Aha! Another chapter! :) Reviews are welcome and keep me on my writing kick. lol

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Chapter 30

Leo sat on the floor with his knees pulled to his chest. His arms were crossed in front of him resting on top his knees, his forehead lying on his arms. He was alone in his room in their new home. When Raph, Mikey, Rai, and Casey had gotten back to the old lair after being gone for almost five hours he almost didn't hear them come in. He was so wrapped up in his own dark thoughts. He was grateful to be pulled from them at the moment, but right now they haunted him. Wouldn't leave him alone. Holding on like a leach that wanted to drain the blood from his body. Just like a few hours ago. Mikey was all excited by what they had found. A large open space, big enough to call their home. A room for each of them and a train car Don could put his lab in. They had packed up what little they now had thanks to the Foot and set out slowly to get to the new space. It took a few hours so those deeply hurt wouldn't get stressed from the long walk. Raph had made a good choice. It was far enough from the old lair as to not be easily found. Leo wanted to tell Raph and the others who had gone with him that they had done well, but Splinter had beaten him to it. He had failed to tell them they had done good. He gotten lost in his own thoughts again as those well enough started to clean the debris out of the new space. Once all the debris was cleaned away they all sat in the middle of the main area in a circle and looked at each other.

"What do you think of this place?" Splinter had asked.

"It's great!" Mikey said enthusiastically. His eyes had their sparkle once again. It had been so long since anyone had seen it there.

"I think it's better than our old lair," Don said, practically grinning for the first time since this all began.

"Seems bigger," Rai agreed. He only half smiled, but it was more encouraging than yesterday.

"Raph?" Splinter asked.

Raph grunted but nodded. "It's good sensei."

Just like his old self. Leo thought to himself. He wished he could be his old self. But who was that really? A failure. So in a sense, he already was his old self. Hmmm... not really the conclusion he wanted to come to. Oh well. He could feel Splinter turning his gaze to him at that time.

Splinter nodded and turned to Leo. "What is your opinion my son?"

Leo had looked up into his sensei's eyes, pain in his heart. They had to move because he had let a Foot spy into their home. Because he had failed to detect Keith's dishonesty. He hid his pain from his eyes and put on a little smile so outwardly he looked fine. But on the inside he was far from it. Very far. "I like it. Feels like home."

Splinter smiled and nodded his approval to them all. "I think we shall stay here and call this home then."

"Cool!" Mikey shouted.

"So where are ya going to put a TV Mike?" Casey asked.

"Uhh..." Mikey looked around.

"I'm not sure that was a good question to ask Arnold Casey Jones," April chided.

"Besides, you'll get Mikey dreaming," Rai joked. "We don't have one yet."

"We better get one soon then," Raph said. "He's annoying enough as it is."

Mikey just grinned. "I am not. That's all in your head!"

Splinter shook his head, apparently deciding to stay out of it.

Leo watched them bicker among themselves for awhile before he stood and slipped off to one of the rooms that had been designated his own. It was the closest one to the door. He had chosen it for himself, given the first choice of rooms. He wanted to be the closest to the door of their new home should they have another surprise visitor. He would never let another spy into their home again. He would never trust someone new. He just couldn't. These thoughts had driven him into the small ball he sat in now in the corner of his room. There was a very thin door on each of the rooms and his was closed, though sounds could easily be heard through it. Sounds that were starting to sound like fun and laughter. His eyes narrowed. He was starting to hate that sound.

Leo looked up at the door as thoughts of the past few hours left him. They all seemed to be back to their old selves. They were still hurt, but deciding to forget about the pain. Why couldn't he? He looked down at his wounded arm. True right now it didn't hurt, but he still saw the bandage. Knew there would be another scar. One to remind him of his failure. A reminder of the spy. His head slowly fell back down to rest on his arms. He couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't protect and lead his family. He only led them into danger. That was not acceptable. Not an option. Thus, it was his greatest failure.

A tap on his door interrupted his thoughts. Leo didn't even bother to lift his head. Maybe if he was quiet whoever it was would just leave. He didn't want to talk to anyone. Not now.

The door opened softly. A figure entered. The door eased shut behind them. Footsteps crossed the room, stopping right next to Leo. The room was quiet. Whoever it was didn't say a thing for quite some time. After awhile, whoever it was just plopped down at sat next to Leo. Still he refused to look at who had joined him. Leo just wished whoever it was would leave. The silence droned on uninterrupted until he had to look up, at the bowed head of Raphael.

Leo blinked, seeing his red banded brother sitting next to him, cross legged. His arms lay across his legs, his head bent down so he started at his arms. "What are you doing?" Leo finally asked.

Slowly Raph looked up and over at his brother. "I could be askin' you the same question."

Leo looked away. "I don't know."

"Sure you don't."

Leo pursed his lips together. He wouldn't tell Raph what was going on. He didn't want to. Not now. Not ever.

"Look. If it's about that note I left at April's... I'm sorry," Raph admitted softly. "I just didn't want you to hurt yourself by helping us. I told you that earlier and I meant it."

