Digital Clue

II: One word: blackmail

madjack89: Hello, everyone who decided to actually read this! Time to bring in the guests!

Kouji: Cooool.

madjack89: Shut up, emo wolfy butler dude!

Kouji: I swear to god…

madjack89: Okay, since I did get two reviews for this, I'll answer them now for your amusement and pleasure!

Takuya: You always answer reviews.

madjack89: Yeah, I know!

Zim'sMostLoyalServant: I'll be changing it up a lot with this story to make it amusing for fans of both genres, but I'll be basically sticking to the plot of Clue. Thanks!

hazeleyedharmony: I love parodies too! But…um…Chief…yeah… (Kouichi: You've got to be kidding me.) Um…please don't stop reading this! Pleeeeeeeeeeeease! I've got a plan! Okay well, thanks!

madjack89: Okay, time for part two! Woohoo!

Disclaimer: Still don't own either of these things.

--

Takuya stepped up onto the porch of the large mansion, glancing again at the letter he had received. He stared at the large wooden door then at the doorbell.

He sighed. "I just know this is gonna suck," he muttered, ringing the bell.

After a few moments a man opened the door. He looked Takuya up and down and said, "You're Colonel Mustard, right?"

"Um, no. I'm Takuya," Takuya said, cocking his head. "You sent the letter, so I assumed you knew who I was."

Kouji glared at him. "Okay, first of all, I'm the butler. I don't send letters. Second, Colonel Mustard is going to be your assumed name tonight so that no one knows who you really are. Got it?"

"But I don't like mustard," Takuya said, frowning. "And everyone already knows who I am. Remember that Digimon sleepover cross-over we had? The one where you and Rika were…"

"That's it; get in the freakin' study," Kouji said quickly, interrupting Takuya. Then he grabbed Takuya by the collar of his shirt and tugged him over to the study door.

"But I still don't like mustard," Takuya muttered, pouting.

"Shut up," Kouji snapped, shoving Takuya through the open door. Zoe stood near the door, ready to offer people champagne. (Daiki: But we're not allowed to drink!) Dai, get back to F2HF! (Daiki: Okay…)

The doorbell rang, signaling the arrival of another guest. "Keep this idiot occupied," Kouji told Zoe quickly, rushing to answer the door.

"Roger dodger," Zoe said, mock saluting him. Then she turned to face Takuya, who was staring at her abnormally large breasts.

"Did you have those the last time I saw you?" Takuya asked.

"Takuya, stick to the plot," Zoe said. "And these aren't real. They're fanfiction produced."

"Okay, fine," Takuya said, checking his character description. "Um, we should totally shack up again without anyone taking embarrassing photos," he said, improving.

Zoe sighed. "I swear, Madjack, I swear…" she muttered to herself.

--

Meanwhile, Kouji opened the door, and then flinched. "Oh great, it's Mrs. White."

"Actually, it's Jeri," Jeri said, once again talking creepily through her puppet. "I mean, everyone knows who I am. Remember when you and Rika…"

"My god, does everyone have to bring that up!" Kouji exclaimed angrily, gesturing for Jeri to enter the mansion.

Still fuming, he said through clenched teeth, "Shall I take your coat, Mrs. White?"

"You may take Jeri's coat," said the puppet, emphasizing Jeri's name.

"Can you please put that puppet away?" Kouji asked, still trying to be polite.

"Fine," Jeri said, stuffing the puppet in her pocket. "But she phrases things much more eloquently than me."

"I'm sure she does," Kouji muttered, leading her to the study. "Okay Yvette, here's another nut-job."

"Hey there, Zoe!" Jeri greeted, waving at Zoe as she entered the study.

"Does no one besides me read the script?" Kouji asked.

"I am going by the script," Jeri said defensively. "It says I recognize Zoe, so I did."

"She got you there, Kouji," Takuya added, grinning mischievously.

"Screw all of you," Kouji said, slamming the door.

--

~Meanwhile…

"Oh crap," Yoshino muttered, staring at her smoking engine. "Stupid crappy car."

Suddenly a pair of headlights illuminated the night around her. She turned and saw a car driving up the road toward her. With a man behind the wheel.

Yoshino chuckled. "This'll be too easy," she said to herself, leaning against her car and flaunting her butt at the approaching car. "And now for the finishing touch," she murmured, sticking her leg up in the air.

