A/N: I love my reviewers. Im glad you like this story. So far, so good. Posting as I go is not so bad. Probably will get worse though. School is back tomorrow.

BTW- I forgot the disclaimer. In case you didnt know, I dont own anything except my imagination and dreams where Peyton and Lucas pop up and beg me to tell their crazy stories.

"""" mean from the script. Not too much of that in this fic.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 2 Holding On, Letting Go

How do you mourn somebody who doesn't feel dead? There was no body, no remains, no casket to sob over. Just the absence of the person that was everything. It still felt like she was in California and just forgot to call- for over 3 months. Because that's how long it had been since the call from Brooke that fateful night, from a hospital in New Mexico, where she and the pilot were rushed when their plane went down on the way to California.

Brooke had been hysterical, and finally had to be sedated so the anguish that shook her entire body wouldn't tear the stitches that held together the multiple lacerations on her face and arms in a way that prevented scarring, and to allow her arm and leg to heal from the nasty break they sustained as she and the pilot parachuted to safety, their fateful drop broken by a grove of trees, ironically one of the few that existed in a state full of deserts.

They didn't have a remedy for her broken heart.

"I should've just waited." Brooke said to Lucas brokenly, a week later as she recuperated in the midwest hospital. Her parents didn't bother to come out to visit her, claiming she was 18 and could handle her own responsibilities, so when Lucas found out, he convinced his mother to go with him to be with Brooke in New Mexico, and get her released into her care so she could come home, renting a van and driving the 30 hour distance so that Karen would be comfortable traveling with an infant, and Brooke would be able to endure the ride back. Lucas didn't tell anyone the true reason he was so determined to make it to Brooke's side. But everyone knew, and no one said a word, scared to break the brittle hope Lucas still had that someone had made a mistake, and Peyton was in that hospital somewhere, unidentified, waiting for him to once again come and save her.

They traveled to New Mexico too slowly for Lucas' taste, but out of deference for his mother and baby sister, agreed to frequent stops and overnight stays in hotel rooms. He was plagued by nightmares, and impatient to get there, as if his presence would help them find Peyton easier, more quickly.

But it hadn't.

Brooke was inconsolable. Constantly sedated, tears continued to leak from her eyes even as the medication allowed her to recount the story of what happened without breaking down. She didn't know the pilot she had chosen was cocky, and thought he could fly through the turbulence. He just had a crush on Brooke, and when he overheard her complaining about how long flying around the problem areas would take, he decided to chance a more direct route.

There was nothing he could do when the plane began an unexplained descent, having withstood damage from the raging winds they had flown through, making it necessary for them to evacuate the plane. He was new to flying, with several successful flights, a handful of recommendations, and some experience under his belt, but not enough wisdom to know that the danger in turbulence wasn't just making sure the plane stayed in the air- it was making sure the constant wind pressure did not do irreparable damage to the plane.

It was certain he knew that fact now, but there was a cost to this life's lesson.

He did his best to steer the plane out of the turbulent air, battling a damaged wing and a rapid descent, trying to get them as far out of the wind tunnels as he could until the last possible second that they would need to jump. It wasn't his fault that Brooke was terrified, and Peyton decided to go first, to 'show her there was nothing to be afraid of.'

Brooke's last images of Peyton was a smile, a wink, and a deep breath that accompanied her, "What a story to tell the grandkids, huh, ?," as she made the jump out of the plane. The image was now looped in Brooke's mind forever, inevitably morphing from that vision into the terrified look on Peyton's face as a strong gust of wind blew her off the explained trajectory of descent the pilot told them was a piece of cake, her arms outstretched, reaching out back towards the plane to Brooke, who could only watch helplessly as she was carried away by the air currents. The pilot hadn't flown them far enough out of the danger zone, though to be fair to him, at that point in time, the threat of staying in the plane was much greater than the threat of jumping out of it.

Brooke didn't remember much after that, but the pilot was able to recount that she just knelt there, reaching out of the plane and screaming Peyton's name, refusing to jump until, in desperation, the pilot grabbed her and attempted the more dangerous double jump, managing to land them, safe and alive, though banged up by the tree limbs that both broke their fall and caused superficial wounds, miles inside the border of the state of New Mexico.

The pilot could only hazard a guess as to where Peyton landed, the instability of the wind patterns ensuring that multiple parts of New Mexico would need to be checked, not just the nearby areas. And in the week that Brooke spent in the hospital, alone- no friends, no family, there was no word on Peyton. It was a comfort to no one that because she had gone missing during an emergency evacuation, all flights would now require a tracking device be sown into the parachutes and other emergency equipment, so this wouldn't happen again, and missing people would be able to be located at the click of a button.

It comforted no one, because while it was a great idea for future rescues, it didn't help them find Peyton.

So here they were, 3 months later, a now mobile Brooke leaning heavily on Karen's shoulder, standing at a memorial marker for Peyton Sawyer- beloved daughter, beloved friend- in the only place that seemed fitting for her final resting place. Next to her mother, Anna.

Larry Sawyer was the picture of a broken man, having to now say goodbye to the last of his living kin, and more, having to face the worst fear of every parent- outliving their child. Having already buried his wife, and with no surviving relatives, no one dared protest his decision to halt the search for his daughter after 3 months of following detours and dead ends. During those 3 long months, every hospital was checked for a Peyton Sawyer and every 'Jane Doe' in New Mexico met Larry personally. But after the 5th viewing of an unidentified blond woman that had been found in the wilderness, or had passed away at a New Mexican hospital, he broke down and declared he could not do it any longer.

At this point, no one held out any hope that she would be found alive, and Larry was no longer looking for a missing daughter, but a body to bury under her headstone. So after seeing what the harsh sun did to the unfortunate accident victims, he considered it a small blessing that he would never see what it had done to his daughter.