"I know," Leo answered after some silence.

"Then is there something else?"

"No," Leo lied, a little too quickly.

Raph stared at him, narrowing his eyes slightly out of habit.

Leo wouldn't look at him. He didn't need to tell Raph what else was on his mind. There was just somethings he had to keep to himself. No matter how much Raph pried.

"Leo," Raph tried again.

"What?"

"What else is wrong?"

"Nothing," Leo said again.

"Yeah. Sounds a lot like nothin'."

"You wouldn't understand," Leo said without thinking. Once he realized the words were out of his own mouth, he clamped his mouth shut. He wasn't going to say another word.

"Wouldn't understand?" Raph balked. "Of course I would. We're brothers Leo. We're there for each other. We understand each other."

Leo remained silent. He couldn't say anything or risk spilling what was truly on his mind. Raph would never understand him.

"Fine! Be that way! See if I care!" Raph stood, pacing around Leo's room, waving his arms around as he talked despite the burns on his skin. "It's not like I need you or anything. It's not like I want you around. Sulk if you want to. If you want to stick to yourself, just be my guest!"

Leo stood, giving Raph the hardest glare he had ever given. "Maybe I will. You obviously don't know what's going on! So maybe I should just go!"

"Then go! Why are you asking me?! You're the leader 'round here," Raph argued, glaring right back. "Why should I care if something's bothering you? I only stopped in 'cuz I care!"

Leo snorted. "Yeah right." Before Raph could respond to that retort, Leo stormed out of his room, passing by all the others with their shocked expressions and stomped right out into the sewer tunnels. Like Raph understood what was wrong with him. Yeah. In a million years!

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Raph stood shaking in Leonardo's new room. His anger reverberated through his whole being. Why did Leo have to be like that? Hiding his deepest problems. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. It wasn't.... He growled. He didn't know what. But it had to stop. Tonight. If Leo wouldn't listen to him, he knew who would get into Leo's head. Splinter. He let out a snort of frustration and stomped out of Leo's room. He stopped a few feet from the door staring at the group in front of him. Oh great. They had all heard him yell at Leo. Just great. What else would go wrong?

The others seemed to sense his disgust and quickly turned back to what they were doing.

All but Splinter. He eyed Raphael carefully. "Come with me my son."

Raph sighed. He was so in for it now. He reluctantly followed Splinter to his room and kneeled before his master, unable to look up at him.

"Look at me," Splinter said gently.

Raph slowly looked up at the form kneeling in front of him.

"It will be alright. Your brother just needs time to cool off."

"But that's normally me sensei," Raph protested.

Splinter nodded. "Yes, I know. But it is still the same. Let him be for now. He will be back soon."

"But he's still injured."

"He knows that as well. He will not go far."

Raph sighed. "Can't you talk to him? He blames himself for letting Keith into our home and for letting the Foot in and destroying it."

"He has told you all this?" Splinter asked.

Raph shook his head. "No. I just see it in his eyes."

Splinter nodded. "I have seen some of it too."

So Raph wasn't the only who who had seen it. "When master?"

"When Leonardo is ready."

"Which is..."

"I do not know my son. It could be hours or days. We must first let him deal with this on his own. Only then will I go help him through this. Because until then... I am afraid he will not let me help."

Raph nodded. He knew that all too well. But what if they waited too long? "So we just wait?"

"Yes."

Raph sighed. That's what he was afraid of.

"You should go join the others," Splinter said after awhile. "Do not worry about this. I will talk to him soon."

Raph nodded slowly. "Ok sensei. I'll try." And with that Raph left his master's room. He saw that Don was busy playing with the stuff in the train car with April looking at the stuff beside him. Mikey and Casey were actually going back and forth about comics. That was quite unusual, but it looked like Mikey was doing most of the talking. Typical. And Rai was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall watching all of the others. Raph joined him and plopped down next to him.

"Splinter's worried too." Rai said it more like a statement, not looking over at Raph.

"Yeah. Says he'll talk to Leo in time."

Rai nodded. "Don't worry about it."

"Hey, who says I'm worried?" Raph demanded.

"No one," Rai said with a smile. "Just thought I'd say it."

Raph froze, then chuckled. "Well tell that to Leo then."

"I suppose I will if given the chance."

"How's your throat?"

"Much better," Rai said. "Your burns?"

"Hurt, but not bad." Raph shrugged. "Could be worse. I'll be fine."

Rai nodded. "Well I'm off to get some sleep. See ya in the morning."

Raph watched his tiger friend stand. "Yeah. See ya."

Rai disappeared into his room, the door closing softly.

Raph was tired. He knew it was late, but some how didn't feel like sleeping. He felt like sparing, but all he had was his weapons and he knew if Don or April caught him sparring he'd get the lecture of a life time from them and Splinter. Maybe Leo too if he would ever return to normal. He smiled. Maybe he should try it just to see if it would bring Fearless back. The thought was tempting. Very tempting indeed.