I hope everyone had a Happy Valentine's Day :)
Seth was sitting out on the porch with Anton. Everyone else was in the house getting ready for the barbeque. They were drinking some lemonade Andrea had made them. The Raven had gone to her counseling session and would be gone for a couple of hours. Later on in the afternoon they planned on having a barbeque, some of The Raven's cousins and other family members would be coming over.
"Do you think Max will ever forgive The Raven?", Seth asked. When he had made up with his sister, The Raven had expressed her own desire to have her brothers talking to her again, especially her older brother Maximiliano. She even cried in his arms when she talked about how close they were when they were kids.
Anton was surprised his niece had shared something so private with Seth, it again show him how serious things were getting between them. "Its not a matter of him forgiving her but more of him letting go of his anger and hurt at the loss of his parents. Everyone knows they would have cut their trip short for any of their children, they always made it a point to be there for special occasions, it just happened to have fallen on her birthday."
"Is there anything we can do to convince him?", he asked hopefully, he wanted The Raven to have a relationship with her brothers. He knew how much it hurt her to have so much distance between them.
"I am afraid not. We try not to push Max because we don't want him shutting us all out of his life.", Anton said regrettably.
"I see, what about her brother Alex?"
"Don't worry about him, he will come around eventually. His pride is just hurt.", said Anton.
"I am sorry about that.", Seth replied.
"Don't be. He was being quiet nasty with you, I am surprised you put up with it as much as you did.", her Uncle said with a smirk. They were quiet for a moment before her Uncle spoke again. "You must be patient with her, Seth.", he said quietly.
"What do you mean?", Seth asked confused.
"I can see when two people are in love." Seth looked at Anton as if ready to deny it, he held his hand up to stop Seth. "She will have difficulty expressing her feelings for you. But be patient with her because if you push, she will only pull away from you. Her parents' and brothers' death have made it hard for her to trust or love someone."
At that moment The Raven had drove up and parked the car. She walked up the steps and waved at them and went into the house. Seth could see her mood was somber, he excused himself and followed The Raven into the house.
The Raven was tired, her sessions with Dr. Reeves were always so emotionally draining but today's was by far the worst. Talking about her feelings for Seth left her exhausted from the range of emotions she was experiencing. She felt fear, anxiety, panic but also happy, fortunate, excited, all at once for having him in her life.
When she finally got home, she walked into the house and went straight to her room. She could feel someone behind her, she didn't have to turn around to know it was Seth. When she entered her room she dropped her purse on the ground and plot herself in the middle of bed face down. She could feel Seth's weight sink the bed down as he laid down next to her. He gathered her in his arms and held her in a spoon position.
"Is everything alright?", he asked concerned, she looked very drained.
"I am. I am just very tired. I want to take a nap.", she said as she cuddled her body closer to his.
He wondered what had caused this change in her demeanor. This morning she was full of energy and wanted to get her appointment over with so they could spend the rest of the day together. He looked down at her, she had already fall asleep in his arms. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. He would talk to her when she wakes up, he thought has he felt himself drifting off.
A couple of hours later, The Raven woke up, she smiled to herself at the warm body laying beside her and the protective arms encircling her. She turned her body around and looked at Seth. She didn't know if he was more handsome asleep when all his features were soft and relaxed or when he was awake. She stroked his cheek and played with the whiskers of his beard. Suddenly, he inhaled deeply and stretched out like a cat, it made her smile when he did that. He grinned at her, leaned forward and gave her a quick peck on the lips.
She smiled back and could hear the activity going on outside. "I think we need to go outside. It smells like they started the barbeque." Neither one moved from their positions on the bed. They laid their gazing at each other.
"Are you feeling better?", he asked.
"Yes, I just needed a nap." she said avoiding Seth's gaze. Seth gently gripped her chin and tried to make her look at him but she kept looking down, away from him.
"Raven?"
She could hear the concern in his voice. She took a deep breathe and looked at him. "Seth I know the past couple of weeks you have been trying to get me to say how I feel about you and I have been avoiding it. But I was wondering?", she paused and stared at him. He could see the apprehension in her eyes. He had a feeling she was deliberately avoiding his questions but know that he knew, his heart stopped at what she was going to say next.
