Chapter 26: Mr. Mistoffelees
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"You ought to ask Magical Mr. Mistoffelees, the original conjuring cat,"
Whoa, who was that? I shone the light towards the voice-oh. It's Tugger. Grr....
And he had his cocky grin on, as usual. "There can be no doubt about that," he smirked. I heard everyone hiss and groan. I can see I was not the only one not in the mood for Tugger's joke. I was about to turn the light away when he suddenly held his hands up and said "Please! Listen to me! And don't scoff. All of his inventions are off his own bat," Tugger said.
Then he jumped down to the rest of us. Where's that drumroll coming from?... He began to talk again. "There's no such cat in the metropolis, he holds all the keys and monopolies, for performing surprising illusions, and creating eccentric confusion,".
Okay, so this Mistoffelees is MAGICAL? To be honest, I don't believe in magic. I think Macavity's stuff is just trick lighting. I could have sworn I saw him attatch some wires when he made that huge flash.
Then, Tugger started to sing.
The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Mistoffelees's conjuring turn!
Then he sat down. Music is playing. Huh. Yet ANOTHER song I didn't hear get planned for the ball.
Oh well, it's exciting anyway.
And we all say:
Oh, well, I never, was there ever a cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees?
Magical Mr. Mistoffelees doesn't sound so real. Tugger, if you're just doing this to help us feel better...
Well, I appreciate the gesture, but really, if you're joshing here, I'm going to kick you! And I'm sure Bombalurina and Demeter would want to help me!
In fact, I KNOW Demeter would want to kick you no matter what happened. She hates you. Go figure.
He is quiet and small
He is black
From the ears to the tip of his tail
So? He sounds like a thousand other cats on the planet.
He can creep through the tiniest crack
He can walk on the narrowest rail
He can pick any card from a pack
Oh, Etcetera, you are hopeless...
He is equally cunning with dice
He is always decieving you into believing
That he's only hunting for mice
Maybe he IS hunting for mice, Tuggs. And anyone can play with dice! I mean, just because I suck at it...
He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste
If you look for a knife or a fork
And you think it was merely misplaced
How could you play a trick with a cork?
And I hate fishpaste!
You have seen it one moment, and then it is gone!
But you find it next week lying out on the lawn!
So, he maybe had just took it, hid it, and then placed it in the yard a week later! Get real, Tugger.
And we all say:
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Yeah, but it would be nice Tugger if we actually knew where he was!
Oh, there he is. He's coming down on the rope....hey, he's shiny....suddenly, the rope vanished. "PRESTO!" the cat cried.
The lights all came on suddenly. Wow! Maybe this guy IS magic! Short tail though....
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Okay, now I KNOW this guy is for real!
He's making lightning go everywhere!
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Okay, this cat is seriously cool! I mean, look at what he's doing! I'm glad I'm singing along!
It's creepy how much he looks like Quaxo though....
His manner is vague and aloof
You would think there was nobody shyer
But his voice has been heard on the roof
When he was curled up by the fire
He is shiny....
And he's sometimes been heard by the fire
When he was about on the roof
(At least we all heard that somebody purred)
Which is uncontestable proof
Proof of what, that he's sneaky?
Of his singular magical powers
And I've known the family to call
Him in from the garden for hours
When he was asleep in the hall
Okay, if they called him in for HOURS, why didn't no one NOTICE him in the hall?
I swear, humans can be so stupid....
Well, I have to say the lightning is awesome! But what is Tugger talking about, can Mistoffelees be in two places at once?
I could use that...like, sit in front of Dad for an hour while I'm also somewhere else making a mind blowing prank! Hee hee hee....
And not long ago this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!
Wow, I would have loved to have seen that!
And we all say:
Immediantly, we all joined in with him as Mistoffelees began to dance again. He was quite a dancer. I didn't even think of making fun of him...wait, I just did. No, I thought of NOT thinking of thinking of...wait...
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Okay, now he's dancing. Dang, he's just like Quaxo! Looks like him, AND dances as good as him!
Although, I'm pretty sure spinning that many times would make anyone dizzy.
And not long ago this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!
Then, Mistoffelees looked around. OOH! He's going to perform a trick. Pick me, pick me!! My hand is waving madly in the air, PLLEEEEASSE PICK ME!
Dang it, he chose Cassandra.
Why's he putting the tarp over her? And now she's under it, and crawling. Wierd trick. I wonder-hey did she get bigger?
HOLY CRAP!!!! (Everyone else must have felt the same way, cause they all gasped)
MISTOFFELEES BROUGHT OLD D BACK!!
At that moment, Tugger turned to his father.
And we all say
Oh, well I never, was there ever
Wow, Old D looks surprised to see Mistoffelees. Maybe Quaxo is his twin or something....nah, they look too different.
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
YEEEEEEEAAAAH! Take that Macavity! Mistoffelees just kicked your butt!
Figuratevly.
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Immediantly, the whole tribe came together in a tight circle, rejoicing for the return of our leader. I hugged him once I got close, and he smiled at me. I smiled back, and moved back with the others, and I sat down on an overturned trash can.
Oh, there's Cassandra. Take a bow, lady!
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Mistoffelees took the floor.
And what's wierd, I wasn't jeolous like I usually was with other toms. This guy (I think I'll name him Misto) definently earned it!
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!
Then, Mistoffelees ran up onto the TS-E1 and turned his back to us. Man, he is glittery.
Then Tugger spoke up. "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the magical! The marvolous! Mr. Mistoffelees!" he shouted.
And-WHOA! He just dissapeared in an explosion of sparks and stuff!
POOF!
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Done!