AN: So sorry I said I was going to update sooner but my whole family got sick including me (I just found out I had bronchitis with my cold and before I found out I had it, I was taking over the counter meds which made it worst and had to go to the hospital) sorry, it delayed my writing!
Also for those who don't know I added an explanation of how the technique worked In 2 or 3 paragraphs into the sakura Pov. Actually I am going to revise the first chapter. nothing is going to change really just making it flow better.
I have no beta.
I Do not own anything except the plot. rated M, Violence in this chapter.
This chapter was inspired by these songs (youtube it):
Modest Mouse - Coyotes
Horse Feathers - Curs in the Weeds
The Oh Hello's - Like The Dawn
"See, I wanna know if you have hurt people. Did their tears rain on your heart, each drop a sharp stinging torment? I try to imagine if you wear a mask of hardness in the face of another's pain, or if you are gentle as you ask for forgiveness. Do you bleed through another's wounds? Can you?
Tell me how you have broken someone you loved, and whether you were able to fix them again. Did they love you still when the pieces were put back together? What horrors live in the bleakest corners of your soul? What do you think about when you go there?
I want to know the very worst of you."
I want to know you by: JoJo Rowden
Ch.3
"Sakura…"
"Sakura!"
Dazed, she looked back to her shishou blinking back to her current reality. 'Great I spaced out again, third time today too.' she mentally slapped herself, as she apologizes lamely. " Sorry shishou, can you repeat that?"
Tsunade leaned back on her chair, eyes close messaging the sides of her temples. A long irritated sigh escaped her lips. Looking back intently at her apprentice again she ask, agitated the subject her apprentice was trying to avoid. " What has he done now?"
Sakura eyes widen shaking her head, surprised by her shishou question. " He has done nothing, its….its me," she said in a small frown. her shishou not believing it fully, knowing the girl had a more than full plait on her hands.
"...Sakura, if this is about-" she was cut off before the hokage could say more,
"Yes shishou that too, has there been any developments?" Sakura hurriedly implied.
Shaking her head slightly in conformation. Tsunade knew it wasn't a safe subject to talk about knowing the old kooks could, and most likely have ears in the unsecure room. Sakura knew that too. 'probably losing sleep and using medical ninjutsu to rejuvenate the skin under her eyes.' Which to no end the blond herself condones, if sakura had to be on call for an emergency, she can trust her student to say when she is incapable of doing such procedures, If sakura was unwell to do them. This was exception however, sakura needs to look and act normal so there is no suspicion.
As hokage she knew what was expected, having drunk herself to a stupor many of times but this… 'Like she was one to talk' she thought, un-humorously watching her apprentice gloomy appearance. This was beyond upsetting. she wondered how her student, though taking it better than most, was doing to cope with this?
'Certainly not sleeping well.' Already decided, she pats her apprentice gently on the hand. " Go home, I know you're tired... you had a long day." Sakura glanced down breathing out heavily through her nose. Knew what her shishou was doing, it was tempting to go home, have a quick snack and curl up with a book until she past out.
However, she knew she had to tend to her other responsibilities… with a small smile she shrugs "Im cooking tonight" Her inner chooses to quips then 'Oh its not that they can't go a night without your cooking, there Shinobi they'll learn how to survive a night without it.'
Tsunade raising an eyebrow then shoots a scowl to her apprentice. knowing she had to meet her stubborn student halfway. "Okay, but after go straight home, no night training."
Sakura, looking at her fingers in her lap with a slight pout she reluctantly agrees
"yes shishou…"
the blond knew sakura was keeping herself busy, but if this kept up Sakura would keel over in exhaustion. Something neither of them could afford to happen. She would listen. " Ok then go to your team, and about the mission debriefing…" leaning back she bit her thumb nail, glaring at the far wall in thought. ''well damn, I'm going to need to find someone else but maybe…'
Sakura already waving her hand away. "Don't worry shishou I know I will be able to do it, and besides I can use a little break from...work." Tsunade smirks and nodded slightly
" Thats what I thought." with that they exchange goodnights. sakura, making her way through the hallways and out of the tower. In the somewhat busy streets heading east towards the uchiha compound.
