Esme and Carlisle: How the Love Story Began…

Father and Son

EsPOV

"Pregnant!" I stared at the doctor, unseeing.

How could this have happened? Wait, no, I know how it happened, but I can't understand why God let it happen. What kind of world was I bringing a child into? I was barely holding myself together.

Love, compassion, devotion, care – these were the qualities a child needed in a home.

No, no, no! I can't handle this complication.

"Mrs. Evenson? Is something wrong?" the doctor questioned, furrowing his brow.

I refocused my eyes, "No. Thank you." I rose and left the office in a cloudy haze. What was I to do now? How would Charles react to the news? How could I fix this?

I don't remember how I got home. I felt numb with concern. How would I protect my child when I couldn't even protect myself?

I saw my brother and sisters' faces in my mind. How helpless and needy they had been as children. How I had worked to care for them, and doubted I did enough... Now had someone who would completely depend on me! For everything. Someone who existed inside of me. This meant I had to do something I had never done before – I needed to put myself in a position that was not last. Protecting my unborn child meant caring for me. This meant doing something I didn't have any experience at.

That night, as I slept alone in my bed avoiding the wet spot Charles had left as a reminder of my worthlessness, my dreams were vivid. Terrifying. Over and over again I saw the same child, and he was always in danger. I tried to run to him, but each time my legs would not propel me forward. I was always too late to protect him.

I woke in the morning covered in sweat.

Then I vomited, reminding me that this pregnancy was all too real.

I felt panicky. Run….escape! raged through my mind. Why was this feeling too familiar? I searched my mind and found the memory of my wedding day, in that little room at the church.

I had not heeded that voice then. I believed I could make everyone happy and then I would find happiness too.

I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. I was listening to the voice this time! There was more at stake this time – my baby needed me.

Charles stripped me of everything. I had no pride, no love, and no innocence to offer another man. I was used and empty. I had no money and nowhere to go.

Yet resolve steeled within me. I did have eight hours before Charles returned from work.

Today I would escape with the only thing I would never let him take from me – my unborn child.

Today, there would be no hot meal for him.

I would be gone.

February 5, 1921

Chicago, Illinois

CPOV

My time as a physician in Chicago has been the most life changing in my 260-some years. Though I had tried to avoid familiarity with my patients, I was drawn to a dying mother, Elizabeth Masen, who seemed to know there was something more to me. It was 1918 and the Spanish Influenza had hit the Chicago area with a vengeance. On her deathbed, she had implored me with her piercing green eyes to save her son. Her words still so fresh in my memory...

"You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward."

As a religious man, I did not believe in fate, but something about the way her eyes captured mine, looking beyond my presence into my soul. It made me question if this meant to be. Maybe she knew, understood something, I didn't. I had been contemplating creating a companion for some time and here was someone giving me permission to do so. She was offering me the greatest gift - her only son.

My unique choice of a vegetarian lifestyle left me, well, unique, one-of-a-kind , and so alone. My mind raced. It was a moment of truth - and a moment of deep denial.

I understood how my own creation into this immortal life had occurred. I could duplicate that - just bite and stop. But could I do that? More importantly, should I do it? Certainly not to anyone who had another choice. This wasn't a life, it was a half-life. Neither living nor dead.

Elizabeth's son, Edward, was unconscious with a high fever. He would offer no resistance. There was so much death all around; no one would miss one more victim. I had wheeled him to the morgue, next to his mother. I remember asking for God's forgiveness of what I was about to do. After all, I was keeping someone's soul bound to this Earth. I felt unjustified in acting in this god-like way, deciding the fate of someone else's soul. Doing exactly what had been done to me so long ago.

Once I acted, I wondered whose forgiveness I would want more - God's or Edward's once he realized what he was to become.

Elizabeth's words echoed in my head and Edward obviously had little time left.

After all the years of indecision, I acted.

I stole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to my home. Not knowing if he could hear or understand me, I had whispered in his ear, "Edward, please forgive for what I am about to do. I am acting in a selfish manner and yet, I am honoring your mother's last request. She so loved you and I promise, though I cannot replace her, to always be there for you. This will be difficult. Be strong and I will be here when you end this journey."

I replicated the wounds I had received.

I had not thought out the challenge this act would present. I had never tasted human blood - my intended diet. The flavor was so sweet and rich, and Aro's smug smile interrupted my unanticipated pleasure.

Power surged through my body and my mind. It was like the rush I heard people experienced when they took a narcotic drug. It was like a high. And like an addict, I had wanted more.

Where I had found the strength to stop, I do not know. I liked to think Elizabeth was there with us, still protecting her son.

Then suddenly I was a father. Obviously not a father in the biological sense, but I did "create" Edward and he was my responsibility now. But isn't that the definition of father: a person regarded as a male parent; protector? I would be this for Edward, forever.

Life, in whatever form, is precious.

