Thanks to all my reviewers. You guys are great. Love Ya'll.

I don't exactly remember how long I stared at my reflection in the mirror but even so, no matter how long; how hard I looked...I couldn't find myself. The boy in the mirror looked nothing like me. His hair was a silvery white, like freshly fallen snow. Eyes grey and cold, kind of like a cloudy day.

Mello stood behind me the entire time. Neither of us moving, or blinking. There was a small guilty smile on his lips though. His eyes betrayed his calm expression. It was heart wrenching too look into them for more than two seconds.

I didn't look like the average vampire, and I guessed that part of the reason for Mello's smile being so guilty was that he secretly felt proud. Proud that his first and only creation was so different and unique. The other part was that he had technically just killed me. But that was of little importance to me.

I watched as the silver haired boy in the mirror grinned; pearly white fangs glistening behind his pale lips. "This is what its like?" My voice sounded different. It was more like Mello's; smooth and seductive.

He nodded once in response. The smile now gone from his face; his eyes still failing to hide the shame and disgust he felt towards himself. "Mello,"

I spun around gracefully to face him. Reaching up I placed my hand against his cheek. He shuddered. He wasn't use to me being so cold. To him I was always warm. Alive. I quickly reacted at the possible rejection and began to pull my hand away, but Mello caught it and held it in place against his smooth cheek. "I'm sorry..." He whispered. His eyes closed.

"Mello, I know it wasn't easy for you..." I bit my lip only to wince as my sharp fangs pierced the skin there. "I...I," Honestly, I didn't know what to say. I was happy. Why couldn't he be happy too? I mean...if he didn't...then why bother saving me? My mind shut down momentarily after this thought. I didn't want to accept that maybe Mello wouldn't love me anymore now that I was a vampire. He had said so himself. 'As long as your heart beats'... My heart was no longer beating!...

"I'll get over it..." Was what I think he said to me.

Soft but demanding lips crushed themselves to mine. My body submitted to his. There was no hesitation, no questions. Like we were two pieces of the same puzzle made to fit perfectly together. There was no more discussion after that kiss, for it then lead to other things. I will say this though, despite the cold temperature of our skin, there was heat.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Nate," Mello's sweet voice floated in from inside the house. His footsteps were soft as he crossed the small living room at a human pace and stepped out in to the small grassy back yard I was currently inhabiting. His posture was casual, yet there was an air about him that suggested he had matters he needed to attend to that were the farthest thing from casual.

I stood from my crouching position over the rose bush I had been observing, one eyebrow arched in question. "What is it?" Now that I had my vampire instincts there was little that Mello could hide from me.

He seemed to deflate a little. His shoulders slumping. "Nate, there's something I need to do. I need you to stay here while I'm gone."

"I can come with you." No. I knew I couldn't or else Mello would have suggested this first. I nodded before the words were out of his mouth.

"No. Its...something that I don't want to involve you with." Mello caressed the side of my face. "I want you to promise me you will not step foot outside this house, whilst I am gone."

Ignoring this, I asked. "How long will you be gone? Am I allowed to know that?" Slowly, a plan was beginning to bring itself together in my head. With Mello out, then maybe finally I could go out and find my mother. With any luck, she...well they would still be in the same home. Yes...this is what I would do.

When I snapped out of my thoughts, Mello was staring at me. "I won't be more than a few hours, really." His eyes narrowed the tiniest bit. "You are not to step foot outside of this house. Is that understood?"

No. It was not understood. Now that I was a vampire, I had the means to get to my parents and I was NOT going to let this once in a life time (even though I have an eternity) chance slip away. So, as much as it hurt me to do so, I lied. "Understood." Sighing, I stood on my toes to kiss his lips. "I won't leave this house." But I was not promising anything, so technically it was okay.

"Thank you." He whispered. His whole body seemed to relax at this. "I won't be long. I promise." Mello's soft, cool lips pressed against the top of my head, and then he was gone.

