A/N: Hello. So, you probably all hate me for taking this long. But I'm now going to be a senior in high school so it's a bitty bit difficult to do anything school related easily, let alone non school. I have so much AP everything work I should be doing right now instead of this. BUT I HAVE INSPIRATION! Joys!

Anyway. Randomtime! Start up the randomometer.

Enjoy people! And please, for the love of all things Narnian, refrain from sending an angry mob to kill me after the huge delay between the last chapter and this one.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything basically. And there's a reference to the new Star Trek movie.

"Peter, you need to stop going into strange rooms with strange girls with names that resemble Mary Sue."

Peter gasped. "Marisa is not a Mary Sue! She taught me how to straighten my hair! And look," Peter opened the door so Lucy and Edmund could see his whole body. "I DIED M Y HAIR BLACK AND GOT A TATTOO!"

Lucy blinked. "Peter. You stole Edmund's plot point of the first chapter. Honestly. Update things a little."

"YOU THINK YOU'RE DID, BUT YOU'RE NOT!" Peter screamed and slammed the door.

"YOU STOLE HIS EMO KID LINE TOO!"

"Lucy, shut it."

From inside Peter's room Lucy and Edmund heard, "Oh, Petey, baby, it's okay. They don't understand the love we share. You'll always be the one for me, and I'll never leave you. Death can't even tear us apart."

Lucy and Edmund struggled to not laugh. "Okay, so she's the star-crossed-lovers-meet-by-chance-and-swear-undying-love Mary Sue."

"He already had that one. Remember Maryleen Sutra?"

"Yeah, the Indian Princess who was undercover as a man, who revealed her girlytude to him in a night of passionate fury over his 'demeaning nature' towards women."

Lucy laughed. "I love how that played out. Sure he has two sisters who could easily kick his effeminate booty, but of course he hates girls!"

"He does have better hair than you."

"Did. He dyed it."

Edmund nodded, "You're so right."

Lucy whistled with a rubber chicken. "SUUUUUSANNNN!"

Susan looked up from her stop in front of the counter in the kitchen. "I CAN'T COME UPSTAIRS RIGHT NOW. I'LL SEND THE MAID!"

Edmund was entirely lost. Why was Lucy sending for Susan?

Up the stairs came a chicken. Lucy looked down at her summoning rubber whistle-chicken.

"Well. That's awkward."

Fortunately, to avoid anything more awkward, Edmund began to twitch violently. Flopping on the floor, he started to do the worm.

Peter, who always made everything worse, yelled, "COULD YOU QUIT YOUR SPASMS? I'M GETTING LAID IN HERE?"

Lucy's mouth dropped open. "You're getting WHAT? Peter, this is rated K+!"

"LAID!" Peter, of course, opened the door and revealed himself to be wearing an openfronted (yes, fansquee if you will, girlies) Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts and a bunch of leis.

"That pun was awful."

"Your FACE is awful!"

"You idea of good comebacks are awful."

"YOUR FACE IS AWFUL!"

"You JUST said that, you doof."

"Your FA – ooh, chicken!"

"PETER, THAT'S OUR MAID! No, wait that's our rubber whistle chicken. No, don't eat that, PETER!"

Edmund, throughout these double entendres and failed combacks, continued to twitch and do stuff that resembled dance moves. Sort of.

"YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND BABY RIGHT ROUND WHEN YOU GO – LET'S GET CRAZAAAAAY, GET UP AND DANCE – SUGAH bah dah bah dah bah bahhh AWWWW HONEY HONEY – MY LIFE WOULD SUCK WITHOUTTTTTTT YOU – CANNNN YOU FEEEEEEEEEEEL THE LOVEEEE TONIGHTTTT!"

Everyone stared. Edmund was dressed in a purple sparkly tank top, green tight leather pants, and a blue headband. His hair was spiked up with the tips tied green (this is for you, Monkey) and his microphone had rhinestones and pink stripes.

"AND I-EE-AAAAAY! WILL ALWAYS LU-HUV YOUU OH-WHOAAAAA – SHUT UP AND LET ME GO HEY! – YOU GOT ME PARRRRANOID – PUT YOUR HAWK TO THE SKY SWING SIDE TO SIDE – EVERYTIME WE'RE DOWN, YOU CAN MAKE IT RIGHT AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE LARGER THAN LIFE! Thank you all for listening to CONPC, the radio station sweeping Narnia with its incredible sound. This is your DJ Mumps McPoodle speaking, and we have an interview with Scrinklarg Marblehead." There was serious staring going on, because now Edmund's hair had was slightly smoother, and he had a mustache making a guest appearance.

"Edmund?"

"Oh, HELLO, little lady? Are you here to meet Scrinklarg Marblehead?"

Susan and Lucy stared with their mouths open. Peter would have been doing the same, but there was a parasite – I mean Marisa Suerena – attached to his mouth, therefore his mouth was opened, but –

Yeah you get it.

"Edmund, what the hell?"

"YES!"

Susan threw a small muffin at Edmund's head.

Which was now striped by a blue headband and spiky hair.

"OH EM GEE, finally my muffinnnnns! Ok, like, totally, for an agent, you SAHK." Edmund flipped his hair is a strange way. "Where's my soup, shorty?"

"I'm like 4 inches taller than you, Edmund. Get your own soup," said Susan, glaring, but still lacking a real personality.