Soon, I came to realize another thing I didn't anticipate: how difficult it would be raising a teenage newborn vampire. I certainly bit off more than I could chew! First, Edward's instincts to hunt were very strong, and he was very determined. I learned trying to rationalize with a newborn was just plain impossible - he wanted human blood. To him it was simple: Human blood smelled the most enticing and who would chose potatoes when steak was available? Mentoring Edward was a full-time job. In fact, I had to leave my position at St. Luke's Hospital.

Next, I had to deal with the age old 17-year-old issues. Edward wanted to challenge everything. I knew as a human he would be at the developmental age where he would be seeking his independence, but choosing independence as a newborn would mean judgment from those who appointed themselves the watch dogs - the Volturi.

Like any father, it was my responsibility to teach Edward how to function in society, and he knew none of the rules in this society. Without my guidance, Edward would surely expose who, or what, he was and that would mean certain death. However, convincing a seventeen-year-old male who suddenly found himself with "super-human" powers he needed to obey rules was quite another story. In addition, not having to sleep meant ample time for him to find mischief.

Then, there was the realization Edward possessed a gift. During our most heated discussions, I noticed he would answer questions I had only formed in my mind, not wanting to speak the harsh words out loud. After spending time with the Volturi in Italy, I had learned from Aro, who possessed his own gift, that although rare, many vampires did come to have powers over and above the usual immortal strengths. Edward's gift was reading other's thoughts.

Eventually, conveying my end of the conversation to Edward was mostly done through my thoughts. This also gave me the opportunity to toy with how to keep my thoughts from him and how to control my thoughts as to hide information from him (Christmas and birthday gifts demanded extra distracting on my part). Although Edward was comfortable with his gift, having it since he was changed, being around crowds made him edgy. I was concerned he might lose what little control he had developed over the past three years.

For both our sakes, I decided we needed to relocate from Chicago. The city was just overly congested - to many people, too many thoughts, and too much temptation for Edward to hunt human prey. I did some research and found an area to the northwest in Wisconsin that seemed perfect. The area had ample days of cloud cover and was very thickly forested with plenty of animal prey.

I had hoped if Edward could hunt larger game and carnivores, he might be sated. After all, the main benefit of my lifestyle was leading a life at least somewhat similar to a normal human life. I never wanted the vampire life of hiding in shadows and lurking at night. Feared. At first, knowing what I was caused me enough distress and disgust to attempt suicide many times. Thirst had driven me deep into the forest, away from all humans. That was when I discovered the alternative. Animals could give me what I needed to survive.

Becoming a physician was my way to prove to myself I was civilized. I was surprised when my occupation turned into my passion. I found I could make a positive difference in people's lives. Maybe God does have a grand plan...

At first, Edward was surprised at by my sudden decision to move. We packed the car in relative silence and set out for our new home in northern Wisconsin. Edward, who was probably trying to play off the fact that he was listening to my thoughts, finally broke the silence.

"Carlisle, I had hoped you would return to your position at the hospital. I know they are in need of qualified physicians."

"There are more hospitals and more places that can use my skills," I assured him. I tried to picture in my mind other hospitals and other challenges I might want to take on. I needed to convince him this was the right action for both of us. The good thing about medicine was it was constantly changing, becoming more advanced. New technologies continued to make practicing medicine interesting and engaging. Unfortunately, there was no fooling the reader of thoughts...

"We are leaving because of me," Edward stated flatly, as he stared out the window.

"Edward, you know I think of you as my son, and I want what is best for you - for us. This lifestyle I have chosen and require of you can be challenging, yet rewarding. I need to do whatever I can to help you make this transition. It will pay off in the long run - I promise you."

He seemed to be deep in thought.

"Carlisle, I have made a decision of my own, but I believe I need your permission first," Edward looked intently at me.

"Of course, what is it?"

"I have decided to change my name," Edward said, and his words hung in the air.

At last, I chuckled. "Change your name? To what?"

Humor wasn't exactly Edward's forte, but I couldn't imagine where he was going with this. Maybe he'd come up with something from the movies. Edward enjoyed spending his evenings in the movie houses. His latest favorite was the film Stolen Moments in which the lead character, Rudolph Valentino, played a villain. Sadly, I wondered if he identified with the character...

"You're not going to ask me to call you Rudy are you?"

"No," he said in all seriousness, quirking an eyebrow. I quickly felt ashamed for making a joke of something he had obviously given much thought to.

"I want to change my last name from Masen to Cullen. Would you approve?" he said.

Now I was the one thrust into deep thought. This was a pivotal moment in our relationship. I had wanted Edward to see me as a father figure, but in reality, I was only six years older than he was. Changing his name to Cullen though seemed like a gesture of acceptance. Did he truly see me as his father? Was that the reason he wanted to take my surname?

"Yes," he simply said.

For the first time in this existence, I felt...what was it? Warm. Yes, from deep inside. Nothing had ever pleased me as much at this gesture from the young man next to me.

I realized at that moment, we were a family.

I had a changed outlook on the future...I welcomed it with a large smile and a handshake.

"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Edward Cullen."