Chapter 27 – The want to be loved

He scooped her into his loving arms and carried her to the bedroom. She looked at him through red and puffy eyes as he eased her down onto the bed "Love, you look exhausted, try to get some sleep" He said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear "And lose the panties, they're wet, and I know it's not because you want me" He whispered on a tender smile before he got up to leave, feeling her hand tugging on his arm.

"It's not, but I do" She said quietly "Want you" Their eyes locking when he opened his mouth to speak, but she didn't give him a chance to counter as she pleaded "Make love to me Killian"

He gestured with his head towards his nightstand as he smiled in slight embarrassment "Only thing I got in my drawer are the books you gave me, and I highly doubt they can provide the needed protection"

"I already told you, I'm on the pill"

He tensed as he reflected on her reaction back at Granny's when she realized that she had forgotten to take her pills, remembering how appalled she had been by the idea of having a baby with him, and remembering too well what had happened afterwards…she had left him, she had left without looking back.

"Still you can – " He began to object firmly.

"I won't" She said in determination.

"But if you did… " He said carefully, a hint of warning in his tone of voice as he looked directly into her eyes.

"Then I'll have your baby" She replied nonchalantly, leaving him mouth agape as she pushed herself to the edge of the bed.

"Where are you going?" He asked in bewilderment.

"You just reminded me that I need to take my pill" She said as she got up from the bed.

"Let me get it" He quickly got up after her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind as he whispered "Get back to bed"

He guided her back to the bed, tucking her under the covers, planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Thanks" She said, looking at him as he turned to leave, thinking it would be a good opportunity to finally get rid of her damp underwear "It's in my purse"

"I'll be right back" He said from the doorway, a soft smile lifting his lips as he lingered a moment longer to look at the beautiful swan in his bed before he stepped out of the room.

…

Pressing a glass against the fridge water dispenser, he filled it with water as his eyes wandered around the space in search of her purse, spotting it a short moment later alongside her keys and phone on one of the barstools. He set the glass on the counter as he picked up her purse, unzipping it and taking out the half-used blister pack, his eyes stumbling upon a slightly wrinkled yellow paper before he set the purse back down, taking the glass as he began to walk towards the bedroom.

Halfway down the hall he stopped at his tracks, scratching his head as he looked back over his shoulder towards the kitchen, mulling over the paper, shaking his head and taking a few more steps towards the bedroom before he abruptly pivoted around and retraced his steps back to the kitchen.

…

"Killian what's taking you so long?" She stepped out of the hall and into the living room, turning around to find him standing by the kitchen counter, watching him staring at the folded slightly wrinkled yellow paper in his hand when she made her way to him.

"Is this…?" He asked, his mind drifting to his last day as a prison officer, to that day when he hoped that the note will bring her to him.

"It is"

"You kept my note" He stated, sounding surprised.

"I did" She replied, looking at him as she gulped down the pill with some water.

"Can I?" He asked, gesturing with the note and she nodded in reply, raising her brow and looking at him as if she were saying 'of course'.

A smaller piece of paper fell on the floor as he unfolded the yellow paper, realizing as he picked it up that it was the note with his phone number on it "Good thing you've kept this one too, wouldn't want you to lose my number" He joked on a smile.

As if she had ever called him.

"Actually I know it by heart" She said simply and he blinked heavily, a mix of surprise and disbelief taking over his face as he held the two notes in his hands, watching her when she took half a step towards the hall, extending her arm for him "Coming?" She asked softly and he took one last look at the notes before he folded them together, slipping them back into her purse as he took her hand, letting her guide him to the bedroom.

…

Standing only inches away from each other, they studied each other's gaze, her eyes flickering to his lips then back to his eyes, his eyes doing the same before she slowly pulled his sweatshirt over her head, revealing her naked body, their eyes meeting again as she let it fall to the floor. Her hands then reaching to the hem of his polo shirt, helping him in slow lazy movements to shed all his pieces of clothing, one by one, until he was as naked as her and she sat on the bed, her eyes not leaving his as she slowly pulled herself backwards to the middle of the bed, watching as he followed and crawled on top of her, their naked bodies radiating heat as they pressed against each other, their eyes locking for a long quiet moment before their lips met in a tender kiss.

He trailed kisses down her neck, murmuring against her skin "God you're so beautiful"

Her hands reaching to bury in his soft thick hair, tugging on it and stopping him when he began kissing his way down her body "Don't" She pleaded quietly and he raised his head to look at her, his gaze meeting her tired eyes as she whispered "I just want to feel you"

She didn't want to come. It was not what she needed.

