Chapter 10: The Rum Tum Tugger

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ah, great! Hooray! Yeah! My mom's song is over and......NOW SHE'S GOING TO COME UP HERE AND YELL AT ME-OR WORSE! YEAH!

(If you didn't notice before, the above is sarcasm). Now my Mom was shaking all the elderly tom's hands. She nuzzled by dad-okay, I got to admit that's a bit sweet. Suddenly-

"Meow"

I knew that anywhere! Oh, how I hate it. I turned slowly around on the tire. Sure enough the Rum Tum Tugger was standing there, looking pleased that he had all the Jellicle's attention. He let another nonchalant "Meow". I sneered at him and backflipped off of the tire. However, to my horror, everyone suddenly began to sing.

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat!

WHAT?!?! No one told me TUGGER was getting a song! Ah, this is JUST great! (Again, sarcasm!) Then he started singing and ran down to the middle of the floor. Ugh, look at Jemima and all the other kittens following him around. It was no surprise that none of the other Tom's were very happy with Tugger being here.

If you offer me pheasant, I'd rather have grouse

If you put me in a house, I would much prefer a flat

If you put me in a flat then I'd rather have a house

If you set me on a mouse then I only want a rat

If you set me on a rat then I'd rather chase a mouse

Oh, man, this SUCKS. All the Queens-even Bombalurina's!-are on him! Ooh, a ball! Take that Tugger!

NOOOOOOO! NO FAIR NO FAIR YOU CAN'T KICK IT!

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

And there isn't any need for me to shout it

For he will do as he do do

And there's no doing anything abou-ou-ou-t it!

I turned to Tumble. "Are you as mad as I am?" I asked.

Tumble stared, and I looked and saw Tugger tickle Jemima's chin. Ew, gross, Tugger's her UNCLE. Forget about that image in your head Pouncival!

I almost didn't notice him answer "Yeah, I am!".

Then we both thought of the same thing, and we began to mock Tugger's movements. I heard Plato and Metus giggle behind us.

The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore

Ha ha, good one Quaxo!

When you let me in, then I want to go out

I'm always on the wrong side of every door

He walked over to us. "Hey, Tugger, wanna see how a real tom-" I started to mouth off, then suddenly found myself kissing the dirt.

Did he just TRIP me? I looked to my side and saw Tumble was also on the ground. I tried to sit up, but I found a weight suddenly on my back. Then I realized-THIS BASTARD WAS SITTING ON ME!

And as soon as I'm at home, then I'd like to get about

Ow! He just kicked me to the ground-after smackimg my rear end I might end! I slid out of the way and began to curse him under my breath.

I like to lie in the bureau drawer

And I make such a fuss if I can't get out

Why don't you stay there, you psycho!

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

And there isn't any need for you to doubt it

For he will do as he do do

And there's no doing anything abou-ou-ou-out it!

Um....okay, this is gonna sound wierd, but for a second Plato looked like he was REALLY enjoying doing side-splits in front of Tugger. He is so wierd sometimes...

I turned to Bombalurina. I grinned-maybe she'll dance with me now! I walked over to her. "Hey, Bomb, can I-"

"Not now, Pouncival!" she said. I frowned. What was her problem. "Bomby, you said you would dance with me!" Crap, did not mean to make it sound so whiney!

"Not now, Pouncival!" she said again. Then she walked forward and moved her hands down her body. I scoffed, moving over by Plato, Metus, and Tumble. Bombalurina then sang:

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast!

Tugger looked over at her. OH MAN, he's giving her THE look, the I WANT YOU look! He then started to shake his hips again!

My disobliging ways are a matter of habit

I couldn't bare to watch as he and Bombalurina started dancing really provacatively. Admetus nudged me. "Come on, Pounce, just dance with us! Ignore them!". I grinned and tried to, but I couldn't block out his singing.

If you offer me fish then I always want a feast

When there isn't any fish then I won't eat rabbit

(Stupid, no one was even talking about rabbit!)

If you offer me cream then I sniff and sneer

For I only like what I find for myself

No

I heard a thump, and turned. "Oh my EC!" I cried. Tugger had just DROPPED Bombalurina right on her stomach. Right---right on her----HOW DARE HE!

"Whoa, Pounce, easy there!" Plato said, holding me back by my shoulders, cause I'm pretty sure I just started to stalk to kick Tugger in the tomhood (which I plan on doing at somepoint tonight!).

"He dropped her!" I cried. "He has to pay!". Plato still held me back.

So you'll catch me in right up to my ears

If you put it away on the larder shelf

The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing

HA! That's a laugh....oh, Bomby, why do you keep going back to him! Look, he just shoved you!

The Rum Tum Tugger

Doesn't care for a cuddle

Obviously, you Queen dropping, Bomby bopping jerk!

But I'll leap upon your lap in the middle of your sewing

For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle!

Oh, Everlasting Cat, kill me now! Or him! Kill him now! Ki-ha ha ha ha! He just kissed Jelly and Mom on the cheek! Look at their faces!

You know, everyone looks like their having fun, why not just join in the dancing?

And awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay I go!

The Rum Tugger is a curious cat!

The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle!

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

I heard Tumble growling next to me. Okay, dancing fun over, he is now staring at Jemima. I suddenly had an idea.

"Don't worry, I'll get her Tumble!" I said.

I ran up behind the large group of girls and Plato behind Tugger and started pulling on Jemima's arm.

And there isn't any need for me to spout it

Ow! Forget it, I'm not helping Tumble or Jemima out ever again!

For he will do as he do do

Uh. Now even TEAZER and freakin' TANTOMILE are getting in with this guy! Don't fall for his tricks! DON'T GO TOWARDS THE DARK SIDE!

And there's no doing anything

Abooouuuuuuuut

Yes, we know you can sing! Just then, I noticed that Bombalurina was standing nearby, looking at Tugger with a bit of lust and wanting on her face. Huh...maybe I can do something with this....maybe she'll only react out of needyness-but I can live with that! So, I slid over and stuck by butt in the air and rubbed it against her legs. I heard some other toms gasp. Screw yo-OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH THAT FEELS NICE! BOMBY HAS SUCH SOFT CLAWS, OOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!

Aboou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-out!

I fell onto my back in complete bliss. I looked up at her, grinning. She grinned back. "See you got a little Tugger in yourself, there, Pouncie," she said, winking.

Oh, I could just die!

Aboo-wowou-wowou-wowou-wouuuuuuuuuu-

Oh, EC, now you got Etcetera started. Shut her up! SOMEBODY SHUT HER UP!! Man, I now remembered how much I HATE this guy!

Thank you Tugger, you egomaniacal, queen-hogging, no good dirty scoundrelistic hypocritical moronical idiotic stupid crappy dumb lousy-

Wait a minute! His song made my mom completely forget about being mad at me!

THANK YOU TUGGER YOU GOD!

About that!

Ha ha, Cetty fainted! I feel like I should personally thank Tugger! So naturally I followed him around, waving at him to try and get his attention. It's a good thing everyone else (even the other Toms) were doing the same thing, or else I would have looked stupid.

Suddenly, as he was shaking his hips on top of the TS-E1, Tugger stopped, frowned, and pointed out at something.

Huh? I quickly turned around.

And gasped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Done!