I waited a full ten minutes. Just long enough for him to be far away, and also to make sure he wasn't waiting around hiding in case he didn't trust that I wouldn't leave the house. My whole body practically shook with excitement. The very thought there was a possibility that I could see my mother again was making me smile so much that I wasn't even conscious of it until I passed the hallway mirror and saw my reflection.

Then, when I was sure I was in the clear, I ran from the house. Running this way, for the first time...It was amazing. I was leaving the world behind me in a blur of color. Nothing could touch me, nothing could hurt me. I just ran. Not once did my lungs demand air, nor did my sides ache in protest. I felt relaxed and comfortable in my skin. I felt like I had been born to become a vampire.

- - - - - - -

The sun was slowly beginning to set as I arrived in London. The street lamps that lined the sidewalks began to turn on one by one, as I walked along the narrow cement strip. Which one had it been? All the homes looked so alike from the outside. Panic began to rise in me. It's not like I could go knocking from door to door asking for directions. Besides...I didn't look human. Back in those days, white hair was not something normal (still isn't) and attracting attention was not something that I wanted.

Finally, I came to stand outside the second to last house. There was an English flag hanging from the side of the roof. Beside the door there was a small plaque with "River" engraved in elegant script. This was it. They were still here. My hope and excitement quickly vanished upon remembering that I could not just walk up and knock.

Frowning, I walked around the side of the house, searching for an open window, anything that might let me into the house. To my great relief, there was a window open. No lights were on in the house though. All was silent. Had they gone out and simply forgotten to close it? Or were they already asleep? Whatever the reason, I didn't spend much time standing there. With one quick jump, I was in.

I was frozen on the spot. The familiar scents of my childhood hit me like a blow to the head, rendering me momentarily unconscious to my surroundings. Roses. The scent of freshly picked roses. It was my mothers perfume. She was still wearing it even after all these years.

That wasn't the only thing that surprised me. No...it was the fact that...this was my room. Well...had been my room. Everything was as it had been the night I left it. Not a single thing out of place. My books were all still in the order I had left them in on my shelf. The puzzles I had completed still hung in frames on the walls. A large dice city I had constructed days before my departure sill stood proud in a corner.

Not a speck of dust was visible. I felt like I was twelve years old again. Nothing had changed. A strange prickling feeling bubbled up in my chest, but I shrugged it off. There was something...no, someone laying in my bed. Their heart beat was slow, meaning they were asleep.

As I crossed the room, I ran my fingers across any surface I could reach. Nothing felt mine...and I guess, in the back of my mind, I knew that nothing in this room belonged to me anymore. It belonged to a past self that had died long ago. Nate, had been his name. No longer.

When I reached the bed, I was shocked to see who it was. There, sleeping quite peacefully, was my mother. Once again, I was frozen. Here she was...after years of yearning for her touch, her embrace, the sound of her voice. Why did I feel so scared? Rejection...I was afraid of her not seeing me beneath this alabaster skin and sharp canines. Afraid that, like myself, she wouldn't be able to find her son.

Careful, so as to not wake her, I sat at the edge of the bed. It dipped slightly, but she remained asleep. She was still as beautiful as ever. Her blond hair was longer now, in curls. I couldn't help but reach out to run my fingers through them. Still she did not wake. She only stirred when my ice cold fingers brushed against her cheek.

"Mm...Nate..." She whispered. Her eyes slowly blinked open. The room was dark, so I was sure she couldn't see me as well as I could see her. "Nate, darling. You've come home." Her voice was calm as she sat up. Her hands rushed to my face, my hair...feeling. "Yes...it's you. But...You're so cold. Ooh it doesn't matter." She brought me into her arms, crushing me to herself. "What a wonderful dream..."

This made me tense. She thought she was dreaming. A part of me felt a little upset that she would come to that conclusion, but the reasonable part of me thought it was better this way because after tonight, I would not be able to come back to see her, for Mello would surely be home by now and he would know that I had not listened to his instructions. He would be upset...but I didn't care right now. I was once again in my mothers arms.