He hesitated for a moment before he leaned to kiss her softly on the lips as he positioned himself between her legs. His mouth hovering over her jaw line, his fingers threading through her hair as he slid his hand under her head, hers reaching to anchor at his shoulder blades, shivers of anticipation running down her spine when she felt his warm breath on her ear and his tip at her entrance "I love you" He whispered in her ear when he slowly and gently slipped inside of her, her fingers digging deep into his flesh, her body arching into him, her eyes rolling to the back of her head as she let out a soft cry of relief against his broad shoulder.

Yes, that was exactly what she needed.

She needed to breathe him, to touch him, and feel him as close as possible.

He stilled inside of her, giving her time to adjust to his size as her hands reached to cradle his face, pulling him back just a little so she could look at him "And I love you" She whispered back, swearing to herself that never again will she let him say the words without letting him hear them back, without letting him know she loved him too.

A hint of disbelief in his eyes when he looked deep into her beautiful green eyes before he leaned in to catch her lips in a slow deep kiss as he began to move lazily inside of her. His chest pressed against her breasts, their hands in each other's hair, heads tilting, lips parting, tongues colliding as they groaned into each other's mouth when they kissed again and again and again until their breaths grew so short that they reluctantly broke apart, foreheads pressed together as they panted against each other's curved up lips.

"I never did thank you for the books" He said on his short breath as he caressed her cheek "Thank you, I love them, and I love you for thinking of me on my birthdays"

She shook her head fiercely and swallowed "Not just on your birthdays" She said avidly in her soft voice and he stopped moving inside of her, looking at her intently "Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of you" Her fingers reached to trail his stubble as she looked into his mesmerizing blue eyes, the truthfulness of her words causing his heart to swell in his chest.

The storm was still raging outside, and a bright burst of lightning illuminated her features for a brief moment, right when a realization hit him like the thunderclap that sounded in the distance.

"Why did you leave if you felt the same?" He asked on a whisper, the confusion distinct in his tone of voice when he reflected on the moment that she walked away from him, now realizing that he wasn't the only one who was hurting, that he wasn't the only one who didn't want to say goodbye.

"I don't know" A flare of the insecurity she once felt flashed through her eyes as his question sent her to that insecure woman she once was, to that woman who deeply believed she wasn't worthy of his love, who truly believed she wasn't worthy of anyone's love.

He looked at her, trying to figure out what was on her mind as she averted her gaze from him and fiddled with her bracelet. He inhaled and closed his eyes, the sudden tension that filled the bedroom too achingly familiar.

"I wanted to prove you right" Her voice suddenly broke the tension as she averted her gaze back to him, the woman she once was releasing her grip on her, departing her body at the same time as the insecurity vanished from her eyes "I wanted to prove to you that the only one who can save me is me"

He was proud of her, he really was, but he couldn't help feel disappointed that she needed to leave him to achieve it.

He ran a hand down her arm, lingering to feel her bracelet before he intertwined their fingers together, pressing her hand into the mattress "And you did an excellent job I must say" He sighed heavily, trying to smile through his sorrow "I just wish you could have done that with me by your side" He whispered when he placed a kiss under her earlobe, his stubble grazing her cheek as he resumed thrusting slowly.

"I know, I do too" She said in a strangled voice, thinking of the nights (too many damn nights) they had spent apart, sleeping in separate beds, waking up in separate rooms, the painful thought bringing her to tears "I missed you so much Killian" She sniffled and he stilled inside of her again as he raised his head to look at her.

"I missed you too Emma" He wiped the tears that rolled down her cheeks with his thumb, shaking his head slightly "Love, I don't want to do this when you're crying"

"Please" Her hand reached to his hip, stopping him from pulling away "Being with you like this" She said quietly as she ran her hand slowly up his body, clutching onto his bicep "It makes me feel whole, you make me feel whole" She sniffled again, a small smile tugging at her lips as she wiped another tear with her hand "Besides, I assure you these are happy tears, I'm happy to be here with you"

"I'm beyond happy" He smiled at her, caressing the hair at the top of her head as he moved to kiss her lips.

"Promise you'll never leave me" She suddenly said, their lips almost touching.

Taken aback by her words, his eyes widened in shock as he pulled back to look at her "Did you ever doubt it?"

She did. She really did.

"Did I ever do something that made you doubt it?" He asked, his voice hardening, ready to hang himself if she were to say that he did.

He didn't.

It was her, all her.

