What was I really?

I'm nothing.

I don't have opinions, I don't talk, I don't do anything.

Why was I even here?

I was just taking up space.

I just feel so, I just feel so...useless, Like I'm not even here. Like I'm not even living my life.

I feel like I'm wasting time, my parents' time and my own time. I doubt anyone would miss me. That's why I'm in the spot I'm in.
Sitting here, on my bed with a razor, sitting here on my bed ready to end it all. Because what am I? I'm nothing.
I go for another cut and it burns. It seriously hurts. I remind myself why I'm doing this. Because I'm nothing.
What do I believe in? Nothing.
What do I strive for? Nothing.
What can I do for the world? Nothing.
What do I want? Nothing.
Why, why am I here? Nothing.

So why am I not gone?
I was going to do it.

This was going to be the night.
I'm going to kill myself.

What will everyone feel?
Nothing.

Because I was nothing.

I wasn't even a whole person.

I was half a person.

No one noticed me. Hell I didn't notice myself.

What was I here for, these 16 years?

Nothing.

One more cut.

The pain runs real deep.

My name is Rock, and this is the day I die.

I felt my eyes shut.

Deep down I knew it wouldn't be enough to kill me.
Deep down I knew that slowly but surely it would happen.
Just not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.

I lay back down on my bed when suddenly I hear glass break. I hope up out of my bed imediately.

Pictures are knocked down from the wall and I look up,

I see a man with what looks like a motorcycle helmet.

He pulls out a knife.

Something inside of me stirs.

I try to get up and move but he grabs me.

I've never been more scared in my life.

Everything I've ever done is flashing before my eyes.

I remember every good moment I've ever had.

I can see the man's mouth, he's smiling at me almost laughing at me as I shudder.

It makes me want to vomit.

I speak.

"Why're you laughing?" I just barely get out.

"Look how pathetic you are, sitting here cowering, what if I put a bullet right through your head?" The man said putting the gun closer to my head. I scream somewhere in the mix and my body doesn't move.

"Please...no." I mutter. He laughs.

"I just saw you trying to cut yourself. Bitch ass kid." The man laughs. Suddenly he pulls the gun out and shoots the wall, I yell in fear. He laughs.

"Wanna die?" The man says with another smile. He shoots the wall, 2 more times, and I remember that no one is home. I don't want to die.

I don't want to die. I never made anything out of my life.
I don't want to die, I never finished that game I was playing.
I don't want to die, I never even finished highschool.

All these things were going through my head. I'm so scared, I'm so scared.

"You look like you wanna live." The man said with the gun. I weakly nodded.

He pistol whipped me, knocking me unconscious.

When I woke up, he was gone.

All that he took was a Vitamin Water out of the refrigerator.

Needless to say, I began to try to make myself a whole person.

I didn't want to die.

I wanted my old self to die.

I want to become someone new.

I want to actually experiance life.

I want to be a whole person.

Where ever that man is, I want to thank him.

END

I think kids these days need to really think about themselves on a large scale when they feel like they need to kill themselves. I feel like deep down in all honesty at the very deepest part of every person, we all have a desire to live. It's just human nature. So when I see young teens over here ready to die, I just think to myself, you're ready to die but you haven't even lived yet. There's a ton of stuff out there after highschool hell is over. No matter what you do with your life.

I'm just gonna leave you guys with that.

- Froggy