"And?", he asked gently, encouraging her to continue.
"I wanted to know how you feel about me?"
He had been trying to get her to tell him but had yet to share is feelings with her. They were both afraid to say how they felt but one of them had to take the first step. He decided she was worth it and willingly took that step, "I love you." She did not turn away or seem afraid by his words. She sat up and he followed, her eyes began to water.
"I am not ready to say that to you Seth.", her voice was a soft whisper. He could not look at her anymore, it hurt to know the woman he loved did not love him back. He got off the bed and headed toward the door. "Seth", she shouted, he could hear her desperation. He stopped his retreat but kept his back to her. "I want you to know that you mean the world to me. I can't imagine my life without you. I just have a hard time with those words but you have to know how important you have become to me.", her voice trembled with emotion. He turned to look at her, tears were falling down her cheeks. She may not have said the exact words but she pretty much told him, she loved him. Seth felt relieve wash over his body as he approached the bed.
He sat on the edge of the bed and she crawled on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. He returned her embrace.
There was a soft knock at the door. "I hear voices, are you two awake?" The Raven wiped her tears away as her Uncle opened the door. "Yes Uncle we just woke up.", The Raven said as cheerful as she could. "Well if you two are done making out, your cousins and nephew can't wait to see you.", her uncle said teasingly, before he closing the door behind him.
The Raven was still sitting on Seth's lap, she turned to look at him. "Are we ok then?", she asked nervously.
"Yes we are ok." He hugged her tightly again.
August 09, 2014
The big day had finally arrived for his sister. The ceremony was beautiful and was held at the church they use to attended as kids. Their father had given her away. Teresa looked happy and stunning in her wedding dress.
When they said their vows he looked at The Raven and wondered if she would ever tell him she loved him. It had about three weeks since he had told her he loved her. Since then he took the opportunity to say it often, hoping she would get use to it and eventually say it back to him but so far nothing.
He was distracted from his thoughts when he felt her reach for his hand and pull it onto her lap, holding his hand between hers. She was watching the ceremony unfold. She looked absolutely sexy in her long blue silky dress with silver sparkles on the trim. It was sleeveless, which displayed her toned arms and tattoos. With straps that criss crossed her shoulder blades, leaving all of her back exposed and showing off her Papilio Ulysses Butterfly tattoo. Her hair was up in a stylish bun with wisps of her hair that framed her face. For a moment, he thought what she would look like in a white dress marrying him. Seth shook his head and looked away from The Raven, he could not believe where his mind had wonder off to.
The ceremony was finally over, he stood up and held his arm out to The Raven and his other to his mother and escorted them outside where everyone was throwing rice at the newly married couple, wishing them a happy marriage.
The Raven was sitting at the table with Seth's mother watching him dance with his sister. She smiled as she saw him twirl Teresa around the dance floor. She could not wait for him to dance with her so she could be close to him. He looked so handsome in his suit, he was wearing the one she had bought him for his birthday, he accessorized it by wearing a blue dress shirt to match her gown.
When the song was over he came to her and held his hand out to her, which she accepted. He escorted her out to the dance floor and he put one hand on her bare back, she felt her body tingle and shiver at his touch. Her response to his touch did not go unnoticed by Seth, he looked down and smirked at her. It was a love song that was playing so he held her close and moved slowly to the music.
"Have I told you how beautiful and sexy you look?"
"MMmm about a dozen times now, but a girl could never get tired of hearing that.", she smiled at him flirtatiously.
"Are you having fun?", he asked, as he lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers.
"I always have fun when I am with you."
Suddenly the mood got serious between them. "I love you.", he said as he gazed into her eyes.
"I know and I care a lot about you." She could see the disappointment in his brown orbs. She hated to hurt his feelings but the fear still gripped her.
"Will you ever be ready to tell me, Raven?"
She could hear the hurt in his voice. "That's why I go see Dr. Reeves. I will, just not now.", she pleaded for his understanding.