It was a clear, and cold night. A few people bustled in the streets rushing home to their loved ones. Some greeted her, as people often did. As the hokages apprentice she was widely known in the community in konoha, she replied with respectful good evenings and waves.
As she did this she reminded herself about the discussion she had with her shishou, about a mission she will be partake on leaving early tomorrow. Kami knows she needed the three week break. Way better distraction if you asked her. 'No kidding.' inner spoke to herself more than she did to sakura. which sakura gladly ignored. After nodding her head to the last person that greeted her a good night. Glancing towards her destination, she notice it was already dark.
With the sun beyond the horizon, she was by now, late. pulling her red jacket tighter around the collar she sets off running on the roofs. instead of the streets feeling she would make better progress this way.
She was slightly disappointed, though reminding herself that she would have to cancel with Sai about training tonight.
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Jumping down to the last roof and onto the front entrance of the compound. taking out her compact mirror to examine her face. When she had bought it at the time, her friend Ino was surprised when sakura had bought it, since sakuras' vow to not pay attention to her looks after the chunin exams. Nonetheless, Ino was proud of her that her best friend was getting into girlified interest.
Ino even teased if it was for sasuke. which neither of those two assumptions were the reason she had gotten it. Not even thinking of either of them, so she humored her friend anyway saying That it was. She hated that she was lying to her best friend but she didn't have a choice. Examining her barely lit face, the only light coming from the oil lamp next to the door that was lit. She looked a little pale and saw the slight tinge of discoloration under her eyes.
This was why she had bought this months ago. She groaned, taking her right hand laced fingers, with a glow at her fingertips and placing her thumb and middle finger under both of her eyes. taking out the excess water that had gathered there and increasing the blood flow and its density to her face.
She had been getting better of her chakra control, now able to crack boulders with just a finger flick. It had something to do with her Inner. Inner knowing some things that she didn't, about themselves... Not sure if she had been ready to hear them at the time.
She was still getting used to the changes everything seemed so muddled in her life… and it was overwhelming. With everything happening she had been more focused on her studying than ever before. Hell, even her shishou knew she was surpassing her and soon will complete her apprenticeship.
Pausing to check her handy work, she looked back to the compact mirror. satisfied with the light color under her eyes, she pulls down her zipper to her jacket then her blouse slightly revealing her chest. comparing her chest color to her face 'still a little pale' she frowned. zipping everything up, she shrugged.
'Good enough' she thought, she was honestly a little drain from todays work, that and other sobering thoughts. She would replenish her energy using her homemade solder pills, the iron they provided and energy booster was a welcoming thought. Reaching down into her pocket to take out the white bottle of the new batch of pills she made earlier that morning, only to come an empty pocket.
Slapping her own forehead whining with displeasure. Muttering to herself," I must have left them in the lab... oh well, theres always tomorrow." She sauntered to the entrance knowing the distance to be much too troubling to retrieve the bottle from the lab located in the hospital.
Opening the heavy blue gated door into a dark lonely ambience of a once neighborhood. She could have ran through the compound or jump on the roofs on the still empty homes of ghost, that for months have haunted her dreams. spite all of that, out of respect she decided to walk it.
she strolled through holding her coat closer to her body. heading towards sasuke-kun's old apartment. She wondered after the massacre why he had still lived here… 'Was he forced to by the council? Or did he wanted to build his hate towards his brother, constantly being reminded of what he had done...' It felt eerie to her, walking through here.
She stopped suddenly, glancing up from her downward cast eyes. Like the other once homes, an empty worn down house. The empty pots that lined the house, once filed with assortments of plants. Now dead and withered away only leaving dry soil pots. The uchiha paper made emblem still hung from its cobwebbed window.
The halo darkness inside was a grim reminder that trespassers were not permitted. probably was true that even outsiders like her wouldn't had been allowed in way back when. when she was ignorant of the bigger scale that was around her.
