Chapter 4
AN: I don't own or gain anything concerning the characters or original plot.
Sorry it's so late – I am not as organised as I once thought. Also, HURRAY! I've finished Year 1. Only another ten chapters to go. Enjoy.
Easy read link: emsana . livejournal . com / 71926 . html
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bHogwarts, June 1992/b
Dear Charlie,
Despite this wondrous revelation concerning our youngest elder brother, we first would like to divulge to you the follow fact: Our youngest brother is a menace. If you thought we were bad, you have another thing coming. What crime has he committed you ask? He's only gone and lost Gryffindor 150 points. One. Hundred. And. Fifty. Points. Why did we even bother to throw our hearts and souls into Quidditch when Ron and his little friends are going to go and throw them all away overnight? Don't worry, we're being just and fair and giving his accomplices the cold elbow as well while we're at it, namely, ithat girl/i, and (believe it or not) Harry Potter. Yup, the Boy Who Lived is butchering Gryffindor. You'd think he'd want to beat Slytherin, being the anti-venom to the posion that is He Who Must Not Be Named. --We'd have written his real name but Fred can't spell it.-- The daft twit even tried to get off the Quidditch team. No fear, Wood sorted him out – he was a bit harsh if we're honest (not that we are). Wonder if this whole Percy thing has put him on edge... or maybe he's just nervous because his star Seeker just lost his House i150 Points/i. Either way, we'll be keeping out of his way until the end of term and just focus on --torturing Percy-- our end of year exams instead.
Moving on from one brother to another, --not that a night in the Forbidden Forest is punishment enough if you ask us-- Percy is in a tizz about his OWLs. Really, they're just OWLs. It's not like he could possibly fail them or anything... if he did even we'd suspect something fishy at the exam board. We think that this whole thing with Wood is –exasper-- --exacerbt-- making him worse. We could have sworn we saw him sitting in the Quidditch stalls during practice the other night trying to hide behind a History of Magic textbook. Poor sod. We'll admit it, it must be a rough boat to be in.
Right, this letter is far too sobering and we only have a month left in which to --reek havoc-- enjoy our Third Year at Hogwarts, so we'll be off.
Fred and George
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bWell of Self-Pity, June 1992/b
Dear Fred and George,
How can I put this? It is not only Ron who is to blame for Gryffindor's sudden demise. I'm man enough to admit that I was involved in some small way in this incident. Emphasis on the word "small". I divulge this to you only so that you will --please stop writing to me-- let up on Ron a bit, and with the strict understanding that Mum will inever, ever/i find out. Alright, here goes.
Hagrid somehow managed to get his mits on a dragon egg. (And you think you've heard the worst of it already.) Somehow he even succeeded in hatching the damn thing, a Norwegian Ridgeback of all breeds. As you can imagine, having a baby dragon running around a school full of clumsy students --like you two-- isn't the best of ideas. Fortunately, he told Ron and Potter and that girl you keep mentioning, and they owled me. Being --a soft touch-- a good and caring soul I agreed to take in Norbert (that's the Ridgeback's name... although actually it should be Norberta. --bloddy amateurs--). Merlin knows what the research centre will say but I reckon I can sort it out. I got Tim and Emer to pick her up so I got to see the lads which was a nice change. You remember them don't you? I think Emer once tried to convince you that you'd both swtiched name as toddles as no-one could tell you apart, and Mum and Dad had never bothered to amend it. Good times.
So, please don't be too hard on Ron, or Potter, or me for that matter. Just be satisfied that your House may have lost points, but your school hasn't lost a gamekeeper. Silver lining and all that. Although, if I lose my job over this, feel free to murder all four of them at your end.
Now, onto Percy. You must have realised by now how overreactive and paranoid he can be so let him get through the OWLs before you lay into him again – as I recall, he's only half as mad with worry when he's waiting for results than when he's taking the exams. I hope. --I can't believe I'm going to say this but-- You're probably right, this development with Wood can't be doing him much good at all either. Unless of couse the feeling is mutual; I'll leave you two to --look "mutual" up in the dictionary"-- to figure that one out. I'm off to feed Norberta.
Charlie
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bHogwarts, July 1992/b
Dear Charlie,
We're off school at long last but we thought we'd drop you a quick line to let you know how the last few weeks at Hoggie's went.
WE WON THE HOUSE CUP!!! We can almost forgive Ron and Potter and their girlfriend for losing us all those points as they managed to salvage this for us. There was also some small kid called Nigel, or Neville involved we think; Dumbles gave some --sickening-- nice little sentimental piece about it as he called off the points but we'd stopped listening. We'd explain why they were so --esteamed-- esteemed but it'll probably be in the Prophet by now so you'll know anyway. We cannot, however, forgive the loss of the Quidditch Cup. Say what you like of us, but what's a House without it's Team? We worked too long and too hard for that cup to be cast aside like rotten flobberworms. --Quidditch Players of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your-- --Sorry, George's gone mad-- Regardless, we'll hold our heads high and move on. We've also forgiven you for your involvement. Sorry about the howlers.
Now, for the interesting stuff. During the end of term feast we were sitting along from our dear, broken Keeper when our brother suddenly appeared to "give his condolences". It was bizarre. And very, very awkward to watch. Percy is marginally --less deranged-- more sane than he was last month, but we thought he'd have been pleased to have one the cup. He did thank Ron and his assorted chums but he did actually seem genuinely sorry that we did win Quidditch as well. If you ask us, this goes far beyond the call of Prefect duty. The poor sod's enamoured. And, yes, we do know what "enamoured" means thank you very much. Our distaste at your crude remarks about our vocabulary is very, very imutual/i. We digest. We think we should tell Wood about Percy. He's a decent guy so it's not like he'll beat Perce to death --not that that wouldn't be marginally amusing--, and anywho, in the unlikely event he feels the same way we'll have done them both a favour and they shall be forever in our debt. Either way, it can't hurt.
Fred and George
P.S. - Oh, yeah, we think we might have failed our end of term exams. Ah well. Mum can at least say she has some variety in her children.
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bPit of Despair, July 1992/b
Dear Cain and Cain,
Do not, I repeat, do inot/i tell Wood. Screw the House Cup, the Quidditch Cup, and your disastrous grades - believe it or not you are about to destroy your brother's life. And just to clarify, no, that isn't a good thing. Regardless of how well Wood deals with it, he only need mention it to one other person and it'll be a swift farewell to Percy's already crippled social life. I beg, and implore you both to keep your mouths shut --for once-- and to wrench your noses out of other peoples' lives.
Screw it, you've never listened to me, and even if you did, it's probably too late. Shall I send flowers to the family plot or are we having a quiet funeral so as to avoid the rest of the world knowing that Percy Weasley was brutually pushed into his own social suicide by his younger brothers? You must be the first people to have caused social euthanasia. I'd be impressed if it weren't so sickening.
Seeing as how you asked, Norberta's fine. So am I, --Florin has promised they can grow the thigh muscle back so you'd never know it was gone in the first place-- and I might even get the chance to take some holiday this year. Enjoy your summer – I hope the weather is awful and the lemonade is bitter.
Charlie
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The incorrect usage of "mutual" and "digest" by Fred and George is intentional!