Hi everyone!

Yes, I'm still alive! Don't know how because school has been killing me but I am.

So, except from the fact that I had exams, I don't really have any excuses about not updating sooner, but I certainly didn't forget about this story so don't worry! I finish school in a week so updates should be frequent.

I didn't have much time but I did work really hard on this, I swear, I just hope you will like it.

Oh, and I changed chapter 5 a little, so you might want to see it.

SO, I don't think I have much left to say, so enjoy!

"That we are" he agreed, not knowing if she was joking or not. "But they're a mix of both of us, what did you think?"

Her face changed. She still wasn't used to that. It felt so weird!

"Castle, I think you should leave. They seem exhausted" she added, looking at the two kids cuddled up next to her.

"Hey, you don't need to justify yourself, you know" Castle said, knowing exactly what she meant. "If you need to be alone, you can say it."

"Thanks."

"Do you want me to call your dad and tell him not to come?"

"No, it's fine, just... Could you just tell him to come later? Like four or five o'clock?"

"I will" he said, smiling at her.

He leaned down to pick up his sons, and when he was close to his wife, he had to fight the urge to kiss her.

"Sleep well" he said, leaving the room.

"Castle, wait! Will you come tomorrow?"

"If you want me to, I will. If you don't, just say the word."

"I think I would like to see Lanie."

"Sure, I'll call her."

He looked at her for a while and said.

"Oh, speaking of calling, do you want your phone? You could call her yourself, she would be surprised. I haven't had the time to tell her that you were awake yet. The boys don't know either, so if you want to give them a call, they'll be happy too."

"Okay, don't call her then, I'll do it myself."

"Sleep well Kate." he said before leaving.

Left alone, Kate tried to sleep, but she knew that there was no way she would.

She tried to think about all she had learned in the last 24 hours. Ten years. How could she have forgotten ten years of her life? Was that even possible? Could a simple car accident do that to her?

She sighed. Ten years.

What had happened in all those years? How could she have let this happen? How could she have gone from hating Castle to marrying him? She closed her eyes. It was obvious that she had changed a lot in the past ten years. But Castle had to have changed too. If she had really accepted to marry him, which was getting harder and harder to deny, he had changed too.

Kate closed then opened her eyes, when they landed on the white iphone on the table. Great, how did that thing work? She took it and played with it a little before she finally found her contacts list.

Her fingers led her to Lanie's number. Maybe she should call her? Or would she be busy?

Kate thought about it for a while then decided to call her. She was sure that her friend wouldn't mind, especially if she didn't know that she was awake.

She pressed the call button and waited until Lanie picked up. And when she did, she didn't even let Kate time to speak.

"Castle? Is everything okay? Why are you calling me from Kate's phone?"

"Probably because it's me" Kate said with a light smile.

"Kate?! Oh my God, is that you? Yes, of course, it's you!" Lanie shouted happily.

The detective winced. "Lanie, would you please turn down the volume? My head is killing me."

"Oh, sorry. But really, how are you girl?"

Kate was about to answer, but she changed her mind. She needed to know. Lanie wouldn't lie to her. If she told her yes, then she would believe it and try to live with it. "Lanie? Is that true?"

"Is what true?" Lanie asked, clearly confused.

"Did I really marry him? Did I really... fall in love with him? Because, how could I, he's so..."

"Girl, what are you even talking about?"

Kate sighed. She hadn't thought of that. Of course Lanie didn't know. She hadn't been informed that she was awake, so how could she know about her memory loss-although Kate was still somewhat reluctant to consider anything about a life with Castle like a loss. And how was she supposed to break the news to her friend? It would be so weird!

"Lanie... I..."

"How long?" Lanie asked with her doctor voice.

"Apparently, ten years" Kate said in a weak voice, grateful that her best friend had figured out what had happened on her own.

Lanie didn't say anything for a few minutes. Kate really couldn't blame her. She couldn't understand it herself.

However, that was not the reason why Lanie was so silent. Not entirely anyway. She was thinking about what her friend had just told her, going back ten years ago, and she was coming to the same conclusions as Castle. No, actually, she knew more than Castle. Because, ten years ago, she was Kate's go-to person. And unlike what Castle thought, Kate had genuinely hated him at the time. Or at least, she had hated that she didn't hate him. You're in big trouble here Castle, she thought.

"Please say something Lanie."

"You must be..." she started, but then she thought better of it. She should answer the question. "Yes you did. Fall in love. With Castle."

Kate groaned. It was official. Her life was a real nightmare. No, she thought. The twins were worth it. She didn't quite know how she could feel that way towards them when she had only seen them once, but she knew that there were no regrets to have.

The detective's silence pushed Lanie to talk. "He's different you know. He's not the guy you remember. He's changed for you. And I don't know if Castle or your dad told you that, but as your best friend, I can honestly tell you that, in all the years I've known you, I've never seen you as happy as you are with him. Truth be told, I don't think you've ever been happy before he came into your life. What I mean is that he's good for you. You should..."

"Should what, Lanie?" Kate asked, suddenly angry. "Go to his loft with him and feel at home? Let him nurse me and enjoy it? Be thankful that I have a lovely husband who's there for me and fall even more in love with him? Because I'm not! I can't do it Lanie", she said, tears welling up in her eyes. She was quite expecting her friend to be silenced by that last remark, but of course she didn't.

"I'm not saying that, Kate. I can't pretend like I know what you're feeling right now. But what I can tell you is that you should give it a shot. Hear him out. He really loves you you know."

"Whose side are you on?"