Instantly the car stopped, backing up to where she stood. She turned and grinned smugly as the man rolled down the window to his car.

"Need a lift?" he asked, patting the seat beside him.

"Thought you'd never ask," she answered, climbing into the car.

"Where you headed?" the man continued, concentrating more on Yoshino's breasts than the road.

"Some big mansion not far up the road," she said, holding up her letter with the address on it.

"What a convenient plot twist," said the man. "I'm going there, too."

"Wow, that is a convenient plot twist," said Yoshino.

"Damn right," said the man, stopping in front of the large gate. "By the way, I'm JP. Professor JP."

"Well I'm Yoshi. Miss Yoshi," she replied, batting her eyelashes flirtatiously at JP.

JP glanced at the mansion then back at Yoshino. "We're not that late," he said, cutting the engine and leaning toward her.

"You read my mind," she said, leaning toward him as well.

--

"Hey everyone! My name's Mimi and I hope we can be friends this is really exciting do you like my hair I like my hair hey look you have goggles and…"

Zoe quickly slammed the study door in Mimi's face, ending her tirade.

"Thank you," said Takuya and Jeri.

"Guys, let her in," said Kouji from outside the door. "If she gets drunk she'll just end up passing out later anyway."

"True," said Zoe, opening the door back up.

"Well that was odd," said Mimi, stepping into the study. "The door just suddenly closed on its own!"

"Yeah, on its own," muttered Takuya, rolling his eyes and taking another sip of champagne.

--

Henry knocked on the door of the mansion, feeling nervous. And it didn't help matters that there were two vicious-looking dogs glaring at him from not far away.

Kouji opened the door, sighing in relief. "Thank god a sensible person finally came!"

"Yeah," said Henry, still glancing at the dogs. "Um, I guess I'm Mr. Green, then?"

"We're just gonna scrap that because everybody else already ruined it," Kouji said flatly. "Let me take your coat."

Kouji quickly took Henry's coat, hanging it in the closet.

Before entering the study, Henry turned to Kouji, saying, "Oh, by the way, you might want to turn the hose on whoever's parked outside your gate, because I was hearing some things and…well…you know."

Kouji sighed, grabbing a cane hanging beside the door. "I'll be right back."

--

"So Zoe, are you gonna keep those breasts, or…"

Zoe slapped Takuya upside the head. "Are you even listening to yourself!" she said angrily. "That's something I would expect from JP, not you!"

"Hi JP!" Everyone turned to the study door to see JP and Yoshino, looking slightly flushed. Mimi was waving stupidly at the both of them as they sat down, both taking cups from Zoe's tray.

"I swear, JP," mumbled Kouji to himself, setting down the cane.

JP smiled sheepishly. "A slight diversion, but none the less satisfying!"

Yoshi giggled, batting her eyelashes.

"Whatever," Kouji said. "Now we can get down to business."

"I think that these two already have," Takuya commented.

Before Kouji could reply, a loud gong was heard in the hallway, causing everyone to jump and Henry to spill his drink all over Mimi.

"Sorry," Henry said sheepishly, grabbing a napkin to wipe her off.

"You should be," Mimi grumbled, suddenly not sounding so cheerful.

Kouji glared at Sora as she made a hasty retreat into the kitchen. "That means that dinner's ready, apparently."

--

Several minutes later, everyone was seated in the dining room, waiting for dinner to be served.

"So Kouji," Takuya said, turning to face him as he stood idly next to the kitchen door. "What exactly do butlers do, anyway?"

"We butle," Kouji said sarcastically. "Now if everyone's done asking me stupid questions, I'm gonna go get dinner." With that he stepped out of the room, leaving the guests to talk.

JP glanced at the vacant seat at the head of the table. "So, what's up with the empty seat?"

"Probably for our host, whoever that is," said Yoshi, taking a drag of her cigarette.

"Since when do you smoke?" asked Jeri, staring at the puff of smoke coming from between Yoshi's parted lips.

"Since now," she said, glancing at the clock. "Hm, 7:30."

"Soup's on," Zoe called, coming in with a tray of soup in her hand and setting each bowl in front of someone.

"On the dot, as always," Kouji mumbled, coming back into the room. "Alright, you guys just get acquainted while me and Zoe take care of some things."

"Like, things or THINGS?" Yoshi asked.

Kouji blushed. "You guys are disgusting!"

