Chapter 22: Gus The Theatre Cat
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Hey, look at Gus! He's walking to the middle of the junkyard. Everyone moved out of his way. I ran around everyone and watched from a better perspective. Old D walked down from his tire and over to him, and smiled. Aw, that's nice, he's helping Gus to the chair in the middle.
I think Jelly's going to sing about him...ooh, I wanna hear this!
I decided to sit with Old D, Jem, and Munk. Metus and Exotica also came up to sit by us. I sat on Old Dueteronomy's right side. His fur is soft. He looked down at me and smiled as I leaned my head into his fur.
Jellylorum took the center stage, and she held her mates father's hand. She then began singing:
Gus is the cat at the theatre door
His name, as I ought to have told you before
Is really Asparagus, but that's a fuss to pronounce
Huh? Wait, isn't his son named Asparagus? I thought Cat's couldn't have the same second name!
That we usually call him just Gus
Oh, okay. Now, let's listen some more!
His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake
I noticed that too. Oh, that's not good. Does it hurt? Oh, I hope it doesn't hurt him, Gus is really nice!
For he was in his youth quite the smartest of cats
But no longer a terror to mice or to rats
I giggled a little at that. Jemima looked up at me from where her head was resting on Old D's knee, and she smiled. I smiled back at her. She was nice...and cute...no, you're Bomb's man now, Pounce, now unfaithful thoughts!
Now, pay attention to Jellylorum, Pouncie...
For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime
Though his name was quite famous, he says, in his time
And whenever he joins his friends at their club
(Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub)
Wow, I didn't know Gus was a pubgoer.
And, yeah, Gus was a famous actor. I love it when he tells us stories of his youth in acting. He seemed to have played and done everything! I was wanted to be an actor too. But then he got annoyed when I constantly followed him around all day.
He loves to regale them, if someone else pays
Ha, Gus was a cheapskate too!
With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days
For he once was a star of the highest degree
He has acted with Irving, he's acted with Tree
No idea who he was, but I guess they were cool. Old D seemed to be impressed, anyway.
And he likes to relate his success on the halls
Where the galley once gave him seven cat calls
Seven whats?
But his grandest creation as he loves to tell
Was Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell
Now, that story I heard all the time. Firefrorefiddle was a play about a cat who kidnapped and murdered a lot of cats after his love was murdered, but the ending was sad. I mean, who wants to see a play that ends with the main character realizing his love was alive, only to kill her and then himself and his kid?
Kind of a suckish ending if you ask me.
But then I realized Gus was going to sing now. Curious, I moved onto the TS-E1 to get a better look. Hey, hi Dad! Why are you wearing your vest?
But then Gus began singing, and I became overcome with wonder. His voice was old, for sure, but it was also so nice and calm, but with a bit of sadness. Wow, that sounded intelluctual.
But still, as I listened to him, I felt a little...sad.
I have played in my time every possible part
And I used to know seventy speeches by heart
I'd extemporize backchat, I knew how to gag
And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag
I giggled, and then decided to move back down next to Old D. Admetus looked over at me, and mouthed "Quit moving!". I just shrugged, and then sat down. Old D put his arm on my shoulder, and I nuzzled him. Gus kept singing,
I knew how to act with my back and my tail
With an hour of rehearsal, I never could fail
I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts
Whether I took the lead, or in character parts
Way to be modest their Gus. I think Jellylorum gave him a dissaproving look, but what do I know about her? Besides she makes awesome lemon squares...
I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell
When the curfew was rung then I swung on the bell
I began to feel happy, as a huge smile rang on Gus's face as he thought of his past.
In the pantomime season, I never fell flat
And I once understudied Dick Whittington's cat
But my grandest creation, as history will tell
was Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell
Aw, now he looks sad again...well, actually he looks a little distant. Wonder what was going on in his head?
Jellylorum stood up then, and began to sing again.
Then, if someone will give him a toothful of gin
He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne
At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat
When some actor suggested the need for a cat
Gus then sang:
And I say now these kittens they do not get trained
As we did in the days when Victoria reigned
On a whim, I glanced over at Victoria. She looked happy her name had once again been mentioned in a song. Wonder who the Victoria they're talking about was.
Must have been a famous person. They were covering their hearts on mention of her. I decided to do it too. Jemima saw me do it and she giggled.
They never get drilled in a regular troupe
And they think they are smart just to jump through a hoop
Hey, I find that an insult to kittens everywhere! We have feelings too!
And he says as he scratches himself with his claws
On another whim, I scratched my ears with my front claws.
Well the theatre is certainly not what is was
These modern productions are all very well
But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I made history
As Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell
Aw, Dad, you're rude, you fell asleep!
But then I got worried. Gus suddenly looked off into the distance, his face turning pale. He began stumbling forward. I don't think someone as old as him should move that fast...
What was wrong? He looked like he just failed to catch someone...
Then he turned to the moon, but when he began singing again, it was so sad and forlorn I felt like my heart would just tear into pieces.
These modern productions are all very well
But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I-
Oh, he couldn't even finish. He started crying, and he fell onto Jellylorum's shoulder.
I ran off the tire, but stopped. Jelly was leading him away...and what could I do to make him feel better?
So I just stood there, staring after them. I seem to be doing that to a lot of cats..
Suddenly, my mind thought randomly:
Why do we accept Gus but not Grizabella?
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Done!