Nevertheless, It felt more of a burial ground than a once loving home. she thought about how sasuke probably walked past this house everyday. Though, It was there house... where they had grew up in. The memories of a little boy... a happy little boy filled with hopes and dreams not affected by the harsh realities of this world… Full of love from the people around him. Not a care in the world. Only wanting to grow as strong as his Aniki and in one night Everything they both knew, gone….
nine month flashback continuation...
'Inner can be really sadistic sometimes… but to see it happen, the things she...I would promise to do.' She watched as inner circled the stake. Ironically stabbing him with his own katana. Using him as Inner's own personal pin cushion. Sakura had figured that inner gained control over his technique somehow, but that wasn't the forefront of her mind right now... the outfit that Inner was wearing was… old.
centuries old… for the life of her she couldn't-
her thoughts were cut off when a choked grunt, that was coming from his shuddering form.
The sword was angled upwards embedded in the middle of his stomach, blood trickled to the floor making a crimson pool at his feet. Seeping from the assortments of wounds that inner had given him. Sakura was a couple feet of them, like always on the sidelines. Her stomach gave a little flip.
When even more blood came when the sword was yanked out harshly making a sound as a came out. Like rock against metal. She Imagining that Inner must have cut through his vertebrae. 'It must be painful, painful enough to pass out from and go into shock... but he is still conscious ...she must be forcing him to stay awake.' sakura swallowed hard.
Her inner circling him again. Feeling a twinge of unwanted sympathy for said man, She knew she shouldn't but she couldn't stand this anymore. Yes, he was openly ogling her body when she was bathing. Still bathing, she noted dryly. Sure he deserved a slap or two but this. She didn't like anyone in pain, even scum like him. She was a medic first before anything else.
Going against her better judgment, She spoke up before the next blow would have hit where his left lung would be "Stop, inner this is wrong. " inner, not looking back at sakura loward the katana. Peeved, locked jaw and narrowing her eyes at the man with his head bowed, inner spoke .
"Then he shouldn't have tried to take over our subconsciousness. Its like rape sakura, you know that. Call it self defence."
She lift up the sword again, going for another blow when sakura appeared in front of inner taking the sword blade in her hand stopping it from going any further. She felt the blade slice her hand, she flinched but held on. Despite the warm and slight stinging hum that was coming from her now bleeding palm. She glared at her inner " he is a defenceless man!"
The blade shook neither giving up there hold. " Defenceless? DEFENCELESS!?" inner spat. "You and I know he deserves this and worse for the crimes he has done and you want to show him mercy?"
With gritted teeth Sakura spoked low. " Yes I do, this is sickening to watch this torture and is not our place to give this. Where is your humanity?" she begged, Inner widening her eyes, she knew sakura wasn't going to see reason with this… If she had to she would make her.
" Don't make me show you Sakura."
Slightly puzzled by Inner's response, not knowing what Inner was talking about. "Show me what…?" Sakuras eyes widened slightly as she read the underlying threat just by Inner's Expressionless face.
"Let. Go" inner demanded a final time.
Feeling a slight panic come over herself, but held on to her resolve. Sakura didn't budge. Whatever inner was going to show her was not going to be pleasant. However, no matter what she wasn't moving. Decided, her own blank face clear on her features.
" No."
Inner tsk, glancing down in thought, her bangs hanged in front of her eyes as sakura couldn't see her expression. It had gone tensley quiet. Even the man behind sakura was watching the ordeal between the two.
Waiting for the other to give…
Inner spoke up with a Forlorn whisper. " You stubborn girl…" Sakura only knew so much of what she herself was capable of, but her inner was displaying actions she herself thought of doing but never having the audacity of actually act upon those thoughts.
What most disturbed her was that she had no control over that was supposedly part of herself.
The only thing she could do was wait. When she heard a gasp from behind. Glancing back not letting go of the Katana blade, she saw Itachi's eyes wide with panic, his sharingan on and for a moment she was confused and slightly concerned until the images sprung in her mind.