"Besides, if Kouji tried anything, I would have to kill him," said JP, holding up a fork threateningly.

"C'mon, Zoe," Kouji mumbled, leaving the room again. Zoe followed quickly behind, once again leaving the guests alone.

"Well, I guess we should just dig in," said JP, taking his spoon and lifting some soup to his mouth. As soon as it entered his mouth, however, he spat it back out, coughing and gagging.

"Oh goody, they're trying to poison us," said Yoshi, rolling her eyes at JP.

"It's not that," JP choked, trying to gain back his composure. "That was just the worst thing I've ever tasted!"

Takuya and Henry eyed the soup warily. Yoshi shoved it away from her. Jeri stared at the wall across from her chair, looking bored.

And Mimi was scarfing down the soup as if she were a starving dog.

Everyone stared at her incredulously. Mimi looked up, confused by everyone's stares. "What?" she asked, pushing her empty bowl aside.

"Dude," said JP, amazed. "You actually stomached that stuff!"

Mimi smiled, saying, "Yeah! Is that a problem?"

Everyone else looked at each other and nodded. "Okay Mimi, since you're a freak, you get everyone's food!" said Takuya, mocking enthusiasm.

The others nodded vigorously, shoving their bowls in Mimi's direction. Mimi grinned happily. "Yay!"

While Mimi finished everyone's food, the other guests started a conversation.

"So why do you think we're here?" asked Henry, getting straight to the point.

"Beat's me," Yoshi said nonchalantly. She suddenly noticed that Takuya was staring at her. "You like what you see?" she asked, smirking.

Takuya blinked. "Uh, no, I just thought I recognized you for a second."

"Wouldn't be the first person you recognized here, if you know what I mean," she muttered conspiratorially.

Takuya stifled a gasp. Crap, it is her, he thought. She'll oust me for sure!

Henry observed Takuya's reaction curiously. "Do you two know each other?"

"Duh!" Takuya and Yoshi said at the same time.

"I mean in the context of the plot," Henry said, sighing. "Now I see what Kouji's talking about."

"I recognized someone," Jeri suddenly said, speaking for the first time.

"Who?" everyone asked.

Jeri smiled. "You all work, or are connected to the government, right?"

Everyone stared at each other in shock. Jeri's smile grew when no one denied her claim.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Everyone held their breath as Kouji answered the door.

After a few moments, Kouji entered the room with Matt by his side. "Okay everybody, here's the last guest," Kouji said, pointing Matt to his seat.

"I thought he was the host," JP grumbled.

"Well, you're wrong," Matt said, taking his seat. As Zoe passed by him, he smirked, saying, "Think you could rustle up something for me to drink, Zee?"

JP flushed with anger and jealousy at Matt's use of Zoe's nickname. "Since when were you such great pals?!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, we know each other on a VERY intimate level," Matt said suggestively, lifting Zoe's skirt.

Zoe stepped away from him quickly, glaring as she left the room.

"Okay guys, time to head to the study." Immediately after Kouji announced this, a loud boom of thunder sounded from outside, stunning everyone.

"Wow, this murder mystery has everything," Takuya muttered.

--

Kouji quickly shuffled everyone back into the study, and they all took a seat. While they were situating themselves, Kouji strode over to a table, upon which was an envelope. He quickly opened the envelope and glanced at the information on the sheets off paper he pulled out.

Kouji rolled his eyes. These guys really are screwed up.

He turned around to find that all the guests were staring at him, expecting him to explain why they were all there tonight.

"I suppose you're wondering why you're all here tonight," he began.

"Madjack already said that," Takuya said.

"Shut up!" Kouji said, tossing a random book at Takuya's head. The book hit him and he fell to the floor, looking unconscious. Everyone returned their attention to Kouji.

Kouji cleared his throat. "You are all here tonight because of one word; blackmail."

--

madjack89: Shock! Their being blackmailed!

Takuya: Oh, great!

Kouji: Yeah, this is some pretty juicy stuff.

Zoe: Heh heh heh…

Matt: Why am I a pervert?

Yoshi: Why am I a slut?

Davis: Why am I not in this story?

Jeri: Why's the sky blue?

Kouichi: Madjack, I'm getting nervous. What part do I play in this?

madjack89: Ah, you're bombarding me with questions again! I'll just end the chapter!

Everyone: No!

madjack89: Bye, everyone! Don't forget to R&R!