The Ultimate Konoha Idol!

By Tru and Neko

Disclaimer: We no own Naruto.

**

CHAPTER 8: Ino vs. Sakura!

A few minutes later, Naruto had finished his business. Exiting the bathroom stall, he went back to the training ground. His doppelganger ran up to him and handed him the Hokage-ish hat.

"Thank you!" giggled Naruto. All the doppelgangers went POOF!

Gleefully he put on the hat. "Yaaaaaaaaaaay! I'm Hokage! I'm going to be a-oops, I'm not supposed to be singing that yet."

By this time, all of the name slips had fallen out of the hat. Iruka quickly ran over and picked up all of the little paper slips.

*

Meanwhile, the third Hokage was looking into his crystal ball of crystal ball-ness.

"It looks like Naruto is adding his usual cup of mischief to the show," he said. "Hmm. Not as good as a cuppa tea."

The third Hokage sat, lost in thought.

"I better stop Naruto before this gets out of hand."

*

"Give that back, Naruto!" said Iruka.

"No way! The hat is mine! All mine! This is my lucky day! The only thing that could make it better is a bowl of ramen! Make that 1000000 bowls of ramen!"

Everyone stared at him.

"How troublesome," muttered Shikamaru. After staring at clouds, he had returned to the training ground.

"Uhh, that was a HINT!" hissed Naruto. "Let me rephrase that. Mission some number, D-rank: Buy 1000000 bowls of ramen for the Hokage!"

"For the last time, YOU'RE NOT HOKAGE!!!!" screamed Iruka.

"Especially since I am," murmured a voice from the shadows.

The crowd gasped.

"The third Hokage!" said Kurenai.

"Give me back my hat," demanded the Hokage.

Naruto gave up and took off the hat.

Iruka pulled a slip of paper from his hand.

"Okay, Yamanaka Ino! You're up!"

"Let's go, Team 10!" shouted Ino.

All she got were some stares, the crunching of chips, and a mutter of "This is too troublesome."

"Try all you want!" challenged Sakura. "You won't beat me!"

Ino only smiled evilly. She had been expecting this. Even if Sasuke favored Sakura, one look at her performance and he would know what a fool Sakura was, and would immediately insist upon a change of teammates.

"I don't want to say what I'm singing," said Ino.

"So…it's secretly about puppets?!??!" asked Kankuro.

"I want a certain person with a big forehead to come up with me."

"INO, YOU UGLY, SMELLY PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Sakura. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!"

"Go, Sakura!" said Naruto.

"No killing people," reminded Iruka.

Music was starting in the background.

"Your fallen tears have called to me-" sang Ino.

"I DON'T CRY!" screeched Sakura. "YOU'RE THE CRYBABY!!!!"

"-so here comes my sweet remedy-"

"MORE LIKE TAKING OVER MY BODY!"

"-I know what every princess needs-"

"Sasuke," both girls thought at the same time.

"-for her to live life happily!"

"A youthful prince, like me!" said Lee.

"Food," said Choji.

"N-n-naruto!" stammered Hinata.

"With! Just! A! Wave of my magic wand-"

"Which you don't have-"

Shikamaru threw Ino a stick he found while staring at clouds.

"-my troubles will soon be gone!-What can you say now, Sakura?-With a flick of the wrist and just a flash I'll land a prince with a ton of cash!"

She had intended this line for Sasuke, but Lee came onstage. She pushed him off.

"A high-priced dress made by mice no less!"

"Why not puppets?" asked Kankuro.

"I guess they could…" said Temari.

Two of Kankuro's puppets jumped onstage and began dancing, controlled by chakra cords.

Ino missed her next line because she was screaming girlishly.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! FREAKY PUPPETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Kankuro sung the next line.

"Confide in your very own furniture friends!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! FREAKY PUPPET 'FURNITURE FRIENDS'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Better than 'Happy Tree Friends'," commented Kiba, "worse than Akamaru. Nothing measures up to Akamaru!"