"Why did you take so long to come home, Nate? My...you're so grown up, now." She whispered against my hair. I was sure she couldn't tell it was no longer her shade of blond, but a fine silvery white. "Oh darling..." She cooed.

"I'm sorry." It was all I could say. All I dared say.

"Its fine, its fine. You're here now."

"Yes." I whispered. "I missed you, Mother."

I could feel her warm tears as they fell onto my cheek. "And I you, darling. For so long...I-I thought you were dead."

"I'm not dead. I'm so, so sorry for leaving that day without a word. For being so stubborn...for being so cruel to you." No. I had to control my emotions, because if I let myself I would not be able to let her go. "It's time for you to wake up, now." I whispered against her ear. I knew I couldn't stay long. I needed to leave now, before daylight. "Okay?"

My mother nodded slowly. A small sob broke from her throat as she held me to herself, refusing to let me go. "Will I see you again?"

No. She couldn't. But I didn't want to tell her that...it just felt so cruel. I had hurt her once, I didn't want to do it again. "Yes," My voice faltered the slightest bit, betraying me, but she didn't seem to notice. "You will I-" A sound from downstairs from across the hall silenced me. It was the sound of a child's giggle. A child?...They...they had replaced me. They had another child.

I couldn't help my reaction. I was on my feet in a blink of an eye. My mother, thinking she was dreaming, didn't react at all. I don't know what expression had taken residence on my face, but she misread it, and smiled. "That's Natasha, she's your little sister."

They really had replaced me. What little bit of humanity I had in me, snapped. This final blow had finally managed to kill it, and so now I was nothing but a cold empty shell. I was angry...no, furious. My eyes were fixed on the bedroom door. I wanted blood. A low growl was rumbling in my throat. Everything I had said not a minute ago was forgotten to me. This cold shell didn't give a damn about these humans. All it wanted, was their blood.

"Nate?...What's the ma-"

"That's not my name."

My mother was on her feet now. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she reached out for me. Her fingers just barely brushed against my shoulder when I jerked out of her touch, like it had burned me.

"Nate, please..."

"That's. Not. My. Name." I growled at her. My gums were pulsing. I wanted her blood. "It's Near, now." The name, to be honest, came to me out of no where. It sounded nothing that suggested its carrier was human and that's what I wanted. Most vampires changed their name to try and escape their human lives; their pasts; their sins. I was doing all of those things. I no longer wanted anything to do with these people. This old life. It was better left buried where no one would ever be able to find it again.

The soft sound of this 'Natasha's' voice sounded once more. "Daddy! This one, this one!" My fathers voice replied with nothing more than a soft hum of laughter. So he could be a father to this intruder but never once could he be bothered to be a father to his first born. Well then...

"You've replaced me."

"No, no, no! Of course not, Na-!" I killed her. Her blood now ran down my throat with a delicious warmth. Her cold lifeless body lay at my feet. Adrenaline worked its way through my system, not letting me rest until I had taken every last drop of blood from this happy family. They were all dead...

I laughed. I laughed while I went about the house, wiping down every surface, making sure everything was spotless.

As if they would ever link this murder to me. As far as everyone was concerned, Nate River was dead, rotting somewhere out in the country side. Hell, and even if they were to connect this murder to me, they would never find me. Ha! Good luck. No, I didn't need to worry. It was unnecessary to get rid of the evidence...

But then, what was the fun in an easy puzzle? Where was the challenge? I left no finger prints, nothing. Not a single drop of blood. Just three empty bodies and a mystery that would haunt London police and detectives for years to come. Vampire bite marks faded quickly. So much was my anger that I had turned this into one giant game.

It wasn't until I came full circle back to my room, did my laughter die, and the severity of what I had just done sunk in. I...had killed three people. One of which was a child! A poor defenseless child! My own, blood...I had killed them all. I had let my anger get the best of me and now my only living family...was dead. My mother...who I loved so much...Now she lay at my feet, her blue eyes wide open in fear. Though she would never see again...it still felt as if she were looking straight through me. Deep into my damned soul.