They both fall silent and continued to move slowly to the rhythm of the song. "Do you ever see us doing this Raven?", he asked quietly.
The thought of marrying Seth sent a tremor of fear through her body. The Raven pulled away from him slightly to look up at him. "Why do you keeping pushing, Seth? We have only been going out for less than seven months now. Why can't we just enjoy each others company?", she said exasperated with his constant forcing of the issue. She was about to walk away from him but he pulled her back into his arm.
"Ok, ok no more pushing." He couldn't help it, watching his sister getting married only reminded him of how close he came to marrying Danielle. How he looked forward to sharing his life with someone special. He probably would have had children by now.
But it was not meant to be with Danielle. He had The Raven now and the thought of her being his wife did not frighten him, it was actually an appealing idea. They might as well be married already, they spent every waking hour together, they liked the same things and enjoyed each others company. He didn't fully understand why she had such trouble with making their commitment official. She came unglued when he asked her to be his girlfriend, he could only imagine what her reaction would be if he asked her to marry him. He knew he was jumping ahead, she had still to tell him that she loved him.
When the song ended The Raven walked off the dance floor, Seth was following behind her. She needed air, she felt as if she were suffocating. She saw the exit sign and headed toward the door quickly. Once outside, she closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh air deeply, the cold night air against her skin making her feel better by the minute.
"Raven", Seth called out with concern.
"Seth, please don't start. Can't we just enjoy your sister's big day?", she said with distress.
He reached out to her but she pulled away from him and went to sit at a bench that was outside the reception hall. It bothered him that she pulled away from him. He went to the bench and sat next to her. She scooted her body to the opposite end as far away from him as she could and turned her back to him. They sat there silently for a moment, Seth wanted to hold her but he knew she did not want him to touch her right now and that hurt.
"Don't you think it upsets me that I can't say what you need me to? Its not that I don't feel it Seth. Its just its - " her voice trailed off as she tried to maintain her composure, she was on the verge of tears.
"If you love me say it.", he said with frustration, as he stood up and looked down at her, she still had her back to him. "You think this relationship has been easy for me. After my past experiences, it was hard for me to open myself up. I never thought I could feel this way for someone again. Don't you think it scares the shit out of me? But I am willing to take that chance with you."
He could see her shoulders shake and hear her muffled sobs. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He kneeled in front of her, she had her face turned to the side with her chin on her shoulder and one of her hands covering her face.
"Raven please don't cry. I didn't mean to push you sweetheart. It just you mean so much to me.", he said soothingly as he rubbed her thighs, trying to offer her comfort.
She finally turned to look at him. Why couldn't she just say it? Every time she was on the verge of telling him she loved him, an overwhelming fear of something happening to him overtook her and stopped her in her tracks. She knew she loved him and that he loved her, why couldn't it just be that simple.
Seth stood up and made her stand up to, then hugged her to him, she buried her face in his chest. "Raven you have to stop crying, you are going to ruin my suit and what little make-up you have on. Everyone is going to think I am the worst boyfriend ever and that I am beating you or something out here.", he said light heartily.
The Raven chuckle at the thought. "Not if I beat you up first.", she said in between sobs.
He smiled and sat down on the bench, pulling her onto his lap. She rested her head on his shoulder and wiped her tears away. They sat there again quietly, there was a small breeze that caused The Raven to shiver, Seth wrapped his arms around her body.
"Seth, I am trying. I really am trying.", she said softly.
"I know you are sweetheart. I am sorry for making you cry. How about we go back to the party and dance the night away and forget about everything?"
"I would like that.", she said with smile as she sat up in his lap. He capture her lips in a soft, tender kiss. They got up from the bench and walked back to the reception hall holding hands.
August 13, 2014
After his sister's wedding, they were busy with Summer Slam. Seth had huge match schedule with Dean, it was a Lumber Jack match. He had not spoken or had any contact with Dean, since he turned on them. He was a little uneasy going into the match because Dean could be so unpredictable. With all the activity going on, he had not been able to talk to The Raven about what happened at Teresa's wedding. Even on the only day they had off that week they were spending it with her family since the paper-per-view was in California, so there was not a lot of opportunity for them to speak alone.