"Arf!" (That's right!)

"At least it's not us this time," thought Shikamaru. When Ino rehearsed the song, she always used her teammates as the 'furniture friends'.

"Who'll help you set a new fashion trend!" continued Sakura hyperly.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! FREAKY PUPPET 'FURNITURE FRIENDS' SETTING A NEW FASHION TREND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Quickly Ino sang the next line.

"I'llbefancyI'llbegreat! ThekindofgalSasukewoulddate! He'llwritemynameonthebathroomwall!"

"For happy ever after give Sakura a call!" cried Lee.

"NOOOOOOOO!!! MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-A human carriage to ride in style!"

Choji rolled onstage.

"Sexy man-boy chauffeur Sasuke!"

Why not me? thought Lee sadly.

"I can be chauffeur!" Naruto giggled, jumping onstage. He was immediately pushed off.

"Vanish my blemishes, tooth decay - for you, Sakura! - cellulite thighs will fade away! A hool and a hey! I'll have a Bichon Frise!"

Ino grabbed Akamaru. The dog immediately began whining.

"GIVE HIM BACK OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Kiba.

"Nip and tuck, here and there," sang Ino as she mused with Sakura's hair, holding on to Akamaru all the while, "to land that prince with the really round hair!"

"Oh, Sakura," Lee said dreamily.

"Lipstick, liners, shadow, blush! To lose that prince with the sexy tush!"

"THOSE AREN'T THE WORDS, YOU SNORTING PIG!!!!!!! AND STOP MUSING MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Lucky day, hunk buffet! Me and Sasuke will take a roll in the hay! I will swoon on the moon with Sasuke to this tune! You'll be sad, I'll be fab, Sasuke has rock-hard abs!"

Ino pulled out a box that said: "Cheese Soufflé Café". She opened it. While she was occupied, Akamaru escaped.

"Cheese soufflé!" Choji shouted (he was still on the stage). He ate it all.

"Have a not-so-nice day, Sakura! I'll have some chicken fricassee!"

Choji ate that, too.

"Nip and tuck, here and there, to land that prince with the really round hair! Lipstick, liner!"

The song ended.

"Thank you very much, Ino," said Sasuke, "but I don't need all that!"

"GASP!" shouted the crowd.

"Fine," said Ino. "Be that way."

"Oh-kaaay," said Temari.

"YOU USED MY PUPPETS IN YOUR SONG!!!!" gasped Kankuro. "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He fainted from shock and joy.

"…" muttered Gaara.

"That's the best comment I heard you say all day!" gasped Temari. For the second time that night, she fainted.

"I promise I'll protect you from hyper fangirls who are more interested in Sasuke than training," said Kiba to Akamaru. "I promise!"

"Iruka-sensei," asked Sakura, "what are we going to do for a hat?"

Iruka was lost in thought.

"We could use Gaara's gourd…" suggested Naruto.

Gaara's response was quick.

"No."

"This is too troublesome," muttered Shikamaru.

"I'm hungry!" shouted Naruto. "I want 10 bowls of ramen to be yummy yummy in my tummy! At least!"

Iruka then took Naruto to the ramen stand. Secretly Iruka took one of the bowls and washed it thoroughly.

When they got back, no one had yet decided on a new concept for the Hokage's hat.

"Let's put them in Lee's hair," suggested Kiba.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S MY KEY TO ETERNAL YOUTHFULNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"We're back! I have a bowl of ramen for name drawing, too!"

In a few minutes, Iruka had drawn a name from the bowl.

"Kiba's up next."

"Booyah!" cried Kiba. "We're gonna ace this contest, aren't we, Akamaru?"

"Arf!" barked Akamaru.

"Aw man," thought Lee to himself. "If I'm not up soon, Sakura's going to make fun of my big eyebrows!"