She was the one who couldn't believe that he truly loved her, that he really wanted to be with her for the long haul.

She shook her head fiercely "You didn't, but promise me?" She looked at him with hopeful eyes.

He held her chin, fixing his gaze on her, making sure she was doing the same "I swear" He said firmly before he crashed his lips against hers, growling against her lips, tilting his head to deepen the kiss when he gently thrust into her again, claiming her body and lips, making her moan into his mouth each time he drove into her, bruising her lips with his as he caught them in one searing kiss right after the other, not giving her time to breathe.

"Now I think it's only fair that you'd promise the same" He said breathless when he finally released her lips from his captivity.

His lust-darkened blue eyes bore into hers as a smile crept onto his lips, but for some reason she couldn't see the true expression on his face as his words sent her to the memory of the hurting man she had left outside the airport, the man who pleaded her to stay, the man with the desperate voice and aching eyes, the broken man who despite his pleas she had walked away from, leaving him to bleed and gasp for air.

"I promise" She said, her voice thick with emotion as her bottom lip began to tremble "I'm sorry I did, I promise I never will" She said as she burst into tears, her hand reaching to cover her eyes.

"Bloody hell, I made you cry again" He muttered, his head dropping to her shoulder when he breathed heavily, her hands then reaching to engulf his head, locking it in her tight embrace as she tried to control her crying, taking deep breaths, inhaling his scent with each one she took, her body slowly relaxing as she reminded herself that he was there, she was there, they were there together.

She was exhausted from the long emotional day, the fatigue starting to take over her body, her eyes almost surrendering to the weariness, but she did her best to fight the tiredness as she wanted to feel him a little bit longer, her hands on his hips encouraging him to move inside of her, then moving to trace the lines of his face, his eyebrows, his cheekbones, his lips as he gently thrust into her, every movement of his making her feel as if she were being pulled from the bottom of the ocean, as if she were brought back to life, every stroke making her acknowledge his presence, reassuring her that he was really there with her, in her.

He eventually stilled inside of her, and she was unsure when he had reached his peak as she was too dozed to notice, her body finally giving into the slumber, and so did his as they fell asleep joined in each other's arms.

…

The morning after.

She was sitting on a barstool, listening to music on his phone as he whipped around, sliding a mug of hot cocoa across the counter, her heart skipping a beat when she watched him shoot one of his dazzling smiles her way before he turned to the fridge, taking out a box of eggs to prepare pancakes. She brought the mug to her lips, a smile spreading across her face and her eyes beaming with joy at the familiar sight as she looked at his back over the rim of her mug, watching him as he prepared them breakfast, feeling that nothing had changed.

Nothing except her.

And apparently his playlist too as none of the songs on his playlist were the ones she had used to listen to more than four years ago.

None but one.

"Why do you still have Ed Sheeran on your playlist?" She asked a bit loudly, couldn't hear herself over the music as 'kiss me' played in her ears "Have you been playing it on repeat for the past five years or something?" She teased, her soft chuckle filling the kitchen as she took the earphones out of her ears and fixed her gaze on his back, noticing that the cup of flour in his hand froze in mid air for a long moment before he dumped the flour into the bowl "What?" She asked and he reluctantly turned around to face her, his hands reaching to lean against the countertop behind him. Her smile slowly fading away as her eyes met his expression that let her know she had just hit a nerve.

"It reminds me of you" He said, thinking that she wasn't far off from the truth. He had actually made a habit out of listening to that song, and it had been only yesterday on his walk when he had listened to it as his mind filled with thoughts of her.

"Why?" She asked as she studied him, her question making him reflect on the time they had spent together years ago, remembering how he had used to whisper the three little words in her ear over and over again, especially when they made love, only to have her heart reject his love time and time again, realizing that she simply didn't want to be loved.

He took a deep breath and exhaled before he said "Cause what I wanted is that you'd kiss me like you want to be loved"

A soft gasp escaped her as they locked eyes and she swallowed hard, realizing he had known all along, realizing he had read her like an open book, and she was amazed that he had tried to love her regardless.

And then it happened, she pushed herself off the barstool and made her way to him, lifting herself on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pressed her lips to his, both of their eyes fluttering shut, and he was finally able to feel it, he was finally able to taste the want to be loved on her tongue as she kissed him again and again, her kiss letting him know that she wanted to be loved.

She wanted to be loved by him.

.

.

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A/N: Thank you so much for being here, I hope you enjoyed the fluff, I've been thinking about wrapping up the story next week with an epilogue, feel free to let me know what you think.