Dear Angel - Chapter 8

A/N: Alright! I feel like this chapter sucks as much as I do right now! I'm putting it out there anyways so please don't hate me! Next chapter is the actually coffee date. Or what ever you wanna call it for that matter! This is also the introduction of Sonny's first POV. Anyways, I hope you like it! - Roxy.

(Sonny's POV)

"Oh my God! What the hell am I doing?", I asked myself as I fumbled around my office desperately trying to think of a way to get out of having coffee with Will.

It's not that I didn't wanna go out with him for coffee or anything, because I did. I really, really wanted to go out for coffee with him, but..., "I can't...I shouldn't...This is wrong...So wrong...Fuck!", I kept repeating over and over to myself until I was almost convinced that this was a very bad decision to make on my behalf. It was wrong for me in so many ways for me to accept this offer.

For starters, I was lying to the poor guy about everything. About who I was and what my intentions where towards him, "This isn't going to work you moron! Not in a million years!", I cursed myself as I banged my head against the door repeatedly, "STUPID!, STUPID!, STUPID!"

Why would I ever agree to going out for coffee with Will? How stupid can one possibly be?

"How in the hell is this gonna work if I can't even look at him", I asked myself as I thought about everything that could go wrong tonight if I decided to actually go through with this. I could barely even look at him with while keeping a straight face. Cause I swear that each time he looked at me with his gorgeous blue eyes of his, that he could see the word "guilty" plastered all over my face, and that's not even the worst of it.

The worst part of all of this was the fact that so deeply and hopelessly in love with him and that I was too much of a coward to do any thing about it.

I took a few long breaths to try to and calm myself down. The last thing I needed was for Will to walk in on me having a total meltdown, which was exactly what was happening at the moment. I pushed myself away from the door and run my fingers through my hair a few times, "Okay Sonny, you can do this!", I tried encouraging myself, "Maybe it's not as bad as it seems. So what if you're Will's anonymous and that you're totally in love with him? It's not like he knows it's you, and What he doesn't know wont hurt him, right?"

But I knew...

I knew and I've never felt so guilty before in my entire life, "Fuck!", I cursed again as I paced the floor of my office as if I was running a marathon, "Just keep it cool and everything's gonna be fine! You can do this! It's not like it's a date or anything. This is just two friends having coffee. What else could go wrong?"

Try like maybe everything!

I thought about it for a second when something popped into my mind, that maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all and that I could totally use this at my advantage. This could be my chance of becoming friends with him. This would also give him the chance to get to know me for who I really was. And who know what cam happen with a little time? Maybe there's a slight chance that eventually, he would fall in love with me and forget about his anonymous. Then I wouldn't have any reasons to fear about him ever finding out about my anonymity behind the love letters, "That's it! I could write him a letter saying that I don't love him and that I was wrong to write him those letters...Then, he could fall in love with me, and..."

There's no harm in a little wishful thinking is there? Right?

So I thought...

"...This is never going to work", I sadly admitted to myself, "He's never going to love me for who I am. I'm a stupid pathetic excuse for a human being that's to damn afraid to tell the man that he's in love with who he really is..."

The guy most likely hates me and he's probably just doing this out of the kindness of his heart because he feels sorry for me. There's no way in hell that a guy like him that's beautiful, smart, and kind would ever wall in love with a guy like me, a total liar and fake.

"I'm so fucked!", I whispered to myself when I realized that it was only a matter of time before this all came crashing down on me. I looked at my watch and noticed that I've already been freaking out for over ten minutes and that Will's probably already down stairs waiting for me. So I hurried and grabbed my jacket and headed out the door before I changed my mind and run the other way.

(Will's POV)

"What the fuck was that?", I asked myself as I ran into my office and closed the door, locking it shut.

I stood there with my back pressed up against the door panting, "What the hell is wrong with me?"

If I didn't know any better, I would think that I was losing my fucking mind! Which is probably the truth I might add. Kissing random strangers on the roof top without even knowing who they who he was, sneaking around the hallway and listening in on Sonny's personal conversations, even if he was talking to himself, should be the first sigh that you're losing your fucking mind.

But asking the person that you thought you hated the most in this world out for coffee, that is without a doubt confirmation that you've totally flown the cuckoo's nest.

"Okay, Horton. Get your shit together! It's just coffee. It's not like this is a date or anything?"

And then I asked myself this simple question. If this wasn't a date, and this was just a simple coffee invitation between two grown men, then why are my palms suddenly all sweaty and why do I have a shit load butterflies in my stomach?

"No, this isn't date!"

I leaned forward and pulled myself off the door and walked over to my desk and sat down for a minute. I pulled up the black blind fold from my pocket and placed it on the desk next to the folder that contained my love letters from anonymous, contemplating whether or not I should go through with having coffee with Sonny.

I started thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't go out for coffee with Sonny. The first thing that came to mind was my complicated relationship I had with anonymous. If you can even called it a relationship for that matter. Somehow, it would feel like I would be cheating on him to a certain degree if I decided to go through with this.

But why?

It's not like anonymous and I we're official or anything. He says that he loves me and yet he's not even able to tell me who he is. Then there's Sonny who's nice and actually here wanting to go for coffee with me, "Why do this have to happen now!", I screamed and buried my head in hands, "What if all of this is nothing more than just a fairy tale fantasy?"

I rubbed my hands over my hands over my face a few times in frustration and realized something, "What if he's never going to be able to tell me who he is?", I questioned, "What if I'm missing out on an opportunity for something real because of my infatuation with this anonymous person. Am I so blinded by the love letters and the sweet gestures to actually see what's been standing right there in front of me this whole entire time?"

I shook my head in frustration, "This isn't making things any easier for me", I admitted as I open up the folder which contained the letters and picked up one of the letter and read it over.

As much as I wanted to be angry with my anonymous for not telling me who he was, and for running away from me earlier on the roof top, I couldn't.

I was in love with the guy behind the letters and I wanted nothing more that to be with him, "Now, if I could only get you to understand all of this, then I would be all set", I softly stated and I took the letter and placed it back in the folder on my desk and pushed it aside.

I knew I had to give it one last chance before giving up on him completely. I owed myself that much to at least try to make him change his mind.

I sighed deeply when I thought about the events the unfolded earlier tonight and asked myself, "When did my life become so fucking complicated?"

And from out of no where, my thoughts drifter to Sonny...

It's not that I didn't like Sonny. He's seemed like a very nice guy and all. He's smart, he's funny, he attractive. Aright, he's very attractive, but that's not all there is to like about him. He's also very well-educated, he graduated top of his class, he's a Kiriakis, he's...

Real...

Then suddenly, it hit me like a slap across the face.

He's everything that I've even wanted in a man.

And that scares me to death.

I reached for my coat with shaking hands and left my office to go wait for Sonny in the lobby.