The Ultimate Konoha Idol!

By Tru and Neko

Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto.

**

CHAPTER 6: Yet Another Grammar Lesson

After the riot Ino caused, Iruka grabbed the microphone and shouted, "Okay, everyone calm down! Since Shikamaru forfeited, our next contestant can sing!" He reached for the Hokage's hat.

"Wait!" Kankuro yelled.

Silence; Iruka turned to face the judge. "…Yes?"

"While everyone's listening, please tell me: WHO IS ZABUZA??!!"

His voice echoed around the silent clearing: Zabuza…Zabuza….

Sakura suddenly shivered slightly.

"…I….honestly don't know…" Iruka finally said. "Since it's such a big deal to you, will someone please tell us?"

"Maybe I could," a deep voice said from behind them; the audience all turned around in their seats.

A tall, well-built man not wearing a shirt stood at the edge of the clearing, wearing what looked like a gigantic chef's knife on his back, oven gloves, and pants that looked like pajamas. A slight masked figure hovered in his shadow.

"Seeing as I am Zabuza."

Naruto screamed girlishly, until Sakura hit him.

"It is I, Zabuza of the Village Hidden in the Mist, see my headband-"

Zabuza held up his Mist headband for everyone to see.

"Hey, it's the ugly dude!" A random ten-year-old burst into the clearing.

"Inari, that's not polite!" A woman, presumably the kid's mother, ran after him.

"Yo, Ugly Man," the kid, Inari, taunted, "I bet I can kick your ugly butt!"

"That 'Ugly Man' whose butt you claim you can kick tried to assassinate your grandfather!"

"But I can kick his butt!"protested Inari. "Literally, anyway."

The woman calmly picked up Inari.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "Inari started running off, and I only found him now."

They left.

"Ookay," said Temari, shaking her head.

"This is why I hate little kids," grumbled Kankuro.

"DON'T BE SO CRUEL TO GOATS!!!!!" screeched Sakura. She punched Kankuro. This caused him to be knocked unconscious.

"Thanks," said Temari.

"Hmf," muttered Gaara.

"May we PLEASE explain why we're here?" demanded Zabuza. The masked figure walked out of Zabuza's shadow, taking off his mask. He, if you could say that, wore eyeshadow, had lipstick, wore a bun, and had nail polish.

"Ha!" said Asuma. "You're not manly at all! I mean, do you know a manly man who has a girl for a sidekick? No! So you and your girlfriend can leave our competition, so we can continue with our manly singing presentations." He glanced at Lee. "With a few exceptions…not including you two," he continued, glaring at the two new arrivals.

The girly looking figure walked right up to Asuma.

"I think you should know," he hissed. "I'm a boy." Then he slapped him in a manly sort of way.

Everyone except Team 7 and Zabuza gasped.

"That's why the story used the masculine pronoun 'he'," Sakura pointed out.

"HE'S A BOY!" exclaimed Choji in shock, dropping his chips. "HE'S EVEN GIRLIER THAN INO!"

Naruto was angry. How dare Choji used his line!

"HOW DARE YOU USE MY LINE!" Naruto said angrily just to prove it.

"This is boring," muttered Gaara. "I just might pull a Shikamaru and leave."

Temari, the only one who heard him, gasped. "Gaara…not trying to kill everyone?!" Then she fainted in shock.

Now Zabuza was getting annoyed. "Hey, I'm talking here! Do you WANT me to attack you with my uber-cool supersized chef's knife?!" Everyone glanced at him, either in fear or amusement.

"Does that mean 'yes'?" demanded Zabuza.

No one answered. The clearing was as quiet as Kankuro was right now.

"Okay," began Zabuza, "let me explain. First of all, due to supernatural events of the unexplained, we undied. We wouldn't have died in the first place if that dumb old man had interfered with our lives."

"'That dumb old man' was a bridgebuilder or whatever that wanted to help his village," countered Sakura.

"Not that dumb old man," said Zabuza. "The other one."

"Which one?" asked Kakashi.

"You know, the dumb old man!"

"Actually, we don't know!"

"How can you not know? It's the dumb old man!"

"WHICH OLD MAN?!?! TELL ME,OR I'LL KILL YOU, AGAIN!!"

"…" went everyone uninvolved in this argument.

"Okay, fine. Here's a hint. He's a dumb old man who apparently is just a little bit smart, because he's a billionaire."

"You mean Gatô?"

Kankuro by now had woken up.

"I heard Gatô," he said. "Who's that old man?"

"See?" said Zabuza. "Even he agrees with me! He's been unconscious, too!"

"…"

"Well, obviously, he isn't youthful," commented Lee, in his best intelligent voice. Unfortunately, this didn't even match up to Neji's mediocre intelligent voice standards.

"Intelligent voice?" said Naruto, confused.

"Okay, maybe I can explain," said Sakura. "An intelligent voice is a voice that sounds intelligent. From the information in the above paragraph, it is obvious that Neji is more experienced with this skill than Lee."

"Paragraph?" asked Naruto.

"NARUTO!!!! YOU'RE HOPELESS!!!!"

"He's also very unmanly, interfering with other people's lives," said…three guesses. If you guessed Asuma, you're right.

"So why did you come here?" asked Kurenai, trying to keep the conversation on track and failing miserably.

"Anyway, after we undied," continued the masked figure, who by now you should have figured out the identity of, "we heard about a singing competition, the one that we're at right now, in fact. Zabuza decided the competition was too girly-"

Haku glared at Zabuza.

"Hey!" Asuma yelled. "I'M manly, but I let the show go on! Besides, my cell isn't girly-"

"Actually, it is," said Kurenai. "Shikamaru, who might be a little bit manly, a hyper girl, and someone who's eating every single moment of the day!"

"My men are manly!" said Guy. "And youthful!"

"Hey!" yelled Tenten.

"Anyway," interrupted Haku, "I found no problems with your show, so I decided to become a late entry."

"Oh, yay, more singing," Gaara muttered darkly. He was currently the only conscious judge.

Kurenai glared at him.

"Okay," she said. "We can let Haku go next."

Silence followed.

"But…they're evil!" protested Naruto.

"Be quiet, Naruto!" hissed Kakashi.

"Ha!" said Guy gleefully. "My cell is always quiet, especially Neji! 52-51!"

"…" went Neji.

"Don't you remember Lee's happy dance when he was the only one that mastered the Lotus?"

"Oh. Right. 52-52."

"CAN WE CONTINUE THE SHOW ALREADY?!?!?!?!??!"

Guy became quiet. Kakashi became absorbed in the fourth installment of his favorite book series.

"So anyway," interrupted Iruka, "Haku will be singing next!"

**

Yay Haku!