Fast pace but all so damning…
She saw everything.. war, The nine tails attack, Itachi holding his baby brother close whispering to the crying infant that he would protect him no matter what. passing the academy, chunin, ambu. The parises. His mother's warm smile, his fathers clan planning dastardly deeds. Being in front of the hokage and the elders, a stalemate causing drastic measures. Danzo giving the mission scroll… A time limit. A boy… his best friend giving him his own eye, then jumping off a waterfall, plummeting to his death. A series of inner battles. A man, with a orange mask who is also an Uchiha…
The image paused there for a second. Noting the swirls on the mask and one uncovered eye, seeing the sharingan. Then the images fast forward again. Finally, the massacre. He was in front of his parents there parting words that they were proud of him and to look after sasuke.
The images where blurring a bit as Itachis katana took down both kneeling parents. Soon after Sasuke walking in the house. Finding his parents broken bodies on the ground, his brother standing over them. Sasuke running, stopping when he saw his brother again. Itachi saying all of it was to test himself… lies. Sasuke's promise of revenge.Then and only then the images where cut off.
As Sakura came to, the blade she held. It felt heavy now. letting it go, it fell to the ground. It should of made some noise, anything but the ringing sound in her ears overpowered everything. stumbling back and slightly sick, she wanted to throw up but couldn't. She looked up to his face trying to get any reassurance of what she saw and felt werent really his memories.
She knew though, when she saw the angered sorrow there. marring his more than perfectly blank face she come to imagine him to always have.
The blank facade was gone. Everything that she had thought of him was now a blanket of confusion and hurt. She felt everything he felt in those moments… her heart broke, more than once that it threaten to consume her and rip her apart. She wanted to comfort him, instead tears ran down her face. a halo wale broke out from her mouth as her legs crumpled under her. laying down on her side, she got in a fetal position.
She cried.
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It could have been hours until the sobbing subsided. What she saw shook her to the core, that left her feeling numb and a slight hiccup, slowly she looked up to see Itachi glancing away into the far distance, his expression a sober one. He looked tired, defeated almost. She knew of his true nature now and it was not what he portrayed himself to be for all these years. The lines where skewed…so much that it scared her more than it should have.
Shaking off the last thought, something was bothering her, he could move. 'Before he couldn't, he shouldn't have been able too'... It dawned on her then. Inner had healed his wounds while they had there spat at each other. Knowing Inner, she probably would have stabbed the same spot she had before.
Healing and breaking him over and over making him feel massive pain before sucumbing of the numbness of losing control of his own body.. a cruel and constant reminder how vulnerable his position was.
She shuddered and wishing to kami that this side of inner wasn't also part of her being. It couldn't be... 'Inner is like a separate entity altogether. How can that be possible…' Her brow creased in confusion. She was on the verge of being a hysteric weeping mess again.
Breathing in deeply in and out with a shaky breath, trying to gain her bearings. She was tired… Tired of being in the dark, that she knew for sure. 'Inner.' She was determined that this time she would demand an explanation of what is going on. Speaking of inner...
Studying her surroundings she notice Inner gone, disappeared seconds before sakura dropped the sword that was no where to be found. Wiping her face with the collar of her shirt she slowly stood up. 'Coward' she thought begrudgingly to her inner. though her inner didn't reply. Hesitant, She took a step to face him. She felt her resolve almost shater as she stared with concern eyes. No, she needed to do this, it was at least she could do.
If he notice her he didn't acknowledge it. He kept looking in the far distance, she wondered what he saw there. Did she want to know?... Sucking in as much courage she had, slowly taking her hand she placed it gently on his cheek. watching him come to the present, to what he was thinking about. He closed his eyes briefly before gazing at her.
She didn't know what to say, so she said nothing for a while just staring straight into his charcoal eyes. Wondering, how he was able to live with himself for so long? She felt the pure torment that was there. Wanting to help him somehow, 'like I could make a difference in this.' she thought bitterly feeling more useless than ever before.
'Damn.' She thought. 'I promised myself I wouldn't be useless anymore' she bit off bitterly. At the same time she hated herself, being that the self loathing was a waste of time and she knew it. Despite that she was depressed by it, she felt like she wanted to sucumb to it. Until, she felt a slight stinging itch in her right palm that was holding his cheek, she remembered the cut that was on the palm of her hand.
