The next morning, Raven went to Ben's School and told him she would not be joining him and thanked him for all of his coaching and how she enjoyed her time with him but that she had to go back home. Ben was disappointed but he could see by the stubborn look on her face she was not going to change her mind anytime soon. Ben gave Raven his cell phone number and told her if she ever changed her mind or just wanted to talk to call him. He then gave her a big bear hug and wished her luck.

Raven met up with her best friend, Angel at a cafe near Ben's School. They did not go to the same universtiy but hers was near by, Raven met Angel Villasenor months after she started attending Columbia at a party. She was an aspiring fashion designer, her style would be described as Goth or Punk. Angel was 22 years-old with dark brown skin. She had jet black hair with maroon highlights in the front, she had brown eyes, thin red lips and a small round nose. She stood 5'4 and had a curvy shape. She was a beautiful girl. Angel had helped Raven deal with some of her issues, such as her scars left over from her cutting days. It was Angel who noticed how Raven was constantly wearing long sleeve shirts even during the summer. Raven had felt comfortable enough to show her, Angel did not judge her or flinch in disgust, as she had thought. Instead, she simply looked at them and came up with a solution to her problem. Angel had friends who were tattoo artist and she took Raven to the best one she knew. His name was Patrick and he did an intricate designed of vines and leaves in deep hues that went from the interior of her wrist to her elbow on both her forearms. He strategically placed three tiny bright flowers in the design with a small Papilio Ulysses Butterfly. She loved the butterfly so much she asked him to put another on the middle of her back, just an inch above her waistline. Her family did not know about her tattoos, when she returned she had to make sure to keep them covered up.

"So, are you going to your graduation?", asked Angel as she tasted her cafe latte.

" I don't think so" said Raven as she sipped her espresso, she needed it since she hardly got any sleep last night.

"WHY NOT?!", Angel yelled.

"Well my family will not be there, so what is the point?"

"RAVEN, what you did was huge, not very many people can say they graduated from Columbia at the top 10 percentile of their class. This is something to celebrate, something to remember."

Raven laughed at her best friend, she really was not in the mood to celebrate, after all the two most important people would not be there. "Its really no big deal."

"No big deal, NO BIG DEAL. RAVEN, you busted your ass off for four years and you finally made it and your going to tell me no big deal. OMG, you are going to your graduation. I will be there and so will Patrick, Ben and some of those guys you wrestle with to cheer our asses off."

"Angel!"

"Angel nothing", she roared as she yanked Raven by the arm and out of the chair, "Lets go find something for you to wear for graduation and lets do something with that hair of yours."

"Hey nothing is wrong with my hair."

"I wish you would let me streak it."

"Its bad enough my family is going to have a heart attack when they see my tats, I don't need them freaking out about my hair too."

"Ok, ok" said Angel as they exited the cafe.

Raven was dressed in a cap and gown listening to the speakers that were chosen for the graduating class. Finally, the announcers started to read off the names of the graduates. When her name was read, Raven heard a sudden roar of the crowd and looked to her left to see Ben, Patrick, Angel and some of her wrestling buddies cheering for her. True to her word, Angel had everyone out in force. As Raven walked up to the podium to receive her diploma, she smiled and waved at her cheering section, blowing kisses in their direction. Raven was glad Angel made her go to her graduation. She was able to say farewell and exchange numbers with her classmates and friends, she had met during her time at Columbia. Despite her inner turmoil, Raven always had a smile on her face, never letting on to the pain she was in. She was popular among her classmates because of her kindness and willingness to help others, not to mention her success as a soccer player.

After the ceremony was over, everyone ahead to Ben's school to continue the celebration. Someone brought drinks, another person ordered pizza. Ralph who was one of the trainers at the school, turned the stereo system on and some started to dance. Raven was happy to see everyone having fun. She turned around and saw the wrestling ring in front of her. A light above the ring was shinning down on it, she felt drawn to it, as she walked toward it. She remembered the first time she entered the ring, how excited and alive she felt. Raven touched the ropes of the ring as she walked around it and then caressed the mat with the tips of her fingers. Here in Ben's gym, she did not have to pretend to be happy all the time or to be something she was not. Here she could unleash the rage she had pent up inside and forget about everything but the person trying to kick her ass. When she was in front of a crowd, she was in another world. She loved to hear the jeers, the cheers, the boos and the wows of the crowd, it made her work harder to perfect her technique, so she could impress them. What was she going to do without wrestling?

