rises on:)
SCENE TWO
THE BALLROOM, MEYER MANSION
(A waltz is in progress. Cal and Ethan are singing along to the music. They have reached the drunken stage where they are loudly complaining about anything and everything, regardless of the treat of the secret filming.)
CAL: I don't like it here-
ETHAN: - They've watered the beer.
CAL: And all these hors d'oeuvres
ETHAN: Get right on my nerves.
CAL: The girls are all tarts,
ETHAN: The men are old f***s,
BOTH: This place is a pain in the rear,
And I wish I wasn't here.
(Marta comes up to the quietly.)
MARTA: (With a big fake smile.) So you're not enjoying yourself boys? Want to go somewhere a bit more exciting?
CAL: Ooh YEAH, baby! It's rubbishville in here.
MARTA: Your wish is granted. (Calling.) Godzilla! (A huge bouncer appears and bows to her.) These men are being rude about my father's reception. Please remove them.
(Godzilla grabs them by the scruff of the neck and flings them outside. A few seconds later the Master of Ceremonies announces:)
MASTER OF CEREMONIES: The Marquis of Enjolras!
(Lofty stands at the door looking nervous and shy. Then he takes a deep breath, smiles, and walks in. Marta goes to greet him.)
MARTA: Thank you for joining us tonight, Marquis.
LOFTY: I'm just sorry I'm a little late…
MARTA: I thought nobility never apologised for being late. (Lofty sighs and is frantically scrabbling for an excuse when she smiles and says.)
MARTA: It's so refreshing to see somebody who knows how to be courteous.
(The waltz ends and another dance begins.)
LOFTY: (Shyly.) Please would you honour me by dancing with me?
MARTA: I'd love to!
(They dance as the guests sing:)
GUESTS: Never was a dance more sprightly,
Never was a dance more courtly.
Though we must admit quite politely,
Meyer's looking slightly portly.
Let the melody's splendour
Bring to you
Memories of a love tender and true.
(Dylan, also too drunk to worry about the secret filming, is pirouetting around taking the pee out of ballet. Max and Robyn notice.)
MAX: Meyer's lip is setting quite tightly,
ROBYN: He'll kick Dylan in the a**,
Yes, in the a**,
BOTH: Very shortly.
(Marta is asking Lofty about his medical work and he's responding very enthusiastically, but are both becoming a little uncomfortable at Anton staring fixedly at them.)
MARTA: We have a beautiful garden…would you like to see it?
LOFTY: I'd love to.
(They walk out hand in hand. Anton glares but a lively jazz number begins to play. Noel and Louise, seeing the situation, dance round him and are joined by the rest of the staff so Anton is hemmed in.)
END OF SCENE TWO.
SCENE THREE
THE GARDENS, MEYER MANSION
(Lofty and Marta are standing on an ornamental bridge, viewing the little stream that runs underneath it.)
LOFTY: Such a lovely setting.
MARTA: Yes.
LOFTY: (To himself.) Come on, you fool. Go for it!
LOFTY: Such a shame to talk about a garden. Tell me about yourself.
(Marta sings.)
MARTA: I get up in the morning,
Sit through everything Daddy has to say,
Feeling bored by the evening,
Go to bed, feeling the same way.
Oh, I'm nothing but tired,
I'm nothing but tired and bored with myself,
Hey, Marquis… I could use a little help.
Can't start a fire, can't start a fire without a spark,
This girl's for hire, what do you say to dancing in the dark?
LOFTY: Go to boring receptions, wishing they'd end and I could sleep.
I'll offer you no deception… medical jargon just bores me till I weep.
I'm concerned with the people, want to hand them all the will to live.
(Playfully.) That's all the information about myself that I'm willing to give,
Can't start a fire, just swapping medical remarks,
This boy's for hire, what do you say to dancing in the dark?
Hey, baby….
MARTA: (Speaking again.) Somebody concerned with people rather than just talk? My kind of man. Let's dance!
(They dance on the bridge. Lofty climbs on to the bridge, wobbles… and pulls himself together.)
LOFTY: (Aside.) This is one night I'm not going to end up in the stream!
(He climbs back down, takes a deep breath and pulls Marta to him, kissing her.)
CHARLIE: (Disguised as a water lily.) I can see you, dirty boy!
(Rita struts in, pulls Charlie's water lily up by the roots and flings him off stage.)
MARTA: Did you hear that?
LOFTY: I think it was a water lily… or maybe a water Rita.
MARTA: What are you babbling about, sweetheart? Shut up and kiss me.
(He does. The clock chimes.)
MARTA: (Reluctantly.) Better go in before Dad goes off on one…
(They link arms and go back into the ballroom.)