I dropped to my knees beside her. My body was on auto pilot as my mind tried to reason that this had been an act of justice...yes. That was it. The ends always justified the means! They had betrayed me, and now they were dead! To hell with them all! Let them burn and scream for their sins for all eternity... I knew I would...

Honestly...how long I knelt there, glaring into my mothers wide blue eyes, I have no idea, but I felt a soft hand on my shoulder and it brought me back to the present. I couldn't say anything. I was still so angry.

"We have to go, Nate." Mello said. His voice was stiff.

"Near."

He pulled me to my feet, and dragged me to the opened window and then proceeded to shove me through it. "Then, Near. We need to go." Mello growled at me. I landed on the soft grass in a heap. I lay there, my eyes unblinking. I felt dead...

"Get up." Mello dragged me to my feet once more. It was still dark out. The silence was too loud in my ears and it made me wince. "Can you run?"

I shook my head. No.

He collected me in his arms and was running before I could register what was really happening. What was wrong with me? Was I starting to regret? NO! I regretted nothing! ...or did I? My mind was desperately trying to make sense of it all. Did I regret? Did I feel remorse? No. Only pathetic humans felt such useless things. I was no longer human. I felt nothing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I don't think I've ever seen our home so dark. Not a single light was on, not a single candle burned. It was just pure darkness. Somehow, It was comforting.

Mello held me. He thought I needed it. That I needed love. So he held me, and whispered things to me that I didn't even bother listening to. We stayed this way for the remainder of the night and most of the following day. Neither moving, neither bringing up what I had done.

The first days prior to that, were spent in silence. Until the day came were I could not longer stand the crushing silence and I took Mello into our room and we had sex. It wasn't the sweet, 'love making' we had done when I was first turned, no. This time it was something a lot more frantic and carnal. This was raw, hot sex. There was no love in it and there would never be love in it again. Not from me, anyway.

- - -

"Mello?" My voice was so empty. So monotonous as I sat up to better watch him. His eyes were vacant as he slipped his arms through his leather jacket. "Where are you going?" Sure, my tone suggested that I really didn't care, but that was not true. I did. A little...As much as it pained me to admit, I no longer loved Mello. Feelings of love were useless and pathetic. They did nothing but make you weak.

"Away."

My eyes widened the slightest bit, momentarily betraying my calm expression. "I don't...follow."

"There is nothing for me here." Mello whispered. "Sex...I can get that anywhere."

"What more do you want?" I found myself almost shouting at him. His expression seemed to soften a little as he looked deep into my eyes. His eyes...they always seemed to be able to probe deep into my very soul. Did he see? Could he see that there was no longer room for him in my un-beating heart? Because it was overflowing with negative thoughts and a fury that would not be satiated?

"Love." Yes. He could see.

"Love is a luxury we can't afford to maintain for eternity." I replied. My voice almost sounded human once more. I saw the pain in Mello's eyes. I'm sure he had gone so long without hearing it.

"Perhaps you're right." Mello crossed the room to stand in front of the large stained glass window of our small bedroom. He opened it, and moved up to stand on the window sill. "Good-bye, Near." I knew he wanted desperately to call me by my name. My real name, but he knew it only upset me. So, with one last look at me, he jumped from the window and was gone.

-- - - - - - - ------------------------------------

Matt blinked once, twice...his long dark lashes brushing delicately against his rosy pink cheeks. His cherry red lips were parted in shock. There was so much he wanted to ask. But the look on Nears face suggested that there was a limit to what he could say, for the poor young vampire looked about ready to fall to pieces. He simply sat, with his eyes focused on the space above the redheads head.

"You killed your little-"

"Yes. A child of no more than four years. Yes, Matt. I killed her." The vampire's voice was hollow. His eyes slowly turned to look into the redheads' dark green ones. "A little girl..." Near shook his head in disbelief.

