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I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
"Ok, class, has everyone got their ingredients?" A whisper of agreement came from the bored-looking twelve year-olds in front of me. I noticed that the same old group at the back were lacking in a plastic bag full of food. "Rini, Sara, Kisa and Hiro, are you paying attention? I suppose you just left your ingredients at home again?" They regarded me scornfully, my sarcasm flying harmlessly through their empty heads.
"Yes, miss," Rini replied with a rude sigh, flicking her pink hair.
"Fine. You can all go and sit in the corner and … do homework or something." I watched as the little group shuffled over to the table near the corner, giving each other victorious grins, and sighed. "Now then, for the rest of you, let's begin …"
An hour later, I closed the door behind the last plastic box-toting child and started the mammoth task of clearing up after them. Oh, how I hated the macaroni cheese lesson. How on earth did they manage to encrust it to everything in the room? Fifteen manic minutes into my half-hour lunch break, I finished the evil task. Just as I was settling down to my sandwiches, the door opened. I looked up, expecting to see a pupil nervously inquiring about a misplaced bag or coat and seeing instead my husband and fellow teacher, Kane.
"Sal, just thought I'd let you know that your free lesson's not free anymore."
I groaned and mimed bashing my head against the table.
"Why-y?" I whined. Kane grinned at me.
"You're covering for an absentee."
"Oh, no shit." I rolled my eyes; stating the obvious was one of his most annoying traits. "What subject?"
"PE."
I brought my head up from its comfy resting place on the table so quickly that my neck clicked. I mumbled "Ow!" and rubbed it, still staring at him.
"If you're having me on, you will suffer."
"Nope, not taking the mick, promise." He looked so pleased with himself that I decided there and then that he wasn't tricking me.
"I love you, you know that, don't you?"
"All the more when I do something for you, yes," he replied. I laughed and started packing up my lunch again.
"Epic," I giggled at last. He winced.
"Ugh, Sal, don't pick words up off the kids, it sounds awful."
"Your face sounds awful."
"I'm walking away now."
I stuck my tongue out at his retreating back. "Hope it goes well," he called over his shoulder, smiling.
"So do I," I replied, blowing him a kiss. After all, it wasn't every day I got to live a childhood dream.
---
I'd wanted to do something sporty 'when I grew up' from my first few PE lessons. Various possibilities of playing netball, handball or badminton professionally had reared their heads over the years and I'd had a dabble in squash, but my parents' strict insistence that I continue my education stopped those ambitions before they had had a chance to really begin anywhere other than inside my dreamy head. I coached a few lower school teams in rounders and hockey as I progressed through the years, but that was it. A PE teacher had seemed like the perfect career choice - it meant a university degree, but it also meant that I effectively got to play sports for money.
Then I confided my plans for the future in two people; my boyfriend at the time, Kai and my best friend, Mathilda.
"A PE teacher?" Mathilda had said worriedly in her curious Polish accent. "Sure, Salima? You know, those women are always so ... unfeminine."
"Oh, don't be stereotypical, Maddy," I'd replied and dismissed it with only a faint pang that she didn't support me. Then, there was Kai. Everything Maddy had said, but more explicitly put - he'd always considered brutal honesty the best way to go as far as I was concerned.
"A PE teacher? Sal, that's a dyke's job. Even if you're not one, eveyone'll think you are."
I was impressionable then. I listened to them both, took their words as gospel and applied for a different teaching course instead. I didn't want to be called a lesbian, my goodness no.
Over the months that I'd been qualified, I'd looked out of the window at the lessons of hockey, rounders, tennis, and felt the little hole in my heart where I'd torn away the dream gape wider.
Now, I had my chance to see if I really had trained in the wrong profession. I'd taken two very conservative teens' words for it, after all - Mathilda was Roman Catholic and Kai was very, very rich. Of course today's kids didn't feel the same way.
---
Having rushed home to grab a makeshift PE 'kit' of purple T-shirt and black shorts, I felt quite the part as I opened the door to the changing room and yelled, "Girls! Out onto the field, we're playing rounders!" Cue groaning. I rolled my eyes and left them to it.
Ten minutes later, they straggled out onto the field in an untidy group, blinking in the strong summer sunlight and looking sullen. I was their home economics teacher. What was the point of even being outside? It wasn't like I could play or anything.
"Perk up!" I urged, dumping the buckets of bats and balls on the grass. "At least it's not below freezing any more!" A few people made murmurs of agreement. Good enough. "Right, then. You, you, you and you," I pointed out four particularly chatty girls, "go and sit over there." Looking startled, they got up and moved the few steps to right I'd indicated. "No, no, not like that!" I grumbled as they clumped together. "Look, Rini, you sit there and Momo, you sit there ... getting the picture?" They did indeed; the remaining two girls moved without a problem. They were now sitting about six paces apart from each other, looking at me.
"What'd you do that for, Miss?" demanded a voice from the rest of the crowd. In answer, I turned back to the line of four girls.
"One, Two, Three, Four. Got that?" Four nods; each now had a number. "Now then, you lot. I'm going to give you a number and the number you get is the number of the person you go to, ok?" A confused buzz rumbled throughout the group. Deciding that the best way to show them was by demonstrating, I began counting, shooing the girls into place as I went. "One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four ..."
Soon, I had four teams of equal numbers. We organised a system between me and the 'leaders' of the teams (the initial numbered girls) whereby the teams would rotate so that every team got a game of fielding and batting. One thing was missing, as Rini pointed out:
"Miss, who's bowling?"
"That," I said with a grin, "would be me."
Oh, their faces were a picture!
The games ended a little late; I knew how long it took girls to get changed so I was getting anxious as I yelled out who was helping with what.
"Team One, take the bats in! Two, the balls - yes, yes, very funny if your IQ's about six - Three, the bases and Four the poles! Get a move on or you'll be late!" I jogged after the equipment-toting, smiling girls and quickly passed them, turning to jokingly mock their speed. Rini (Team One, carrying three bats) narrowed her eyes at this challenge and sped up, her short legs covering the distance surprisingly well. I slowed my pace a little to let her jog with me.
"Better than cooking?" I asked cheerfully after a few paces.
"Yeah!" She looked firmly ahead as she talked between gasps. "We all think so."
"Thanks. It's been fun to do something different - you lot are much nicer with a bit of fresh air in you."
"Yeah, well." A faint blush intensified the pink of her wind-abraded cheeks. "'S good to have someone who's not a stupid rag muncher, anyway."
I nearly missed my footing, only narrowly avoiding falling.
"What?"
She blushed impressively this time, knowing that she shouldn't have said that.
"It's true!" she panted defensively. "All our PE teachers are lesbians! Everyone thinks so!"
"Even though Mrs Follett has two kids and a husband?"
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Ok. Still. They're all lesbians," she repeated with the unshakable confidence of the ignorant child.
---
"So, how'd it go?" Kane asked me. I waved my hands at him - I had my mouth full of chicken korma. "Oh, eat quicker already!"
"Mnph!" I swallowed too early and yelped in pain as the lump forced its way down my oesophagus. "It was all right. I had fun, they had fun, Rini no longer thinks I'm Satan's whore."
"Gotta be good," he said dryly. I nodded and immediately went back to my food.
Sooner or later, I'd tell him. Kai and Maddy had been right all along and I'd just been idealistic and stupid.
Dream finally over.
I'M BACK!
Can't promise another update this Saturday - depends whether we get another snow day! :D But yes, I'm determined to finish this. Only 3 chapters left!
Opinions?
Love you all,
Ilb