Donnie Darko:

My day at school is spent in a haze of wondering. She couldn't be manipulated living—well technically everyone could—so why would she stop loving me? Did I do something? Well of course there was that thing in eighth grade but I'm different now; she's different now. What did I do?

I look down at my cast and at the black bob that had been Joanie's name and phone number. I had wanted to make something nice of this stupid thing but leave it to people to shit on all your ideas. I glance up at Cherita sitting before me in the stupid Health class. You'd think with all the tuition my family has already wasted on this place they could spring for better fucking chairs. Ms. Farmer is going on about Jim Cunningham, the pedophile, and what an honor it's going to be to have him at the school. If only she knew.

My eyes are on Cherita's back when usually I would be sitting beside her (Chen, Darko. How could I not see my name on her book?) but Ms. Farmer said I should take some time to observe the class before joining it. My eyes follow the length of her hair that is so dark and so smooth I want to grasp the ends and watch my fingers poke through the continual stream of darkness. In my mind's eye each lock produces a euphoric sensation on my fingers like coming back from a collapsing universe. I find my heart beating really fast and uncomfortable like I might have a heart attack or something.

I look away from her hair and the image it created in my mind. My heart cools down but my finger still tingle, along with that place in my pants. I shake my head and glance out the window.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Darko?" Ms. Farmer questions, bringing my attention back to the class.

I'm annoyed to have to look at her and her face that's always so angry and forceful. Whether it's God or Jim Cunningham, she's always shoving something down our throats. I shake my head once more, "No."

"You look troubled, do you want to see the nurse?" There she is again with her pushing. She doesn't want me in the class so she wants to force me to the nurse so she doesn't have to look at me, "I think you should see the nurse."

"No," I say in a stronger tone. All I want is to get on with my day after just saving the Primary Universe for the thirty-somthing-th time without any shit from anyone, "The period's almost over, just go on with the stupid lesson and I'll go on pretending I'm not here."

She doesn't gasp but her eyes bulge the slightest bit to hold in all her anger. She let's out a sigh and in a dismissive tone explains away my attitude. She shakes her head once as she falsely smiles, "I'll just chalk this up to your recent brush with death, Mr. Darko. I expect you to be a well-rounded individual by our next class."

I resist rolling my eyes. The last thing I need is to get in trouble and lose my after school time and one of my few classes with Cherita. I look to her again and notice while everyone else's eyes are on me she is still looking forward. That pain—that heart in my stomach coming out of my ass pain—is back again. I swallow hard and look back toward the window. If she doesn't love me I don't know what I'll do. Create a portal, maybe go back to keep myself in that bed and go squish.

No.

The bell rings and I stand. I can't be in this place any longer and time portals don't work like that. In fact I'm not supposed to know how they work at all. This time traveling thing is supposed to be like a dream. You wake up and go on with your day, then forget all about it. But also like a dream, if you hold onto it before and as you wake up...it makes you lose your fucking mind.

I watch as Cherita gets to her feet after most of the kids are half way out the room. My own friends leave because they know when I'm in this mood they should stay away. All that's left is me and Cherita and I think she's waiting for me to go first but I don't want to. Lunch is next period and I want to see where she goes and what she does. Maybe break into her locker and see if my name is on any of her other books I don't know about.

But the silence between us is deafening. I still have the Sharpie from this morning that I last used to blot out Joanie's addition. I take little steps, but they still echo in the room. When I'm by her side I suddenly catch a whiff of her scent or perfume or whatever and it's such a strong thing, not that she used a lot but just that it's dominant and womanly and familiar. It makes my heart thunder in my chest like never before, and I can't help but to swallow hard.

She turns her head the slightest bit and I can see there that she is gentle and afraid. I find it so sweet how I tower over her and how she seems to have just realized that. I lick my dry lips as I motion toward the marker in my hand. This is stupid, so stupid, I know; but what else can I do? I lift my cast—showing off where I blotted Joanie's name and number, just in case she was upset about that—as I ask, "Do you wanna...sign my cast now?"

Her lips are slightly parted, pink petals surrounded by large cheeks that make me think of x-rated things. She shuts her mouth and swallows in an uncomfortable manner. She begins to shake her head but a rush of anger or something overcomes me and I grab her hand that is creating that shield with her books over her chest to put the marker in it so she has no choice but to sign but it all goes wrong. Our skin meets and it's like an electric shock so sharp and smooth hits my skin and she must have felt it too because she jumps the slightest bit and her books to flying.

"Cherita, I-I...," I try to apologize as I lower down to pick her books up and that's when I see it. It's like that instant shitty blood draining feeling but the exact opposite, like blood is filling into me. My heart works so fast it feels like it stopped. A flood lets loose from my eyes and there is the tell tale sign of a moisture drop on the brown paper bag book cover beside my name.

I look to her, wanting to kiss those petal lips, but she is in a tangle of mess she fights to get out of. Panic is on her face and she scrambles to grab the books to do what I don't want her to—leave. I reach my hand forward to touch her arm but she jerks away and grabs the last of her stuff as she storms out of the room. I find myself quaking in what just happened and confused by my own body's response. Never has a girl made me feel this way. Never before had I wanted someone so bad.

I'm taken back to the first time I had seen the book. I wish I had those earmuffs. I wish I had those damn earmuffs.