"Who let the dogs out?" demanded Kiba.

No one answered.

"That's the title of the song!"

"I could guess," muttered Shikamaru.

"It's by the Baha Men!" said Kiba.

The song began. Akamaru was running around in circles and doing backflips.

"Who let the dogs out?"

"Woof! Woof woof woof!"

"Who let the dogs out?"

"Woof! Woof woof woof!"

Kankuro was waking up.

"Uhhggh. Who let the dogs out?"

"That's the spirit!" shouted Kiba.

"Woof! Woof woof woof!"

"Who let the dogs out?"

Now Kiba started singing. He wasn't half bad, actually, apart from his obsession with strange songs.

"Now the party was nice, the party was jumping!"

Akamaru barked.

"And everybody having a ball!"

"Arf! Arf!"

"I tell the fellas "Start the name callin'"!"

"Arf! Arf!"

"And the girls report to the call, the poor dog show down."

The song went back to the chorus (Who let the dogs out?).

By the end of the song, Kiba and Akamaru were using several of their ninja techniques. At one point, Naruto had turned into Akamaru and tried to mess up Kiba's singing by biting him. Before he could do this, Sakura had immediately pulled Naruto back.

Temari was still unconscious.

"If Naruto could come in," said Kankuro, "so could a dancing puppet. Other than that, it was a pretty good song."

"Hmmf," muttered Gaara. "I'm beginning to know how Shikamaru feels."

"Next up is…" Iruka was beginning to draw a name out of the bowl of ramen.

"STOP!" screamed Naruto hyperly. "YOU NEED THE CHOPSTICKS!!!!!!!!!!"

He handed Iruka a pair of chopsticks.

"…" went Iruka.

Reluctantly he used the chopsticks to take a name out of the bowl.

"This should be interesting."

"Is it ME?!??!?!?!??!?!? FINALLY?!?!??!?!?!? I CAN SING MY SONG ABOUT BEING HOKAGE?!??!?!?!??!???!?" No dialog tag necessary.

"What about my song about youthfulness?"

"So long as it's not me," said Choji. "I just started a whole new chip bag."

"Your name's on this slip, Choji."

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!!!!"

There was a shocked silence after these words.

"I'm singing 'I Like to Move It'."

"Go, fatto!" shouted Naruto.

This was not a good thing to say.

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"You're too full of chips to sing, Mr. Fat," giggled Naruto.

"I ALREADY SAID I'M NOT FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M PLEASANTLY PLUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Choji began singing.

"I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! You like to…"

Choji expanded.

"MOVE IT!"

In place of the background music, Choji rolled around on the stage.

He continued singing, but was distracted and didn't see where he was going. He accidentally crashed into a tree. This caused him to return to his normal state.

"Uuugggghhh," he moaned.

"How troublesome," said Shikamaru a little too loudly.

"Hey! You came back!" shrieked Ino. "Where were you for the chauffeur line?"

"Nowhere," replied Shikamaru.

"You missed Choji crashing into a tree," giggled Naruto.

Meanwhile, Asuma and Kurenai had gone to revive the rather dizzy Choji.

"Well, I suppose that's it for his song…" commented Iruka. "Judges?"

Temari was slowly waking. "Uhh…what happened?"

Kankuro considered his reply. "Well, the singing was okay…his technique kinda sucked."

"I agree," said Gaara.

"So who's next, Iruka-sensei?" demanded Naruto. "It must be me! I can't wait to sing my brilliant song about-"

"WE KNOW!" screamed everyone else.

Iruka calmly pulled a name from the bowl. "Next up is…Hyuga Hinata."

The crowd turned to look at the shy girl. Hinata had turned bright red.

"Oh…" she whispered. Then she fainted.

**

Ino - 'Fairy Godmother Song' from Shrek 2

Kiba - 'Who Let The Dogs Out' by Baha Men

Choji - 'I Like To Move It' from Madagascar

Please review!