As she slowly withdrew her hand, she felt the blood slightly wet and sticky leaving some of it on his cheek. Embarrassed she apologizes " I'm-I'm sorry here, let me…" taking the back of her palm and knuckles, she tries to wipe the blood off. Only to realize she was making it worse, as the smudges started to dry, his face now marked by her caked blood. A bit panic she she tries to apologize again. Only pause at her apology when he speaks.
" Sakura…" noticing the lack of suffix and last name. She didn't know what this meant. All she knew that he was vulnerable and he needed something… With all formalities out the window now. shimmering eyes look intently in his, eyes of a being that she never seen such hopelessness. for a minute she forgets how to breath, quickly sucking in a shaky breath.
" Itachi.." she tears up now letting them fall and unashamed she whispers " I'm sorry..." He blinks, then looks down defeated closing his eyes again with a contorted face... 'there it was, anguish' she thought.
She felt horrible having her inner making him relive all of that... It wasn't fair. All of this wasn't fair… she breathed out slowly, trying to gain control of her mixed emotions. She knew the saying that 'life isn't fair' but this was beyond what words to describe how true that was.
Just as she was wiping away her tear streaked face with the collar of her shirt again. thinking about all that he was put through. All the pain. When he quickly jerked his head up to to meet her eyes, a seriousness taking place. Mask and all put back neatly despite the bloodied cheek. "Sasuke must not know."
Shocked she lets go of her collar, having her full attention on him and drops her jaw a bit. a little taken back she tries to respond. trying to organize her jumbled thoughts. "how?... how am I supposed to keep this from him?" clenching his jaw ever so slightly, he glared at her. She felt torn knowing all the effort Itachi did to keep this from sasuke and being siad persons teammate and friend. Someone who trusted to give his back too … it was impossible.
She notice the intense stare now. looking down, away from it and biting her lip slightly. Feeling exposed by those scrutining eyes.
" Inner."
He spoke, His now scowl turn into a passive face. He just kept on surprising her.
"What?... What about her…" she stuttered.'Thats right,' she thought. Inner made herself present to him and the only one that knew about her except herself. Hypothetically, If she could tell anyone else they would probably lock her in the looney vile. The thought made her grimace as she looked up to watch him appear to be thinking rather intently.
'He seems to be complicating what "Inner" is, I can practically see the gears turning in his head.' Though slightly relieve that she had someone other than her knowing of inner existence, debating whether or not if this was a good thing or a bad thing.
"she is neither a double personality or something that you can control...however, that Door is connected to your Inner" he concluded.
YES! There. He had it right on the nose, but for all that is holy she couldn't confirm or deny his statement. feeling a familiar numbness come over her whenever a conversation would come to this subject. She would normally deflect, on a lie or change the subject completely. Now she could no longer do neither.
He was a prodigy, everyone and their mothers knew this. He would notice If she tried evading the subject and there he was waiting for an answer when all she could do is stare dumbly at him, almost painfully so. She so wanted to tell someone about this enigma in her head. she decides to choose her words carefully. " I- I don't know if she is me or she is something entirely separate. All I know is inner... thats what she… calls herself-" she choked out the last sentence, Feeling the word hang off leaving a lot unsaid.
She was rather upset when her tongue decide it was a dead weight in an instant after those words fell from her mouth, she couldn't elaborate more. Out of pure Frustration she grabs the sides of her head, gathering her hair into her fisted hands. Shaking her head back and forth she whimpers "I can't." At this point her head started to throb struggling against her numb tongue.
" A seal." his eyes zeroed in on her.
looking up from her stricken face to his piercing gaze. Her eyes widen at this " Is it?" She didn't know this herself, how could she? How could there be a seal without her knowing it unless.. ' The door..' she thought as to what purpose it was here in her subconsciousness in the first place.
"you're treading in dangerous waters Uchiha-san. I would be best if you stop while you're ahead." Inner spoke a few feet behind sakura. It startled her how Inner could sneak up like that. Itachi, though seemed he was expecting for inner to intervene.
