A/N: Part 3.. Fluffy or angsty? Thank you Homegrownoregano for allowing to come to you with ideas and the lovely chats through out this update
The plane lands as the sun is setting and she's waiting for him. Her stomach is in knots and she feels as if she may be sick. Maybe this was a bad idea she tells herself.
He sees her standing there and watches as she turns and walks away. His heart breaks at the thought of her walking away again. Why wasn't he good enough for another chance? Look at you did to her the first time stupid.. or better yet the second time. Did you expect her to keep taking you back time and time again? There it was.. the voice of his father. But this time he wasn't gonna let that happen, he couldn't let it happen. So he goes after her. He wants to call out her name but he can't bring himself to and he can't figure out why, maybe fear of what she might say.
She senses some one following her but something about it feels familiar and she figures it's him. How is she going to explain this to him. How can she explain that she got scared, She told him she'd like to see him and here she is walking away again. She needs an out something that will ease his mind, deter him from the thought of her actually walking away. She stops looking around for the sign for the restrooms, she is pregnant after all and the weight of the baby and it's movements anyone be should sure to understand the need to run to the restroom so she does.
His mind eases a little but he knows her too well. He knows she had panicked and intended to leave but her conscience got to her, so he waits for her to recoup and he does it patiently.
She greets him with a smile when she comes back "Hey"
"Hey, feel better?" he asks
"Yeah, didn't think I was gonna make it" she laughs
"I missed your smile" he says
She smiles bigger at him remembering the day he said her smile was perfect. Their first fight, god how times were so much more simple then. "You hungry?" she asks
"Starving, I haven't had anything since breakfast. Uh whats the closest thing here to Yummy yummy heart attack?" he asks
"Not a damn thing is as good as yummy yummy heart attack! Of course that might be due to morning sickness my first few weeks here so ignore that." she replies with a laugh
"What are you in the mood for Kens" he asks not wanting her to get sick all over again
She laughs "Cheeseburger with everything on it and french fries with lots of ketchup"
"Oh boy this kid is going to have your eating habits" he jokes
"I hope she chooses healthier options than me" she says
"She?" Deeks asks "oh dear I better start making my list of rules for dating my daughter because with your looks and my charm and I'm gonna end up on the other side of the table in the boat shed"
"Come on, I know just the place to go" She says grabbing his arm, making mental note of how she has missed the feel of those muscles during nights of... oh boy you are not going there Kensi Marie she internally screams at herself letting go of his arm reluctantly
He's laughing as they get to her car "what's wrong Fern? You look a bit.. uh flustered over there?"
She glares at him out of the corner of her "Drop it Deeks"
"Kens it's okay, it's just your hormo..." Deeks stops in the middle of his remark and says "umm yeah just give me the address to the restaurant I'll take a cab after that one"
"Deeks stop. It's fine, I know you didn't mean for it sound that way.. I.. I just have things to deal with mentally don't worry about upsetting me. We haven't seen each other in months and I left and neither of us got the closure we needed so things will be a bit tense between us." she says trying to convince herself that it would all be okay
"Okay" he says getting in the car.
They wound up at a restaurant on the beach obviously one of her favorites because people recognized her and asked her how she was doing. They sat and talked about various things, about work and how Nell took her place in the field because as long as Hetty didn't hire another agent he knew her place would always be open for her to come home. Her heart broke hearing he was still holding when she was trying to let go. "How can you still love me so much after I walked away?" she asks picking at her fries.
"Same reason you let me come see you after everything I said" he responds
She looks up at him in confusion and he continues "because you and I both knew that when you left we weren't over.. that were still not over"
"Did you just quote the notebook?" she asks laughing
He laughs "Well I had this girlfriend once who was into chick flicks and I loved watching them with her"
"She loved it when you would curl up next to her on the couch with popcorn and ice cream and watch them all over and over again" she pauses for a second "and she misses it.. all of it" she can't bring herself to look at him after that revelation, she didn't mean for it to come out but it did.
He senses her starting to close off after revealing what she probably wasn't ready to reveal so he changes the subject "So are we getting dessert or you want to head home, or maybe a walk on the nearest beach or shopping?"
"I got ice cream in the freezer and sappy chick flicks waiting to be watched with an old friend" she says standing up "besides I am dying to get out of these jeans and into my comfy sweats.. and one of your shirts"
"Do you plan to remove the shirt from me or are you going to plunder through my suit case" he teases
She leans up close to his ear and whispers "oh wouldn't you like to know Detective"
He grabs her waist as she pulls away pulling her closer whispering back "Two can play this game.. but as much as I want it.. I can't screw this up again"
"You mean we can't screw this up again." she says
"No.. this is all my fault, I won't let you take the blame for words I said that lead us here to living on separate coasts with a child that we haven't even discussed visitation schedules and all that that comes with broken families" he says still holding her close knowing it's helping his desire for more but he just can't let her go, he's savoring the feel of her in his arms because it's been too long.
