SCENE EIGHT

(Lily walks in front of a curtain that's just come down.)

LILY: Now while everybody's gone to watch the film, Charlie wants to entertain you all, but guess what? Charlie won't come out. He's scared everybody will laugh at him. You won't laugh at Charlie, will you, guys?

AUDIENCE: NOOOOOO!

(Charlie comes out wearing a leopard skin top and a grass skirt.)

AUDIENCE: Hee hee heeeeeee!

(Charlie tries to creep off but Lily pushes him back on.)

CHARLIE: Okay, my name is Charlie Shakira (He looks as if he's going to burst into tears when he says this.) and I have a song for you all, but everybody in the audience has to do the actions. I'll show you.

(He sings. This is Shakira's 'This Time for Africa'.)

CHARLIE: You're a good doctor, healing your patients.

Pick yourself up and dust yourself off
And back in the ED.

You're operating, Everyone's watching
You know it's serious, we're getting closer
This isn't over.

The pressure's on
You feel it
You'll save this one, Believe it.

(Pretending to scrub a bedpan.)

Scrub that bedpan out, hey hey,

(Performing 'resus'.)

Resus, resus, hey hey,

(Wheeling an imaginary bed.)

Wheel that bed around, whoo hee,

This time for Casualty!

(He invites six children from the audience who each go back to their seats, somewhat puzzled, with a glow in the dark bedpan, after the routine. The audience join in the final chorus and Charlie dances, wiggling his grass skirt cheerfully.)

SCENE NINE

THE RECEPTION, ED.

(A little disclaimer before we start. Connie's evil has been exaggerated for this musical. So, back in the ED, everybody comes out of the lecture room, having seen the film. They're all gobsmacked at what Connie's capable of. Connie is trying to keep calm but is gradually becoming very disturbed.)

COUNT MEYER: (Throwing his arms round Lofty.) Here's the man who was willing to destroy his own life to protect my daughter.

MARTA: Ben, sweetheart, I know everything now! I love you!

LOFTY: I swear I'll work hard for your daughter, Sir.

COUNT MEYER: Oh dear, it seems I'm a naughty little liar. The reason my daughter will be penniless is that I'm moving all her money into the Holby Trust Fund…. Of which I'm making you two joint directors!

(Cal and Ethan, creeping back, overhear this and look crushed.)

COUNT MEYER: You two. Marta has two equally beautiful sisters. Show you can behave yourselves in future and who knows?

(Cal and Ethan high-five each other.)

CONNIE: No! It's not going to end happily for you, Ben! (Taking a gun out of the drawer and aiming at Marta.) Say goodbye to your precious fiancée!

(Probably foolishly, Lofty stands between Marta and Connie.)

LOFTY: You'll hurt her over my dead body.

ZOE: (From her test-tube, obviously very concerned.) Eeeeeeeeeee!

CONNIE: That works for me.

(She fires point-blank into Lofty's chest. He crumples to the ground and lies still. Connie, suddenly shocked at her action, drops the gun; Big Mac takes charge of it. The staff swarm round Connie, chanting.)

STAFF: Grab her, stab her, hang her during break.

Bash her, smash her, burn her at the stake.

MARTA: (Sobbing brokenly.) Ben…..

ZOE: (Sobbing from inside the bin.) Oooooohhh…. Eeee…..!

END OF SCENE NINE