"Sakura. You need to leave, your teammates will be looking for you."she said impassively
Angry gade eyes looked into hazel. " You! you have no right in telling me what I need to do. I knew this." she gestured to Itachi "this was wrong in the first place, release him!"
Glaring at inner, She hated that Inner could look so damn calm and collective. " I know you are stricken with me but we don't have time for petty arguments. As for him, I can not do as you say. There was a reason why he put us here. Stalling us from something important, isn't that right Uchiha-san?" Inner said without batting an eye.
This caught her by surprize. Sakura glance over to the man who was giving nothing away by his deadpan appearance. 'Why was he here in this part of Amegakure anyway? there is literally nothing out here except'… Slowly she put the pieces together. Feeling the oh so familiar name leave her lips " sasuke " she gasp lifting her hand to her mouth, for a minute she felt faint. She wasn't ready to face him now, her heart beating fast and heavily in her chest. It was overwhelming her senses forgetting everything that surrounded her.
Its not that she didn't want to see him, no she wanted to so much that it hurt. Suddenly she felt Inners hand on her shoulder, instinctively Sakura latched on to it like an anchor holding her in place. At the time it was the only thing that was keeping her together when she was about to fall apart at the worst of times. The more rational side of her spoke up at that. This was happening whether she liked it or not and she was going to face it. That fact she wasn't going to avoid.
Then she peered over to him not knowing if she could keep this secret.
Remembering the times that sasuke determined eyes gleaming on the fact he was going to hunt down his own brother and kill him. When the curse seal he had on his neck was released and feeling the pure ruthlessness of his soul poured out of him as she desperately begged him to stop attacking Zaku, the Otogakure genin. When sasuke was in the hospital, after Itachi's unexpected visit. She had tried to pass one of the apples she had sliced for him.
He had glared at her and Naruto seeing the irrational break of anger.. she saw it coming but did nothing to stop it as he backhanded the slice apples she made for him. Then challenging naruto to a fight… After that occurrence he had been quiet, and distant in their conversations. The night he left was what she regretted the most.
Sasukes back turned to her as she threaten to scream only to thank her and knocking her out. Leaving her cold and alone on a stone bench. Then the recent incident. Recalling how he said her name… it was colder, indifferent. Saying that he didn't care what happened to himself or to them. As long as he got his revenge.
"Why" She asked quietly to him in a whisper. she waited, but when no answer came. She spoke again her voice cracked in slight anger watching his blank face. "Why should I keep this from him?"
For all of kami she needed to know.
His eyebrows scrunched briefly then relaxed back to his stoicness. "He is supposed to be the hero, and bring back honor of the Uchiha name."
She paused thinking over his criptive words carefully. ' Hero? Sasuke was anything but a hero… all he cared about was himself and to avenge his clan…' she paled 'revenge...' It made sense now, all the baiting he had done to sasuke. Of all the "Bullshit" she seethed anger flaring up. making her body shake. inner's hand had tighten its grip on sakura's hand " thats not the real reason… you just want..." Her speech faltered. his own emotionless eyes gleamed with something she didn't know.
"What do I want kunoichi" he looked at her intently. Coming to terms what he wanted her to say, to see if she can make the connection.
He was a dead man anyway.
Did she dare to say it? The anger simmered and dimmed. Her shaking ceased as she thought of her friend, and team mate.'Naruto… if you were here I bet you could knock some sense into him,' a sad small smile played at her lips, at last she would have to do it. "Its flawed, your plan that is. Even if sasuke succeeds there is always a chance… A chance for things to go wrong. That is something you can never predict, because everything that can go wrong, will."
AN: Oh good GOD! I wanted that to go on longer! (TT-TT) *sigh* Originally I did.. life happens… sometimes it gives you lemons and sometimes bronchitis… *smack* ok, ok bad joke. (^-^") no really glad I'm somewhat back on track with this, and can't wait to continue!
Does she convince him? Or is it all futile? I would like to know your thoughts.
Just so people know I will start fixing the first 2 chapters...later today so hope you enjoyed! don't mind the updates, I am fixing stuff. Not until 2 weeks from now! When I will post up a new chapter!