M*A*S*H: What If... Hawkeye waited 30 years to meet up with Trapper after the war?
(Note, this is in continuity with Trapper John M.D. Not that I don't consider it canon normally, just that I wanted to write Hawkeye meeting Trapper played by Pernell Roberts)
Dr. John Francis Xavier "Trapper John" McIntyre sat in his office at San Francisco Memorial Hospital. He turned to the pictures on the wall, of the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital that he spent his time at after being drafted during the Korean War. But that was almost 30 years ago. He was now the Chief of Surgery at San Francisco Memorial, and he was now doing the highly regarded task of paperwork.
"Didn't have paperwork in Korea..." he mused. His intercom beeped.
"Dr. McIntyre, there's a man here to see you." the voice on the other side said.
"Who is he?" Trapper asked. "Does he have an appointment?"
"He won't say his name. All he's told me is that he's the Pro from Dover."
"Pro from Dover?" Trapper asked, as his face dawned with realization. "Send him in."
"Okay, doctor."
The door to Trapper's office opened and a man in a suit walked in. He was balding and had gray hair.
"Excuse me sir, do you know if I can find a dry martini around here?" the man asked.
"I can't believe it took you thirty years." Trapper said.
"I can't believe you didn't leave a note." the man said.
"Hello, Hawkeye." Trapper said.
"Trapper John McIntyre! It is you, the only man in history who ever took a piece in the ladies' can of the Boston and Maine Train!" Hawkeye said.
"What the hell are you doing here in San Francisco?"
"I have a friend that lives in Mill Valley, and the closest airport was in San Francisco. When I was at his place I looked in the phone book to see if I knew anyone and low and behold you were the only John McIntyre."
"Well, it's nice to see you Hawkeye. Please sit down. Have a drink?" Trapper said, taking out a bottle.
"Drinking on the job? Shame on you!" Hawkeye laughed.
"It's not alcohol. It's soda." Trapper said.
"Shame on you for not drinking on the job!" Hawkeye laughed.
"Well, I lost my taste for lighter fluid after I got back." Trapper said.
"What have you been up to?" Hawkeye asked.
"You first." Trapper said.
"Me? Well, after I got back, I got into some stuff during the last few weeks of the war." Hawkeye said. "Watched a woman smother her own child."
"My god!" Trapper exclaimed. "What happened?"
"It was traumatic. I was in a mental hospital for a bit, with Sidney as my doctor. He released me back to the 4077th right when they announced the end of the war." Hawkeye said. "And then I went home, and I picked up with my father's practice, and got to know my patients."
"Well, I got back, me and Louise finally had that son we wanted." Trapper said.
"Great!" Hawkeye said. "How is he?"
"He's in med school right now." Trapper said. "And me and Louise divorced."
"Because of the cheating in Korea?" Hawkeye asked.
"Oh no. We divorced long after my return." Trapper replied.
"Well, that's not as bad as I thought." Hawkeye said. "But you have to tell me, why didn't you leave a note?"
"Remember that ulcer I had? We had that going away party before we realized I wasn't going home?" Trapper asked. "You said your goodbye then, I figured that it was better that way."
"I chased you to Kimpo! The upside was that was where I met your replacement, B.J. Hunnicutt. Great guy." Hawkeye said.
"How did you handle living with Frank as the Commanding Officer?"
"Well, those were a terrible three days. And then he got bumped down and we got a Regular Army Colonel. Sherman Potter, great guy. Him, Klinger and Father Mulcahy all worked at a V.A. after the war."
"Klinger, that reminds me. Did you ever get him out of dresses?"
"Yeah. When he replaced Radar. Which reminds me, you know he's married?"
"Radar? Married? You're kidding!"
"No kidding! Nice girl, though."
Later, Hawkeye and Trapper stood near the entrance to the hospital.
"Hawkeye, it's been great catching up with you."
"Let's not wait thirty years to do it again next time."
"Agreed."
The End