"You know, you can still come with me?", Ben said. He had been watching Raven as she walked around the ring. She was in her own little world but whatever she was thinking it was obviously fondness for the sport she was leaving. As much as, she said this was just a hobby to her, he could see the passion and drive she had for the sport. The best thing, he ever did was letting her fill in for a wrestler who had been injured. It happened two months ago, he was putting on exhibition matches to gauge the crowd's reaction to his current talent. Unfortunately, he already had some that had cancelled but he had a crowd of spectaculars he need to please. Raven had been there to support the other wrestlers, not to compete. However, Ben asked Raven to put on her ring gear that she was going to wrestle in the next match. He could see her hesitation but she must have sensed his desperation because she did not argue, she simply did what she was told. The moment she walked out to the ring, the crowd had positive response. She was an impressive sight. She stood 5'7, her lean body with muscles in all the right places, her long raven hair in the middle of her back, her large hazel eyes, the confidence and energy that poured from her, captivated the crowd. She dazzled them with a big smile and waved to them as she walked up to the ring. Even though, Raven lost the match, she was a crowd favorite. Her movements were not clean, a bit sloppy but again Raven had only been doing this for less than three years and had not taken it seriously. What made her a crowd favorite was her ability to take a hit and get right back up and her knack for counter acting her opponent's attacks. All Raven needed was time and practice and she would get better.

Raven pulled her hand away from the ring and turned around to face Ben. "I can't", she whispered.

Ben sighed a little before saying, "Raven, if you are as good of a student as I think you are, then this offer from Berkeley will be there next year. Just come on the road with me this year and truly see what wrestling is all about. I know you will love it. This is a young person's sport and you will not have this opportunity again but Berkeley will always be there." Ben said with desperation in his gravelly voice.

Raven looked up at him with tears in her eyes, "I am sorry Ben, but I... can't", she repeated before walking away from him and back to the party.

"I am going to miss you sssoooo much, Raven", Angel said with deep sadness in her voice, as she embraced her best friend. Angel had wish there could have been something more between her and Raven. But Raven made it clear that she did not go that way and that the only thing she could give Angel was her friendship and nothing more. She was glad Raven didn't hate her or judge her for the feelings she had for her, but accepted her for who she was. It was sometimes hard being Raven's best friend with all the men that flirted with her but as far as she could tell Raven had only been with two men since she had met her. In her 1st year of college, Raven met Samuel. She tried to keep it casual but the moment he tried to get serious, she dumped him. Then there was Patrick, the tattoo artist, Angel didn't like him for Raven, he was such a player. Raven didn't care as long as he didn't expect her to fall in love with him. Raven said that having sex often relieved the pain she felt by helping her to forget. She admitted, she didn't want to get serious with someone because what if they died. This saddened Angel and made her worry about her best friend. She hoped that someday, someone strong enough would be able to penetrate the wall Raven had built around herself. She hated to think of her friend old and alone.

Raven was going to miss Angel. Their long talks, her trying on one of Angel's latest creations or their many trips to the cafe for a cup of coffee. "I am going to miss you too Angel, but remember we can call each other, Skype and keep in touch on Facebook." With one last hug, Raven turned around and headed toward the plane as the last passengers board the flight back to California.

Her Uncle Anton was there to pick her up. They embraced and he kissed her on the cheek. He was happy to see his niece and that she was doing well.

"How is my grandfather?"

"I spoke with him this morning, he seemed fine. He can't wait to see you," He told her with his slight French accent.

"Is he still in the hospital?"

"No they let him out yesterday."

Raven felt a sense of relieve wash over her body, "Then that means, he is doing better."

Raven loved her Uncle Anton, his easy going manner, his love for motorcycles but most all she loved his eyes. They were large and green like her mother's. As he drove her to her grandfather's house, he told her of his latest adventures with customers. He had Raven laughing, it was a sound he loved to hear because she did not do it often.

Finally arriving at her grandfather's house, Raven saw him standing on the porch. She immediately got out of the car and ran up to him and embraced him and he returned the hug. They stayed like that for what seemed like for ever before Raven ended the hug and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He looked frail and felt weak in her arms and that scared Raven, she wonder briefly how much time she had left with him. " I missed you soo much. How are you feeling, Grandpa?"

"Much better, now that you are here. How was your trip?" He said has he grasped her hand and led her into the house.

"Everything went ok." She replied as he followed him.

Anton came into the house and took Raven's luggage to her room. Once he entered the living room, he said, "I have to get back to the shop, but if you need anything don't hesitate to call. Glad your back Rave." He then kissed Raven on the cheek and left. "Thanks good to be back."

Raven sat on the sofa with her grandfather, "I am so glad you are doing much better and that they let you come home."

"Well, they say I am responding better to the new medication and I do feel much better. I am just glad to be home instead of at the hospital."

"Hows Maximiliano? Have you spoken to him lately?" Ever since her parents death, her relationship with Max was never the same. Her heart was heavy with sadness when she thought of Max. She missed her big brother, but he blamed her for what happened to their parents. She hoped that one day he would let his anger go and speak to her again. She only had two brothers left and she wanted a relationship with him.