Matt reached out to touch his hand to Nears. "You said, back then, that you felt nothing. Do you regret it now?" He couldn't help but ask this question. There was a change in the young vampire that Matt had noticed. There was no more dead monotonous tone to his voice. Sure, it was there now this second, but it was with good reason. But Near seemed...a lot more alive, a lot more human then when Matt had first met him. He wanted to know if he was right.

Near remained quiet for the longest time, before he nodded and lowered his head. "Like you wouldn't believe." His shoulders shook with his dry sobs, and Matt brought him into his arms. He just couldn't help it. Beneath the cold skin, and stony exterior, there was a young boy who never got the chance to properly grow up. A young, broken little boy who needed love, but wouldn't admit it himself for fear of showing weakness.

"Shh," Matt held him tenderly. He said nothing. Just listened to the apologies the silver haired vampire kept repeating over and over through his broken sobs and gasps. They weren't for him, Matt knew that. They were for his parents, and his young sister. After what seemed like hours, the young vampire finally had the strength to stop.

When he lifted his eyes to meet Matt's eyes, he smiled. The smile was so warm and genuine, that Matt couldn't help the sharp intake of breath. He hadn't seen Near smile this way before. He was sure that Mello hadn't either. Not for a long time. The redhead smiled back. "I'm glad I could share my story with you, Matt. You make me feel...like I have a pulse."

Matt chuckled. "I'm just the weak little human. I'm here to listen..." He lightly ran his fingers through Near's soft curls. "Do me a favor, and smile for Mello. I'm sure he's missed you."

Near's smile faded a little. "I'm not so sure about that."

"Try." Matt stood and headed for the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom. He wanted to check his reflection in the mirror, because he had a feeling that Near hadn't held back with the make-up. "Oh holy mother..." He gasped at catching his reflection.

He...actually looked good as a girl. His lips looked fuller, the pink tone to his pale cheeks made him look almost like a porcelain doll. "Near..." Matt whispered as he touched his fingers to his cheeks. The dark eye shadow and eye liner brought out his green eyes, making them look almost inhuman in color. His reflection looked more like an air brushed photo of a super model.

The wig he wore now, fell in loose blood red curls and waves down his back. His bangs fell shiny and straight down his forehead, stopping just below his eyebrows. Wow, he would date himself, for sure. The fake rubber boobs that Near had forced under the bra and then stuffed with some kind of clear liquid in bags looked so real. He reached up and poked one of them. It was a little squishy, but so long as no one grabbed them, they would survive and pass for normal boobs.

Wow.

"Near, you're an artist." He said. The young vampire was now standing behind him, a small smile on his lips as he admired his handy work. He met Matt's eyes in the mirror and shrugged casually.

"All I did was add a few things to the already present living work of art." Matt's cheeks flushed. If he was correct, this was Near's way of saying he was hot as a boy as well as a girl. "Matt," Near frowned. "Please don't bite your lip like that. It took me forever to get the shade of red just right."

"Sorry." Matt turned so as to examine his clothes. The skinny jeans were tight around his hips, thighs and calves, showing off his natural feminine figure. The guys at school had always teased him for looking so girly. HA ass holes. They would shit themselves if they saw him now. The blouse he wore hugged his body and fake boobs nicely. It was plain, short sleeved with black and red stripes. It was V necked so it showed off a lot of girl goodies, so to speak.

Near had used the make-up to make the cleavage look the color of his skin so it was convincing. Geez...the guy should work for costume design. As for his ass...well he already had a nice ass so that didn't need much work. So everything was fine...he could have done without the heels though. They were shiny, black and open toed heels with simple black flowers in its center. Very girly...Converse would have been nice...

"Can I ditch the heels?"

"No." Near smiled and was out of the bathroom before Matt could argue any farther. With a sigh and a glare at his black painted toe nails, he calmly walked out of the bathroom. Stupid heels...if he fell and broke his neck he was going to kill Near. Heels were not going to take him out god damn it!

"Hurry, Matt. Mello is getting impatient." Near said as he took the pouting redheads hand and opened the bedroom door for him. "As for the heels, its all in the hips. Strut a little and it should be easier to keep your balance."

