Chapter 12: Bustopher Jones
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I just stared, trying to figure out what happened. It took a while for Jellylorum and Jennyanydots to get the queenkits to stop trying to go after Grizabella. I wonder what happened to her...why everyone else hated her. I tried to ask Dad, only to receive a few painful whacks on the rear and told not to speak of her. Seriously, what was so wrong with her?
But now I was getting bored. Nothing was happening! This was supposed to be the Jellicle Ball right? Wasn't something supposed to be happening?
Suddenly, Mom smiled sharply and squeled. I jumped. I looked around, and then raised my eyebrows. A very fat black and white cat was waltzing into the courtyard. Alonzo and Quaxo immediantly ran up to greet him, and helped him walk in. It was Bustopher Jones. I was confused why he was here. I mean, the guy hardly ever comes into the Junkyard. But another wierd thing about him was that he seemed to be the Rum Tum Tugger of all the older queens-including my mother!
Bustopher waltzed forward, brandishing a large spoon like a cane. Then, I realized that he must be getting a song this year. Huh. Wonder how that's going to turn out.
Then, my Mom began to sing.
Bustopher Jones
Is not skin and bones
Bombalurina ran up next to her and sang out:
In fact he's remarkebly fat!
Ha! Very funny, Bombalurina!
"Well, that sums up the whole song right here," I snickered. Unfortunantly, Bustopher heard me and glared at me. However, when Jelly and Mom clung to his arms, Bustopher decided to continue on with his song. Mom continued singing:
He doesn't huant pubs for he has eight or nine clubs
For he's the St. James Street cats
He's the cat we all greet as he walks down the street
In his coat is fastidious black
Man, what do they see in this guy? Still, I decided to stay on my parents good side and I stood up with all the other toms, smiling and waving to him politely. As he walked past us, I even gave him a little salute.
Whoa, hey, make room, make room, big guy walking through! Well, looks like Quaxo enjoys praising his father. Did I mention that, Quaxo and Alonzo are his kids. Whoa, that makes Quaxo Tumble's uncle, and they don't have much of an age difference! Cool!
No common place mousers have such well cut trousers
Dang, I wonder why Bomby likes him so much.
Or such an impeccable back
And we bow. Wow, look at his grin! He looks really smug right now. I wonder if I could pull that off..... I looked up at dad and tried it out. Dad just gave me a funny look. Ah, who needs you?
In the whole of St. James is the smartest of names
Is the name of this brummel of cats
And we're all of up proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats
Aw, why would you salute back to Munkus! I saluted to you first!......okay, Quaxo is starting to creep me out, he just started pulling on Bustopher's tail. But then me and the other Toms began repeating the chorus that Mom, Jelly, and Bomby just sang. Me and Tumble began to shove eachother over to sit in front of Bustopher, cause I could see Dad was bringing in a huge hat. He always used that hat when he wanted to sit down and tell the kittens stories of the train,
Now Bustopher is sitting down. Oh, poor you, your hat is dusty. Dad! Why must you become a slave! And now there's dust on your tail!
Oh, great, now he's going to sing.
My visits are occasional to the Senior Educational
And it is against the rules
For any one cat to belong both to that
And the Joint Superior Schools
Well, so far I had no idea what he was saying.
For a similar reason when game is in season
I'm found not at Fox's but Blimp's
I am frequently seen at the gay Stage and Screen
Ha, ha, he said gay!
Which is famous for winkles and shrimps
Mmm....shrimp....
In the season of venison I give me ben'son
To the Pothunter's succulent bones
And just before noon's not a moment too soon
To drop in for a drink at the Drones
Oh man his song is starting to make me hungry. I groaned in thought of that delicious food and rolled around on the ground.
When I'm seen in a hurry there's probably curry
At the Siamese of at the Glutton
If I look full of gloom then I've lunched at Tomb
On cabbage, rice pudding, and mutton
OH I AM STARVING NOW! "Wanna go get some food?" I asked randomly to Tantomile.
"What?" she asked in confusion.
I just shrugged.
In the whole of St. James is the smartest of names is the name of this Brummel of cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to by
Bustopher Jones in white
Bustopher Jones in white
Bustopher Jones in white spats
Okay, so this guy is kind of interesting. He's all fancy and stuff. Okay, you probably shouldn't be tipping yourself over, Busto, you almost fell off!
So, much in this way passes Bustopher's day
At one club or another he's found
It can be no surprise that under our eyes
He has grown unmistakably round
No, what gave it away?
He's a twenty five pounder!
For I am a bounder! Bustopher sang.
And he's putting on weight everyday!
Dang, why do they sound so proud? I would HATE being fat. Unless Bombalurina was fat too, cause then no one else would want her.....and then she would be all mine....ALL MINE....
But I'm so well preserved because I've observed
All my life a routine, and I'd say
I am still in the prime, I shall last out my time
Huh? The guy is so not in his prime! He's a freaking GRANDFATHER of crying out loud! (Tumble's Alonzo's kid, remember? And Alonzo is Busto's kid!)
Now, all of us Toms got up in a line. Apparantly we still had to show this guy respect.
That's the word from the stoutest of cats
Oh, look he's coming to me. Man, he has a mustache for crying out loooooooooOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD! Ow!
Why the hell did he just knock me over with his spoon?!
I ran over to Dad. "Dad, he just knocked me over!" I whined....okay,that is not a good thing Pouncie, remember that.... But apparantly Dad didn't look too pleased. "Look at him flirting with MY Jenny...." he hissed. I couldn't help but giggle. Old people envy!
It must and it shall be spring in Pall Mall
While Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white spats!
Then, of all things, he pulls out a rose! Then he hands it to mom, and winks at her. "Toodle-pip!" he says. Of course, Mom faints into Jelly's arms.
I had to laugh. It was too hilarious-
CRASH.
Suddenly, the lights all went out. I jumped, immediantly cowering behind my father. Even though I was a kitten, I knew all too well what that meant.
"MACAVITY!"
Spot on Demeter! Shitshitshitshitshit!
Oh well, at least Bustopher ran off.
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Done!
Note: Bustopher Jones is my LEAST favorite song in the whole show.