There was one person who was not at the memorial service. One person who both personally and vocally disagreed with Larry's decision.

Flashback

"Haley tells me you're not going to Peyton's memorial service."

Lucas didn't turn his head at the sound of his brother's voice, but continued to methodically practice his field goals. Monotonously, he grasped the ball firmly in his hands, fixed the positions of his fingers, aimed, and shot. There was no emotion at the sound of the swish, just a deliberate movement to grab the ball, set up the next shot, and repeat. Aim, shoot, swish, grab. Aim, shoot, swish, grab.

"I'm not going to a service for someone who isn't dead." Lucas said, not missing a beat. Aim, shoot, swish, grab.

Nathan hung his head. "I don't want to believe it either, Luke, but its been 3 months. Even if she was able to open the parachute in the wind, and if she was able to survive the fall, there's no way she would have been able to make it outside of civilization without someone's help. And Larry's personally checked every lead, has seen every female that's been found, dead or alive, over the last three months."

Nathan shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose, and taking a moment before finishing. "You have to face it Luke. We all have to face it. She's gone."

Lucas didn't acknowledge a word Nathan said, but continued what he was doing- Aim, shoot, swish, grab.

Aim, shoot, swish, grab.

The Rivercourt was silent but for the bounce of the ball as it hit the pavement before Lucas grabbed it and set up his next shot, Nathan's heart breaking as he watched, both from the loss of his best friend next to his wife, and from the pain he knew his brother was going through. He couldn't imagine losing Haley- just the thought of it sent pain darting through his chest, so he didn't even pretend to understand what Lucas was suffering. But that didn't mean life stood still.

Finally Lucas grabbed the ball and tucked it on his hip, turning to Nathan. "You love Haley, right?" he said suddenly, calmly, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I do. More than anything." Nathan said, confused. "But what's that got to do with…"

"And even though she's not with us right here, right now, you can still feel her presence inside you, right?" Luca continued, as if Nathan wasn't trying to speak beyond his affirmative answer.

"We've talked about this, Luke!" Nathan shouted, frustrated. Sometime after the school shooting, Lucas had confessed to Nathan about how he could 'feel' Peyton inside him, which is how he had an idea when it was imperative to get her out of the building, even at the risk of running into the shooter. He had felt her presence in his heart get weaker, and guessed that it meant something was wrong. It was at the hospital that they applaude his timeful rescue, since a couple minutes more and her blod loss would have been fatal. It was during this story Nathan confessed to a similar feeling he had for Haley, not that it had ever been testing by near-death experiences. But distance didnt matter, as she was firmly affixed in his heart, even as she was on tour and he was at High Flyers.

At the look on Lucas' face, he sighed, then relented. "Ok, fine. Do you want me to say it? Yes, I do. But…"

Once again Lucas cut him off. "Then she can't be dead. I can still feel her, here." Lucas pounded the left side of his chest, then closed his eyes, his fist loosening and flattening until his open palm rested over his heart. After a moment, a smile flitted across his face before he opened his eyes and fixed Nathan with a serious stare. "And until she's gone from here, I know she's still out there somewhere. We just have to find her."

End flashback

So while it seemed like all of Tree Hill was at the gravesite, shedding tears of sorrow and sharing their grief in the loss of a life too soon, Lucas sat alone in his room, dry-eyed, running his hand lightly over his favorite picture of the two of them together.

Neither of them had known the picture was being taken, and Lucas had never felt so grateful as he did now that the greatest moment of his life had been captured forever. It was as if God knew he would need this little piece of her during this troubled time, to get him through to the day where he would prove everyone wrong and be with her again.

He could still hear the words echoing through his head, reliving that perfect moment in his mind while his fingers traced the smile on her face as she looked up at him, his hand caressing the side of her face, his other hand on the curve of her waist, mere seconds before he pulled her close for a kiss.

""Its you. When all my dreams come true, the one I want next to me. It's you. It's you, Peyton.""

Mentally he beat himself up about all the time he wasted denying how he felt, how at even that moment, he spoke the words as if he were just coming to the realization that she was the one he'd wanted all along. But as soon as his mind traveled down that path, he closed that door. It wasn't time wasted, because he still had time. He couldn't regret time he missed with her because he knew in his heart there was still time left to have. There had to be. His mind wouldn't even entertain the possibility that this was the end of their love story.

"You will be there, Peyton, when my dreams come true." Lucas said fervently. "I'm not giving up on that." He shook his head, as if to reaffirm what he had just said out loud. "You and I are True Love Always, and our story isn't over yet. I'll find my way to you, Peyton, wherever you are."

Looking over at the opened box that lay on his bed, it's contents spread all around, he lay his body down in the midst of the memories and finally allowed a tear to fall. "I promise."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Whew! Heavy chapter! I know some of you aren't happy Peyton's dead. Sorry. Blame my muse.

How many are ready for tomorrow's epi! Me! Me! Me!

Ok, so questions you guys can answer. As soon as 25 people post answers, I will post the next chapter that same day (this chapter started off longer, but I made it a two parter because I want to see what you guys think).

How do you think Lucas is going to treat Brooke through all this?

How do you think Brooke is going to deal with the idea of Peyton dead?

How do you think Lucas is going to deal with the idea of Peyton dead?

Feel free to comment on other things. I will count those reviews toward the 25 posts. And you don't have to answer all the questions to make a review count.

RJMoonSpell4, I still love your 'good post's, so you and others like you are welcome to leave those type of reviews, and I will continue to love them.

Any scenes you want to see? Any guesses as to how long Lucas will hold out hope? We know how good he is at keeping his 'promises.' Let me know.