I love you too bae, Jarvan typed. He blew a kiss at his computer. I am inviting you to my ship. I hope you come.

"Who's that?" Fizz teased. "A girlfriend? Hmm, ha!" he laughed. "You don't know what she looks like in real life. She might be a creepy, fat old lady."

"No, I know who she is. She is a champion in my League-apedia, the beautiful, lovely Sona," Jarvan said.

"Close enough," Fizz laughed. "Ah hahahaha."

The next Day

There was a knock on Jarvan's door. "I'm coming! I just, uh! Gotta, uh! Polish, uh! My pole."

"Jarvan, your girlfriend is here!" Fizz burst in. His gaze fell on Jarvan's body.

"Oh hello Fizz," Jarvan said awkwardly.

Fizz gagged. "PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!" he screamed.

Jarvan heard a beautiful sound from the doorway.

"Uh, Jarvan," Thresh spoke, "I will have to translate for her."

Fizz ran out and slammed the door behind him. "Jarvan is um, busy uh, wiping his pole."

"Anyways, since Sona can't talk, I will be the translator for the time being," Thresh rolled his eyes.

"I'm coming my love, uh! I just gotta uh! Finish up," Jarvan called out from his room.

"Hold on a sec," Fizz laughed awkwardly and slipped into the room. "What the HELL do you think you are doing?"

"Well, it's only natural for me to masturbate to Sona. Look at her jugs."

"PUT YOUR PANTS ON and get the HELL out! Sona and Thresh are waiting."

"But, but," Jarvan complained, "I'm about to c—"

"Let's get you out of here," Thresh said to Sona.

Jarvan and Fizz walked in the waiting room.

"There you two are," Thresh sighed. "I've been waiting a whole full minute. You think I have all the time in the w—"

"Sona!" Jarvan pushed Thresh aside. "You look as beautiful in real life as you do online."

Sona strummed a chord on her Etwahl.

Fizz and Jarvan turned to Thresh.

"She said," Thresh cleared his throat, "'Why the fuck do you look like that. You look nothing like your profile pic. You are a pathetic loser with no life. Go burn in hell!"

Fizz and Jarvan both stared disbelievingly at Thresh.

"No way she said that to Jarvan, the love of her life," Fizz laughed.

"Trust me," Thresh said. "I speak over 75,000 languages. I'm pretty sure I know what I'm doing."

Sona turned away from Jarvan.

"I have money," Jarvan said.

Sona paused and turned around slowly. She strummed a loud chord on her Etwahl.

"Cha ching," Thresh said.

"Ezreal, please," Jarvan begged.

"I'm not going to waste my genius on making a potion for your love life," Ezreal refused.

"I'll kick you from my ship."

"Ok let's get started." Ezreal took his book of spells from the corner of his book case. "It says right here that a speech potion is possible, but it is really expensive for all the ingredients."

"Pssh, I'm rich. How much will it cost? 100 thousand, 200 thousand, 300 thousand?"

"300" Ezreal replied.

"Pshh, one check for 300 thousand gold coming up." Jarvan pulled out his check book.

"300 million."

"Say what now?"

"I hope that girl is worth it Jarvan," Ezreal said as he mixed the potion. "I'd never trade that much money for a gold digger."

"I don't care about my money. I only want her," Jarvan said.

Ezreal sighed and handed Jarvan a small container. "Here you go. Tell her to drink the potion, and she will get her voice."

Jarvan ran back to his room. Sona was sitting on her bed, topless.

"Here you go bae," Jarvan handed Sona the potion. "Drink up."

Sona slowly sipped the content of the container.

"Now you will sound as beautiful as your music."

Sona took a deep breath. "I... I"

"Yes bae?"

"I... I want"

"Anything. I'll give you anything."

"Well then in that case." Sona took out a list from her dress. "I want all of these items by the end of the day. Also I want a super computer and 100 math nerds that will assist me in getting my Doctorate Degree."

"True love my ass," Fizz complained. "How does Jarvan expect me to get all of these math nerds by the end of the day."

"Be quiet Fizz," Thresh said. "I have to buy her items. Just be thankful you have the smaller list. Hmm, where do I find a super high-tech HD computer"

"Let's split up we'll get more done that way." Fizz left to check at the Nerds for Hire catalog. "They should be delivered by the end of the day." Fizz skimmed the list. "Hmm, Ok first name, Bob Bobington." He keyed in the name and pressed order. "Ok next name is... Im A. Dikku? Who the hell names their child that?"