"Yours, as usual. Which is why I'm encouraging you to try. Because you need to."

Kate inhaled deeply. She knew that she was being irrationnal. She knew that only yesterday, she had looked Castle right in the eye and basically asked him to make her fall in love with him again. And now, here she was, almost looking for a way out when she knew there wasn't one. She felt... stuck. And that was absolutely awful.

"I won't leave him you know" she said in a soft, weak voice that she couldn't identify as hers."Whether I want to or not, I know that I can't."

"Why is that?" Lanie asked, almost afraid to see her best friend give up so easily when it was so not like her.

"I met the twins. My sons. I want to be a part of their lives. I don't even know how that's possible Lanie. I barely know them, and yet, I love them already. And I can't give up on them."

"You're always going to be a part of their lives. You're their mother." Lanie said, not quite sure where the detective was going with this.

"I know but... I want to be there for them. All the time. I already missed their first words, their first steps. I don't want to miss out on more. And if I get a divorce, that's exactly what's going to happen. So I'll stay, I don't care about my feelings."

She couldn't believe she was even having that conversation, but it felt good to finally be able to let it all out. She hadn't wanted to talk about that with her dad. And not with Castle either, for obvious reasons.

Lanie on the other hand was worried. She was trying to understand her best friend, which was quite hard since she hadn't seen this woman in a long time, but she was starting to see what she meant. Kate was basically telling her that she was willing to put her happiness on hold for her kids. No, Detective Beckett, wounded by her mom's death, was telling her that. And she was worried.

"You know" she started, trying to sound reassuring and understanding. "You should give it some time. Let yourself heal. You will remember eventually. Until then, just try to get comfortable, to not worry too much. I think that's the best you can do."

"I'll try" Kate said.

"Okay. And try to talk with Castle too. It could help. But now I really need to go. Apparently, someone was not as lucky as you and I have to take care of him."

Kate let out a small laugh. "Right. I'm not on your table, lucky me!"

"Exactly" Lanie said, happy to hear that her friend was in better spirits, even if she knew that she was just joking. "Oh, and Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll try to come visit you as soon and as often as I can. But in case I can't, don't you dare cut your hair!" she threatened before hanging up.

Kate laughed. She looked at her long caramel curls. Her hair was really not her biggest problem right now.

Kate stared at her screen for several minutes. She felt strange. Her talk with Lanie had helped her. A little. At least, it had made her feel better, which was something. But at the same time, it had left her with an uneasy feeling. Talking with her best friend had been great, she really needed it, but yet, she hadn't felt what she had wanted. She had half hoped that this conversation would have allowed her to escape from her strange new reality for a few minutes, but it wasn't the case. She had felt like Lanie was talking to another person. Another version of herself. The version who was in love with Castle probably. And somehow it was confusing. She really couldn't figure out how she could have let herself fall in such an ordinary life. Married, two kids. It was so not like her! And with Castle at that.

So, okay, if she was completely honest with herself, the writer was certainly not uninteresting or unattractive. Even she could admit it. But she was usually good at denying things like that. Pushing her desires at the back of her mind. Something must have changed in the last ten years, she thought. Maybe I was abducted by aliens. She smiled lightly. Oh god, I sound just like Castle! No wonder I fell in love with him, he must have rubbed off on me.

She looked at her phone again with soft eyes. Maybe she should call him? After all, Lanie was right. If she had been living with him for the past few years, he was thr one who was the most likely to help her. At this point, it was possible that neither her dad nor Lanie knew her as well. And besides, didn't doctors always say that amnesic people should let their family help them while living in 'familiar' surroundings? Yeah, she was definitely calling him. No matter what her feelings towards the man were right now, at some point, they had changed. Probably because Castle had made them change. So, right now, and whether she liked it or not, all she could do was let him do it again, just like she had asked him, or dared or wathever.

She took her phone and dialed his number, surprised that she even knew it, almost like her own. But it didn't even ring, it went straight to voice mail.

The reason why he wasn't picking up was easy. Castle was on communication with Lanie.

"Hey Lanie, what's up?" he asked.

"Castle, I just got off the phone with Kate" she said, sounding worried.

"And? Is that a problem?" he asked. These last two days, practically everything about Kate was worrying him.

"No, she was fine, it's just... You know, she... Well it was weird talking with her, it felt like I was talking to someone else. Not really someone else, I mean, she was still Kate, but another version of her."

"Yeah, I guess you know about..."

"Yeah, I think I figured it out as soon as she asked me what she had been thinking when she agreed to marry you. The point is, I think you should go to the hospital, sit down for a while and have a very serious conversation with your wife. Because I can assure you, she needs it.

Tah-dah!

So, I know I said that I would focus only on Kate for this chapter, but she absolutely wanted to call Lanie, so since I've let this story alone for so long, I told Kate that it was okay for this once. Okay, this is official, exams have finally driven me crazy!

So, I hope you still like it, please tell me what you think? I know the thing with Kate's hair was ridiculous but I just couldn't resist ;)

Aslo, I know Kate is being surprisingly okay with the whole thing, but I figured it would take time for her to fully realise the situation

I also wanted to ask you something. I had a couple of chapters written ahead for this, but I read those today and... well I don't know what kind of drugs I was on while I was writing it, but it really was awful, so now I'm kind of lost... I mean, I know that I will have everyone visit and all, but you could for example tell me who you want to see first? That would really help me, I feel like I know what I will write but I just need a little push. Besides, I want to give you something you will like.

I won't promise anything for the next chapter, but let's say that I will TRY next weekend, when school's over.

Till next time

XOXO

ChairCaskett