Seth was on the porch with Anton and her Grandfather. Seth and Anton were drinking a beer and her Grandfather had some ice tea. They were making small talk, When Anton asked, "So, you did not take my advice, I see."
"What to you mean?", he asked.
"You pushed.", Anton said. He had noticed the two seemed a bit off. The Raven appeared to be avoiding being alone with Seth.
Seth hung his head, showing his guilt. "How do you know?"
"Because you are over here and she is in the house and normally, you two can't stand to be away from the other."
"Yea, I pushed.", he said guiltily as he look up at Anton and Grandfather.
"How bad?"
"I made her cry.", Seth replied.
Anton and Grandfather shook their heads disapprovingly. "Seth, she lost her parents and 2 of her brothers at a very young age. It has affected her that is why she is having a hard time telling you how she feels about you.", her Grandfather said.
"Plus the anniversary of her parents' death is fast approaching and I imagine its making her very emotional.", Anton added.
Shit, Seth had forgotten all about that and he was making it worse with trying to get her to say that she loves him.
The Raven was in the house with Andrea, they were getting dinner started. Andrea noticed Raven was very quiet and hardly said anything. Also, she noticed a tension between Raven and Seth that was not there during their last visit.
"What's wrong Raven?"
"Nothing is wrong." The Raven replied to quickly, avoiding Andrea's stare.
But Andrea knew better. "If you don't tell me what's wrong I can't help.", she said calmly.
The Raven stopped what she was doing and looked at Andrea. The tears that were brimming in her eyes started to roll down her cheeks. "Raven", she said with worry and went to the younger woman and embraced her. The Raven weep quietly in her arms, trying to control her emotions.
"What's wrong?", she asked again, her voice laced with concern.
"Its Seth, he's mad at me because I can't say, I can't say-"
"You love him.", Andrea finished the sentence for her. The Raven shook her head yes confirming Andrea's suspicion. Andrea knew that eventually this would become an issue but hoped it would have been a while still.
"I am scared Andrea. I am scared to say I love you. I don't mean to be but those words make me sick to my stomach." The Raven started to weep again and Andrea held her tightly. "Sh, sh it ok Raven, everything will be ok.", she said soothingly.
Ever since the death of her brother Apollo, Andrea realized Raven equated love with death. The last person Raven told she loved was Apollo only for him to come back home months later in a wooden box. His death devastated Raven more than her parents death. The bond Raven had with Apollo was so strong that at times Andrea was jealous. Everyone agreed that if Andrea had not been pregnant, Raven would most likely not be there with them now. She had to speak to Seth, this had to stop especially with the upcoming anniversary of her parents death, Andrea feared Raven could have a breakdown.
After dinner, they were all in the backyard. Anton and The Raven were playing soccer with Apollo Jr. Seth and her Grandfather were sitting in lawn chairs watching them play. Andrea came up to Seth handed him a beer. Seth accepted and said thank you. Andrea sat next to Seth.
"Seth?"
Seth turned to look at Andrea, he could see her expression was serious.
"Is it a deal breaker for you, if Raven doesn't tell you she loves you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean are you doing to leave her, if she doesn't tell you she loves you?", Andrea asked firmly.
Seth was taken aback by this question. Would he leave her? As much as it hurt for him not to hear her say it, no he would not. "No"
"Then stop pushing. Have you ever noticed when we greet her or when we say good bye to her, we tell her we love her? Do you ever recall her saying it back to us? Or even to Apollo Jr.?"
Seth thought about this for a moment. He could not remember The Raven ever telling her family that she loved them. Her response would always be "Thank you" or "I missed you to". "No.", he said.
"I know how important it is to have the person you love say they love you back but if stay with Raven you have to realize that she will probably never tell you she loves you. And its not because she doesn't, its because the fear of loss those words invoke in her. Maybe one day she will tell you, but you can't force it. You will only hurt her and yourself as well." With that said Andrea stood up and walked back inside the house.
Andrea's words echoed in his mind as he turned to watch The Raven laugh at something silly her nephew did.