My Brother's Keeper
AN: Just playing in J.K.'s sandbox. This I worked around the pun above and I thought might be a nice idea.
Easier to read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 68918 . html
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Hogwarts, October 1991
Dear Charlie,
Hallo! It's us, your favourite siblings, and the best beaters you ever had! How're the dragons? We --we bored-- had a spare minute and thought we might write and let you know how things are back here at good old Hoggies'.
First off, you'll never guess who started this year with our ikle Ronnie? Only Harry Potter! Yup, that one, the "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named wonder boy" himself. Ron seems to have become rather chummy with him. Don't worry – it gets better. He's our new Seeker! He's --even better-- almost as good as you... he'll need some training of course (don't worry, we'll take care of that) but it looks like we might even be in for a chance at the Cup this year – it's about time too to be honest (not that we are!) and it'll be nice to wipe those smug smirks of Slytherin's face. While we're on the topic... how much do you know about Wood? --Only the other day-- Just asking.
Right. We've got to go and --see to Filch-- do our homework. Yes, we have lots of homework. If Mum writes (which she will – she wouldn't stop going on about you, and your lack of girlfriend on the ride to King's Cross: beware ) tell her how much homework we're getting. And how much work we're doing. --And that we're in line to be the next Prefects. She'll believe it from you-- Just, yeah.
Anyway, take care, don't catch fire,
Fred and George
P.S. --Percy is-- --You should really-- --We think-- There's something wrong with Percy.
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Not particularly near Bistriţa, October 1991
Dear Fred and George,
I can only assume that this sudden taking to pen and paper on your behalfs means that you wish to interrogate me. You both need to learn how to write tactfully. Or at least buy a decent ink eraser.
So, Harry Potter's the new Gryffindor Seeker? Must take after his father. Glad to hear you're finally getting your acts together about the Cup at last. You're right – it's taken you bloody long enough; poor Wood must be driving himself spare. One that note: what do you mean "how much to you know about Wood"?! You're the ones that live in the same castle as him. Merlin's Beard, I'm not a lexicon for you to investigate your team members. What ever you want to know either ask him or resign yourselves to never knowing because I'm not telling you more than this:
He's a great Keeper – best I've ever had. --Unfortunately he has no taste in Beaters, otherwise I'd say-- (Shut up; I can barely afford parchment, nevermind extravagant stationary.) He's an excellent Captain. He's prone to attempt drowning if a match goes sour.
Thanks for the heads up about Mum. --Tell her she can mind her own business and-- (Alright, I take it back.) I'll be sure to keep what you've said in mind when I get her owl.
Charlie
P.S. - What do you mean there's something wrong with Percy? Is this the general moan or do I need to write to him?
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Hogwarts, November 1991
Dear Charlie,
We are very, very tactful. As mischevious persons we are –inproprortionally-- --unquantafilably-- very insulted to hear you say we lack subtlety. You're an ass. Only the other day we managed to light Filch's broom on fire and he never could prove it was us. Not that that stopped him giving us detention though. If it wasn't for him and his cat our lives would be much easier.
We won the first match of the season! --Can you believe it?-- Of course, what more can you expect from such a crack team? Potter almost swallowed the bloody Snitch though which was --terribly-- --amusing-- slightly nerve-racking. Wood was almost in tears so --no harry carry-- good news all round then! We only asked about him because --something weird is going on-- nevermind. What was it you said about Potter's dad?
Ron and Harry still friends... although they seem to have picked up some --smart girl-- clever so and so called Athena or Mercurie or something. Bit odd but we're just glad he's --not following us around like some loner-- found some friends. --Fred has a crush on Angelina and-- --I do not-- --Yes he does-- --Shut up George you're just jealous-- --No I'm not Fred's being a complete-- --Stop it-- --No you stop it-- --I swear if you don't then I'll-- So, dragons eh? Must be good. You always did like the outdoors... yeah.
Um, right, well, that's about it.
Fred and George
P.S. - Well, he's not dead --yet-- but there's definitely something fishy going on. --Only the other day we saw him-- Don't write. We'll keep you posted.
P.P.S. - Never insult our Beating skills again. Ever.
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Sort of around Piatra-neamt, November 1991
Dear Fred and Geogre,
You're realise I have better (and ever so slightly more pressing) things to do then listen to your dire monologues of --ineptitude-- "deception" and "cunning"? I want nothing to do with your misdemeanours --that way Mum can never torture me for information-- because I don't care.
Well done for winning to match; glad to hear it --if for no other reason than to know Wood's still alive.-- You two really need to pay more attention somewhere: James Potter was a god among Chasers. The stories I've heard about that man make me wish I'd taken up Quidditch professionally after all. Fred, why don't you ask Angelina about him? I'm sure she'd be happy to --tell you where to go-- help.
The dragons are fine. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong. Did Mum tell you to ask me? I'm fine, you hear? You tell her I'm fine. Because I am. Fine, I mean. --Though if she wants to send me money she's more than welcome.--
Really must go. We're having a few issues with space down here. Mountains aren't what they used to be when you want to hide several dozen dragons in them. --They aren't paying me enough for this-- We should have gone to Siberia, but then we'd have issues with the Chinese Fireballs – they like warmer temperatures see; poor things would freeze to death the moment we hit Ukraine.
Anyway. If you must bother me again then tell the owl --to follow the smoke-- to head towards the higher peaks as we're seeing to relocate as soon as possible.
Charlie
P.S. - Concerning Percy: what's fishy? Posted on what? Give me a straight answer or I'll tell --him-- Mum about Filch's broom. --Don't push me; I have third degree burns.--