"Right, but what if I don't care about the consequences.. I'm willing to make the jump Deeks." she says
"Lets go home and watch them movies and talk about this later" Deeks says, he's pleading with her and all he needs is for to back down for now he can't give in to the emotions now that's not why he is here.
"Okay" she says looking down "lets go watch those movies."
The first movie ends and she got up to throw the empty ice cream container away and wash up the spoons they had used. She had been quiet through out the movie giving him one words responses here and there during the movie and she knew he'd eventually pick on her sudden change and wasn't sure what exactly was wrong with her but the bazillion different emotions was making it worse. She was lost in thought when he came behind her placing his hands on either side of her against the counter
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks her softly
"Nope"
"Right I should have known"
"Deeks" she pleads and turns around to face him "I just need to think and figure it all out in my head. Can you answer one question for me though?"
"Yeah" he says
"Is this really how you see us raising a child, me here and you there?" she asks
"Right now I don't know, who's to say it won't change in another month or two or even year. Lets just take it one day at a time"
"okay" she says with a weak smile
"Kens I'm not going anywhere" he reassures her
He doesn't sleep well that night and at six thirty decides he'll just go for a run in a city he doesn't know at all. He gets up and gets ready and jots down a quick note letting her know he went for a run and to find some yummy donuts for his favorite girl(s) and leaves it by the coffee pot where he's sure she will find it when she wakes.
She wakes about an hour later and crawls out of bed only to find him gone. She doesn't bother checking for his suitcase because it's simple he left with no explanation just like Jack had. She goes back to bed and lays there crying. Just when she was on the verge of sinking back into that depressing mess she was when Jack left the baby started moving and she realized she couldn't let this get her down. If anything she still had a connection to Deeks and it wouldn't healthy for either of them if she let herself get like that so she pulls herself out of bed and gets dressed and grabs her gym bag, she had to walk off the stress and hurt maybe even hit the punching bag a few times. Just as she opened the front door to leave there he was sweaty and looking a bit over heated, holding a box from what appeared to be her favorite donut shop.
"I went for a run and got lost looking for a donut shop." he explains "Where you going?"
"Was gonna head to the gym" she says avoiding eye contact with him
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing just had a rough morning" she snaps
"Kens don't do this" he pleads
"I woke up and you were gone Deeks. What the hell was I suppose to think?" she all but yells fresh tears falling
"I left a note by the coffee pot. Didn't you see it" he says looking at the still full coffee pot
"I didn't make it that far" she says quietly looking away from him
"Okay, here are donuts for my favorite girls and I will go get a shower. Try and save me some please" he says handing her the box
She smiles "Thank you."
He grabs a change of clothes and head towards the shower while she pours her coffee and sits down on the couch and turns on the tv. She's eaten about six donuts by the time he's done in the shower and walks out into the living room where he finds her taking a bit of her seventh one and smiles at the sight that he's missed so much. She tears her eyes away from the infomercial she is watching and swallows her bite of donut "oh boy" she says quietly as she notices the way his sweats come to rest very low on his hips and the water droplets from his hair roll down his chest and stomach as the memories of trailing kisses down his body flood her mind "We are going out today" she says promptly
"We are?" he asks knowing why all of sudden she's acting weird
"Yes we are." she says pointedly
He sits down next her.. closer than she expected and the scent of his shampoo is driving her wild. He takes donut and says "we could always stay in and get a really great long overdue work out in" while trailing his finger up her thigh.
Even though she wants this and it's been seven long agonizing months she can't, not after he turned her down last night and gave her time to get her thoughts together. "Deeks" she warns
He removes his hand and gets up to get him a cup coffee "Oh Fern you couldn't wait to jump this body last night"
"Hormones Deeks! Isn't that what you said last night? Now if you are done with this tease session I am going to get a shower and then we will head out" she says heading toward the shower
"You need any help Fern" he yells
"Martin!" she warns him with a glare
"Oh you got the mother tone down pat already.. this going to be fun" he says
"I'm glad you find all this funny Deeks" letting her frustration with him show
"Kens, I got a better idea" he says turning serious all of a sudden
She arches her eyebrow at him "Deeks I swear if you keep up this ruse, you will regret it when pay back time comes"
"No I just thought maybe a relaxing bubble bath would help relive some of the tension you dealing with. I know that having me here is not easy Kens, and I was out of line for what I just did. Take your time and relax." he says
"Okay" she says
He lays down on the couch the lack of sleep catching up to him.
She finds him asleep and decides to just go get a snack from the kitchen and sits by the couch watching tv letting him get some rest, eventually falling asleep herself laying her head on his arm.
A/N: I originally intended for this to be the final installment of this fic but it has taken on a mind of it's own and I'm not sure how many more chapter there will be. Hope you guys enjoy this update