"Here's your soup, Mr. Marblehead," said Lucy with a smirk. Susan paused time with her conveniently placed for literary convenience which the author usually hates but found amusing at the time 4th dimension controlling remote. "Luce, what are you DOING?"

"It's not really SOUP!"

"And?"

"Well, if he's the typical star – "

"Lucy, it's our brother with effeminate values. Not a star."

"He's having once of his issues, you dolt, ignore it. I'm giving him some of the cordial in the soup, because if I just gave her the cordial he'd reject it."

Susan smirked. "Did you catch one of those last words?"

"What?"

"You said 'her', not him."

"Oh. I was confused by my hair."

Susan depaused the time, accepting Lucy's choice.

"Thanks, Su! Sounds good!"

"HEL-LOOOOO! WHAT ABOUT ME?! I'M THE STAR HERE!" shouted Edmund pointing at himself. "You should be paying attention to ME."

"Oh! Sorry, Mr. Marblehead, I have your soup right here!"

Edmund – or Mr. Marblehead, whatever you want to call this loon on loon tablets – chugged the soup and started twitching.

"SUCCESS!"

"IT'S THE BEST!"

"OH YES!"

"LOOK AT MY TRESS-ES."

"Peter, shut up. Your rhyming skills fail like a boat in the Sahara."

"Your FACE fails!"

"Dear god, not again!"

Aslan appeared. "Wuddup, homies? You called the Jazz Master?" At that, Aslan began a strange little jig that involved hair gel, a candle, pie crust, crunchy peanut butter and a large mallet.

Lucy's mouth dropped open. "The Jazz…Whooziewhattie?"

It was now that the Authoress stepped in. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whooziewhattie? What are you, 12?"

"Actually, due to one timeline of the book, I'm only 8. And other timelines state that I am 7 in the first book. It's really all – "

"THIS IS ALTERNATE REALITY! YOU ARE CHARACTERS CREATED TO DO MY BIDDING!"

"EXCUSE ME!" shouted Edmund, who had now returned to his regular self. Authoress immediately melted.

"Yes, oh lovely one?"

"Could you shut up for a moment?"

Authoress would never tolerate this kind of treatment from anyone, but as Edmund is highly attractive she complied and nodded.

"Okay," said Peter, looking smug, "Back to the lines,"

"We don't have lines…" said Susan, "Authoress just has us say whatever pops into our or her head."

"I have lines," said a very confused Peter, trying to remove Marisa from his neck.

"That's because you're stupid, Pete," said Edmund smirking, "And since when has Marisa been a vampire?"

"She's not," said Susan, "She's just latched on to his neck. I think she's attempting a hickey."

"Hickeys are gross," stated Lucy, "Once, I was at the movies, and the two main characters were all over each other. Mom and Dad didn't know I was in the room, as I was wearing my invisibility cloak."

"Is this story going anywhere?" asked Edmund, reminiscent of the comment Andrew Adamson made in the commentary of the first movie.

The room went silent.

"I'M LEAVING!" screamed Lucy, running out the door and slamming into a mirror, "MOTHER LOVIN CHEESE SNAKES, WHO PUT THAT MIRROR THERE?!"

Everyone stared as she hopped around, clutching her foot, and fell out the window, conveniently falling into the literary convenience placed pool.

Everyone stared.

"WHY DID YOU PUT THAT MIRROR THERE, EDMUND?!" shouted Peter.

Edmund was confused. "Peter…This mirror is outside YOUR bedroom." To prove his point, Edmund moved the one step into Peter's room and leaned against the door. Peter followed him.

"And?"

"You must have moved it."

"And?"

"You're an idiot."

"But I'm a sexy idiot, right?"

"WHO ARE YOU, COSMO?!" shouted Susan, finally introducing a shadow of a personality. "Good lord, sometimes I think my hairbrush has a higher IQ than you do." Susan flounced into Peter's now Hawaiian themed room, throwing herself into his purple butterfly chair. Peter glared at her as the door swung closed.

"Get out of the chair."

"Sorry."

All of a sudden, they heard a slurping, slopping, dripping, dropping –

"AUTHORESS QUIT WITH THE RHYME!"

"Sorry Edmund."

Anyway, they began to hear terrifying noises, accompanied by water seeping in the room underneath the door. Peter heard Marisa Suerena scream, and heard her stumble down the stairs. His eyes went wide. "My love has been murdered. I must avenge her," he whispered, fury passing through his eyes like water through a drain.

"Wait for it…" said Susan.

"And she's actually dead…NOW!" said Edmund. Peter shook his head. "What the hell's with all these idiot Mary Sues attacking me?"

"Shhhhh!" said Susan, "Something's trying to enter the room."

The three of them imagined the frightful demon emerging from some far off forgotten lake, wanting to eat the hearts out of them, relishing their legs, their livers, their spleen.

The door creaked open. A small figure lifted its face up

"No…" said Peter.

"Um, can I ge' a tow'l?" said Lucy, shivering.

A/N2: Yeah, I'm gonna admit it right here that the mirror thing happened to me. Yesterday. It hurt like nothing before.

Reasons why this is so ridiculous: watching Fairly Oddparents, flairing on facebook, waking up before 10 during summer vacation. Yeah, my brain is melting.

A review would be wonderful, but I won't be offended if I don't get many, as I know this is like 11 months late. God that makes me feel awful. Again, I'm SO sorry!

First person to correctly identify the two Star Trek references gets a guest appearance in the next chapter! If you think you have the two references, jot down a sentence or two of an idea where you'd like to be the guest appearance.