Matt rolled his eyes. He had to walk like a girl too?

"Mello, he's ready." Near gave him a slight shove out the door, forcing him to grab onto the nearest thing for balance. Thankfully, the nearest thing was Mello. Matt was having trouble seeing because the living room was so dark. As if hearing his thoughts, cool air whipped past him as Near headed for the light switch. When the lights came on, he blinked at the expression on Mello's face.

It was a cross between shock and hunger. Matt swallowed hard. "Um...is it that bad?"

Mello shook his head. "Not at all. Near," his blue eyes darted over Matt's shoulder. "You're amazing." He heard the silver haired vampire chuckle softly and a wide smile spread across Mello's lips. In that second, Matt knew that Mello had seen the smile he had seen earlier from Near. He had his ex lover once more, his old friend.

The blonds' eyes were once again on Matt. "You look so tempting." It was almost a groan and it made Matt shudder in want. He wanted this vampire so badly, it almost hurt. But he knew Mello wouldn't cave on the whole "No sex before you're of age" thing. UGH! Matt found himself pressing his body closer to Mello's wanting nothing more than to feel the vampires stone body against his own. He had almost forgotten that Near was still present, when the younger vampire cleared his throat.

"Mello, I suggest you feed before you leave. It's a long trip."

The blond shook his head. "I'll be fine. I just had blood earlier and I don't want Matt to feel dizzy or anything."

"Was it enough?" Near argued It would be a long flight and if Mello became too thirsty, there would be danger for Matt and that was not something that the young vampire wanted. He didn't want to admit it to himself...but he was beginning to care for the redheaded human.

Mello nodded. "Nothing to worry about, Near." Near must have asked something that Matt could not hear, because Mello nodded once, twice and then smiled. "Our flight leaves soon, we should get going." Matt pulled himself from Mello's embrace.

"I'll go pack." He hadn't even taken a step when Mello spun him back around into another embrace.

"No need. I already packed for us both. Let's go." He whispered against the redheads ear. Matt's eyes fluttered shut for the slightest of seconds before the opened once more, embarrassed. Mello and Near both chuckled and Matt pouted.

- - - - - - -

"This one's it." Mello told Near and the young vampire set down both heavy suitcases beside the trunk of the car. "Nice, right?" He mused as he opened the trunk and easily tossed the luggage inside.

"Very,"

"Awesome,"

Both Near and Matt replied at the same time. Mello grinned. It was a simple shiny black Cadillac. He didn't want to take a Cab to the airport, so he had rented this car for the night. Near would pick it up later and return it for him.

"Call me when you reach the hotel." Near said quietly. "And be careful." His eyes were stern and completely serious as they met Mello's. "Have fun, Matt." He added in a lighter tone that didn't make the redhead feel any better. What did they need to be careful of? The other vampires? Then why go in the first place if there was even the slightest chance of danger?

Mello nodded once. It was a slow and stiff movement. "I will." He took Matt's hand and led him to the passengers side, opening the door and helping him in. After closing the door, he went around to the drivers side, but before sliding inside, he placed a hand on Near's shoulder.

"Don't worry. Everything should work out smoothly. Celestria and Aaron don't follow him. They're against his 'Holier Than Thou' attitude, and his hatred for humans. We will be fine."

Near nodded stiffly. "Take care of Matt." He whispered. "I'd hate for you to lose him over this vendetta."

Mello nodded. He slid into his seat, and started the engine. As they pulled out of the small parking lot, Matt turned in his seat to wave at Near. The silver haired vampire waved back...his expression pained and unsure. Like this might be the last time they would see each other.

A/N: So this was the last of Near's story. Geez, this chapter was long wasn't it? Sorry 'bout that that. Ah, well. Matt's not in his dress yet, you'll have to be patient. Anyway...thats that. Near's becoming a tad...better? Idk...I don't hate him as much anymore...kind of funny. He care's about Matt now, so...mhm. Could be it.

So tell me what you think. Reviews let me know you're still interested in this Fic, sooo...yeah.

~ Matt.