Her grandfather could see sadness in her eyes as she asked about her older brother. It angered him that Max blamed her for what happened to their parents. He argued with Max more than once about the situation with his sister. He knew it was the grief and the unexpected loss of their passing that caused him to take it out on her. He had hoped with time he would see how foolish he was behaving, but it had been almost seven years and he still held on to his beliefs. "He's doing good. His wife just had their third child."

"O really was it a boy or a girl?"

"A girl, he named her Bernadette, after your mother."

She was happy for her brother, but sad that she could not share in his happiness with him. "How about Alex? I haven't received a letter or a call from him in awhile." Her youngest brother had joined the Army once he graduated from high school, he always made it a habit to keep in contact after what happened with John and Apollo, so not to hear from him made her nervous. "Yes, I received a letter from him yesterday. He is doing fine. He said he was in a remote location and he will not be in contact as much for a couple of months." Her grandfather explained. Raven sigh in relief to hear her brother was still alive. She just wished he wouldn't take so many chances with his life.

"And Andrea and Apollo Jr.?"

"She doing good, struggling a bit trying to go to school and raise Apollo on her own." Andrea was Apollo's girlfriend, she would make sure to call her and see if she could help with babysitting. It would be great to spend time with her nephew. "Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something to eat?", asked her grandfather. "No grandpa, I should be cooking for you.", Raven exclaimed. "Arrrhhh, I can still cook", growled her grandfather. Raven smiled at her grandfather, "I think I will just go to bed. I am tired from my trip." Raven stood up and kissed her grandfather on the cheek and went to her room.

Raven's grandfather kept a close eye on her, he noticed that as the days and weeks went by she seemed to get sadder and quieter, especially as it got closer to September 11th and her 21st birthday. He started to worry about her that she might start to hurt herself again. The only thing that seem to make her happy was when she was taking care of Apollo. He expressed his concerns to Anton, who also noticed the change in Raven. They both hoped that once school started and she had something to occupy her time, she would snap out of it. However, once school started she seemed to only get worse.

Raven tried to be happy but she was very depressed. She was grateful to learn her grandfather's cancer was in remission and to spend time with her nephew. She thought about her parents and her situation with her older brother and Alex god knows where he was, hoping he comes back in one piece. She tried to see if there were any local wrestling schools, she could join to relieve her of her thoughts, but the ones she went to were not as good or as intense as Ben's. She often thought of Ben and his offer to join him, but she knew she couldn't. Her grandfather needed her and she had to finish law school. Once school started things only depressed her more, she found the professors and subjects to be boring. She forced and willed herself to pay attention. She felt anxious and fidgety as her professors droned on with their lectures. She looked at her classmates and saw how into the lectures they were, but all she wanted to do was leave. Finally, one day in her third week of school, in one of her law classes, her professor called her name and ask her a question. Raven didn't know the answer. "I expect all of my students to come prepared to class Mrs. Duran", her professor stated with annoyance in his voice. Raven looked at her classmates, some with smirks on their face. "I apologize", Raven said softly. But, he wouldn't let it go, "How are you going to learn anything, if you don't come prepared? What are you doing here?" he asked with irritation. Raven looked directly at her professor, "I DON'T KNOW", she said with equal irritation and hostility in her voice. She stood up and grab her things and walked out the door, leaving her professor in open mouth astonishment at her actions.

Her grandfather heard the door open and closed as he sat in the living room watching his T.V. program and saw Raven go to her room. He was surprised she was home so early. He turned his t.v. off and went to see what was wrong with his granddaughter. He opened the door to her room and saw her laying in a fetal position on her bed crying. He sat on the edge of her bed and brushed her hair away from her face. "Tell me what's wrong?", he said with concern in his voice. "I can't do this anymore, grandpa.", Raven said with a trembling voice. "What can't you do?", he asked. "Pretend that everything is ok and that I still want to be lawyer. Yes once upon a time it was my dream but that was when my father was alive and I knew he would be here to guide me. But he is de-ad now and all this does is mmmake me miss him more and it hurrrtss soo much because I feel like I'm dis-a-ppoint-ing hhhimm." Raven was crying harder. Her grandfather gathered her in his arms and held her tight. "Sshh Sshh, it is going to be alright Raven. Your father loved you and he could never be disappointed in you, but you have to do what is going to make you happy. I don't want another grandchild to bury." Raven looked up at her grandfather and saw the tears fall from his eyes. She hated that she caused him to worry so much. "But if I do what I want then that means I will have to leave you grandpa."

"I would rather have you leave and find your own why in the world than to have to visit another gravesite."

Three hours later, after explaining to her grandfather what she wanted to do, she was again alone in her room. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed. "Hello", came the gravelly voice she had missed so much. "Its Raven, Ben."

"Raven, how are you, kiddo?" said Ben with great deal of surprise, she was the last person he thought he would ever hear from again.

"Do you still want me to join you, Ben?"

There was a long pause, not because he was unsure but because he was totally shocked, he never thought in a million years she would change her mind. "Hell, yes!"