(Max staggers off to lie down. Honey, now wide awake, comes through shouting:)

HONEY: Who wants nice strong coffee?

ROBYN: Yes please but don't ask quite so loudly.

HONEY: Hey isn't Lofty with you?

ROBYN: (Patiently.) He should be here Honey, he wasn't allowed to go to the ball, remember?

HONEY: (Looking innocent.) Oh yeah.

(Lofty creeps in behind them. Honey drags him to a cubicle.)

HONEY: How was it? How was it?

LOFTY: Wonderful. Even though it's all over now, I'll never forget…

(He sings to Elvis Presley's 'Such a Night:)

LOFTY: Oh what a night ooh-ooh what a night
It was it really was such a night
The moon was bright oh how so bright
It was it really was such a night
The night was alight with stars above
Oooh when I saw her I had to fall in love.

Oh, what a night oooh what a night
It was it really was such a night
Came the dawn and my heart and her love
And the night was gone
But I'll never forget her face, her face in the moonlight
Such a face, such a night.

Well she's gone, gone, gone
Yes she's gone, gone, gone
Came the dawn, dawn, dawn
And my love was gone
But before that dawn
Yes before that dawn and before that dawn
Oooh, oooh, Such a night!

ROBYN: Stop caterwauling and let Honey make those coffees!

(But it's too late, in stalks Connie with the rest of the staff.)

CONNIE: The party's over. (Nastily to Lofty.) Even for those who didn't go. Get to work! You, Lofty, get cleaning the floors and try not to trip over anything!

(Lofty walks off, but can't resist giving his butt a little Elvis style shake as he goes.)

CONNIE: I swear that man needs certifying.

(Dylan struts in late. Honey and Robyn get in his way.)

DYLAN: Out of my way, you silly cows.

CONNIE: Dylan! We've talked about political correctness!

DYLAN: (Singing, well, rapping to 'I'm Sexy and I Know It.)

When I walk in the ED this is what I see
Everybody stops and they're glaring at me.

I got a tactless gob and I ain't afraid to show it.

Political correctness, bah!

I'm sexist and I know it!

(Lily walks in. Dylan walks round after her singing.)

Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body

LILY: I'm freaked out!

DYLAN: When I walk in the ED this is what I hear:

(Imitiating Connie.)

"Dylan, can you be a bit less sexist dear?"

I got a tactless gob and I' m not afraid to show it,

I'm sexist and I know it.

(He imitates Lily's walk.)

DYLAN: Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah

(Lily slaps his face.)

DYLAN: (Imitating Big Mac's walk.)
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.

Do the wiggle Mac! Do the wiggle Mac!

(Big Mac links arms with Dylan and flutters his eyelashes. Dylan slaps Big Mac.)

DYLAN: I'm sexist and I know it!

(Lily, Big Mac and Connie all slap Dylan together.)

(Suddenly a trainee rushes in.)

TRAINEE: Ms Beauchamp, there's Count Meyer at the door.

Ms Beauchamp, at the door there is Count Meyer.

He's come here with his daughter, but his temper's getting shorter

As he's never had security before.

With rage and indignation he is rife

Because his welcome wasn't very hearty.

He's got eyes like Alice Cooper and he's swearing like a trooper

Oh I've never heard such language in me life!

(Lofty, hearing the name 'Meyer' sidles out to see what's happening.)

CONNIE: Lofty, this isn't for menials. Back you go.

(Suddenly Count Meyer and Marta walk in. Lofty stands shyly in the doorway.)

CONNIE: (Aside to him.) Get out of here now curly boy or I'll make Dylan shave your head!

MARTA: Mrs Beauchamp, I believe that young man's the one I need to speak to… Ben Chiltern?

LOFTY: That's my real name.

MARTA: So it was you I danced with last night before you fled?

(Connie shakes with rage.)

CONNIE: You defied me and went to that reception? Mr Meyer, Miss Meyer, I am so sorry….

(But already Lofty and Marta are in each others' arms.)

CONNIE: (Forcing a sickly grin.) Dear Ben, you deserve to be happy. I forgive you.

DYLAN: Yee hah! Get me coat, round to pub, show over….

CONNIE: (Grimly.) Oh no it isn't. There's an Act Three. And Lofty is REALLY going to pay.

COUNT MEYER: And I haven't done my 'catch the gold-digger test' yet.

(Lofty and Marta share a passionate kiss. A curtain comes down between the rest of the cast and Connie who sneers:)

CONNIE: Oh it's all so lovely now isn't it? But I haven't finished with Curly Top yet…

(She sings. This is Rita Ora's 'I will never let you down'.)

CONNIE: I'll tell you Ben, what I'm gonna do

I need a punchbag and that punchbag's you!
Watch the rainclouds, how they're coming through.

I'll change your mood from gold and rose to blue.

Open the window, rain will pour on you.

'Cause you've been looking happy all week
And I don't think that's right.

I want to see your curly mop droop

As you weep every night.

You'll weep every night, boy.

You can't take in your good fortune,

Can't believe it's real,

You're in for a rough deal.

When you think you've had enough
And you might just give it up
Oh, oh
I will always bring you down,

When you're feeling low on love
I'll be what you're frightened of,

Oh, oh
I will always bring you down.

Oh, oh
I will always bring you down.

BENJIE,
I will always bring you down.